Standing four feet and two inches - naked and dry
Wrinkled, wasted, and penniless,
This nut hides behind a beard of hairiness
Protruding red nose that even makes Rudolph envious.
Capricious old fellow
One minute laughing - Next minute lashing out,
Crazy and a bit scary
Some said he was cockamamie.
Dressed in dingy green corduroy pants
Both knees worn thin - exposing his bony knees
Shirtless in the summer - mustered yellow coat in the winter,
He dressed as he pleased.
Not many had seen the old fellow
He lived under a wooden bridge.
Some said he was vicious
Others said just malicious.
When someone arrived at the bridge,
He would vanish and hide forthright
Running as fast as his short legs might
He was definitely a Houdini escaping to hide.
The bridge wasn’t used much
Farmers used it for hauling grain and hay
People lost might cross it to find their way.
Most days no one crossed - the old fellow liked it that way.
He liked to fish and skinny dip
Watching birds and sunsets,
Smelling fresh rain
Avoiding people and copperheads.
He looked back on his life
All was fine until 1969
Drafted and shafted
Vietnam made his life rancid.
He thought his small stature
Might keep him from the draft
The Draft Board only laughed
He then knew he got the shaft.
Four years was the plan
Two friends, Sargent, and the clap
Three were buried
Gonorrhea treated, and it retreated.
Four years of Hell
Bombed and shelled
Dumped and expelled
He found the wooden bridge and dwelled.
He dug a cave and felt safe
Safe from the weather
Safe from the war
Safe from life’s stressors and aggressors.
One hot summer day,
A red-haired dame - what a sweetie
Rode her donkey across the wood bridge
The donkey wasn’t much to look at - damn the dame looked dreamy.
Halfway across the wooden bridge
The old boards creaked and one broke
Scarring the donkey
He bucked and jumped, throwing the dame.
She went flying off the bridge
Hitting her head on the rail
Landing face down in the river
Old fellow yelled, “What the hell!”
The old fellow swam to her aid
Tugged and pulled her to his cave.
He felt at a loss as to what to do
He knew he had to be brave.
First he tore up some rags,
Wrapped them around her head
Stripped off her wet clothes,
Thank goodness she wasn’t dead.
He went outside and stripped his clothes off
Tree limbs became a clothesline
It was odd to see panties hanging there
Butt naked he felt he had crossed some sexual line.