I hate you, 
All who are like you. 
So, I keep you close 
In view 
Because that’s where enemies belong. 
That way I can watch 
The clarity of deep green eyes, 
Pupils that dilate and narrow 
With the subtle shift of your smile. 
I shall not be mesmerized 
By the quality of your laugh 
That echoes, 
The vibration of which 
Is feathery 
Like the warmth of your breath, 
The effortless touch 
Of your finger’s tip 
Traveling down my spine.

You have an arsenal full 
Of mere distractions 
I must stay aware of 
--Like the fullness of those lips, 
Moist with the promise 
Of possible… 
Mendacities. 
I will not miss a single extrapolation 
A word, 
A letter, 
A sound 
That may drip from their perfection. 
I will not think about 
The tip of my tongue 
Reaching out to taste 
The sweetness… 
Of what could be lies. 
I will ignore my own palpitations 
When, 
As a last resort, 
You focus on me, 
Having failed to lure me in 
Inadvertently 
As you do the rest.

I shall not be played with 
Like a toy, 
Some doll for you to poke 
At leisure, 
For you to take your time with, 
To tease, 
To nibble, 
To handle with practiced expertise 
As you hover over my flesh. 
Even when thoughts of you 
Invade my sleep 
And I find my hand 
Between my thighs 
With a finger moving rapidly 
Across a nub soaked in wet heat, 
I will force myself to stand my ground. 
When I arch my back 
And grip my own breast, 
Squeezing, 
Nipples thick, 
Hard and aching, 
Tortured by the thought of you, 
I will not call out your name 
In surrender.

I hate you 
Will slip between gritted teeth. 
I’ll fight this feeling 
I have no words for, 
This foreign invasion of the senses 
That you have evoked 
Within me 
With your plotting. 
On the edge of consciousness, 
I will catch my breath, 
Fighting my own body’s weaknesses 
--Only to fail. 
My thighs shaking 
With each repeated jolt 
Of pure pleasure, 
A rapture 
That creeps to conclusion, 
Leaving tears in my eyes, 
My naked body glistening 
With my own sweat 
And needing more.

How can I be so brazen, 
Battling images 
Of how your muscles 
Must lengthen and harden 
With each movement 
When you are bare, 
As you approach me? 
I hate you, 
I whisper in silence 
And expectation, 
Especially on days like this, 
A Valentine’s, 
When people create a mood, 
Mimic intention 
To not be alone. 
You step away from your admirers, 
Release voluntary captives, 
Pulling deep from within your armory 
Once more, 
This last weapon. 
I brace myself 
For battle. 
But my body already knows 
How my mind lies 
And now I am in the trenches. 
There are no more prayers of denial. 
You make your request. 
And, I promise myself 
To maybe hate you 
Next time.

****

©AvrgBlkGrl, 2015.

No part of this material may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, or used in any other fashion without the express prior written permission of the owner. This manuscript is specifically written for Lush Stories.