In highschool I always wanted a boyfriend, but it wasn't until college that I realized all the things I was doing wrong. I'm a fairly pretty girl, but I always wore loose clothes because I was really shy. I thought makeup was stupid. My unkempt hair, the out-of-style glasses and quiet, reserved personality didn't help. I had a lot of friends, even some guy friends, but I don't think any of them were attracted to me and none of them knew that I liked them.

By senior year all of my friends were talking about their sexual experiences with boyfriends or hookups. I hated it! At this point I wouldn't say I was desperate, but sex consumed nearly all of my thoughts. I imagined a few different scenarios daily, if not hourly. Sometimes these fantasies were about a specific guy, but mostly just a faceless, imaginary man.

By my second year of college I felt like such a failure and loser for being what seemed like the only girl that was still a virgin. So, I finally realized I needed to start presenting myself better (while trying to avoid being too slutty). Yoga pants, getting my hair done, make up. I hated it, but I had to do it to get what I was constantly fantasizing of. I started going to the gym a few times a week, I must have done a million squats in two years.

Dating was always really awkward and uncomfortable for me, so as much as I wanted sex, the anxiety from thinking of going on a date with a stranger was really bad.

Reluctantly, I went on a few dates with matches from dating apps, I only kind of liked one of them but he never texted me back after we went for coffee. The ones that did text me back, it was a hard pass for me.

Finally, shortly after my 22nd birthday, I went on a dinner date with a guy I had been talking with. I liked him, he seemed normal but I was convinced I was too awkward and uncomfortable for him to like me.

But, after our date he asked me to come watch a movie at his apartment! I told myself don't do it, I hardly know him, he could be a creep.

My anxiety-riddled, awkward idiot self almost said no. He lived nearby so we ended up walking about twenty minutes to his apartment. I had butterflies in my stomach the entire walk, the thought of being alone with a guy in private was giving me chills down my spine and between my legs.

We ended up on his couch watching some movie I hardly remember. Ten minutes in he started rubbing my leg, I nervously rubbed his arm.

One thing led to another and we were making out on the couch while I kept repeating in my head, "dont screw this up dont screw this up dont screw this up".

After getting my shirt off, he stood up and grabbed my hand to help me up with him, and pulled me to his bedroom. It was small and a little messy but I didn't care. Standing up at the side of the bed, rubbing and kissing, I got his shirt off and pulled my pants down. He guided me toward the bed.

Still standing he spun me around and began kissing my neck while undoing my bra. With both his hands, he pulled my panties down to my feet and I stepped out of them. I heard him undo his belt and take his pants and boxers off. By now I was so nervous but so excited, I was surprised I hadn't fainted. This was almost the exact scenario I had imagined and fantasized of for years. It seemed like forever while he was still kissing my neck and tracing his fingers down my back, on my bare ass and between my legs.

I was repeating in my head, "please bend me over please bend me over." I then felt one hand on my left hip and his other hand on my upper back. With authority and while pushing with his right hand I hsayd him say, "bend over".

Those were the two best words I had ever heard. To this day thinking of those words gives me chills through my body.

I of course didn't resist and complied immediately. I had watched enough porn and read enough about sex to not look like a total rookie. So there I was, bent over the bed, arms stretched out in front of me and arching my back so my ass is up high. Begging for it with my body, I finally got fucked.