The sound of a ringing phone.
"Hello."
"Hi, Joyce."
"Oh, hi Gert, how are you?"
"Fine, work is okay. I won seventy-five dollars in Bingo last night."
"Nice, like an extra day's pay without working for it."
"Joyce, does Jeff still work with electricity, like for houses?"
"Yes he does, he is working as an apprentice, why?"
"I have a fan on the fritz, it hasn't worked since I bought the house, and with the weather getting warmer, I'd love to get it working."
"I'm sure Jeff would be glad to at least take a look at it. When's a good time, Gert?"
"Anytime is good."
"Gert, how about doing a Bingo night soon?"
"That's a fine idea, Joyce, bye."
Five O'clock that day.
"Hi Jeff, how was work today?"
"Good Mom, we had to go to Fall River to wire up a twenty ton air conditioner for four hundred and eighty volts, and on the way back we stopped at Hickey's diner in Taunton. I got you some danish for your coffee break tomorrow."
"Thanks Jeff, that was sweet of you, and speaking of electrical, I volunteered your services to Gerty."
"You want me to service Gerty?"
Mom looks at me like I said something 'far out' yet her eyes sparkled.
"Jeff, how is it you can take almost anything someone says and make it sound twisted?"
"I want to be a funny guy or a wise-ass. What's up with Gertrude?"
"She's got a fan on the fritz and wants to get it going before the weather gets too hot."
"Mom, why is it that Gert's not married?"
"I don't know, I never asked. Jeff, do you have the hots for Gerty?" Mom asks, smiling and seems very happy.
"You do don't you? You have the hots for my friend Gerty, that is so sweet."
"I love the way she looks and dresses, a black skirt, white ruffled v-neck blouse, patent black heels with bows and her half-moon or half-square glasses hanging from a pearl beaded neck chain across a well filled blouse or half down her nose."
"You like her and those half-glasses a lot, don't you?"
I guess I did not want Mom to know I have a thing for a lady's reading glasses. "Why do you ask that, Mom?"
"Is it me or do you have a thing for them? Since anyone else would just say her glasses, not getting into the style of them."
"You know, Mom, I wondered about that at times. Gerty seems so laid back or mellowed out, yet those half's hanging across her bosom by a pearl beaded neck chain, which by the way I find very feminine, or when she has them part-way down her nose, they make me think she is a woman of great knowledge."
"Jeff, it is very interesting that although you are trying hard to be a wise-ass, you seem to really pick up on things. Gert studied two years of history, the roaring twenties; three years of psychiatry, so far as the sexual side of it; and four years of business."
"Gert seems very confident about herself, meaning she doesn't have to try and show it..
"Gerty knows all about it, Jeff."
"All about what?"
"She asked me one time if I knew why her glasses were always so clean and sparkling whenever she left here."
"What did you tell her?"
"I saw him a few times cleaning them with his T-shirt and I told her, 'Any lady Jeff is with who wears glasses for reading will find them spotless and sparkling at all times'."
"When was this, Mom?"
"I'd say four years ago. So, Jeff, is it true that you have a thing for older women, large breasts and half-glasses?"
"Almost, Mom, you forgot the beaded neck chain and the patent black heels."
"I see you really go for the older, well dressed and well bosomed women, I like that Jeff." Said Mom, with a sweet smile.
It is true, I always loved it when Gert would come over. She'd leave those sweet little half-glasses in the living room and I'd clean 'em with my shirt then look through them. One time, she and Mom left the house at the same time. Later, she knew she didn't have them and called me to see if they were there in the living room. I told her they were and she asked me to bring them over, which I did. I just didn't tell her how I kissed and licked them, and finding myself quite hard how I touched myself all over down there and came all over them. No, I never mentioned that at all and I thought she never knew about my fetish.
"So, when should I go over?"
"Anytime Jeff."
Dinnnnnnnnng Donnnnnnnnnnnnng the chimes ring and Gert opens the door, looking as good as ever; white ruffled blouse, her half-glasses hanging over her ample boobs by a neck chain of small pearls, and her half's twinkling at me, sending some voltage down to my loins and that really turns me on.
"Hi Gerty, Mom says you have a fan on the fritz."
"No one's called me Gerty in a long time."
I am so turned on looking at her, I feel like I am in a trance.
"Do you like what you see, Jeff?"
"Very much and I like those too."
"What else are you looking at, Jeff?
"Well, let me take a look at that fan, see why it's not spinning."
"Would you like a Coke?"
"After I get this fan spinning."
"You sound so sure about getting it going, do you know that?"
"These fans are made to last forever, so it's probably not getting power."
I have my green, olive drab bag I got from a war surplus store and from it I grab a screwdriver and a 'wiggy voltage tester'. I remove the faceplate from the switch and pull out the switch and check for voltage."
"No juice, Gert."
"Juice? I thought you wanted Coke."
"Hahaha, that's rich, Gert, I mean the fan's not getting any juice. Juice is slang for electricity, in this case, the fan's not getting any."
I go down her cellar to check the fuses and breakers. As soon as I saw those white porcelain knobs I knew the wiring here is quite old. This is knob-and-tube wiring, wires run in pairs through the knobs and Gerts sure has some nice knobs, too,. Well, as I was saying, the wires run through the studs and joists through tubes and some clown, probably Bozo, tried to wire a lamp socket to the line but by putting it in series and with no bulb in the socket, the power stopped there. I made the needed change and I know the fan would work.
Here I am in Gert's cellar, a lady who has to be in her upper fifties, yet I have a crush on her. I find her to be a warm woman, the kind who'd make a great wife, my wife. A well educated woman, but would she or could she like me as much as I like her and why in the name of hell's kitchen is she not married? It seems to me that any guy with good sense would find her to be a keeper.
I am back up in Gert's living room and I flip the switch and the fan returns from the dead, spinning its ass off, good thing, too as I am quite warm even though I took off my shirt. Gert comes to me with open arms and gives me a great squeeze. Since I feel her glasses and chain on my skin, it does something for me.
"Thank you so much, Jeff, this means a lot to me." I know she is sincere.
Her left hand is pulling me to her and her right hand is feeling the lump in my pants.
"Nothing skimpy about this, Jeff!"
"Do you like the feel of my glasses and beads pressed into your skin?"
"Yes, Gert, I really do."
She loosens up a bit and grabs her glasses and holds them close to me.
"Kiss and lick these for me Jeff, I know that they and I turn you on."
I do and I am very pleased she knows about me and my fetish.
"Gert, this means so much to me, thanks."
"Want that Coke now?"
"Sure."
I am in her kitchen and she is at the sink getting me some ice for the Coke.