Despite my fondness for flashing him from the dressing rooms, my husband, Gerald, doesn’t enjoy clothes shopping with me. 

“Aw, Grace, you don’t need me to be there. You have all the good taste in the world.” 

He’s right, I do, but that’s not the point. I could show him one or two outfits once I get home, or I could undress and dress and undress for him many, many times in things that I’d never buy. And if there are other people nearby who might be glancing appreciatively in my direction, well, all the better. 

One day I brought him to a department store where I had coupons and points to burn. I made sure that a chair was available for him near the dressing room and aimed it toward the lingerie department, so he’d have something to watch between changes. 

A woman with an open blouse looked out past me as I walked into the dressing rooms. “Richard! Don’t wander.” 

I heard a man whine. “Maddy, there’s only one chair and it’s taken.” 

“Don’t. Wander!” Maddy repeated. 

“They don’t get it, do they?” I said over the wall. 

“Ugh! I don’t understand what his problem is.” 

We introduced ourselves and commiserated about how difficult husbands could be, but unfortunately, any chance of bonding was lost once we stepped out of our stalls wearing the same dress. 

“That could look cute on you,” Maddy said. “They didn’t have one in your size?” 

“I have a friend with shoulders like yours. She’d never wear a dress like that. Brava on your bravery!” 

“Richard!”  “Gerald!” we shouted together, stepping out of the room. 

We caught the boys looking under a mannikin’s skirt. It seemed that Gerald had made a new friend. 

“Which one of us looks better in this dress?” 

The cowards looked at each other and laughed as they backed away from us, shaking their heads. 

An employee walked brusquely past. “Excuse me. Excuse me,” Maddy called out to him. “Can you send somebody here who works in this department?” 

He sighed with his back toward us, turned around with a tilted head, and flashed his brilliant white teeth. “May I help you?” His smile was as fake as Maddy’s tits, but he was a good-looking man, very well put together for a chain department store employee. I would have invited him into my dressing room for a quickie if he wasn’t gay. 

Maddy eyed him up and down, looked at me through slitted eyes, then returned his smile. She was thinking the same thing that I was, except that her gaydar was down. 

“You’ll do…” she said under her breath. “Yes, thank you. I’m looking for an outfit and shoes for a romantic time out. A very romantic time. A dress that says, ‘You can fuck me right here if you want, right here, right now,’ only, you know, tastefully.” She pointed at the dresses that she was going to try. 

“That one first,” he said. “What shoes did you pick out?” She pouted and he rolled his eyes. “Fine! I’ll be right back.” 

I debated before I said anything. “He’s gay, you know.” 

“No, he’s not.” 

“I’m pretty sure he is.” 

“You just want him for yourself. Besides, I’ve had gay men before.” 

“Gay before or after?” 

Our genial ribbing was interrupted when he came back with several pairs of shoes. I admired his taste. 

“Thank you, good sir. Come help me in here, won’t you? Don’t be shy.” Maddy closed the door behind her. “God knows I’m not.” 

Good luck, I thought. I got my husband’s attention (the boys were chatting with the professionally polite young woman behind the lingerie desk) and handed him my phone. “I need you to find these things for me.” Store apps have gotten so good. I knew for a fact that none of the items on this scavenger hunt were in the store in my size. “And tell Richard that his wife needs him.” With slumped shoulders, Gerald gave his new friend the adult version of “I can’t play now.” 

Richard suspected his fate and slowly walked our way. He froze, wide-eyed, when I flashed him. “Come here,” my finger beckoned. He looked at his wife’s room and then back at my tits, which I juggled for him. He didn’t move. I seductively licked my luscious lips. Nothing. I silently stamped my foot, pointed to the floor in front of me, and mouthed, “Come here, right here!” 

I normally don’t have to work that hard. 

As soon as he was close enough, I dragged him into my dressing room. We could hear his wife alternately arguing with the associate’s taste and cooing at him. I wrapped my arms around her husband’s neck and pressed the girls against his chest. 

“I’m horny. Really, reee-leee, horny.” 

Aren’t men spectacularly inarticulate when confronted with an unexpected sexual advance? 

“Ummm…” 

“Maddy won’t find out,” I whispered as I tugged at his belt and fly. 

“Ummm…” 

“You have a nice dick.” It was. “When was the last time she touched it? A week ago? Two?” I gasped. “More?” 

“Ummm…” 

I squatted, trapped his dick in a titty vice, and licked its tip. “Please? If you’re feeling guilty about fucking your new friend’s wife, if I promise to fuck him later, will you fuck me now?” 

He never said yes, but he scrambled to pull his pants down which I took to mean that it was an acceptable proposition. I scrambled to pull my panties off and swiftly glided him inside me. He began thrusting hard right away and I repositioned us so that I could watch in the mirror. 

“Your wife is stupid. You are so good, and she is so stupid.” Maddy’s man was hard, he was good, he was good and hard and eager, and there Maddy was, next door trying to seduce a man who would have preferred to be with her husband. 

“If you make me cum, I’ll let you cum on my tits.” 

He grabbed onto my ass to fuck me harder, and I grabbed his ass just to hold on. I was getting close and moaned to let him know it. Then I moaned even louder for his wife. I didn’t want her to feel left out. 

“Shh!” she shushed the associate. “Did you hear something?” 

“You better hur-ry,” I sang. He did. I came hard for the voyeuristic lady in the mirror, then dropped to my knees to take Rick’s slick dick down my neck. 

“Richard? Are you still out there?” 

I stopped. I stopped and looked up at my frightened beau. “You look like you really want to pop, huh? May I ask you something? I was wondering. Who looked better in that dress?” 

“Richard? Where are you? Answer me!” 

“You!” he said in a loud, coarse whisper. “Definitely you!” 

That was the only correct answer. I resumed his blow job with the hands and mouth of a woman vindicated. It wouldn’t be long. 

“Richard? Get over here!” 

He sucked air through his teeth and his balls wound up for the throw. 

Maddy had run out of patience. “Richard. Come!” 

What a dutiful husband he was, and all over my tits just like I promised. His dick was still twitching when I kicked him under the dressing room bench and covered it with clothes. 

Mad Maddy burst into my little room. “Have you seen my husband?” 

“Excuse me? Privacy? Like this?” I asked, showcasing my semi-nudity. She zeroed in on the big splotch of sperm on my tits, and I wondered if she recognized it. I’d recognize Gerald’s in a heartbeat and not just because there was always so very, very much of it. I was getting horny all over again and knew I’d fuck Gerald as soon as we got home. 

Maddy stomped off and the store associate peeked in, catching Richard climbing out from under the bench. 

“Well played,” the associate said, looking at Richard’s fallen phallus. “Very well played, and you definitely looked better in that dress.” 

I asked the people at the service desk to page my wandering husband and I checked out. 

“Hey Gracie, you’ll never guess. Remember that guy? He told me he got lucky, and I don’t think it was with his wife.”