I wholeheartedly admit to not always being the smartest tool in the shed.  No, Mama didn’t drop me on my head as a baby, although she’s slapped it quite a few times as I was growing up.  Even nowadays she’d whack me on across the noggin if she thinks I did something stupid.  The last time I was home we were playing Uno and I dropped a Wild-Draw-Four on her and she whacked me across the back of the head.  It happens so often my Dad and little sister barely took notice.

I remember when I was about eight years old or so, she was looking at something off in the distance.  Her hand shading her eyes in the bright sunlight.  She said, “What in the hell is that?”  Little me was standing next to her and I said, “What in the hell is what, Mama?”  Clout across the back of the head, even though she said it first!  Then I got another smack for raising that very subject.

Maybe my poor decision-making is genetic?  Don’t tell Mama, she still swings a mean smack, and you get double if you duck!  Well, I’m not sure what she would think about my latest fiasco, but I can feel the smack coming even if she doesn’t deliver it personally.  No, no one’s in the hospital this time!

That only happened once, okay twice, but the second one wasn’t my fault, Larry’s dad was running late.  Oh, you want to know about the first time?  I was with Mark and Larry, the same Larry, but we’ll talk about that time later.  Like I was saying, Mark, Larry, and I were up in Larry’s attic.  You don’t know Larry’s sister Christine, Mark and I thought she was about the prettiest thing either of us had ever seen.  We weren’t sure why we would get all tongue-tied if she was around, but we sure as hell did.  We were juniors in high school and gorgeous girls had that affect on us!  Larry would get a gross look on his face if we even mentioned it because she was his sister after all.

The problem was she was twenty and ignored us younger boys like we were diseased.  As I said, we were up in the attic and could hear Chrissie in her bathroom taking a shower.  Think about it, a boy in the attic above a naked gorgeous girl in the shower.  This was not a recipe for making intelligent decisions.  Rather than go into all the gory details, can we just say that wallboard will not hold the weight of a sixteen-year-old boy?

Yes, Mark went through the ceiling and pretty much landed on Chrissie, who screamed bloody murder and start kicking at him.  Their mom rushed in and, well the end result was I was jealous of one of my best friends!  You see, I couldn’t see much between the dust, broken ceiling, and the downed shower curtain, but Mark told me later he not only for an eyeful of a naked Chrissie but claims to have touched her boob on the way down.  I can’t say I believed him, but part of me wished I had been the one to fall through the ceiling, broken wrist and all.

The second time it was Larry who went to the hospital.  I guess it was that winter.  Mark’s wrist was all healed up and we were fooling around in the snow.  We were building ‘Calvin-n-Hobbes’ type snowmen and having a good time.  The sun was starting to set and we all decided to try and freak out Larry’s Dad.

Now Larry’s Dad was one of those guys who always seemed to take everything in stride.  Nothing ever fazed him, but it didn’t stop us from trying.  So we built a special snowman right next to where he would be parking his car.  Mark and I hid in the bushes and we waited.  What we didn’t know was Mr. Markham had to make a stop on the way home and was running late.  Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but this time Larry was inside the snowman.

I guess we weren't too bright and Larry suffered from a bit of hypothermia.  Another trip to the hospital and another whack from Mama even though it wasn’t my idea, I swear it!  Larry was fine, but he hated winter weather after that, for some reason.

So, there were lots of other foolish decisions, just nothing that required the hospital.  What I would say is we three musketeers had our share of cuts, scraps, and other minor issues from the first day we met in school.  They always seemed to stem from stuff we kept trying to do.  I will say the shopping cart down Mill Hill when we were even younger was a mistake and could have caused a serious injury, but that car had no business being there!

Even how I lost my virginity was a bad choice, but the shots cleared that up.  I got a lesson in picking and choosing much more carefully after that.  It was embarrassing to have the health department show up at my house tracing … what did they call it … the infection vector.  Whatever that was.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t shown up.  I mean Dad was like all “boys-will-be-boys” and didn’t mention it to Mama.  Then this guy in a suit with an official ID card showed up and Mama was not a happy camper and neither was my sore head after that.  I swear she kept an eye on me like a hawk right up until the day I left for college.

Apparently, the story went around the high school as well and damn few girls were willing to be alone with me, even after everything cleared up.  What made my life interesting was the ones that did want to spend time with me taught me a lot and I enjoyed those few lessons.  Of course, sooner or later those stories found their way back to Mama who called me a pervert in a bad way while Dad just gave me a thumbs-up behind Mama’s back and taught me about safe sex.  I am happy to say no more shots and no unwanted pregnancies, although one girl talked about a wanted pregnancy and I didn’t go down that path.

My worst decision back in those days haunted me for a while.  I was seeing this lady, not a girl but a lady.  I guess the modern name would be a cougar.  She was pretty incredible to a high-schooler like myself and refused to take no for an answer about anything she wanted, including me.  We spent quite a few days together before she went looking for someone else.  The bad decision part was several months later when I was meeting my then girlfriend's parents and the cougar turned out to be her Mom.  No one would have found out if I hadn’t gone to my girlfriend’s house to pick her up and she wasn’t there, but her mother was.  One thing led to another — remember I said this lady never took no for an answer?  Needless to say, my girlfriend broke up with me, Her father wanted to kill us both.  Actually, his words were he could have shot my dick off and his wife in the head with one bullet.

That kind of drove my decision to go to an out-of-state college after my senior year.  The University was a blast and while I might have bent some of the rules, I didn’t do anything to get kicked out, but it was close a couple of times.  Like when those two girls and I had a drinking contest.  No stomach pumping necessary, but it sure felt like I needed it.  I think those two were professional drinkers!  Like most students, I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed every minute of it.  Some of the stuff I got taught by my cougar really came in handy.  Do you know what happens when you get a reputation for willingly going down on a girl before she blows you?  You get a lot of surprising interest!

I graduated, started working and after a while, I met a girl, the one I thought was The Girl!  We did the dating and marriage thing, but it turned out to be another bad decision.  I’m still shaking my head over what went wrong and while it is tempting to blame her, it really was both our fault — even if she refuses to admit her share of the blame.

So, that’s how I find myself hitting forty, single, no kids, and suffering my Mama's occasional displeasure about no grandkids for her even though she never liked my choice of bride.  I will never understand the logic of that.  She didn’t like her from day one, yet now she regrets that I hadn’t had a bunch of kids for her to spoil. 

I did a bunch of dating, but no one ever seemed to be someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  What also might have been part of the problem was my job took me all over the country for a couple of months at a time.  It’s hard to build a relationship with anyone, even in your home town when you keep disappearing for long periods.  So I gradually settled into what I thought was a pretty good life.

I mean I worked hard, made good money, had a good time traveling, meeting people, and never getting tied down.  I was going to be in this particular town for three or four months, so instead of a hotel bill, my company rented me a pretty nice furnished apartment.  I thought it was a good deal since my per diem always stretched more when I had a kitchen.  One of my hobbies is that I do like to cook.  I will admit being a bit of a food snob and preferred my own cooking certainly more than fast food or even most chain restaurants.

I had just moved in, the weather was nice and warm, the apartment complex had a pool and clubhouse, so I was looking forward to maybe meeting a few ladies.  My first foray to the clubhouse hinted at some challenges.  I hadn’t realized we were near a college and the apartments were mostly students.  I have nothing against twenty-somethings, and some of them really looked spectacular, but I’m forty, and dating any of them wasn’t going to happen.  We would have little in common and the idea of being seen as some pervy-old-guy was not something I was interested in,  I had hoped the place would be loaded with some ladies around my age, preferrable unattached — although from what you might have thought about my poor decision-making, that wasn’t always an issue. 

I did draw the line at single moms!  It wasn’t that I was against kids, it’s just that my little sister was one at the moment and the stories she told me about guys and being a single mom made me want to avoid that stereotype as well!

It was a long week getting settled and I was looking forward to the weekend, I mean I had this new kitchen to try out.  I often made large batches of food so I didn’t have to cook too often during the week.  I decided on a nice large lasagna and a couple of loaves of bread.  So after hitting a grocery and getting what I needed.  I prepped the dough and while it was rising I built my lasagna.  It was going to be a good one, five layers, shredded short ribs and spicy sausage, ricotta, parmesan, and mozzarella cheeses, and bechamel and tomato-based sauces.  It was when the lasagna was almost done cooking I saw my neighbors.

I was up on the second floor and shared a set of stairs with one other apartment.  The stairs opened on a balcony that spanned across the entrance of both apartments.  It was warm out, but not hot enough to run the AC, so I had my windows open and I guess the smell of the lasagna cooking caught someone’s attention.  It was almost done and I was prepping the bread loaves to go in next when I saw two girls on the balcony sniffing appreciably.  They were very pretty and also very young.  I would guess nineteen or twenty. 

I realized they lived next door, but didn’t think much more about it.  Not too long afterward, the lasagna was resting and the smell of baking bread filled the air.  I took a beer and sat out on the balcony enjoying the weather.  It didn’t take long before my neighbors came out and introduced themselves, Kay and Paula.  They made so many appreciative noises that I invited them for dinner.

I have to admit they were a lot of fun.  It really was nice to share the meal with them rather than eating alone.  I know it might force me to cook more during the week, but it was well worth it.  We had a pleasant evening and I sent them home with one of the loaves of bread.  I guess this being a site for erotic stories you were expecting something different.  I hate to disappoint, but nothing happened, just good company for the evening.

That sort of set the stage for the next several weeks.  They seemed to spend lots of time at my apartment, not just for the food, but also for the company.  We got to know each other pretty well.  They were both in school and trying their best to take it seriously.  The reason they were roommates was some sort of protection thing.  They told me girls who were living alone were often more tempted to go off the rails with partying and guys.  They used each other as an excuse to keep things light with guys when they did go out.  Yes, they did date, just nothing serious and many weekends found them spending some time on my sofa while we enjoy a good meal and some excellent company.

To be honest, I first thought they might be gay, but listening to them talk, I doubted it.  It wouldn’t have mattered much to me.  I think they were seeing me more like a big brother than anything else.  A big brother that could cook terrific meals.  I was also showing off a bit in the kitchen.  Usually, my meals were pretty simple, something I can cook up in a large batch for the rest of the week.  You know the sort of meals: chili, stew, spaghetti, lasagna… But knowing the girls would be hanging around I picked up a wok and did a bunch of Chinese recipes, a slow-cooker, and even a deep fryer.  Kay even complained about gaining weight due to my cooking, but I couldn’t see an ounce of extra weight on her, not even when the two were in their bathing suits heading for the pool.  Believe me I looked!  I might be forty, but I wasn't dead yet.

I, on the other hand, didn’t visit the pool very often.  It was always crowded with the kids, both little ones and the college ones.  It was a bit too noisy for me so I took to using my balcony a lot for some sun and my usually exercising and bike riding to keep the extra pounds off.  I looked pretty good for forty, but standing next to some of the college boys, I felt more like a grandpa.

I guess you might think I was making a poor decision spending so much time with the girls, but you really have to know about what life is like for someone who travels a lot and most often lives out of a suitcase for weeks and months at a time.  I’m not one to hit a bar for a one-night stand.  I think I simply got burned out on that game after my divorce.  Moving so often that I didn’t even have a permanent address.  I used my parents' place for anything like that.  The good part is my company picked up most of my living expenses so all this traveling was money in the bank for me.  But it does tend to isolate you.  All the people you work with head home at the end of the day and all you have to look forward to most nights is an empty place.  It really was nice having these two pretty and vivacious girls to spend time with.  Actually, it was more than nice, I really enjoyed their company.

Then one thing changed, and the reason for this story about my poor choices.  You see, the girls were getting really comfortable around me, maybe too comfortable.  I was also getting pretty relaxed around them.  They started sneaking into my dreams and even fantasies, which I felt was more than a little dangerous.  I didn’t want to wreck things with them. 

You might get the idea I spent all my time with them, but no, I did meet a few women and did a little dating.  My sex life was sporadic, but it did exist.  I wasn’t about the spend hours in front of my computer looking at porn and beating off — although Mark tells me that’s what Larry does in his spare time.  But then if you met Larry’s wife, you might do that too.  She’s pretty, but mean!  They’ve been together for a while and I have no idea how they put up with each other.  But that’s neither here nor there.  If you are curious Mark married his high school sweetheart and for years pushed out kids about as fast as humanly possible. I think they stopped at seven, but I tend to lose count. 

Well, like I said they were creeping into my thoughts often and I pretty much would wake up with a woody that refused to go down to let me pee.  Do you have any idea how long it takes to empty a forty-year-old bladder when you have a chubby that reminds you of when you were seventeen?  Let me tell you, it takes a while!  I did my best not to let those unconscious feelings show, but once in a while, especially if one or both were wearing appropriate hot weather clothing (not much at all) that woody would try and put in an appearance. 

I don’t think the girls noticed, but I found out later they both did.  I should have known simply because they are college-age girls and probably get hit on all the time.  I mean they were attractive and really nice!  Neither mentioned it, well not to me.  I think they know I would have been embarrassed! 

So, what does all this have to do with my foolish choices?  It’s pretty simple, it’s just the latest in a long line of mistakes.  What happened was after one Sunday morning breakfast, Paula headed next door while Kay sat there with something on her mind.  Have you ever instantly regretted a decision?  This was one of mine, without a doubt!

I had made a French toast casserole with honey butter and candied bacon on the side.  The balcony wasn’t wide enough for a table, so we were at my dining nook.  I wasn’t too concerned, after all, we really had gotten to know each other pretty well.  I was cleaning up when she stood close to me in the kitchen, closer than she ever did before.  I wasn’t quite aware of her until she touched my arm.

“We’ve been eating your food now for a while, right?”  She said quietly.

“I guess so.”

“We feel like we haven’t done anything for you.”  Her hand rubbed up and down my arm, raising both goosebumps and something else.

“Kay!”

“It’s no biggie.  Paula and I talked about it.  It just seems right, plus we know you’re not gay, not with the hard-on we’ve seen.”

Now that was embarrassing, I had no idea they ever noticed.  “Kay, you don’t owe me a thing.  I’ve enjoyed every minute together.”

She leaned tightly against me, her breasts free under a thin tee-shirt rubbing my arm.  That was when I did what has to be the single stupidest thing I have ever done.  You have to understand, many things were running through my head … both heads as a matter of fact.  Here was lovely Kay incredibly willing and quite able.

She was a little over five feet tall, probably weighed about one hundred and ten pounds nicely distributed with small breasts and nice hips and a cute butt.  She had a spray of freckles across her nose that was just perfect.  Even the look on her face was earnest in what she wanted.

But then the words really sunk in.  She wanted to take me to bed because she felt like she owed me something.  Plus she and Paula talked about it.  The cynical me wondered if they tossed a coin and one of them lost.  I didn’t have the guts to ask if they had and if Kay was the winner or the loser. 

I took her hand and held it tight, “Kay, I really mean it.  You and Paula do not owe me a thing.  But I don’t want you to have sex with me because you feel some obligation.  You two have made my usual time on business an absolute joy.  If, one of these days you want to go to bed with me because you want me, we’ll talk.  But not because you think you owe me anything.”

Part of me was disappointed that she didn’t look crushed, but that was more my ego than anything else.  She took it like she did most things and kissed me on the cheek and said a simple “Okay!”  Then she headed back next door like nothing happened at all.  I guess to her it wasn’t a big deal.

I stood there in my kitchen as I watched cute little behind head out my door.  My woody showed up with a vengeance and I think it found a voice because something was yelling at me and calling me an idiot!  Talk about foolish choices, I said no to a young, sexy college girl who probably would have made the rest of my time here a hell of a lot more fun!  Sitting there on my counter was a rolling pin and I was never so tempted to take it and beat my cock to death with it.  Either that or take a knife to whatever part of my brain where that answer came from. 

After kicking myself for a while, I settled down and did my best to live with the decision.  While I felt uncomfortable, Kay and Paula didn’t seem to be affected.  They were both excited about something and broke the news, Kay’s mother was coming for a visit next weekend!  My discomfort level went up another notch.  Why was that?  It wasn’t like I had slept with her daughter?  It’s been years since I met a girlfriend’s mother, and Kay wasn’t even my girlfriend!

Oh, I remember the first time I met a girlfriend’s mother, it was in my senior year of high school.  You know my history, so there were few girls interested in an actual relationship.  Plus my cougar issue was long over and that family even moved out of town after I left for college.  But I was so scared the death that first time.  My girlfriend was a very nice girl, saving it for marriage, or at least that was the public version.  The private version was much more interesting.  Anyway, we had been seeing each other for about a month when her mother told her to bring me to dinner.  Damn, I was nervous, I dressed nice, I took flowers for her mother, you know all the things you hear about but rarely see anymore.  She was nice to me, her Dad on the other hand must have heard some of the stories because he barely said a word.  I was surprised when they all held hands to say grace.  That was when I realized they were a very religious family and I think I was part of the daughter’s rebellion. 

I did survive that, so meeting parents after that was much less traumatic, not that I had to do it all that often.  I figured if I could live through that one, I could handle this one. Like I said, it wasn't like I was sleeping with either of them!

After they left, I got myself under control.  I assumed they would want to have dinner here while the mom was in town, so I planned a special menu.  I didn’t see much of them during the week and only caught a glimpse of the mom a couple of times.  She wasn’t staying with them, but at a nearby hotel.  So I put together one of my favorite menus and something the girls always enjoyed, a Korean-style Raman with spring rolls and yagkwa for dessert.  Yagkwa is a baked pastry in a wonderful syrup made with ginger, honey, and pine nuts.

I had everything ready when there was a knock at the door.

“I don’t fucking believe it!”

These were not the first words I ever heard from Kay’s Mom.  They were, however, the first words I heard in the middle of a world-class blow job from Kay’s Grandmother as Kay’s Mom and her father walked in on my cougar and me during the summer between my junior and senior years.

You see how foolish decisions can haunt you for the rest of your life!  They follow you forever!