I'd buy you wine and flowers.
I'd take you out for dinner.
I'd take you somewhere ice-skating,
even though I'm a beginner.

I'd get you some posh chocolate
with your favourite choice of filling.
I'd take you to a movie
where that guy you like's top billing.

I'd run a steaming bath for you
with oils, softly scented.
I'd shrug my shoulders and just smile
if you said the car was dented.

I'd read romantic poetry
to you while we're in bed.
I'd finish all the house work
and I'd even paint the shed.

I would make you my sweet valentine.
All this shall come to pass,
if you would just agree
to let me take you up the arse.