"Maggie. We went over this."
"No, we didn't."
"We did. Suit yourself Maggie."
It was December 5th, and Maggie was begging me to go Christmas shopping with her. I hate Christmas, and always have. While other kids were wolfing down marshmallows and hot chocolate, I would go to a secluded hill and ski the day away. After 13 horrible years, the memory of my dad's death lingered fresh in my mind. The scar on my stomach served a reminder.
"What's bothering you?" Maggie asked.
"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."
"I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU WON'T TELL ME?? WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU!" Maggie screamed.
Her high heels clattered across the floorboards and the door slammed.
"Fuck this" I muttered. In my head, a voice told me "You're useless Elowyn. Useless. You are an accident. You took him away." I screamed and collapsed on the couch.
-
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?" I screamed. A pair of hands was shaking me. The room was dark. Outside, torrents of rain washed the city and thunder boomed overhead.
"Relax El! It's me."
"What the fuck Ben!!!! I thought you were a rapist. Why are the lights off?"
"El, don't you hear the thunder?" Ben asked.
"Yeah."
Then the empty room filled with his laughter.
"WHAT?! What's so damn funny??" Tears formed and made their way down my cheeks.
"Sorry El. I was teasing you. The electricity is out." He sat down and put his arms around me, gently rocking me back and forth.
My heart was beating too fast. I've always liked Ben. When he was fucking other girls I would sit at home and cry, wishing he would look at me like that. I couldn't for the day I felt him caressing my skin, sucking my clit, and bringing me to new levels of pleasure.
"Elowyn." His voice broke the silence. He never used my full name unless he had something serious to say.
"What?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
"El. I know you'll probably rip my heart out, but my sister and her boyfriend have a cabin in upstate New York. She told me I could bring someone."
"Oh, okay. Who are you taking?"
His arms tightened around me. "You," he whispered. I thought I was hearing wrong. He wanted to bring me? A million thoughts flooded my mind and I couldn't speak.
"Well?"
"I'll go. As friends?"
"You bet! I don't want people thinking you're my girlfriend," he teased.
I laughed lightly, but his words stung. "Whatever. The guys would be jealous."
He laughed out loud. "No, all the girls will be jealous."
"Whatever. I'm gorgeous," I said with a smirk.
He laughed again. "Don't be so vain. I'll email you a pamphlet containing all the information. If you have any questions, call my sister. Ill send you her number too. Oh, the trip will be a week. We're leaving on December 23rd and coming back on the 28th." He kissed my cheek and embraced me tightly.
"Night, El. Take care of yourself." Then, he was gone.
I sighed. The next weeks wouldn't go by fast enough.
-
It was 5:30am, December 23rd. I was in Brenda's car, sipping hot tea and on my way up to the cabin with Ben, his sister Brenda, and her boyfriend Alex. I had mixed feelings. Part of me didn't want to go, but the other part did. I felt like I was betraying my father, but at the same time I was getting tired of celebrating Christmas by myself. Maybe this will be the start of a new year, I told myself.
The cabin was lovely. It was located on a hilltop amongst evergreen trees and miles of snow. I stepped out and breathed deeply; already the snow had lifted my spirits.
"What do you think?" Brenda asked, climbing out and stretching her stiff legs.
"It's marvelous! Thanks for letting me come." I said.
Brenda laughed. "Don't thank me. Ben was the one that invited you. But yes, it's a lovely place. My grandparents lived here till they died in an automobile accident."
My stomach tightened at those words. That was what took my father's life too.
I jumped as a pack of snow hit my cheek. "What the hell!"
I heard Ben laugh and knew he hurled the snowball at me. Quickly, I reached down, grabbed a fistful of snow, and hurled it back. He was laughing so hard that he didn't see it come towards his nose. WHACK! It hit his nose and I doubled over in laughter. We threw snowballs back and forth for the next 20 minutes until I saw Alex and Brenda approach us, ski equipment in tow.
"Hey lovebirds. Quit playing and go cook. Alex and I are going skiing. See ya," Brenda yelled.
Ben rolled his eyes and tugged on my arm. "C'mon let's make some food."
-
Later, in the warm sanctuary of the kitchen, I wondered why Brenda had called us lovebirds. Surely, she didn't mean anything about it. We're just friends. He doesn't like me like that...unless he does! Yeah, I'm going paranoid.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Ben's voice interrupted my thoughts and I jumped.
He laughed and poked my side. "C'mon El. You've been so preoccupied in your thoughts lately. What's up?"
"I don't know how to start," I mumbled, my cheeks turning pink.
He guided me to the couch.