The Fucking Forecast, issued on behalf of the Merrytime and Cuntguard Agency.

Shannon: Horny, wet, possibly very wet, increasing six or seven later. Tits moderate or good. Likes it rough or very rough, occasionally cyclonic. Dogger.

However, there are warnings of flaccidity in Messrs FitzRoy, Cromarty, Fisher, Rockall.

FitzRoy: Gale force erection at first, declining rapidly by midnight, very poor later.

Cromarty: Variable one to three (drunk), occasionally stiff but mainly veering west.

Fisher: Slight, then losing its identity.

Rockall: Fuckall.

General synopsis at midnight: Good at first, then rapidly declining. Hopeless later.

Shannon, frustrated: Fuck…

Fingers?

Ah!

Very good…