“Alamak, dildo ah? Cannot lah! Offensive weapon: stick up pilot backside hijack aeroplane! Singapore girl only use fingers lah – more hygienic!

“No, fingers not for hijack, for stick up backside. Left hand only, then wash with soapy water, keep clean! How can eat masaladosai if got dirty fingers?

“And this white colour one – anal lube ah? Banned substance lah! Mandatory flogging if you try bring in Singapore.

“Oh, you like mandatory flogging ah? Aiyah...

“OK, in transit only you fill this form lah: goods to declare – one dildo, ten bottle lube, finish lah!

“Have a nice flight. Bye.”