Standing in front of the oversized frosted glass doors, Lori was ready to step into her new reality and begin her corporate conquest. Looking at her faint reflection in the glass, she began to let her mind race, getting lost in visions of her first successful presentation, her first promotion, moving into the big office with the desk as big as the current CEO’s ego and the grandiose view of her new kingdom (also known as the parking lot).
A hurried man rushing past and bumping into her shoulder brought an abrupt end to her delusions of grandeur. Gathering herself and taking a deep breath, she straightened up and took the first step of the rest of her life.
--
Michelle sat in her office looking at nothing in particular. Her eyes were in the direction of a gumball machine on top of her shelf, but all she could see were the images running through her mind. She was doing well by most standards. Twenty-four years with the company and now a Senior Vice President. High enough in middle management to be safe from the axe, but far enough from the top to not have any real responsibility. She was a pro at the art of looking busy. Yet, something was missing.
Everything had been done right. The MBA was hanging on the wall. She had waited to have children until established in her career and now had a beautiful daughter and a lovely son. The biggest issue with her neighborhood was the few stragglers who left their trash bins on the street an extra day in-stead of bringing them back up to the garage. Yet, she wasn’t satisfied.
“What is wrong with me?” She mumbled to herself as she twirled a pen through her fingers.
A knock on the door reeled her back to reality. Gathering herself and shuffling papers as if something was being done she called out, “Come in.”
Without looking up Michelle could already feel the overflowing enthusiasm, joy, and nervousness that was Lori entering the room. A slightly amused smile found her face as she stood to greet her new employee.
“Hello, I’m Michelle. You must be Lori. We spoke on the phone a few times and went back and forth through emails. It’s nice to finally put a face to a name.”
Lori had rehearsed her introduction for almost two days straight in her new, still largely unpacked apartment. She was all set to stand up straight and strong, give a firm handshake but not a death grip and confidently introduce herself. It had gone perfectly the night before and today wouldn’t be any different.
“Nice to meet you too!”
Lori said it so loudly it caused a few heads to pop up over the top of the cubicles and look into Michelle’s office to see what was happening. Michelle couldn’t help herself but to chuckle out loud. She was caught off guard not only by how loud Lori had been but also by the genuine feeling of joy that had momentarily washed over her.
“Where has this been for the last twenty years of my career?” The voice in her mind had returned from its short break.
Lori quickly shook off the strong feelings of embarrassment and continued in a more reasonable tone, “As you can see, I’m really happy to finally be starting, and I can’t wait to be part of the team. Also, I know I said it in an email, but thanks again for the neighborhood suggestions. It really helped to be able to knock out my apartment search before I got started with the job.”
“No problem at all. I know how hard it is to relocate, and I’m glad you were able to do it without too much hassle. Also, the neighborhood you chose is filled with plenty of young professionals, bars, and all the shops you could want. I’m sure you’ll love it.”
The truth was Michelle had never really spent any time in Lori’s new neighborhood. Why would she? She was married with two teenagers. Her kids did not want to see her in Urban Outfitters or wearing Victoria Secret Pink. What Michelle was good at was using Google — and by “good,” she meant she was damn good. Yet, the conversation continued and as the minutes went by they both fell into a natural groove with one another. The venue moved from Michelle’s office to a local restaurant for lunch where it came to light that they both liked cooking and loved the farmers’ markets. They both enjoyed nature and a good run to clear the head.
Where Lori had been bubbling over with anticipation to start the day and started to level out, Michelle found herself building in anticipation as the conversation continued. It wasn’t until she leaned forward with her hands just under the table, hanging on Lori’s every word, and ended up bumping the table and knocking over her glass of water after Lori’s last statement that she realized she really was…happy.
Michelle took her napkin and dabbed gently at the small water spot just above her knee, “I’m sorry. Apparently I should add coordination and grace to my ‘opportunities for growth’ on my performance review. I will be right back, let me make sure I’m put together before we head back to the office.”
As she excused herself from the table and walked to the restroom, she kept thinking about what had just happened. Not only what had happened, but why did it happen? Why was she so comfortable and willing to talk? Normally she kept it as concise as possible, especially in business settings and even more with new hires. Why did she feel such joy, and why had she felt it immediately? As she walked back to the table and caught the eye of Lori it finally hit her: she was seeing herself.
Lori was her twenty-four years ago before “reality” had set in. Before she had done the responsible things like getting married, having children, saying the right things to the right people at the right time. She had mastered the art of suppression and never showed her anger, disappointment, or frustration publicly. Michelle realized she had once walked through frosted glass doors on her first day with the same nervous enthusiasm that Lori had today but allowed all of that enthusiasm to be pressed out of her over time. She had once had the bright eyes and lovely smile that was being flashed at her from across the table, and she wanted them back. It was a long-awaited epiphany.
As she sat down she plainly asked, “Would you like me to show you around a little more? Maybe this weekend? I know that you’re still moving in and unpacking so I don’t want to hold that up but I think it could be fun. I know I’m a little bit older but…”
Before she could finish Lori jumped in, “Of course! That would be awesome, and who said anything about old? If the situation gets serious I’ve got plenty of five-hour energy shots left over from finals a few months ago. You’ll be fine. We can meet near my place on Saturday afternoon!”
Lori’s enthusiastic response caused Michelle to let out a long sigh that she had been holding in. She had been literally holding her breath hoping for a “Yes” from Lori. Inside of her mind, she was chastising herself, “You said you wanted to go back to the beginning of your career, not revert back to middle school. Get yourself together.”
As the week went on it was clear to see that Lori was a special talent. The world of commercial construction and heavy equipment wasn’t the easiest to understand. Michelle was a rare case of a woman who had survived and moved up in the company throughout the years, but had seen many throw in the towel or get crushed by the reality of the job. The gap between the theoretical knowledge of college and the reality of actually working in the field was vast. It also didn’t help that as a woman, your name was automatically assumed to be “Sweetheart.”
Never in Michelle’s career had she seen someone catch on as fast as Lori. She had an unspoken confidence to herself that only few possess. She didn’t rely on her outfits, although she had mastered the art of tailoring discount clothes to make them look like high fashion. Nor did she rely on physical assets, although it was clear from day one her taut, toned figure, well-crafted smile (those middle school braces really paid off), and the bouncy brown hair that framed her face had no competition in the department.
She had a personality that was impossible to hate and an easy-going but firm demeanor that was commanding yet endearing at the same time. Her willingness to learn and ask questions made her an instant hit with Michelle. It wasn’t just Michelle who took a liking to her. The whole office seems to perk up when Lori came around. After taking a few jokes about her screaming outburst on the first day Lori eased into being a member of the team, just as if she had been there forever.
The lunch epiphany had really been a kick in the ass for Michelle. She found herself much more energetic, sleeping better, and smiling more than she had in years. Even though the office was framed by floor-to-ceiling windows, the combination of Lori’s infusion of energy and Michelle’s refocused, positive leadership brightened the whole department.
With all this newfound positive energy, the week had flown by and everyone was talking about their weekend plans. Lori stopped by her desk on her way out.
“Hey, Michelle!” she said just loud enough so Michelle could fully grasp the excitement but just low enough that the office wouldn’t eavesdrop on the conversation. “Don’t forget about my tour this weekend. Rollie’s. 5 p.m.”
Michelle caught herself staring for a moment, “Oh? Oh Yeah! I’ll be there. I’ve got the address right here.”
The second Lori exited the office, Michelle went into an almost panic mode, mentally going through every shade of lipstick, eye shadow, and any other make-up she had. She also went through her whole wardrobe in her mind and then tried to meld the two and visualize how all the different combinations might look. Needless to say, her brain almost exploded and that small voice came back, “Michelle. Get yourself together!”
Michelle had already made sure her son and daughter’s Saturday activities were covered and taken care of immediately after lunch with Lori on Monday. When she told her husband, he didn’t have an issue…so long as his tee time wasn’t affected. She hadn’t been out on her own in a long time. Even though it was an absolute joy to go to dinner with her family, go to the mall with her daughter (who amazingly, hadn’t totally rejected her yet), or cheer for her son with the other parents at baseball games, this was different.
As she stepped out of the shower that afternoon and dried herself off she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Standing up and letting the towel fall, she took a quick inventory: a toned figure with just a wee bit extra under her arms and on her hips, but still toned nonetheless; breasts that still sat proudly, and a proverbial jungle between her legs.
The sight of the long, curly hairs brought her back down to earth from the momentary high she had while admiring herself in the mirror. Sighing and thinking to herself, “I guess I haven’t paid much attention there in a while. Then again, why should I pay attention? I’ve been working, my husband has been working, and when we aren’t working our main jobs we work our second jobs as chauffeurs for the kids. My lingerie selection and intimate grooming choices aren’t critical when you’re baking in the sun at a baseball tournament and beat tired once you finally get to bed.”
Shaking her head and fighting off the growing doubt about fitting in with Lori that night, she stood up, grabbed her hand towel and face towel, her vanity chair, and got her razor. She let the face towel soak in hot water as she took a seat on the edge of the chair. Wringing out the towel just enough to let it cool down to a bearable temperature she placed it softly between her legs, getting the hair ready for the warming cream. She gently lathered the cream and began taking short strokes with the razor, making sure not to pull any hair but to cleanly shave all of it bit by bit. Upon the last stroke, she neatly dabbed herself with the wet towel to pick up any remaining cream, dabbed herself dry with the hand towel and finished by rubbing coconut oil over the smooth skin. Looking in the mirror again she now felt new, as if this was a start over. Michelle felt powerful and in control and sexy for the first time in a long time.