"This place is like Hooters!" a co-worker once remarked.

The women at my job did pay very little to the dress code. Not quite at the bikini stage, but they came to the office in tops with plunging necklines and tight little leggings that left little to the imagination. Although sometimes the top parts of their outfits seemed somewhat...conservative, all party down below. Tights, tight jeans, capris, management was lucky they wore pants at all. Some of my coworkers complained, but I enjoyed the view.

I would have grabbed one and taken them home, but I've always heard that you don't date co-workers, and I'm too shy.

That's why, on the morning I got assigned to the new project, I began the day expressing those pent up sexual frustrations deep within the cottony recesses of a plush raccoon toy.

"Oh baby!" a male voice mocked me from outside the window.

The Venetian blinds of my sub basement apartment had been facing the wrong way. My fun came to an abrupt halt.

"Shit!" I hurriedly retreated into the bathroom, took a cold shower, got ready for work.

And, obviously, fixed the blinds.

My office, a one story gray concrete cube, stood out in the middle of the hilly Kansas countryside. I swiped my badge at the security gate, stowed my belongings in my assigned locker.

When I neared the time clock, my eyes beheld a visual that almost finished off what I'd started with the stuffed toy. Of course, I'd never in a million years dare inform her of this fact.

Candace Jones. Coffee brown skin, dark hair molded into a bob haircut. Her charcoal grey leggings clung so tight that they looked like they'd been painted on. Stylish designs imitated riding chaps, emphasizing the natural outlines of her lower anatomy. Her white T-shirt, two sizes too small, exposed her midriff, the neckline plunging.

Here's the crazy thing: Her shirt bore the smiling cartoon image of a raccoon.

Admittedly, not identical to the one I'd used for self pleasure, but the coincidence startled me so much that I couldn't form words, even when she spoke to me.

Sure, just a perfunctory `Good morning, how are you?' She really didn't care that much, but my response didn't come out as recognizable sound. I had to repeat my `fine' and `good morning' again.

It got worse. I blushed furiously, realizing with horror that my subconscious must have blurted the wrong thing.

The look she gave me could curdle milk. "What did you just say?"

"I was just commenting on your shirt. It's cool. I...like raccoons. Sorry. I... mumble sometimes."

Candace frowned at her shirt, chuckled a little. "Oh right. I just threw this thing on and forgot I was wearing it. Thank you."

My face flushed hot with embarrassment. I opened my mouth, tried to make myself say something to fix this awkward moment.

I wanted to say her top looked cute, or nice, or otherwise good on her, not to mention, wow, those leggings, but couldn't make the words come out.

She rolled her eyes and clocked in, marching off to her desk.

My company: Paragon, the world's largest online department store. We helped customers purchase everything from typewriters to platform heels, assisting with their baby and wedding registries. Daily I practiced using words I will probably never use anywhere else, such as `silk taffeta', `poplin,' `platform wedges', `clutch' and `espadrilles.'

Despite all that, loved my job, did great sales, kinda wished some of those phone skills could have helped me get a woman in real life.

The warehouse-like office tended to isolate you. Couldn't see over the tall cubicles. Every day I'd don my headset, log into the computer and phone system, and spend most the eight hour shift looking at computer screens and talking to disembodied voices in other cities. Beyond the top of the particle board booth, I could only see the decorations on the office walls, and exposed ventilation systems on the ceiling.

Typical office furniture. My chair had a weird, uncomfortable slope that made my underwear bunch up every time I sat down. The headset made my ears itch, and the desk was too short for my long legs, so I often made the mistake of stretching and accidentally unplugging power cables.

If the cubicles had been shorter, I probably would have found the view a little...distracting. I know when I stood up, or turned my head while someone walked past, I could already admire a few hindquarters...And receive more than a few annoyed glares. During breaks, I had to force myself to think about math (and avoid the phrase 'hard numbers') so people wouldn't notice a bulge in my slacks.

The day my company started the weird new project, I faced the usual trifles. Bridezillas demanding shoes that can't be delivered without the use of a time machine. People that don't understand if the UPS guy broke the last three picture frames you ordered, we don't think it's a good idea to ship you a fourth one. Oh, and the TV stand for $18 that everyone thinks is an actual deluxe plasma TV at bargain price.

I'm not a perfect employee, so I got very nervous when manager Jolene touched my arm and told me to come with her. I thought for sure it had to do with the frequency of my supervisor calls. Or maybe my ill conceived messages I'd emailed to the company that makes those bridezilla clothes.

Management of course, has to be conservatively dressed. Jolene's neckline seemed a touch low, but otherwise, you know, generic corporate pant suit.

"What did I do this time?" I asked.

The narrow blonde woman rolled her eyes. "Relax. You're not in trouble. Log out and come with me."

I deactivated my phone and computer, following her to Candace's desk.

...Something for her too? The thought entered my mind that maybe she'd set up something between us, but this is reality we're talking about.

Reality became more evident as Jolene grabbed other people from the phones: Yasmeen, mocha skinned, kinky haired, clad in something like a purple unitard.

Erica: Tight little white sweater, tan leggings that were practically pantyhose, outlines of her underwear projecting through the sheer material.

Jolene pulled dudes off the phone too:

A tall dreadlocked guy named Antoine. His baggy, rumpled shirt and pants matched his slouched posture.

Bruce: Portly, buzz cut, one of the few people to wear business casuals around the office.

Terel: Big, thick limbed, frequently wears sports jerseys and shiny earrings. Talks in a falsetto.

"Is this a layoff?" I asked.

"No."

We picked up another girl: Thin, humorless looking, braided hair hanging around wireframe glasses. Sharp, professional looking vest and blouse...The no-nonsense appearance ended abruptly in a pair of revealing leatherette stretch pants.

As previously stated, Hooters.

Jolene led us through the cafeteria and down a cinder block corridor to an executive meeting room.

Cherry wood paneling, long glass table, posh leather swivel chairs that would have been delicious to sit on naked...I mean, if I ever had the opportunity.

"So..." I ventured. "Definitely not in trouble."

In a way of response, our pasty faced manager, Ray, came in with a bunch of pizza and sodas on a cart.

Business casuals, though his necktie had images of pizza cats all over it. He pushed his glasses up his needle nose. "We got eclairs for you once you've finished with the pizza."

"We brought you here because you guys are the best of the best, with the highest customer satisfaction ratings in the department," said Jolene. "This party is a little show of our appreciation for the good job you're doing."

One last straggler came in, a short hefty brunette, frumpy in her Harry Potter shirt and loose fit jogging pants.

I frowned. Kelley. Surprising she came to a pizza party this late.

The girl scowled at me. Um...yeah...we may have tried dating once.

Management had more planned than just a pizza party. As we dug in, poured the drinks, grabbed some chocolate eclairs, Ray passed out packets of paper.

A vague description of a customer service job in a company called "DOGOS", accompanied with dozens of policies and guidelines. In addition to the usual rigamarole about not having cel phones out in the call center, attendance and whatnot, I caught some disturbing items, such as `dress uniform' "What's all this?"

"A new company has offered us a fair sum of money to transfer all of you to a new department We believe you have the skills, the telephone presence, and the look the new company is looking for."

"Look?" I stammered.

"Professional but ordinary. Respectable. We showed the company your pictures, and they like your statistics. I think it's going to be a very rewarding job."

Yasmeen angrily slapped her packet down on the table. "Where are we relocating? I have kids!"

White stripes ran up the legs of her unitard, giving the impression of a track suit, but you could see every outline, even the shape of a camel toe. The neck of her outfit stretched all the way up to her chin. I stared, wondering what her kids thought about `mommy' going outside dressed like that.

"Relax! We're not going to be doing any moving anytime soon."

All my coworkers started in with. Ray hushed them the best he could and made this announcement: "In the back of each of your packets is a non-disclosure form. I need you to sign these immediately and hand them to me. Once this is done, I'll answer any questions you might have about the new project."

We all complied, some more willingly than others.

"What we are about to tell you, and show you, is so incredible that you'll probably want to tell everyone about it. But I must warn you, under no circumstances should you share this information with anyone outside the department."

Jolene leaned against a marker board. "No one will believe you, for starters."

"And if they do, you will run the risk of not only losing your job, but also some adverse action on the part of the company. They have ways of making it hard for you to find work."

Displeased murmurs followed this.

"If anyone has a problem with this, you're free to go. We still have use for you in the Paragon project."

Terel and Kelley got up and left.

Once that had been settled...everything changed.

Ray got on a Nextel type phone, radioing someone in the building. A voice answered that the hallway was clear.

A moment later, the strangest creature I'd ever seen came strolling into the conference room.

Ordinary blonde hair, Caucasian skin, and unmemorable fat nose, it looked like someone had grafted German shepherd ears to the sides of his head...Wearing a dress-like leather outfit that reminded me of something from Hellraiser. "Greetings. I am Vuembi."

We all stared. The others chuckled and pointed.

I snickered a little myself, but being a sci-fi nerd and enjoying a good cosplay, I smiled and gave the creature a friendly but bashful wave.

Our `cosplayer' smirked at the stern faced girl with the braids and glasses. "I see that some of you are taking this seriously..."

The stranger cleared away pizza boxes, placing a small pyramid on the table. When Ray shut off the lights, we got treated to a...holographic movie.

Not sure how I'd describe it, kind of like Green Lantern if they had a girl's charm school, and made dry corporate infomercials. It even had a foreign language, with subtitles.

People's eyes rolled, heads lowered drowsily.

I, however, had stayed awake during 2001, Peter Hyam's 2010, all of those classic Planet of the Apes movies, and the political segments of the Star Wars prequels, among other things, so it didn't bother me.

I even chuckled a little at the minute details they'd put into the film: Involuntary tics, coughing, self conscious dabbing of slime secretions...usually films only focused on giving you a lot of flash. I got some of that flash with the creatures that had fins on their head, or shrimp feelers, but a lot of times, nobody cared about or bothered to animate the less interesting stuff. And in regular movies, textures tended to thin out in areas where the directors knew nobody would want to look.

Despite my abnormal amount of patience (I'd watched the entire Shannara TV series and many of the slower episodes of classic Doctor Who), I couldn't quite retain much of what I watched, except the general gist of the program: DOGOS was a great place to work for, it's been around a long time (according to alien time measurement), customers were emotionally moved by the level of service, and they made a lot of money. My attention wandered.

I thought Candace had been taking notes, but she had actually been doodling.

About halfway through the program, another latecomer arrived, a girl dressed like Padme from Star Wars, if you got rid of the utility belt and armband, added a denim jacket, and printed the word Pink across the butt.

As Ray offered her pizza, a skinny guy with slicked down hair, earrings and a Chivas shirt arrived. Unlike my other coworkers, these people seemed fascinated by the program.

The `video' ended. "Do you have any questions?" Vuembi asked.

A bunch of hands raised, but he only got questions about what movie studio he worked for, how much it cost to produce the program, and if they had a more exciting version where they fight in a war or something.

"No no no!" Vuembi growled. "All of this is real! All of it! And if you don't understand that fact, you should leave!"

Erica frowned and marched out.

Everyone else murmured to each other about playing along and getting paid. The questions turned to issues in the packet, uniforms and so forth.

"There will be a week long orientation, where we will go over all of this. All we ask is that you keep an open mind and be flexible."

Silly questions about Avatar, Darth Vader, the Millennium Falcon and ET got raised. Someone asked about chest bursting bug monsters.

Bruce surprised me by asking if there were any factual basis to the events of The Fifth Element (The answer: No, obviously).

When the others got to asking whether we should continue our shift, Jolene dismissed us and told to do some packing when we got home. It seemed we had a week long training retreat at a different location, one where we'd have bedding and food provided, but needed clothing, towels and toiletries.

As I rose from the table, I suddenly noticed something disturbing on the spot near my chair:

On the back of a packet, the one Candace had been doodling on, I found a drawing of a raccoon.

Not just any raccoon, either. A raccoon that looked suspiciously like the one I...played with in my apartment. By the time I noticed, she had already left.

What would I really say anyway? My mouth couldn't form such questions.

When I returned to my desk, I swore I heard the girl chuckle through her nose and smirk at me, but she played it off, pretending to be busy with her computer.

My work day ended.

Not that many people to notify of my absence, just my folks and my best friend, maybe the landlord. I returned to my apartment and packed.

The next day, we had orientation.

They'd instructed us to show up in the early morning hours, at a different security gate than we normally used: A disused loading dock behind an out-of-business shipping company. We stared at each other and our suitcases of supplies, speculating whether or not we would be relocating today.

Jolene opened a security door, leading us down a cinder block tunnel, through a second security gate and a vast room of empty cubicles, broken chairs and obsolete computer equipment. My associates scoffed at the shoddy place until Jolene showed us a tall cubicle in the center of the room, one with a hidden security door and stairwell.

"This is some Get Smart shit right here," Antoine remarked.

We descended into a basement of the building. Odd, because previously, in tornado drills, everyone acted like our building had no basement, the general go-to place being a windowless classroom or a back stairwell.

The place held a lot of things I didn't know about.

Lots of locked wooden doors with gold plastic name/number plates. Jolene showed us a little internet cafe, a laundry, cafeteria, and some classrooms full of strange devices I'd never seen before, apparently for work. We also had shared `dorm rooms' with bunk beds, a sub basement with a call center, medical center, and a hydroponics wing. People chuckled at this, making jokes like, "They think this building is going to move somewhere?" Well, when not making references to Biodome.

When we'd first arrived, Jolene had asked if we needed to use the restroom. At the time, I hadn't felt the need, so I waited for the others to get done, following her downstairs.

Now I really had to go.

Jolene showed me to a bathroom.

Not what I expected. Only a couple stalls and urinals, a bunch of plastic fold out benches, and rows of vacuum hoses on the wall. Didn't want to think about what it all meant, but it seemed obvious I'd have o stand in a line to `take care of business.'

Should have brought my suitcase with me. When I returned from using the facilities, I found my luggage missing.

Candace leaned against a nearby wall. "They took it to your room."

"And where's that?"

In a sing songy tone, she said, "I don't know, might be down this hallway and around a corner, I'm guessing."

She led me to a room full of bunk beds with mattresses sumptuously dressed in silk sheets and pillows. "Executive sleeping area?"

Candace shrugged. "Maybe?"

Didn't see my luggage anywhere.

I turned my head, did a double take.

There, on the bed, lay a stuffed toy, identical to the one from my apartment, wrapped with a big red bow.

I did not pack that in my luggage.

I would never pack that in my luggage.

I froze, wondering if I should try to hide it, or if, by some outrageous coincidence, it belonged to someone else.

"Don't see anything of yours in there?"

"Uh..." I stammered.

If I said yes, it would be bad. If I said no, who knew what would happen, with that kind of evidence? I could barely bring myself to step in and check the thing.

But yet, if I didn't...

Quickly thinking of a lie, I marched up to the toy.

The same exact plushy. Same exact, er, modification. My face flushed hot.

I wouldn't dare ask Candace how it got there. I kept trying to think of an excuse to get her to leave, maybe find a way to dispose of the damn thing.

All for nothing.

Someone had rigged a hook and fishing line to it. I stared in horror as it bounced across the floor, disappearing inside a slightly opened door.

Someone chuckled behind me. When I looked back, I found myself alone.

I turned my attention to the door.

A red door, surfaced in rubber matting and leather roses, embossed with the symbol from that holographic video I watched the day before.

A fuzzy brown hand teasingly offered my suitcase from the opening, a second hand making a lazy beckoning gesture.

I rushed to grab the suitcase, but it shot back inside the hidden room.

I stared through a little window at the top of the door. I could see nothing but a pair of fuzzy brown ears through the foggy glass, possibly part of a costume, or a taxidermy animal.

The door suddenly swung open, revealing a crowd of five foot tall chipmunk striped rodents with lizard tails and rabbit muzzles, all dressed in kinky sex costumes: Leather. Silk teddies. A French maid. A diaper.

The rodents gathered around me, laughing and giggling as they pointed to various parts of my body. I stared back, unsure...about a lot of things, and what they found so funny.

A rodent dragged me into a round sort of hotel suite/dungeon with a mirrored ceiling and blue rubber pads lining the walls. Rubber pads...all bearing the company logo from the holographic video. A few yards away stood an area resembling a McDonald's kiddie playland, with more rubber pads, a ball pit, and giant plastic crawl tubes.

I lunged for my suitcase, caught hold of the handle, but their leader, a chipmunk thing with a diamond marking on one cheek, wouldn't let go of the lid piece. When I tugged, her associates unfastened the catches, spilling my clothing on the floor.

Giggling, they passed the articles around to their friends, playing with my shirts, my underwear, tossing around my socks.

I wrestled the suitcase out of the creature's clutches, snatched my things from their paws, grabbed more from the floor, stuffing them back in their respective compartments.

Once I had it all together, I shoved past the creatures to the door, but the door wouldn't budge.

Candace giggled at me from the other side of the window, pressing her weight up against the door.

The rodents dragged me back into the room, throwing my suitcase open again.

As I bent over, returning my jeans and other articles to their rightful place, the female with the diamond marking leapt on me, shoved me to the floor, and kissed me on the mouth. It tasted like lemons and peanut butter, with a tinge of ham when her tongue slid around mine.

She purred, rubbing her panties against the crotch of my slacks.

Although I kinda liked that, I pulled my mouth away. "Hey! Stop that! I got a job to get back to!"

She only made quacking squirrel sounds and kissed me again.

I pushed her back (Didn't mean to touch her breasts, but they were large, in the way, and I wanted her to move).

A needle pricked me in the neck.

Muscle relaxer. My arms suddenly fell slack. I couldn't move.

The creatures picked me up by the arms and legs, dragging me onto a padded rubbery examination table, with stirrups, beneath a shiny chrome milking machine. Translucent tubes waved at me from a series of vacuum pumps.

The stirrups had shackles attached to them, which they immediately fastened around my ankles. My arms, likewise, got raised above my head and cuffed securely to the top of the headrest.

The five humanoid rodents surrounded me. Short, covered in brown fur, heads like squirrels. With their rounded breasts and nipple points jutting through the fabric of their outfits, one with bare pink nipples showing from the tan fur on her chest, I guessed them to be female. One of the creatures actually had two sets of breasts. I couldn't help but stare.

The one with the diamond marking climbed up on table, bringing her furry face close to mine. Eyes framed in rings of black fur gazed back at me, smirk rising on her muzzle.

The creature's lips parted, and I inhaled her fragrant, warm breath, a strangely intoxicating aroma like the intermingling of pumpkin pie, roasted peanuts and animal musk. The creature's body eased on top of me, her muzzle rising to meet my nose.

"Uh...hi," I stammered as our eyes met.

The rodent purred, wiggling herself suggestively into my lap. I found the scent and the friction of the creature's body against my own more than a little enjoyable.

Her muzzle pressed against my mouth, parted my lips, tongue probing the insides of my mouth as her body continued rubbing itself against my clothing. Again that lemon-peanut butter taste filled my mouth.

I sucked air through my nostrils and kissed back, ramming my crotch against her. Hey, they strapped me to a table and made sexual advances, so why not?

She giggled, climbing off the bed.

While all this happened, I'd felt warm moisture tickling my arms, dripping around my biceps. Now, free from distraction, I noticed two rodents, one on either side of the bed, pressing their muzzles against the sleeves of my polo shirt, mouths busily gathering wads of the black fabric. My shirt vibrated as their teeth ripped through the material.

I suddenly panicked. Although fun, how would I explain a ripped shirt to Jolene and the rest of my coworkers? "Hey! Stop it! Stop eating my shirt!"

Their pointy ears twisted quizzically, but they didn't stop. Warm saliva poured out their mouths onto my bare skin.

A rodent with black ear tufts approached from the left, the aforementioned bare breasts and pink nipples hanging free from her purple silk teddy as she ruined my shirt. A stripey French maid nibbled in fron the right.

I thrashed against the restraints, hoping to shake them off, but they kept gnawing.

In no time at all, they sliced through my sleeves, chewing across to the middle of my chest, where their heads came together.

Their muzzles met, locked together, kissed passionately.

Okay, I thought as I enjoyed the show, I suppose I have other shirts in the suitcase.

The rodent with the diamond marking climbed back up on the bed, biting into a stretch of fabric in the middle of my shirt. As she ate her way to the rips the other rodents made, she straddled me, sliding her body up against my pants.

My skin tingled as warm saliva dried on my bare arms. The kissing rodents moved to my feet, where they untied my shoes.

Diamond's teeth sliced upwards through my shirt until she reached my collar, which she snapped through a single bite. Her soft, fuzzy paws entered the fabric, caressed away the material, leaving my upper torso naked.

Her soft breasts, encased in silk, brushed bare skin, her fur tickling my flesh like an absurd, living stuffed toy.

Stuffed toy!

The creature, squatted over my ankles, gathering up the loop of my belt in her teeth.

With a few deft motions, she pulled the belt free from the pin, the buckle, and out of the loop with only her mouth.

"W-wow," I blurted. "You, um...You want to do that?"

She tapped the top button of my jeans free from the button-hole, unzipped my fly with her teeth, then climbed off the bed as others undid my ankle restraints.

"Whoa, hey...What are you...?"

My pants slid off, leaving me clothed in nothing but my socks and white cotton briefs. Since they had to undo my ankle restraints to accomplish this, I tried to move my legs, but the creatures proved surprisingly strong, their soft hands preventing me from doing much at all.

"Okay, c'mon...We're not actually doing this, right? I mean, why? I'm not that good looking, am I?"

Diamond, uttering a low purring noise that sounded like a yes, climbed over the foot of the bed, her paws clutching my bare knees.

Her head nuzzled into the space between my legs. Warmth spread beneath my testicles as her teeth slid around the bottommost point of my white cotton briefs.

Her muzzle closed on the narrow band of fabric, pulled downwards.

I spread my legs, trying to keep the underwear from going further, but the creature's warm paws squeezed them back together, pulling my briefs free from my body.