Another purple sunrise, I’ve seen too many to count. I used to think that this time of the morning held magic. The way the sun momentarily stays hidden behind the horizon, sending up her rays in a lavender ombre canopy bidding the stars to rest. Like the details of a finished canvas. Now, the brilliance is mostly a reminder of a fast-paced lifestyle that is probably unsustainable. Probably.

As the colors filter in through unshaded windows, the ambient light silhouettes the naked femme lying next to me, still asleep. The top sheet curls around one leg leaving the rest of her body exposed, like an offering. Her pert little ass gives me pause, still red from where I was spanking it not too long ago. Half of her face is buried in the bed and the other half partially shrouded under what used to be perfect blonde waves, now tousled from last night's fuck session.

She lets out a groan as I reach across her for the half-smoked joint perched on the nightstand.

“Take it outside,” she mumbles and curls deeper into the mattress.

I don’t answer. Fuck, I can't even remember her name. Shannon? Sharon?

Pinching the joint between my lips, I roll off the bed, no shirt, just boyshorts hugging my cheeks. I find my leather jacket on the floor by the bathroom and slip it on. Its satin lining feels soothingly cool on my bare skin. It hardens my nipples and reminds me of the orgasm I gave myself after Cheryl passed out. Ah, yes...it’s Cheryl.

I catch a blur of myself in my peripheral as I pass a mirror hanging over her dresser. I don't stop to look. I know exactly what would happen if I did and right now this roach is the only focus of my attention. Snapping open my chrome Zippo, I torch the tip and inhale just as I slide a glass door open to step outside. Another grunt comes from the bed as I shut the door behind me.

The pre-sun air is damp and crisp. The beach out in front of the patio is deserted, and for now, only the faint call of seagulls can be heard above the surf. A little wind plays among the dark shadowy tufts of beachgrass spotting the dunes. I hold the burn of smoke in my lungs for a bit then slowly exhale the pungence.

Taking a seat on a chaise —knees bent, jacket open, tits exposed to the salty mist— I pull in another big hit and run my fingers through my hair. I’ve had it short since I was allowed to make my own styling decisions; probably late freshman year in high school. That was almost ten years ago.

Now, I can’t even remember what I looked like with long hair. I can't remember the look, but I’ll never forget the awkwardness; like I was masquerading as someone, something I was not. It got to the point that my hair had weight, felt heavy on my head so I hacked it off. I took a lot of flack when I showed up to school looking like a dorky version of Ruby Rose. I didn't give a fuck. Quite honestly, my list of friends back then was shorter than that new dew. Still is.

Fortunately, having the name Kai made it difficult for the douchebags to bastardize it into some male version. Ironic how that veil of masculinity is what I wanted, but I needed it on my terms, not theirs. Still, they found ways to cast barbs, verbal and non, and while I fought to hold a stoic exterior, each taunt chipped away below the surface.

My pocket begins to buzz. Before I even pull out my phone, I know who it is. I push back to recline into the lounge chair, legs crossed at my ankles. Only she would call at this hour. The combination of the weed, this picturesque sky, the ocean at my feet, and now her calling, gives me a bit of an epicurean smile. 

“Hey,” I answer after the third buzz.

“Did I wake you?”

“Nah. Just enjoying a blaze and this sunrise.” I take another hit.

“What is this one's name?” she asks timidly.

I exhale slowly, “Does it matter?”

“Guess not.” I hear her sigh. “You know you’re going to get fired from that bar one of these times if you keep fucking all the patrons.”

“I want to see you. Tonight.” I’m direct, assertive. Probably still worked up from the rich-bitch-pillow-princess inside not doing enough to satisfy me.

“Can’t tonight. Conner has a thing and he wants me to go.”

“Get out of it. Make something up. Tell him they need you in Atlantic City. I’ll get a room and meet you there.”

There’s a pause. I can hear her breathing. Contemplating. I wait, the first to talk usually caves.

“Kai, I’m fucking married.”

“Your obligations are not news to me, Lex.” My tone is bitter so I try to soften it, “Listen, when was the last time we played, babygirl?”

Another sigh. “I don’t know,” she whispers.

“Exactly. There’s a reason you called me at 5:15 in the morning.” Pausing, I hit the joint one last time. “You know Conrad can’t give you what I give you.” My voice is distorted through the release of smoke.

“And you know his name is Conner,” she says in a playful acquiescence.

“The Water Club… Atlantic City… I’ll meet you in the lobby bar.” I hang up.

I consider slipping out on Cheryl, it wouldn’t be the first time I ditched a one-nighter. But she knows where I bartend and the last thing I need is some psycho-femme creating a scene where I work… and play.

I flick the cashed spliff into the nearby sand and watch as the orange glow of the cherry fades. “Besides,” I say to myself as I stretch out and cleanse my lungs with fresh sea air, “I may need to hit this place again.”

The ride home is zen-like. I thought about curling back into bed for a while, but that joint actually hit me just right, so I opted to leave blondie a gracious note instead. The sunrise and my buzz are both in full bloom as the motor of my Sportster 883 hums me along this oceanfront freeway.

I strapped my lady-cock back on before I left. I love the way the bulge feels snug against my inner thigh as I ride. And the way my jeans force pressure into the base, mixed with the vibrations from my Harley at sixty miles per hour, and this fucking high…

The euphoria hits me harder than when I was banging blondie. Epicurean motherfucking smile.

The hotel room at the Water Club was easy to get. I’ve made friends with the concierge over there, she’s in her late twenties and very hot, but very straight. Then again, Lexi is supposedly very straight and we’ve been fucking for years now.

She is already in the bar when I arrive later that night. A sparse crowd fills the room and she is sitting on a corner stool with her back facing me as I enter. She’s stunning. Confident. An aura of power larger than her petite frame can contain.

I melt into the scene to admire her for a moment.

Her hair is loose, jet-black and poker-straight swooped over her shoulder to one side which would have left her back exposed. But the spaghetti-strap summer dress she is wearing —black to match her hair— has narrow black-lace angel wings that lay flat and taper down to cover each shoulder blade. It catches my breath as a sudden flourish of nerves twists my stomach into a knot.

I take in her legs next, creamy-white and a stark contrast to the dress. She has them crossed and I follow their slender lines to where they disappear below her calf into dark-maroon Dr. Marten boots. It comes as no surprise that she is already chatting with a flirtatious gent trying his hardest to win her favor. I take a deep breath and make my way to her.

“Is this guy giving you trouble, babygirl?” Tracing my fingers down her spine, I press into the bar pinning her between me and dude. He gives me a look that I am all too used to seeing. The look of his brain trying to process how I appear to be a guy but lack that deep virility in my voice.

“Not at all,” she replies with a seductive smile then spins to face me. “In fact, he was just leaving.” Dude shakes his head as he finally connects the dots and slinks away.

“I like this dress,” I say with a kiss as she offers me her cheek.

“Thanks. I got it when I was in London last month. It's been hiding in my closet waiting for a special occasion.” She’s playing with her earlobe.

“And... this is a special occasion?” I ask, somewhat timidly.

I shouldn’t be rattled. Those high school years worked to harden me. Trying to figure out who the fuck I was, constantly fighting with what the norm said I should be, but my heart telling me the opposite. I don't regret any of it, or the decisions I’ve made. I hold no shame in who I have become. In an odd way, that struggle enveloped me with its benison; it gave me an air of confidence that femmes flock to. And yet somehow, Lexi shakes it to its core.

“It’s always a special occasion with you, Kai. Now, would you like a drink first? Or shall we head straight to the room.” She’s so fucking sweet, but that is probably the last decision she will let me make tonight.

The next twenty minutes pass in a whirl of sexual innuendo. I order a Jack on ice just to show her off to this crowd a little bit longer. My hand cradles the tumbler, one boot on the foot rail below pitching me into a lean against the bar. She takes my free hand and kisses it.

“I have a surprise for you.”

Before I can acknowledge her, she slides her purse along the bartop just past the drink I'm toying with. The bag is open so that I can see a partial view of its contents. I lift the drink to my lips and swallow the last bit of whiskey.

As I lower the glass, Lexi directs my attention with a pinch of her lower lip and a nod for me to look inside. She seems anxious and giddy. I hold eye contact with her for longer than a few seconds like I can read the nefarious thoughts running through her gorgeous fucking mind. I glance down, heart hammering away in my chest. There, nestled in her purse, is a royal-blue feeldoe.

“Are you finished with your drink now, Kai?”

I drop two twenties on the bar to cover the tab. Lexi has already snatched up her purse and is headed towards the hallway leading to the rooms on the first floor. I follow. Her ass is swaying back and forth as she bounces with each step. Hands clutched behind her holding that hidden prize, she playfully peeks back at me over her shoulder.

The wake of her floral perfume enchants my senses. It ignites an ache in my cunt that radiates out until I can feel the tingle all the way to the roots of my short-cropped hair.

She is already pushing into the room when I catch up to her. In a swift step, I slide in letting the heavy door clap shut behind us. Spinning her by the waist, she drops her purse and wraps her arms over my shoulders. We lock in a deep breathy kiss.

I let my lips trail along her jawline, then, with a hand, I push her chin up to face the ceiling, exposing her neck. I nibble my way to her ear and whisper, “I need this. I need you.”

Lexi pushes me back. Her demeanor washes with an indelicate attitude capped with a sinful smile. She eyes me head to toe, then, as expected, nudges my shoulders. “On your knees.”

Any other femme and I’d have belly-laughed as I gathered my things and headed straight for my Harley. No kiss good-bye, no I’ll call ya some other time. There would just be a cartoon outline of me as I bolted out the door.

But Lexi does something to me that is difficult to explain. It goes deeper than her gorgeous hair, beautiful tits, and flawless looks. It’s not a game, although it feels like we are both players. Most might label it being dommed, but for me—for us—it is more like a willing relinquishment of control.

I kneel, never breaking her eye contact.

Lexi drops her hands to each of her thighs. Keeping them stationary, she crawls her fingers over the material slowly raising her skirt inch by inch. She steps forward bringing my face eye level with her pantiless, bald seashell of a pussy. I move to lean forward but my progress is impeded by a palm to my forehead. Fingers curl tightly into my short locks and she snaps my head back.

“Tongue out!” 

I comply, staring up at her. Lexi takes one more step and lowers herself onto my waiting mouth. She barely moves her hips, instead, she pushes and pulls me by my hair, grinding me into her wetness. The sting of her clench on my scalp lights a fire deep within me.

I run one hand up the back of her thigh tucking the other under my chin. Her grip in my hair loosens just enough for me to focus my attention on her clit. As I suckle, I slide two fingers up inside her. Sweet honey coats them, belying the aloof mood surrounding the moment. Her tight velvet walls thicken and I quickly become lost in her musky animal heat.

Juices begin to trickle down my chin as I continue to devour her. My fingers come out to make room for my tongue, ravenous for more of her sweet nectar. Both of my hands now dig into the soft flesh of her ass as I push my face up into her mound lifting Lexi onto her toes.

With a sharp squeal, she grabs each side of my head to keep from falling over forward. Her body tenses, I can feel her pussy clench. The room falls dead-silent for a long three seconds before she cries out and melts in a gush over my tongue.

I wait for her to subside then fall back onto my heels, smiling up at her with a glistening goofy grin. My clit throbbing to the thrum of my pounding heart.

“Strip and get on the bed, Kai.”

Boots and socks slip off easily and the rest of my clothes form a trail to the king-size bed. The last to go are my boyshort boxers, but I opt to keep them on for now.

I kick back on the bed with my arms folded behind my head and a smile still painted with her juices. She doesn’t take long to slip out of that captivatingly provocative dress, which is now neatly draped over the arm of the hotel room lounge chair. Twirling the toy, she slinks naked onto the bed, pushing between my legs.

Lexi places the dildo next to me like a surgeon laying out their instruments. She then slips off my boxers and runs her hand over the tattoo just above my mound. Her hair drapes down, silklike over my heated skin. Fuck she is sexy.

She crawls up my body and we are once again locked in a deep kiss. Her tongue swirls in my mouth like it's searching for any remnants of the bourbon mash I was using to numb my nerves earlier.

Through the chorus of smacks and slurps she mumbles, “I’m going to fuck you now.”

It hitches my breath, even though I knew that was the endgame the moment I saw the dildo in her purse. Again, if I were with any other girl, that utterance would have shut me down. But I am not with any of those other femmes and my passivity is not only turning on Lexi, it has my blood coursing and my pussy on fire.

Her tongue is still forcefully in my mouth when I feel her slide the bulbous end of the feeldoe along my slit, lubing it with my juices to eventually slide into her. I pull on her tongue with my lips to let her know what she’s doing to me. She lets out a growl with a teeth-baring grin into the kiss.

I watch as Lexi straightens up and stands over me. My body melts into the mattress as I take in her little show. She runs that glistening end, coated in my arousal, along her cunt lips. They are crimson and stand out against her fair skin matching the nipples that dot her pert tits. With a pinch of her lower lip, she slides the rounded end inside her. She slowly and obscenely strokes the cock end, eyes locked on mine the entire time. 

As she drops to her knees, I willingly spread for her, and once again relinquish control; something her husband cannot afford her. Cannot or will not, I guess it doesn’t fucking matter. It only serves to strengthen our symbiosis. I give this to her, she gives me a release. No nervous little femme for me to seduce. No need to bust out my best moves, playing games to try and figure out their desires. Here and now I’m just hers, as much as she is mine.

Lexi dribbles a string of spit into her palm and coats the shaft before running its tip along my crease. She rises up forcing more into me, I use my heels to push myself in to meet her. We stay locked in this position as she fucks the cock into me and grinds herself into the ribbed base. The sight of her getting lost in this moment is almost enough to make me cum.

Our rhythm intensifies, rocking the bed and sending Lexi to curl over on top of me. She is now full-force fucking me and I know I will not last much longer. I reach up and grab her by the hair. “I want you to cum with me, babygirl.”

She replies with a loud moan and laps her tongue across my lips. I reach around with my free hand and pull her waist into me, forcing the feeldoe into each of us as deep as it will go. Lexi locks her lips on my mouth and cums with a muffled scream.

The toy stays inside her as she curls over in a heap to lay next to me. I raise up on an elbow and smile at the contrast of that royal-blue dick jutting out of her femininity. We don't say anything. She just turns to face me and smiles, still breathing heavily.

I lean over and kiss her mouth with as much passion as I can muster. “I’m going to go shower off,” I whisper.

When I emerge from the bathroom, Lexi is already asleep. I pull my boxer briefs on, prop up in the bed next to her, and watch for a while. I study the peaceful rise and fall of her chest; such delicate innocence. I feel the sudden need to say something. To rouse her, brush the tendrils from her face, gaze into her eyes, and tell her something special. But I wouldn't know what to say, and I wouldn't know how to say it.

Maybe this is the closest I’ll ever get to knowing love. I’m not sure. I do know that love seems to be a part of your heart. A part that connects things. Emotions, perceptions, reactions. Feelings. A part that relies on the ability to understand yourself in order to flourish. I’m getting there, but truth be told, a large part of that, for me, is still essentially hardened over.

As I said, I have no shame, I have no regrets and I’m certainly not in search of any fucking pity. I know there are people who get me. Lexi gets me. I pull up the blanket to cover her. For now, that’s enough.

Reaching down for my jacket, I fish out my papers and weed to roll up a joint. Lexi is still out, still gorgeous.

I make my way to the outside patio where all is quiet. Where the air is crisp and clear and still. Where I can breathe in the sea air and just be who I am. Where I can sit calmly in the moment, snap open my Zippo, torch this spliff, and wait to watch another purple sunrise.