The meeting with the judge had gone well. Winifred Clark did have some friends at court, and with Nathan backing her efforts the meeting had gone, well, well. This was one trip to the prison that she was actually looking forward to.
She pulled into the spacious fenced in parking area and strode to the gatehouse that led to the inner grounds of the DOC. Admitted, she headed for the hall where inmates met with their family members and sometimes their lawyers. It was more informal than the small rooms lawyers and the police alone could use when privacy was the issue. Privacy was not a requirement today.
She saw him coming toward her through the heavy steel door that separated the inside cell block from the hall.
She stood and smiled as he approached. He had been walking slowly, and he took his seated almost gingerly. He was clearly still feeling some pain as a result of his injuries.
“David, good to see you,” she said. “Have you gotten the news?”
“Yes, this morning. I don’t know how to thank you and Nathan,” he said.
“Okay, but we were just doing our job. But, at any rate, you’ll be out of here in a week’s time. I will alert your family as to that if that’s all right with you,” she said.
He shrugged his tacit approval. “I guess,” he said.
“Well, okay then,” she said.
The two of them talked for some time and made the arrangements for her to pick him up and take him to the half-way house that he’d be required to stay at until he was employed. He was concerned about that. He’d try to get his old job back, but he knew that that one was a long shot since Milton Ferguson had died but a year before and there had never been any love lost between himself and Gerald Ferguson, now the sole owner of Ferguson Bros. Wholesalers. But, he’d try, yes he would.
******
Nathan and Winnie, and yes that’s what I called her anymore, had come through for me. I was finally getting out. Oddly, I was actually fearful about what would be coming next. Who might there be there to greet me, if anyone, when I got out? I didn’t expect anyone; I hadn’t informed anyone that I was getting out, not sure why. I had told Winnie to let them know, but then I’d written her that I’d changed my mind. I wanted to be back in the city before I saw anyone.
Three more days, the screw had told me. I’d be released. I had no place to go except the half-way house. I’d be stuck there until I could find me a job. I had to get a job. Well, it was better than nothing, the halfway house. I was forty-seven years old and twenty pounds lighter than when I went in. Health? So-so, it was relative, I guess.
******
The screw waved to me. He didn’t like me. His Name was Carlos, we’d had words before, he and I. Nothing big, but we didn’t get along. I think he considered me a pansy; I wasn’t, but after the gang rape thing, that’s how he saw me; well, that’s what I thought whether true or not. But anyway, he waved to me. Well, so what.
I felt numb. Not good, not bad, just numb. More than six years gone, almost seven, time lost forever, but my baby was safe. I started walking. I heard the gate slam behind me, but I didn’t turn to see it; I’d seen enough of that damn place to last a lifetime. Even the infirmary, where I’d spent all but the last month and a half of the past four months, was anathema to me.
I’d done all I could for my daughter. It kinda bothered me that she wasn’t here to give me a ride. I wondered if she knew exactly when I was getting out. She shouldn’t have, given my desire as expressed to my lawyer in my letter to her. But well anyway, it was what it was.
I really wanted to be away from there before I saw anybody. I started walking.
It was a two mile walk to the bus stop. The small tube bag I was carrying was not exactly a burden: a change of clothes, a couple of personal items were about it. Oh, and I had two-hundred and fourteen dollars to my name.
I’d figured I’d gone maybe half a mile when I heard the car behind me.
“Hey, cowboy, need a ride,” yelled the driver.
“Lawyer lady,” I said and smiled. “Yeah, I could use one.”
We drove in silence for the first few miles to town. She broke the ice.
“Gotta drop you at the halfway house,” she said.” It’s part of the deal.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. “I’ll get a job and won’t be there for long.” She nodded.
“Yes, that’s the way to be thinking. They have a half way decent placement service there. Anything you’d like to be doing, I mean jobwise?” she said.
“Not really, almost anything. I’m gonna be starting over,” I said. “I just need something to pay the rent so to speak.”
“David, can I ask you something?” she said.
Her tone of voice made me want to say no, but she’d gotten me out sooner rather than later; I owed her.
“Sure,” I said.
“Did you do it?” she said. I gave her a look that had to have been one of shock.
“Next question,” I said, doing my best to let her know I didn’t want to answer her first one.
“Jenna kind of tipped me. She didn’t exactly tell me, but I was able to figure it out from her tone of voice as you might say,” she said.
“Like I said, next question,” I said.
“Okay, okay, I guess you’ve answered me anyway. Someday, you and I will have to talk,” she said. I just stared straight ahead.
We pulled into the lot at the rear of the halfway house and parked. I thanked her for the ride and turned to go; then, I turned back.
“Winnie, forget about what you think you know. Okay?” I said.
“Okay, David, for now, but the time will come when you and I will be talking. Okay?” she said. I just shook my head and went inside to check in.
She’d dropped me at the halfway house. It was well named: it was halfway across town, my town, well the one I was from. She made me promise to call her on Friday, that was three days hence. She waved me goodbye.
I headed inside to check in. Settled into a small, very small cubicle of a room with no lock on the door. I decided to sleep, and I did.
Over the next few days I met with the in-house psychologist, then the warden, he called himself the manager. After those meetings and a half day orientation, I was more or less on my own; I made plans to go job hunting. I had to have a job within the next six months; that was the limit on my right to free room and board.
******
I’d been out a week before I finally got up the nerve to try to get my old job back. I had gone to see the man, and he wouldn’t even grant me the courtesy of a meeting with him. The secretary, his secretary, was tasked with letting me know that I was essentially persona non grata. Well, I’d kinda figured that he’d turn me down. I knew the man and he was most definitely not my pal, never had been.
I was sitting on the steps of the house moping when a shadow interposed itself between me and the late afternoon sun. I looked up.
Man, she sure did look beautiful. The woman would always be that to me. “Stacey!”
“Yes, it’s me, can’t fool you,” she said. She was smiling, sort of.
“Yeah, I guess not,” I said.
“You know you could’ve let us know you were out,” she said. Her tone was reproving.
“I was going to, just wanted to be settled in and employed before I came around.
“Can I ask . . .” I started.
“She’s fine. I know she’ll want to see you as soon as you’re willing, ready,” she said. I nodded.
“Okay,” I said. “I should be able to find a job pretty soon. Then, like I say . . .”
“That’s part of why I’m here, David. If you’re amenable, we, Ronald and I would like to offer you a job. You’d be able to get out of here and start over. I mean if you’d be amenable to us helping you out a little,” she said.
I’d turned them down every way I could before, mainly because I hated him so much. But now? I frowned.
“No, I don’t think so. Working for him, for you? No, I don’t think so. It wouldn’t work,” I said.
“David, please. It’s time to let it all go,” she said.
“No, I have to do for myself. I’ll be fine. I do want to see my daughter, but no, I don’t need any handouts from him. Not ever from him,” I said.
“David, this bitterness has to die. It has to. Yes, we did you wrong. But . . .”
“I said no,” I said. She shook her head.
“Okay, the offer’s open and will remain so. I hope you change your mind,” she said. And, then she was gone, a few standard words of goodbye and she was gone.
******
I was finally able to land a job, nothing to write home about, but it paid three bills a week and I was allowed to use a little room the place had in the back to shack up in. The Hard Hat Bar and Grill needed a janitor and a part time security guard for the wee smalls, so I took the job. Sleeping in the back guaranteed that there’d be security if here were any more attempted break-ins; there’d been a few over the previous year, and Arnold McCaffrey, the owner wanted to put an end to those happenstances. Arnie had spent a little time in the joint too, burglary when he was a lot younger. Hence, my free place of residence in my off hours.
******
“He wouldn’t take it,” he said. The question was rhetorical.
“No, he’s still bitter. This is beyond belief actually. I just don’t know what the man wants. I mean what it would take to get him to lighten up,” said Stacey.
“Trying to get him to accept His uncle-hood was a mistake,” said Ronald. “I think that that is what drove him from us even more than anything else.” She nodded.
“I guess,” she said. “He will never forgive us for that. But, really, I think it was more the whole thing. I mean the divorce, your paternity, and of course as you say the uncle-hood thing. That last was just the final straw for him.”
“Yeah, I suppose your right,” he said.
“I did tell him the door, I mean the job, would remain open to him if he changes his mind,” she said.
“Good, I guess that that is the best we can do,” he said.
“He wants to see her,” she said.
“Yes, I can imagine. Does she even know he’s out?” he said.
“I haven’t told her. Heck, we didn’t even know ourselves till the day before yesterday. So no, I don’t think she knows. I guess we should call her and let her know and how to contact him. If we don’t, we risk looking like the bad guys in it all,” she said.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right about that too,” he said.
CHAPTER THIRTY 2013
Settled in, I guess you could say that’s what I was, felt good to me. I was actually getting a little better than minimum wage at the HH, nine bucks an hour, and I got breakfast and dinner included in the deal. And the food was a whole lot better than at state.
I had people to see of course, chief among them was Jenna. I needed to talk to her about keeping up the fiction we’d created between us that almost seven years ago now. That figured to be no problem unless there was something I was not privy to. Yes, Winnie had apparently pretty much figured it out, but she was the only one and I was more than confident of her keeping my confidence, and Jenna’s of course. Then I got the visitor I really didn’t want to see, Ronald Carter.
“Got a minute, bro,” said the voice behind me that I immediately recognized. I turned to face him.
“For you? No,” I said. I turned back away and continued wringing out the mop I’d just brought out to clean up the mess somebody’d left near the rear entrance way.
“Please, David. Cut me some slack here. I’ll only take a minute or two of your time, and then I’ll leave you alone if you want,” he said.
Figuring he was not going to leave me alone if I didn’t hear him out, I turned back to him once more.
“Whaddya want, asshole? You took my wife away from me, tried to take my kid away too, and pretty much ruined my life; so what is it do you think that I want to have to do with you,” I said.
“David, yes, I guess you have a gripe when it comes to me taking Stacey away from you, but you haven’t lost your daughter, our daughter; nor did I ruin your life. You did the latter yourself when you killed those three bums,” he said.
“Whatever,” I said. “So what do you want? I’m working and I don’t have time for the one I hate most in the world.”
“Hate is a strong word, David. Really,” he said.
“Let me put it this way, Ronald Carter, ex-brother. Inside I was raped numerous times. Beat up even more than that. And, compared with you, I love those guys. Yeah, hate’s a strong word, do yuh think! And, get this, I hate you!” I said, “And I always will.”
“David, I came here to offer you a deal,” he said.
“Don’t want it,” I said. “Now, you can leave.”
“Hear me out. Okay?” he said.
“What! I’m busy,” I said.
“How does fifty grand annual sound to you?” he said.
“Money? A job? Fuck you,” I said. “Stacey was worth way more than that to me. Tell her that. Maybe it’ll make her feel bad about dumping me for a player like you,” I said.
“Man you are something for damn sure,” he said.
“I didn’t ask you to come here and offer me money as some kind of consolation prize. I never want to see your ugly face again. Do I make myself clear?” I said.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said.
“Fuck you and fuck off, asshole. You wanna do me a favor just get lost and stay lost! That’s all I’m ever going to ask of you.”
The man nodded and left. I think he was feeling down, but who knew. What I was pretty sure of was the likely fact that he would henceforth be leaving me alone. Well, I could hope.
The next days were busy for me. Well, I was setting up my new life. Bank account, driver’s license, even though I didn’t have a car anymore, and a few other things along the same lines. I was almost ready to make the tour.
Then I got the visitor that I did want to see, my daughter.
God she was pretty. Just like her momma, I mean just like her. I was so proud and so glad that I’d been able to step up to protect her. If I never did anything else worth a damn in my life that would be enough, I thought, as I watched her stride purposefully toward me.
“Daddy!” she cried as she got close. She nearly crushed me with her hug. “Are you okay? Momma told me, just an hour ago, that you were out. I’d have been here sooner, but your place, this place was a little hard to find.”
“Yes, I’m fine baby. Really fine, now I see you,” I said.
“Daddy, I’m going to be married soon. You’ve got to walk me down the aisle too,” she said.
Huh?” I said.
“Yes, you know. I sent you a picture of my man. We’re getting married three weeks from next Saturday,” she said. “I’m just glad you’re out and can be there for the ceremony.” Another hug and another near thing breath-wise.
“Uh-okay,” I said. “But . . . “
“Yes, you and daddy Ronald can walk me down the aisle together, Okay!” she said, brightly.
My mood darkened. I thought fast. “No, I can’t be there. I’m working,” I said. “Uh-wish I could.
“We’ll get together one of these days,” I said. “But, I have to get back to work now. A guy like me needs to stay on the good side of the boss, you understand. Right?” I said.
“But, it’s my wedding day!” she said.
“Well you’ve got him to walk you down the aisle, so that should be a winner for you,” I said. “Anyway, I’ve got to get back to it. See you later.” I rushed off before she could see me break up. I could feel my eyes already clouding up.
The bitterness I felt toward that man was now so far beyond the pale that all I could think of was dying or maybe killing him and then dying.
I was out and on Parole. It was a loose parole as such things went, but I couldn’t leave the state, and moving any significant distance away from them all was gonna be problematical. But, I knew I had to find a different job and a different place to stay. I didn’t want to be found. Oh, I knew his money could find me if he decided to go that way, but I was more than confident that I was going to be proof to that. He’d get his way now, the kid was his, clearly. He’d made inroads with her while I was inside and Jenna had allowed it. Share her? Walk her down the aisle with him! When it froze where the devil lived!
I quit my new job and headed out into the night. My tube bag was full and I had three hundred and nineteen dollars in my pocket. Hell, I was flush and fancy free.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE 2013
“Honey, how did he act? I mean was he angry? What?” said Stacey.
“No. He just acted kind of strange,” said Jenna.
“You know with everything going on. I mean him getting out and all; it didn’t even occur to me that he might not want to, well, you know, share you on your wedding day,” said Stacey.
“Share me? What share me? He’s my dad! Daddy Ron is my dad too! What share me are you talking about,” said Jenna.
“Honey, you know exactly what I’m talking about. When you came to live with us after the divorce, well, your dad just couldn’t get over it. Never has. That he essentially abandoned you by killing those men and going to prison for it, well . . .
“Anyway, your daddy Ron, has been there for you. Not so much your daddy David. Daddy David has to get that and understand that his brother, your daddy Ron, deserves to be there for you. He should not be cut out of your life because David Carter is bitter,” said Stacey. “Frankly I’m kind of angry with my ex-husband for his intransigence.”
“But . . .” started Jenna.
“I know he’s suffered, but he deserved his punishment and he needs to get over his pique and understand that your daddy Ron has earned the right to be by your side on your wedding day,” said Stacey. “Heck, your daddy David should feel honored that you are allowing him to share the day with your daddy Ron.”
Suddenly, the younger of the two women burst into sobbing and ran from the room.
******
“What in the heck is going on, Stacey,” said Ronald Carter. “I have a job to take care of, a business. I can’t be running in and out of the shop every time that girl of ours has a hissy fit. Please have her come downstairs. I, we, need to talk to her. This is the living end!”
“Yes, I think that it is time,” said Stacey.
Ronald Carter could hear the uproar upstairs and was glad he was downstairs. It was some twenty minutes later that a clearly chastened Stacey descended those stairs. She was as pale as she had ever been. Entering the dinette area, where her more than impatient husband had stationed himself, she turned to face him. The far off look in her eyes frightened the big man.
“Stacey?” he said.
“Oh my,” she said, quietly. She threw a dirty dress onto the couch beside where he was standing.
“Stacey? What?” he said. She shook her head clearly not wanting to talk but needing to.
“Ronald . . .” she started and stopped. She began to cry, silently cry.
“Ron, he’s not s killer. He’s a hero,” she said.
“Huh?” What are you talking about,” said Ronald Carter.
“He didn’t kill those men, Ron, she did!” she said, and now the sobbing wouldn’t be, couldn’t be, stopped. She pointed to the dress. “It’s the proof. David told her to burn it, but she didn’t; she kept it. It’s undoubtedly covered in GSR. Ron, David took the fall for our baby! My God what are we going to do!”
“Stacey, what are you talking about,” he said. He’d understood her, but the reality of what she’d said was not believable, not close to believable.
“She killed them, Ron. She killed them. David took the fall for her. She called him to come and he came. He saw the horror, and he made her let him take the fall for her. My fucking wimpy-assed-no good-in-bed-whiny-pretty much-useless ex-husband saved her. I mean saved her! God damn him for it! How am I or you either, ever going to make things right by him! How! Tell me how! How fucking how!” she all but screamed.
The man across from her slumped to the floor. He sat straight legged on the floor his back against the teak wood credenza.
For her part, Stacey Carter went to her knees beside him. Both cried. Speech, thought, action nothing was possible at that moment but pain and tears.
******
The three of them stared at each other across the dinette table. Jenna looked up. There was an actual pool of wet, tears wet, on the wooden surface in front of her.
“Mom, dad, I don’t know what to say. Everything is so mixed up. I mean my wedding, my future husband, my dad . . .” she said.
“Jenna, your dad did what he did for you because he loves you. He’s a hero, our hero. Oh, and make no mistake, we love you too. That said, you need to keep your promise to him. That means no one, and I mean no one, is to know what happened that day, what really happened. We will do our very best and more to make things right by our David, but no matter what else, the happenings of that day must never be spoken of again. Never!” said Ronald Carter, “not even among ourselves.”
“Jenna, as far as your wedding and your husband are concerned; well, that’s up to you. Your father here and I will support anything you decide, but for what it’s worth, James, your intended should not be told. It may be that he could handle it, but then again; well, maybe not. This, thing, has got to remain one of those family secrets that can never be brought to light; there is no possible upside to doing so.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO 2013
I caught myself starting to laugh. I mean laugh? I’d been screwed over by everybody in sight and I wanted to laugh. Why? Because of the impossible incongruity of it all. I was more than certain that the lot of them wanted to be nice to me. But their condescending gift giving, privilege granting efforts were so insulting that it was laughable! Hence my impulse, my almost irresistible need to laugh. Such of course would be followed by the equally strong urge to cry. Well, it was what it was. Yes indeed.
Creature of habit that I was, I found myself doing the same thing I’d been doing when last I was employed. I was in Tucson. Poindexter’s, a sawdust joint with a nice bar and a piss poor grill, catered to wannabe cowboys. On Friday and Saturday nights there was live music, all Country Western of course—I was still in Arizona—and the hoofers worked off a whole lot of calories trying to out shine each other.
My shift was five in the Morning to noon. Mostly clean up and fill up: cleaning up the place and filling up the vending machines and the beer taps. Poindexter’s opened at noon for lunch and the early bar flies, and closed uniformly at one in the morning seven days a week. Like the HH in Phoenix I had a small room in the back which suited me just fine.
I spent most of my time either sleeping or working. Oh, and thinking about my ex-family. I wasn’t overly sentimental about it, them. I did miss Aunt Delia, the rest of them not so much; I hoped she was all right.
She pulled into the spacious fenced in parking area and strode to the gatehouse that led to the inner grounds of the DOC. Admitted, she headed for the hall where inmates met with their family members and sometimes their lawyers. It was more informal than the small rooms lawyers and the police alone could use when privacy was the issue. Privacy was not a requirement today.
She saw him coming toward her through the heavy steel door that separated the inside cell block from the hall.
She stood and smiled as he approached. He had been walking slowly, and he took his seated almost gingerly. He was clearly still feeling some pain as a result of his injuries.
“David, good to see you,” she said. “Have you gotten the news?”
“Yes, this morning. I don’t know how to thank you and Nathan,” he said.
“Okay, but we were just doing our job. But, at any rate, you’ll be out of here in a week’s time. I will alert your family as to that if that’s all right with you,” she said.
He shrugged his tacit approval. “I guess,” he said.
“Well, okay then,” she said.
The two of them talked for some time and made the arrangements for her to pick him up and take him to the half-way house that he’d be required to stay at until he was employed. He was concerned about that. He’d try to get his old job back, but he knew that that one was a long shot since Milton Ferguson had died but a year before and there had never been any love lost between himself and Gerald Ferguson, now the sole owner of Ferguson Bros. Wholesalers. But, he’d try, yes he would.
******
Nathan and Winnie, and yes that’s what I called her anymore, had come through for me. I was finally getting out. Oddly, I was actually fearful about what would be coming next. Who might there be there to greet me, if anyone, when I got out? I didn’t expect anyone; I hadn’t informed anyone that I was getting out, not sure why. I had told Winnie to let them know, but then I’d written her that I’d changed my mind. I wanted to be back in the city before I saw anyone.
Three more days, the screw had told me. I’d be released. I had no place to go except the half-way house. I’d be stuck there until I could find me a job. I had to get a job. Well, it was better than nothing, the halfway house. I was forty-seven years old and twenty pounds lighter than when I went in. Health? So-so, it was relative, I guess.
******
The screw waved to me. He didn’t like me. His Name was Carlos, we’d had words before, he and I. Nothing big, but we didn’t get along. I think he considered me a pansy; I wasn’t, but after the gang rape thing, that’s how he saw me; well, that’s what I thought whether true or not. But anyway, he waved to me. Well, so what.
I felt numb. Not good, not bad, just numb. More than six years gone, almost seven, time lost forever, but my baby was safe. I started walking. I heard the gate slam behind me, but I didn’t turn to see it; I’d seen enough of that damn place to last a lifetime. Even the infirmary, where I’d spent all but the last month and a half of the past four months, was anathema to me.
I’d done all I could for my daughter. It kinda bothered me that she wasn’t here to give me a ride. I wondered if she knew exactly when I was getting out. She shouldn’t have, given my desire as expressed to my lawyer in my letter to her. But well anyway, it was what it was.
I really wanted to be away from there before I saw anybody. I started walking.
It was a two mile walk to the bus stop. The small tube bag I was carrying was not exactly a burden: a change of clothes, a couple of personal items were about it. Oh, and I had two-hundred and fourteen dollars to my name.
I’d figured I’d gone maybe half a mile when I heard the car behind me.
“Hey, cowboy, need a ride,” yelled the driver.
“Lawyer lady,” I said and smiled. “Yeah, I could use one.”
We drove in silence for the first few miles to town. She broke the ice.
“Gotta drop you at the halfway house,” she said.” It’s part of the deal.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. “I’ll get a job and won’t be there for long.” She nodded.
“Yes, that’s the way to be thinking. They have a half way decent placement service there. Anything you’d like to be doing, I mean jobwise?” she said.
“Not really, almost anything. I’m gonna be starting over,” I said. “I just need something to pay the rent so to speak.”
“David, can I ask you something?” she said.
Her tone of voice made me want to say no, but she’d gotten me out sooner rather than later; I owed her.
“Sure,” I said.
“Did you do it?” she said. I gave her a look that had to have been one of shock.
“Next question,” I said, doing my best to let her know I didn’t want to answer her first one.
“Jenna kind of tipped me. She didn’t exactly tell me, but I was able to figure it out from her tone of voice as you might say,” she said.
“Like I said, next question,” I said.
“Okay, okay, I guess you’ve answered me anyway. Someday, you and I will have to talk,” she said. I just stared straight ahead.
We pulled into the lot at the rear of the halfway house and parked. I thanked her for the ride and turned to go; then, I turned back.
“Winnie, forget about what you think you know. Okay?” I said.
“Okay, David, for now, but the time will come when you and I will be talking. Okay?” she said. I just shook my head and went inside to check in.
She’d dropped me at the halfway house. It was well named: it was halfway across town, my town, well the one I was from. She made me promise to call her on Friday, that was three days hence. She waved me goodbye.
I headed inside to check in. Settled into a small, very small cubicle of a room with no lock on the door. I decided to sleep, and I did.
Over the next few days I met with the in-house psychologist, then the warden, he called himself the manager. After those meetings and a half day orientation, I was more or less on my own; I made plans to go job hunting. I had to have a job within the next six months; that was the limit on my right to free room and board.
******
I’d been out a week before I finally got up the nerve to try to get my old job back. I had gone to see the man, and he wouldn’t even grant me the courtesy of a meeting with him. The secretary, his secretary, was tasked with letting me know that I was essentially persona non grata. Well, I’d kinda figured that he’d turn me down. I knew the man and he was most definitely not my pal, never had been.
I was sitting on the steps of the house moping when a shadow interposed itself between me and the late afternoon sun. I looked up.
Man, she sure did look beautiful. The woman would always be that to me. “Stacey!”
“Yes, it’s me, can’t fool you,” she said. She was smiling, sort of.
“Yeah, I guess not,” I said.
“You know you could’ve let us know you were out,” she said. Her tone was reproving.
“I was going to, just wanted to be settled in and employed before I came around.
“Can I ask . . .” I started.
“She’s fine. I know she’ll want to see you as soon as you’re willing, ready,” she said. I nodded.
“Okay,” I said. “I should be able to find a job pretty soon. Then, like I say . . .”
“That’s part of why I’m here, David. If you’re amenable, we, Ronald and I would like to offer you a job. You’d be able to get out of here and start over. I mean if you’d be amenable to us helping you out a little,” she said.
I’d turned them down every way I could before, mainly because I hated him so much. But now? I frowned.
“No, I don’t think so. Working for him, for you? No, I don’t think so. It wouldn’t work,” I said.
“David, please. It’s time to let it all go,” she said.
“No, I have to do for myself. I’ll be fine. I do want to see my daughter, but no, I don’t need any handouts from him. Not ever from him,” I said.
“David, this bitterness has to die. It has to. Yes, we did you wrong. But . . .”
“I said no,” I said. She shook her head.
“Okay, the offer’s open and will remain so. I hope you change your mind,” she said. And, then she was gone, a few standard words of goodbye and she was gone.
******
I was finally able to land a job, nothing to write home about, but it paid three bills a week and I was allowed to use a little room the place had in the back to shack up in. The Hard Hat Bar and Grill needed a janitor and a part time security guard for the wee smalls, so I took the job. Sleeping in the back guaranteed that there’d be security if here were any more attempted break-ins; there’d been a few over the previous year, and Arnold McCaffrey, the owner wanted to put an end to those happenstances. Arnie had spent a little time in the joint too, burglary when he was a lot younger. Hence, my free place of residence in my off hours.
******
“He wouldn’t take it,” he said. The question was rhetorical.
“No, he’s still bitter. This is beyond belief actually. I just don’t know what the man wants. I mean what it would take to get him to lighten up,” said Stacey.
“Trying to get him to accept His uncle-hood was a mistake,” said Ronald. “I think that that is what drove him from us even more than anything else.” She nodded.
“I guess,” she said. “He will never forgive us for that. But, really, I think it was more the whole thing. I mean the divorce, your paternity, and of course as you say the uncle-hood thing. That last was just the final straw for him.”
“Yeah, I suppose your right,” he said.
“I did tell him the door, I mean the job, would remain open to him if he changes his mind,” she said.
“Good, I guess that that is the best we can do,” he said.
“He wants to see her,” she said.
“Yes, I can imagine. Does she even know he’s out?” he said.
“I haven’t told her. Heck, we didn’t even know ourselves till the day before yesterday. So no, I don’t think she knows. I guess we should call her and let her know and how to contact him. If we don’t, we risk looking like the bad guys in it all,” she said.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right about that too,” he said.
CHAPTER THIRTY 2013
Settled in, I guess you could say that’s what I was, felt good to me. I was actually getting a little better than minimum wage at the HH, nine bucks an hour, and I got breakfast and dinner included in the deal. And the food was a whole lot better than at state.
I had people to see of course, chief among them was Jenna. I needed to talk to her about keeping up the fiction we’d created between us that almost seven years ago now. That figured to be no problem unless there was something I was not privy to. Yes, Winnie had apparently pretty much figured it out, but she was the only one and I was more than confident of her keeping my confidence, and Jenna’s of course. Then I got the visitor I really didn’t want to see, Ronald Carter.
“Got a minute, bro,” said the voice behind me that I immediately recognized. I turned to face him.
“For you? No,” I said. I turned back away and continued wringing out the mop I’d just brought out to clean up the mess somebody’d left near the rear entrance way.
“Please, David. Cut me some slack here. I’ll only take a minute or two of your time, and then I’ll leave you alone if you want,” he said.
Figuring he was not going to leave me alone if I didn’t hear him out, I turned back to him once more.
“Whaddya want, asshole? You took my wife away from me, tried to take my kid away too, and pretty much ruined my life; so what is it do you think that I want to have to do with you,” I said.
“David, yes, I guess you have a gripe when it comes to me taking Stacey away from you, but you haven’t lost your daughter, our daughter; nor did I ruin your life. You did the latter yourself when you killed those three bums,” he said.
“Whatever,” I said. “So what do you want? I’m working and I don’t have time for the one I hate most in the world.”
“Hate is a strong word, David. Really,” he said.
“Let me put it this way, Ronald Carter, ex-brother. Inside I was raped numerous times. Beat up even more than that. And, compared with you, I love those guys. Yeah, hate’s a strong word, do yuh think! And, get this, I hate you!” I said, “And I always will.”
“David, I came here to offer you a deal,” he said.
“Don’t want it,” I said. “Now, you can leave.”
“Hear me out. Okay?” he said.
“What! I’m busy,” I said.
“How does fifty grand annual sound to you?” he said.
“Money? A job? Fuck you,” I said. “Stacey was worth way more than that to me. Tell her that. Maybe it’ll make her feel bad about dumping me for a player like you,” I said.
“Man you are something for damn sure,” he said.
“I didn’t ask you to come here and offer me money as some kind of consolation prize. I never want to see your ugly face again. Do I make myself clear?” I said.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said.
“Fuck you and fuck off, asshole. You wanna do me a favor just get lost and stay lost! That’s all I’m ever going to ask of you.”
The man nodded and left. I think he was feeling down, but who knew. What I was pretty sure of was the likely fact that he would henceforth be leaving me alone. Well, I could hope.
The next days were busy for me. Well, I was setting up my new life. Bank account, driver’s license, even though I didn’t have a car anymore, and a few other things along the same lines. I was almost ready to make the tour.
Then I got the visitor that I did want to see, my daughter.
God she was pretty. Just like her momma, I mean just like her. I was so proud and so glad that I’d been able to step up to protect her. If I never did anything else worth a damn in my life that would be enough, I thought, as I watched her stride purposefully toward me.
“Daddy!” she cried as she got close. She nearly crushed me with her hug. “Are you okay? Momma told me, just an hour ago, that you were out. I’d have been here sooner, but your place, this place was a little hard to find.”
“Yes, I’m fine baby. Really fine, now I see you,” I said.
“Daddy, I’m going to be married soon. You’ve got to walk me down the aisle too,” she said.
Huh?” I said.
“Yes, you know. I sent you a picture of my man. We’re getting married three weeks from next Saturday,” she said. “I’m just glad you’re out and can be there for the ceremony.” Another hug and another near thing breath-wise.
“Uh-okay,” I said. “But . . . “
“Yes, you and daddy Ronald can walk me down the aisle together, Okay!” she said, brightly.
My mood darkened. I thought fast. “No, I can’t be there. I’m working,” I said. “Uh-wish I could.
“We’ll get together one of these days,” I said. “But, I have to get back to work now. A guy like me needs to stay on the good side of the boss, you understand. Right?” I said.
“But, it’s my wedding day!” she said.
“Well you’ve got him to walk you down the aisle, so that should be a winner for you,” I said. “Anyway, I’ve got to get back to it. See you later.” I rushed off before she could see me break up. I could feel my eyes already clouding up.
The bitterness I felt toward that man was now so far beyond the pale that all I could think of was dying or maybe killing him and then dying.
I was out and on Parole. It was a loose parole as such things went, but I couldn’t leave the state, and moving any significant distance away from them all was gonna be problematical. But, I knew I had to find a different job and a different place to stay. I didn’t want to be found. Oh, I knew his money could find me if he decided to go that way, but I was more than confident that I was going to be proof to that. He’d get his way now, the kid was his, clearly. He’d made inroads with her while I was inside and Jenna had allowed it. Share her? Walk her down the aisle with him! When it froze where the devil lived!
I quit my new job and headed out into the night. My tube bag was full and I had three hundred and nineteen dollars in my pocket. Hell, I was flush and fancy free.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE 2013
“Honey, how did he act? I mean was he angry? What?” said Stacey.
“No. He just acted kind of strange,” said Jenna.
“You know with everything going on. I mean him getting out and all; it didn’t even occur to me that he might not want to, well, you know, share you on your wedding day,” said Stacey.
“Share me? What share me? He’s my dad! Daddy Ron is my dad too! What share me are you talking about,” said Jenna.
“Honey, you know exactly what I’m talking about. When you came to live with us after the divorce, well, your dad just couldn’t get over it. Never has. That he essentially abandoned you by killing those men and going to prison for it, well . . .
“Anyway, your daddy Ron, has been there for you. Not so much your daddy David. Daddy David has to get that and understand that his brother, your daddy Ron, deserves to be there for you. He should not be cut out of your life because David Carter is bitter,” said Stacey. “Frankly I’m kind of angry with my ex-husband for his intransigence.”
“But . . .” started Jenna.
“I know he’s suffered, but he deserved his punishment and he needs to get over his pique and understand that your daddy Ron has earned the right to be by your side on your wedding day,” said Stacey. “Heck, your daddy David should feel honored that you are allowing him to share the day with your daddy Ron.”
Suddenly, the younger of the two women burst into sobbing and ran from the room.
******
“What in the heck is going on, Stacey,” said Ronald Carter. “I have a job to take care of, a business. I can’t be running in and out of the shop every time that girl of ours has a hissy fit. Please have her come downstairs. I, we, need to talk to her. This is the living end!”
“Yes, I think that it is time,” said Stacey.
Ronald Carter could hear the uproar upstairs and was glad he was downstairs. It was some twenty minutes later that a clearly chastened Stacey descended those stairs. She was as pale as she had ever been. Entering the dinette area, where her more than impatient husband had stationed himself, she turned to face him. The far off look in her eyes frightened the big man.
“Stacey?” he said.
“Oh my,” she said, quietly. She threw a dirty dress onto the couch beside where he was standing.
“Stacey? What?” he said. She shook her head clearly not wanting to talk but needing to.
“Ronald . . .” she started and stopped. She began to cry, silently cry.
“Ron, he’s not s killer. He’s a hero,” she said.
“Huh?” What are you talking about,” said Ronald Carter.
“He didn’t kill those men, Ron, she did!” she said, and now the sobbing wouldn’t be, couldn’t be, stopped. She pointed to the dress. “It’s the proof. David told her to burn it, but she didn’t; she kept it. It’s undoubtedly covered in GSR. Ron, David took the fall for our baby! My God what are we going to do!”
“Stacey, what are you talking about,” he said. He’d understood her, but the reality of what she’d said was not believable, not close to believable.
“She killed them, Ron. She killed them. David took the fall for her. She called him to come and he came. He saw the horror, and he made her let him take the fall for her. My fucking wimpy-assed-no good-in-bed-whiny-pretty much-useless ex-husband saved her. I mean saved her! God damn him for it! How am I or you either, ever going to make things right by him! How! Tell me how! How fucking how!” she all but screamed.
The man across from her slumped to the floor. He sat straight legged on the floor his back against the teak wood credenza.
For her part, Stacey Carter went to her knees beside him. Both cried. Speech, thought, action nothing was possible at that moment but pain and tears.
******
The three of them stared at each other across the dinette table. Jenna looked up. There was an actual pool of wet, tears wet, on the wooden surface in front of her.
“Mom, dad, I don’t know what to say. Everything is so mixed up. I mean my wedding, my future husband, my dad . . .” she said.
“Jenna, your dad did what he did for you because he loves you. He’s a hero, our hero. Oh, and make no mistake, we love you too. That said, you need to keep your promise to him. That means no one, and I mean no one, is to know what happened that day, what really happened. We will do our very best and more to make things right by our David, but no matter what else, the happenings of that day must never be spoken of again. Never!” said Ronald Carter, “not even among ourselves.”
“Jenna, as far as your wedding and your husband are concerned; well, that’s up to you. Your father here and I will support anything you decide, but for what it’s worth, James, your intended should not be told. It may be that he could handle it, but then again; well, maybe not. This, thing, has got to remain one of those family secrets that can never be brought to light; there is no possible upside to doing so.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO 2013
I caught myself starting to laugh. I mean laugh? I’d been screwed over by everybody in sight and I wanted to laugh. Why? Because of the impossible incongruity of it all. I was more than certain that the lot of them wanted to be nice to me. But their condescending gift giving, privilege granting efforts were so insulting that it was laughable! Hence my impulse, my almost irresistible need to laugh. Such of course would be followed by the equally strong urge to cry. Well, it was what it was. Yes indeed.
Creature of habit that I was, I found myself doing the same thing I’d been doing when last I was employed. I was in Tucson. Poindexter’s, a sawdust joint with a nice bar and a piss poor grill, catered to wannabe cowboys. On Friday and Saturday nights there was live music, all Country Western of course—I was still in Arizona—and the hoofers worked off a whole lot of calories trying to out shine each other.
My shift was five in the Morning to noon. Mostly clean up and fill up: cleaning up the place and filling up the vending machines and the beer taps. Poindexter’s opened at noon for lunch and the early bar flies, and closed uniformly at one in the morning seven days a week. Like the HH in Phoenix I had a small room in the back which suited me just fine.
I spent most of my time either sleeping or working. Oh, and thinking about my ex-family. I wasn’t overly sentimental about it, them. I did miss Aunt Delia, the rest of them not so much; I hoped she was all right.

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I wonder what they’d told her about my reason for cutting country.
I’d made the decision to pick up the pieces of my life and get on with things. Fifty-one years old and starting over—again!
My lawyer, had been able to get me a change of venue per my parole: I could move to anywhere I wanted in the state and I’d be okay. An added benefit as a result of her efforts was that I would have finished my parole after one more year of keeping my nose clean. Of course I did ask that she keep my whereabouts on the quiet.
Tucson was a nice town. It was a hundred miles away from my erstwhile family. I had no illusions about that though, my brother could find me, I was sure, if he really wanted to, find out where I was: money talks as they say. But, I was more than confident that he wouldn’t bother. And for more than a year I was right; and then, I wasn’t.
******
“How did you find out where he was?” said Stacey.
“Just went and asked his probation officer, the old one, to check for me. I wasn’t sure about doing it. I mean my erstwhile brother clearly doesn’t want to be found. But, like you, I really need to talk to the guy,” said Ronald.
“You think he’ll listen,” she said. He shrugged.
“It’s been a year. Oh, and I also found out that he’s not on parole anymore. He can go anywhere that suits him now. But, he is still in state, in Tucson. I have to think he’s missing Jenna, and maybe Aunt Delia if no one else,” he said. “That might be why he hasn’t moved all that far.”
“A year? Has it been that long?” she said. She went pensive on him. “We’ll need to be bearing gifts or ideas or something other than our good looks to get him to give us a sympathetic hearing.”
“Well, Jenna did postpone her wedding until he can be found. And, James sure didn’t like that much, but he has hung in there waiting for her to get her act together,” he said. “When our David hears about that maybe he’ll come around, walk her down the aisle and cut us a tiny bit of slack. I mean we gotta try.” She nodded.
“I guess,” she said. “When are you planning for us to go there? I mean it is a hundred miles away.”
“Next weekend, I have that doctor’s appointment on Monday, and some business to take care of during the week. Bu after that . . .
I’ll be offering him a job again too. I’ll let him write his own ticket this time. After all he’s been through; setting limits seems like a real loser. I just hope he doesn’t ask for you to divorce me and remarry him. I’d rather he ask for half the kingdom if you get my drift,” he said.
“After all I’ve done to him, I sincerely doubt that he’ll be asking me to come back to him,” she said.
“Don’t be so sure. He likely won’t ask, but it’s what he wants; I know it,” he said. She snickered.
“Yeah, right!” she said.
******
Well, it was Friday night and Poindexter’s was crowded and busy. Tucson, I’d figured, was made to order for me; it was far away from them. But, as it turned out, not far away enough.
I’d taken a seat at the end of the bar to watch the action on the dance floor. A dozen couples were hoofing it. They were one of the couples, my ex-wife and my ex-brother. So, they’d found me. They hadn’t seen me yet. I could’ve just gotten the hell out of there and moved again. But, I decided not to. I’d talk to them, and send the message that I just didn’t want them to bother me anymore. I wondered if they knew the truth about Jenna and me. I figured it was six to five and pick ‘em that they did. Well, I’d soon know.
The song ended and they headed for the table they’d set up shop at. I signaled LeAnn, the floor girl delivering drinks to the populace to come over.
“Whatcha got, David?” she said. “Need another one of those?” she said pointing to my beer.
“No, but deliver another round of whatever they’re having to them over there,” I said, “on me.” She gave me a look and went to do my bidding.
I sat and watched as LeAnn delivered my offering. Stacey’s head snapped around to spot me when LeAnn nodded in my direction. Her expression was at first a small smile then a question. My ex-brother was already out of his seat and coming toward me.
“Can I assume that we’re not persona non grata, I mean you buying us those Martinis?” he said.
“What are you here for, Ronald?” I said, not answering his question. “Having fun I hope.” Okay, I was being snide.
“Oh, the dancing,” he said. He seemed to realize that the image of him melded tight to my ex-wife’s body might have been kind of in my face. “No, no, no. We were just killing time. I liked the song is all. Really.”
“Yeah, whatever. But why are you here, and her. I can’t believe you came all this way just rub my nose in it,” I said.”
“David, nobody’s rubbing your nose in it. My God we’re not. But, anyway, to answer your question, we came for a couple of reasons; but would you be okay with joining us so we could talk. I mean at our table over there,” he said. I looked over to where my ex-wife was watching us closely.
“Okay, for a minute or two, I guess,” I said. Well, I was curious about his couple of reasons. Also, I needed to know if they knew that which they shouldn’t know about.
I grabbed my beer and indicated that he should lead the way. I could see Stacey sag back in her seat in tentative relief if that would be the way to say it.
He took his seat next to her and motioned me to sit as well. For some reason I felt strange, not mad or upset necessarily, but strange that he was sitting next to her instead of me. It seemed unnatural in spite of all of the time since the break up and my time in prison and all of it.
I sat. “So?” I said. He looked meaningfully over at his wife.
“It’s good to see you, David. Really good to see you, really,” she said. I shrugged in my seat.
“You look good,” I said, “very pretty.” She flushed.
“Thank you. You looked good too,” she said. I didn’t snicker.
“A couple of reasons?” I said looking back at my ex-brother.
“Yes,” he said. “But, if I may,” he said. I waited for him to go on. It was my silent signal for him to do so.
“Okay, can I ask why you just disappeared from the radar, what, more than a year ago?” he said.
I decided to not mince words, to be up front about my reason for cutting country.
“I left over my humiliation at being an afterthought when Jenna told me I had to share walking her down the aisle with you. But, can I ask, how is my ex-daughter,” I said. Well, I was still bitter about what I saw as a slap in the face after the sacrifice I made for her, all the love I’d shown her.
“What! Huh?” said Stacey, catching my tone of voice. “She’s your daughter, David, not you ex-daughter. She loves you more than anything! I mean it, David. Please spit on me and Ronald if you must, but not Jenna. I beg of you.”
I ignored her insistence that Jenna was my daughter and not my ex-daughter. “So she and her new husband, sorry I don’t recall his name, have set up shop where?” I said.
“They’re not married, David. When you left like that, she called off the wedding until and unless you come back to walk her down the aisle. Oh, and I won’t be on the other side of her when you do,” said Ronald. He’d stopped me.
“Oh?” I said. And, I said it softly, meaningfully.
“Yes, and she’s prayed every night that you’d return and forgive her for her mistake,” said Stacey.
“David, do you still hate me so much?” said Ronald. I didn’t answer him, not right away.
“Okay, I guess you’ll never cut me any slack over all of it. I do want to say that I am so damn sorry for everything, David. I made some bad mistakes. But . . .” he said.
“But?” I said.
“But not for loving Stacey. That was and is beyond my power just as it is likely beyond yours. I am sorry I hurt you so. I am, and I will bear the hurt for that inside for rest of my life, even though, as I said, it was and is beyond my power to do anything about”
“That it?” I said. They could see I was getting antsy to leave.”
“Almost,” said Stacey.
“Okay, what else,” I said.
“David, don’t be mad. But . . .” started Stacey.
“David we know the truth. The truth about that awful day,” said Ronald, interrupting Stacey.
I felt a cold settle in my heart. I wanted to cry out of frustration this time, but the tears wouldn’t come. I’d worked so hard to keep it all under wraps, and now the two of them, and who knew who else, knew what was what.
“You don’t know anything,” I said. “But, it’s been nice. Don’t bother me again. Please! Okay?”
“David, please, a moment or two more. Please,” said Stacey.
“What!” I said, a little more forcefully than the moment required.
“David, you are the best person, daddy, and yes husband on the planet. Neither Ronald nor myself realized just how wonderful a person you were when you left this last time. Oh, we did blame ourselves for hurting you and causing the mess, yes we did. But we also saw you as being immature and childishly petulant after so long a time.
“We actually thought you’d killed those men as kind of surrogates for me and Ronald. To us at the time, well, we thought you were off your rocker. But . . .” she said.
“But then you left, and Jenna was distraught and she told us the truth, and so here we are. We’re here hat in hand to beg your forgiveness. We want you back in the family, David. My God we do,” he said. I could see Stacey was starting to cry, but I was angry and hurt—again!
“You actually thought . . .considered that I would do something . . . harm you! Of all of the things you’ve ever said about me, Stacey; and I’m sure you’ve said a lot about me; that is the one thing that you have to know is the worst, and totally untrue. I would never, never, never hurt you!” I said.
“David, I am so sorry. I know that now. And, I beg your forgiveness for ever thinking such a thing. But, in all honesty, the idea that you could kill three men was also way beyond belief. But, the courts and the police and even your own lawyers agreed that you had. And, Jenna didn’t deny it, not then. Everything was so off the charts. Of course now we know the truth, and we are so fucking sorry, David, please . . .” she said.
I don’t think . . .” I started.
“David, I want to offer you a job, one you can do and be proud of. You can write your own ticket,” said Ronald Carter.
“Huh?” I said.
“You need one, I owe you one, and really a whole lot more, and well . . .” he said. I didn’t quite snicker, but almost.
“Forget it Ronald. What I want from you, you would never give me. And really it’s, what I want and need, not in your power to give me. So, no to the job offer. I’m happy here; well, I’m content; happy might be a slight exaggeration. At any rate, I’m not leaving. My job doesn’t pay much, but there’s no pressure, and I’m, well, appreciated,” I said.
“David, your family needs you, and more, wants you; oh, and you are appreciated, boy are you! And, what about Jenna? She wants to get married, but won’t if you’re not there to walk her down the aisle,” said Stacey.
“Okay, to that. I will come back for that. Tell her that, okay? Tell her I want to meet with her and her young man as soon as possible,” I said.
“Okay, we will,” said Stacey. “But, David, think about some of the other things we’d talked about here. Please!” I shrugged. I would think about their offers, there was more than one thing in the mix for sure. But, I couldn’t be around her, no, I couldn’t: seeing her all beautiful, smelling her, wishing it was me in her bed instead of my traitorous ex-brother.
Yes, I’d mellowed some, but I still could not deal with the betrayal, all of it. The hot blooded hatred of years gone by had turned to cold fear. Fear of seeing her and being around her; I couldn’t do it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE 2014
I wasn’t exactly surprised, but for lack of a better term, I was surprised. My exes had left after our little sit down, and within four hours I’d gotten the call from Jenna. I would be meeting with her and her intended the next day, evening actually.
******
I’d chosen Denny’s; there was always a Denny’s around as far as my experience indicated.
I saw her enter. She was hanging on his arm. It looked like she needed the support. Well, that made the two of us, But, no, I wouldn’t be hanging on my future son-in-law’s arm.
“Daddy!” she screamed breaking away from him and coming to me. Okay, round one for her.
“Hello, baby,” I said, hugging her back. Then there was the breaking into sobs, mostly by her, but I wasn’t a too distant second.
“Daddy this is James,” she said. Her young man had hung back a yard or so waiting for what I’m sure he figured, and that rightly, would be a maudlin scene.
“Hello, Mister Carter,” he said.
“James,” I said, “nice to meet you.”
Over the next half hour or so I got both barrels from Jenna.
“Okay, it done and over with,” I said. “It’s on the eighteenth. I’ll see about renting a tux. I haven’t had much occasion to do any of that in my life. I just hope the darn things aren’t too expensive.” I was smiling, but Jenna had a concerned look.
“Jenna?” I said.
“Daddy, they kinda are. But, I’m sure daddy Ron would pay . . .” she started.
“No!” I said. “Don’t go there, Jenna. My relationship with that other man will never allow me to accept anything from him. That’s ironclad, Jenna! Okay?”
“Okay, daddy. I understand. I mean I really don’t, but I get it sort of,” she said.
“Jenna!” I said.
“Okay, okay,” she said. “Anyway, here’s the address for the place where everybody is going to be getting their stuff.” She handed me a card: Jerome’s Tux and Gown. I nodded and took the card. I’d figure out how to pay for it all once I got the prices. I’d be talking to somebody, maybe Winifred, about what is expected of the father of the bride. I didn’t have much money, but I did have maybe a hundred dollars in my little tin box back at the B&G.
******
I’d just gotten done cleaning the heads. It was late, almost midnight. I headed out into the bar area to do some final straightening up. There were two customers left. LeAnn was delivering drinks to one of them, a person I recognized. I couldn’t believe it. By that I mean, that whether she was there by unbelievable accident or by design to find me, I couldn’t believe it. But here she was. I went over to her. I was still dressed in my apron and cleaning clothes, read old jeans and an ASU tee shirt.
“Marianne?” I said, still not believing even my eyes.
“David! Is that you?” she said. Apparently it was a coincidence, a fortuitous accident in the serendipitous synchronicity of the eternal cosmos.
“It is indeed, and you!” I said.
“David, what are you doing here? You’re out of that awful place?” she said. “And, yes, of course it’s me.”
“Aren’t you working . . .” I started.
“No, no more at Carter Automotive, not for more than a year now. Well, you know,” she said.
“Then?” I said,
“I have my own business now. I kinda owe it to your brother. He paid me enough to save up and go off on my own. I run an office temp service,” she said.
The conversation was on. The catching up was on. “So that’s my story. I’ve got a month before I give her away.
“But you?” I said.
“Had to get out too. Like I said. I kept having to deal with my ex. He’s got himself another teeny bopper a dozen years younger than him. All he’s got for me is a cold desire to mess with my life. So, I just got out. Now he can fend for himself,” she said.
“Mess with your life?” I said.
“Yes, he’s demanding half of the proceeds from the sale of the house even though the judge gave the house to me in the settlement,” she said. I nodded. “But, the real problem is the fact that the house is as yet not even paid for, and my ex has to make the payments until the house is sold.”
“I see,” I said.
“Add to that he’s even trying to horn in on my new business. I hate the bastard,” she said.
We talked for some time. I learned more about her problems both as concerned her ex and her financial situation apart from the man. She had the house, but was having trouble selling it because of the price she needed to get to make anything off of it. She was covering her living expenses with the limited alimony she was getting from her divorce, and her new business, but barely.
During a lull in the conversation, I put the question to her.
“Marianne, can I ask you a question?” I said.
“Of course,” she said.
“Like I said, I’ll be walking Jenna down the aisle next month. I have to get a tux for that and I know there’ll be other expenses along with that. How much should all of that cost me?” I said. “I mean do you have any idea. I’ve never had to do anything like this before.”
She smiled. “Hmm, yes, well it can be expensive for sure. I guess a couple of hundred for the tux and shoes, another couple for the limo if you’re going that route, and maybe five hundred for the gift: cash or kind for this last,” she said. “You’ll get off for around a grand more or less.”
Fuck, I thought. Well, I had maybe ten percent of that. Helluva start. I was going to need to get a loan at some point, but from where?
******
“So your daddy Ronald is going to be left out in the cold on this?” said Stacey. She knew that Jenna needed to pay her daddy David back for his sacrifice, but this was a different situation. Ronald had been there for her too, through thick and thin. He did not deserve to be shunted off to the gallery while his brother, well-loved though he was by all and sundry, did the big thing. She had to make things right without seeming to dump on David, her David, her ex-husband though he was.
She heard the service porch door slam; she had to talk to him about that, the slamming; he always did that.
“Hi, hon,” he said, seeing her leaning against the sink in the kitchen.
“Hi to you too,” she said, “sit down; we need to talk.” He gave her a what’s so serious look.
“She went to see him earlier today,” she said. His look was questioning.
“And?” he said.
“He is going to walk her down the aisle as he promised us,” she said.
“Okay?” he said. “That’s good, right?”
“Yes, as far as it goes. But, he is adamant about you not have anything to do with it, walking her down the aisle.
“Well we kinda new he was going to be going that way. I mean that’s why he disappeared,” said Ronald. “I mean he told us that when we talked to him.”
“Yes, but the more I think about it, the more unreasonable it seems to me. We need to get him to lighten up,” she said. “This, opportunity, if that’s what it is, is where we get the man back into the family and you in your rightful place as her father. Yes, he can have his place as her father too, but the whole mess has gone on long enough and cost us all too much in time and stress and pain and all of it. You need to be walking on the other side of her when she goes down that aisle,” said Stacey.
“Well, he is never going to go for that. He’ll just disappear again,” he said.
“Maybe not,” she said. “Not if he doesn’t know you’re going to be going tandem with him. I mean he’s lined up with her on his arm and you just step up and take her other arm. He’ll be mad, but I can’t see him turning around and walking out. I mean can you?”
“If it’s a sandbag job your thinking of pulling off here, and it is, I can indeed see him turning and leaving,” he said. “But . . .”
“But?” she said.
“But, what if, on the day, I go up to him, just before the ceremony, and ask him to allow it. Kinda putting it all on him,” he said.
“You know that might actually be the way to go. Asking him instead of dumping it on him, might even get us back on track or at least start us in that direction,” said Stacey. “But, what if he turns us down?”
“Have to play that by ear,” he said.
“Jenna would have to be in on the plan,” she said. “Not sure how she’d react if she wasn’t in the know ahead of time. And, then there’s James; he’s kinda been on the outside in all of this.”
“Yes, to all of what you say,” he said. “I wonder if James knows the whole truth, I mean, you know, about his sacrifice?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t think so. Frankly, I’m afraid to ask her,” she said.
“Yeah, well me too,” he said.
******
“Well, today’s the day,” said Stacey. Her husband looked over at her. She was so beautiful, he thought. “You talked to Jenna?”
“Yes, she’s okay with it, but made no bones about us backing off if he looked to be getting riled up about the idea,” he said.
“Okay, I guess that’s the best we can do,” she said. “I’m going into her now. You go on into the foyer. David’s there waiting. I guess you need to proposition him now.”
He swallowed. “Yeah, I guess we’re out of time,” he said. “Man, I’m nervous. I just hope he doesn’t get all out of whack on us.”
“Hmm, yes, I don’t want her day ruined because of our little plan?” she said.
******
I saw the asshole heading up the aisle towards me. I could almost feel the hairs on my neck bristle.
“Morning,” said Ronald.
“Yeah,” I said, “it is.”
“David, can we talk?” he said. I could feel my eyes narrow.
“About what?” I said. “You got me here. I’m here. What else do you want from me?”
“No, no, nothing. We’re just here to honor our girl,” he said. “And her young man of course.” I nodded.
“Just wanted to say, I hope everything’s going to be all right. You know after the ceremony,” he said.
“Whatever,” I said. “I won’t be making any waves on her day. This thing, walking her down the aisle, is big for me. You and my ex tried to cut me out of her life as far as I’m concerned, so this one kinda puts me back in it.”
“David, neither Stacey nor myself ever meant to cut you out of her life. Yes, I did want a bigger chunk of it for myself. I wanted it pretty bad too. Stacey too. Selfish of us, okay. But, cut you out? No way was that part of the plan,” he said.
“So you say. I ain’t buyin’ it,” I said.
“Anyway, you better get up to your seat. She’ll be joining me in a minute or two. Wait, unless you plan to pull something here,” I said.
“No, no, just wanted to talk to you for a minute is all,” he said. I watched as he headed back up to the front of the church.
I actually heard the rustle of her dress before I saw her. She was so beautiful, just like her mom on our wedding day. I wanted to cry. It was an emotional moment for me, real emotional.
“Hi, daddy,” she said.
“Hi,” I said. I was smiling big time. I was finally getting some of my rightful place back.
She looked around. She seemed to be anxious about something. I was getting a real hinky feeling.
“Jenna?” I said.
“Nothing,” she said. “I just . . .”
“Jenna, were you expecting my ex-brother to be here? Here with you and me? Maybe the both of us to walk you down the aisle?” I said. I knew then and there by the look in her eyes that that was exactly what she expected. I had a decision to make. I made it.
The music started to play. I told her to wait. I went up to the front and got him. “Follow me,” I said. He did.
Joining Jenna and me he looked me askance. “You’ll be walking her with me down the aisle.” The music restarted. I took her left arm he took her right. He watched me closely the whole march down the aisle.
We stood at the gate to the altar steps.
“Who gives this woman today?” intoned the minister. I said nothing. The silence was pregnant.
I could sense that my ex-brother was waiting for me to say or do something. I just continued to wait. Finally, he did it.
“I do,” said Ronald Carter. I got a serious look from Jenna as he handed her off to her intended.
I headed to the back of the church and watched as my baby got hitched. Ronald had taken his seat next to his wife in the front row. Stacey kept glancing back at me. He too glanced back at me at least a dozen times during the ceremony.
The music started up again as the new couple came back down the aisle. I slipped out I would never see any of them again; that was my oath to myself.
I’d made the decision to pick up the pieces of my life and get on with things. Fifty-one years old and starting over—again!
My lawyer, had been able to get me a change of venue per my parole: I could move to anywhere I wanted in the state and I’d be okay. An added benefit as a result of her efforts was that I would have finished my parole after one more year of keeping my nose clean. Of course I did ask that she keep my whereabouts on the quiet.
Tucson was a nice town. It was a hundred miles away from my erstwhile family. I had no illusions about that though, my brother could find me, I was sure, if he really wanted to, find out where I was: money talks as they say. But, I was more than confident that he wouldn’t bother. And for more than a year I was right; and then, I wasn’t.
******
“How did you find out where he was?” said Stacey.
“Just went and asked his probation officer, the old one, to check for me. I wasn’t sure about doing it. I mean my erstwhile brother clearly doesn’t want to be found. But, like you, I really need to talk to the guy,” said Ronald.
“You think he’ll listen,” she said. He shrugged.
“It’s been a year. Oh, and I also found out that he’s not on parole anymore. He can go anywhere that suits him now. But, he is still in state, in Tucson. I have to think he’s missing Jenna, and maybe Aunt Delia if no one else,” he said. “That might be why he hasn’t moved all that far.”
“A year? Has it been that long?” she said. She went pensive on him. “We’ll need to be bearing gifts or ideas or something other than our good looks to get him to give us a sympathetic hearing.”
“Well, Jenna did postpone her wedding until he can be found. And, James sure didn’t like that much, but he has hung in there waiting for her to get her act together,” he said. “When our David hears about that maybe he’ll come around, walk her down the aisle and cut us a tiny bit of slack. I mean we gotta try.” She nodded.
“I guess,” she said. “When are you planning for us to go there? I mean it is a hundred miles away.”
“Next weekend, I have that doctor’s appointment on Monday, and some business to take care of during the week. Bu after that . . .
I’ll be offering him a job again too. I’ll let him write his own ticket this time. After all he’s been through; setting limits seems like a real loser. I just hope he doesn’t ask for you to divorce me and remarry him. I’d rather he ask for half the kingdom if you get my drift,” he said.
“After all I’ve done to him, I sincerely doubt that he’ll be asking me to come back to him,” she said.
“Don’t be so sure. He likely won’t ask, but it’s what he wants; I know it,” he said. She snickered.
“Yeah, right!” she said.
******
Well, it was Friday night and Poindexter’s was crowded and busy. Tucson, I’d figured, was made to order for me; it was far away from them. But, as it turned out, not far away enough.
I’d taken a seat at the end of the bar to watch the action on the dance floor. A dozen couples were hoofing it. They were one of the couples, my ex-wife and my ex-brother. So, they’d found me. They hadn’t seen me yet. I could’ve just gotten the hell out of there and moved again. But, I decided not to. I’d talk to them, and send the message that I just didn’t want them to bother me anymore. I wondered if they knew the truth about Jenna and me. I figured it was six to five and pick ‘em that they did. Well, I’d soon know.
The song ended and they headed for the table they’d set up shop at. I signaled LeAnn, the floor girl delivering drinks to the populace to come over.
“Whatcha got, David?” she said. “Need another one of those?” she said pointing to my beer.
“No, but deliver another round of whatever they’re having to them over there,” I said, “on me.” She gave me a look and went to do my bidding.
I sat and watched as LeAnn delivered my offering. Stacey’s head snapped around to spot me when LeAnn nodded in my direction. Her expression was at first a small smile then a question. My ex-brother was already out of his seat and coming toward me.
“Can I assume that we’re not persona non grata, I mean you buying us those Martinis?” he said.
“What are you here for, Ronald?” I said, not answering his question. “Having fun I hope.” Okay, I was being snide.
“Oh, the dancing,” he said. He seemed to realize that the image of him melded tight to my ex-wife’s body might have been kind of in my face. “No, no, no. We were just killing time. I liked the song is all. Really.”
“Yeah, whatever. But why are you here, and her. I can’t believe you came all this way just rub my nose in it,” I said.”
“David, nobody’s rubbing your nose in it. My God we’re not. But, anyway, to answer your question, we came for a couple of reasons; but would you be okay with joining us so we could talk. I mean at our table over there,” he said. I looked over to where my ex-wife was watching us closely.
“Okay, for a minute or two, I guess,” I said. Well, I was curious about his couple of reasons. Also, I needed to know if they knew that which they shouldn’t know about.
I grabbed my beer and indicated that he should lead the way. I could see Stacey sag back in her seat in tentative relief if that would be the way to say it.
He took his seat next to her and motioned me to sit as well. For some reason I felt strange, not mad or upset necessarily, but strange that he was sitting next to her instead of me. It seemed unnatural in spite of all of the time since the break up and my time in prison and all of it.
I sat. “So?” I said. He looked meaningfully over at his wife.
“It’s good to see you, David. Really good to see you, really,” she said. I shrugged in my seat.
“You look good,” I said, “very pretty.” She flushed.
“Thank you. You looked good too,” she said. I didn’t snicker.
“A couple of reasons?” I said looking back at my ex-brother.
“Yes,” he said. “But, if I may,” he said. I waited for him to go on. It was my silent signal for him to do so.
“Okay, can I ask why you just disappeared from the radar, what, more than a year ago?” he said.
I decided to not mince words, to be up front about my reason for cutting country.
“I left over my humiliation at being an afterthought when Jenna told me I had to share walking her down the aisle with you. But, can I ask, how is my ex-daughter,” I said. Well, I was still bitter about what I saw as a slap in the face after the sacrifice I made for her, all the love I’d shown her.
“What! Huh?” said Stacey, catching my tone of voice. “She’s your daughter, David, not you ex-daughter. She loves you more than anything! I mean it, David. Please spit on me and Ronald if you must, but not Jenna. I beg of you.”
I ignored her insistence that Jenna was my daughter and not my ex-daughter. “So she and her new husband, sorry I don’t recall his name, have set up shop where?” I said.
“They’re not married, David. When you left like that, she called off the wedding until and unless you come back to walk her down the aisle. Oh, and I won’t be on the other side of her when you do,” said Ronald. He’d stopped me.
“Oh?” I said. And, I said it softly, meaningfully.
“Yes, and she’s prayed every night that you’d return and forgive her for her mistake,” said Stacey.
“David, do you still hate me so much?” said Ronald. I didn’t answer him, not right away.
“Okay, I guess you’ll never cut me any slack over all of it. I do want to say that I am so damn sorry for everything, David. I made some bad mistakes. But . . .” he said.
“But?” I said.
“But not for loving Stacey. That was and is beyond my power just as it is likely beyond yours. I am sorry I hurt you so. I am, and I will bear the hurt for that inside for rest of my life, even though, as I said, it was and is beyond my power to do anything about”
“That it?” I said. They could see I was getting antsy to leave.”
“Almost,” said Stacey.
“Okay, what else,” I said.
“David, don’t be mad. But . . .” started Stacey.
“David we know the truth. The truth about that awful day,” said Ronald, interrupting Stacey.
I felt a cold settle in my heart. I wanted to cry out of frustration this time, but the tears wouldn’t come. I’d worked so hard to keep it all under wraps, and now the two of them, and who knew who else, knew what was what.
“You don’t know anything,” I said. “But, it’s been nice. Don’t bother me again. Please! Okay?”
“David, please, a moment or two more. Please,” said Stacey.
“What!” I said, a little more forcefully than the moment required.
“David, you are the best person, daddy, and yes husband on the planet. Neither Ronald nor myself realized just how wonderful a person you were when you left this last time. Oh, we did blame ourselves for hurting you and causing the mess, yes we did. But we also saw you as being immature and childishly petulant after so long a time.
“We actually thought you’d killed those men as kind of surrogates for me and Ronald. To us at the time, well, we thought you were off your rocker. But . . .” she said.
“But then you left, and Jenna was distraught and she told us the truth, and so here we are. We’re here hat in hand to beg your forgiveness. We want you back in the family, David. My God we do,” he said. I could see Stacey was starting to cry, but I was angry and hurt—again!
“You actually thought . . .considered that I would do something . . . harm you! Of all of the things you’ve ever said about me, Stacey; and I’m sure you’ve said a lot about me; that is the one thing that you have to know is the worst, and totally untrue. I would never, never, never hurt you!” I said.
“David, I am so sorry. I know that now. And, I beg your forgiveness for ever thinking such a thing. But, in all honesty, the idea that you could kill three men was also way beyond belief. But, the courts and the police and even your own lawyers agreed that you had. And, Jenna didn’t deny it, not then. Everything was so off the charts. Of course now we know the truth, and we are so fucking sorry, David, please . . .” she said.
I don’t think . . .” I started.
“David, I want to offer you a job, one you can do and be proud of. You can write your own ticket,” said Ronald Carter.
“Huh?” I said.
“You need one, I owe you one, and really a whole lot more, and well . . .” he said. I didn’t quite snicker, but almost.
“Forget it Ronald. What I want from you, you would never give me. And really it’s, what I want and need, not in your power to give me. So, no to the job offer. I’m happy here; well, I’m content; happy might be a slight exaggeration. At any rate, I’m not leaving. My job doesn’t pay much, but there’s no pressure, and I’m, well, appreciated,” I said.
“David, your family needs you, and more, wants you; oh, and you are appreciated, boy are you! And, what about Jenna? She wants to get married, but won’t if you’re not there to walk her down the aisle,” said Stacey.
“Okay, to that. I will come back for that. Tell her that, okay? Tell her I want to meet with her and her young man as soon as possible,” I said.
“Okay, we will,” said Stacey. “But, David, think about some of the other things we’d talked about here. Please!” I shrugged. I would think about their offers, there was more than one thing in the mix for sure. But, I couldn’t be around her, no, I couldn’t: seeing her all beautiful, smelling her, wishing it was me in her bed instead of my traitorous ex-brother.
Yes, I’d mellowed some, but I still could not deal with the betrayal, all of it. The hot blooded hatred of years gone by had turned to cold fear. Fear of seeing her and being around her; I couldn’t do it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE 2014
I wasn’t exactly surprised, but for lack of a better term, I was surprised. My exes had left after our little sit down, and within four hours I’d gotten the call from Jenna. I would be meeting with her and her intended the next day, evening actually.
******
I’d chosen Denny’s; there was always a Denny’s around as far as my experience indicated.
I saw her enter. She was hanging on his arm. It looked like she needed the support. Well, that made the two of us, But, no, I wouldn’t be hanging on my future son-in-law’s arm.
“Daddy!” she screamed breaking away from him and coming to me. Okay, round one for her.
“Hello, baby,” I said, hugging her back. Then there was the breaking into sobs, mostly by her, but I wasn’t a too distant second.
“Daddy this is James,” she said. Her young man had hung back a yard or so waiting for what I’m sure he figured, and that rightly, would be a maudlin scene.
“Hello, Mister Carter,” he said.
“James,” I said, “nice to meet you.”
Over the next half hour or so I got both barrels from Jenna.
“Okay, it done and over with,” I said. “It’s on the eighteenth. I’ll see about renting a tux. I haven’t had much occasion to do any of that in my life. I just hope the darn things aren’t too expensive.” I was smiling, but Jenna had a concerned look.
“Jenna?” I said.
“Daddy, they kinda are. But, I’m sure daddy Ron would pay . . .” she started.
“No!” I said. “Don’t go there, Jenna. My relationship with that other man will never allow me to accept anything from him. That’s ironclad, Jenna! Okay?”
“Okay, daddy. I understand. I mean I really don’t, but I get it sort of,” she said.
“Jenna!” I said.
“Okay, okay,” she said. “Anyway, here’s the address for the place where everybody is going to be getting their stuff.” She handed me a card: Jerome’s Tux and Gown. I nodded and took the card. I’d figure out how to pay for it all once I got the prices. I’d be talking to somebody, maybe Winifred, about what is expected of the father of the bride. I didn’t have much money, but I did have maybe a hundred dollars in my little tin box back at the B&G.
******
I’d just gotten done cleaning the heads. It was late, almost midnight. I headed out into the bar area to do some final straightening up. There were two customers left. LeAnn was delivering drinks to one of them, a person I recognized. I couldn’t believe it. By that I mean, that whether she was there by unbelievable accident or by design to find me, I couldn’t believe it. But here she was. I went over to her. I was still dressed in my apron and cleaning clothes, read old jeans and an ASU tee shirt.
“Marianne?” I said, still not believing even my eyes.
“David! Is that you?” she said. Apparently it was a coincidence, a fortuitous accident in the serendipitous synchronicity of the eternal cosmos.
“It is indeed, and you!” I said.
“David, what are you doing here? You’re out of that awful place?” she said. “And, yes, of course it’s me.”
“Aren’t you working . . .” I started.
“No, no more at Carter Automotive, not for more than a year now. Well, you know,” she said.
“Then?” I said,
“I have my own business now. I kinda owe it to your brother. He paid me enough to save up and go off on my own. I run an office temp service,” she said.
The conversation was on. The catching up was on. “So that’s my story. I’ve got a month before I give her away.
“But you?” I said.
“Had to get out too. Like I said. I kept having to deal with my ex. He’s got himself another teeny bopper a dozen years younger than him. All he’s got for me is a cold desire to mess with my life. So, I just got out. Now he can fend for himself,” she said.
“Mess with your life?” I said.
“Yes, he’s demanding half of the proceeds from the sale of the house even though the judge gave the house to me in the settlement,” she said. I nodded. “But, the real problem is the fact that the house is as yet not even paid for, and my ex has to make the payments until the house is sold.”
“I see,” I said.
“Add to that he’s even trying to horn in on my new business. I hate the bastard,” she said.
We talked for some time. I learned more about her problems both as concerned her ex and her financial situation apart from the man. She had the house, but was having trouble selling it because of the price she needed to get to make anything off of it. She was covering her living expenses with the limited alimony she was getting from her divorce, and her new business, but barely.
During a lull in the conversation, I put the question to her.
“Marianne, can I ask you a question?” I said.
“Of course,” she said.
“Like I said, I’ll be walking Jenna down the aisle next month. I have to get a tux for that and I know there’ll be other expenses along with that. How much should all of that cost me?” I said. “I mean do you have any idea. I’ve never had to do anything like this before.”
She smiled. “Hmm, yes, well it can be expensive for sure. I guess a couple of hundred for the tux and shoes, another couple for the limo if you’re going that route, and maybe five hundred for the gift: cash or kind for this last,” she said. “You’ll get off for around a grand more or less.”
Fuck, I thought. Well, I had maybe ten percent of that. Helluva start. I was going to need to get a loan at some point, but from where?
******
“So your daddy Ronald is going to be left out in the cold on this?” said Stacey. She knew that Jenna needed to pay her daddy David back for his sacrifice, but this was a different situation. Ronald had been there for her too, through thick and thin. He did not deserve to be shunted off to the gallery while his brother, well-loved though he was by all and sundry, did the big thing. She had to make things right without seeming to dump on David, her David, her ex-husband though he was.
She heard the service porch door slam; she had to talk to him about that, the slamming; he always did that.
“Hi, hon,” he said, seeing her leaning against the sink in the kitchen.
“Hi to you too,” she said, “sit down; we need to talk.” He gave her a what’s so serious look.
“She went to see him earlier today,” she said. His look was questioning.
“And?” he said.
“He is going to walk her down the aisle as he promised us,” she said.
“Okay?” he said. “That’s good, right?”
“Yes, as far as it goes. But, he is adamant about you not have anything to do with it, walking her down the aisle.
“Well we kinda new he was going to be going that way. I mean that’s why he disappeared,” said Ronald. “I mean he told us that when we talked to him.”
“Yes, but the more I think about it, the more unreasonable it seems to me. We need to get him to lighten up,” she said. “This, opportunity, if that’s what it is, is where we get the man back into the family and you in your rightful place as her father. Yes, he can have his place as her father too, but the whole mess has gone on long enough and cost us all too much in time and stress and pain and all of it. You need to be walking on the other side of her when she goes down that aisle,” said Stacey.
“Well, he is never going to go for that. He’ll just disappear again,” he said.
“Maybe not,” she said. “Not if he doesn’t know you’re going to be going tandem with him. I mean he’s lined up with her on his arm and you just step up and take her other arm. He’ll be mad, but I can’t see him turning around and walking out. I mean can you?”
“If it’s a sandbag job your thinking of pulling off here, and it is, I can indeed see him turning and leaving,” he said. “But . . .”
“But?” she said.
“But, what if, on the day, I go up to him, just before the ceremony, and ask him to allow it. Kinda putting it all on him,” he said.
“You know that might actually be the way to go. Asking him instead of dumping it on him, might even get us back on track or at least start us in that direction,” said Stacey. “But, what if he turns us down?”
“Have to play that by ear,” he said.
“Jenna would have to be in on the plan,” she said. “Not sure how she’d react if she wasn’t in the know ahead of time. And, then there’s James; he’s kinda been on the outside in all of this.”
“Yes, to all of what you say,” he said. “I wonder if James knows the whole truth, I mean, you know, about his sacrifice?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t think so. Frankly, I’m afraid to ask her,” she said.
“Yeah, well me too,” he said.
******
“Well, today’s the day,” said Stacey. Her husband looked over at her. She was so beautiful, he thought. “You talked to Jenna?”
“Yes, she’s okay with it, but made no bones about us backing off if he looked to be getting riled up about the idea,” he said.
“Okay, I guess that’s the best we can do,” she said. “I’m going into her now. You go on into the foyer. David’s there waiting. I guess you need to proposition him now.”
He swallowed. “Yeah, I guess we’re out of time,” he said. “Man, I’m nervous. I just hope he doesn’t get all out of whack on us.”
“Hmm, yes, I don’t want her day ruined because of our little plan?” she said.
******
I saw the asshole heading up the aisle towards me. I could almost feel the hairs on my neck bristle.
“Morning,” said Ronald.
“Yeah,” I said, “it is.”
“David, can we talk?” he said. I could feel my eyes narrow.
“About what?” I said. “You got me here. I’m here. What else do you want from me?”
“No, no, nothing. We’re just here to honor our girl,” he said. “And her young man of course.” I nodded.
“Just wanted to say, I hope everything’s going to be all right. You know after the ceremony,” he said.
“Whatever,” I said. “I won’t be making any waves on her day. This thing, walking her down the aisle, is big for me. You and my ex tried to cut me out of her life as far as I’m concerned, so this one kinda puts me back in it.”
“David, neither Stacey nor myself ever meant to cut you out of her life. Yes, I did want a bigger chunk of it for myself. I wanted it pretty bad too. Stacey too. Selfish of us, okay. But, cut you out? No way was that part of the plan,” he said.
“So you say. I ain’t buyin’ it,” I said.
“Anyway, you better get up to your seat. She’ll be joining me in a minute or two. Wait, unless you plan to pull something here,” I said.
“No, no, just wanted to talk to you for a minute is all,” he said. I watched as he headed back up to the front of the church.
I actually heard the rustle of her dress before I saw her. She was so beautiful, just like her mom on our wedding day. I wanted to cry. It was an emotional moment for me, real emotional.
“Hi, daddy,” she said.
“Hi,” I said. I was smiling big time. I was finally getting some of my rightful place back.
She looked around. She seemed to be anxious about something. I was getting a real hinky feeling.
“Jenna?” I said.
“Nothing,” she said. “I just . . .”
“Jenna, were you expecting my ex-brother to be here? Here with you and me? Maybe the both of us to walk you down the aisle?” I said. I knew then and there by the look in her eyes that that was exactly what she expected. I had a decision to make. I made it.
The music started to play. I told her to wait. I went up to the front and got him. “Follow me,” I said. He did.
Joining Jenna and me he looked me askance. “You’ll be walking her with me down the aisle.” The music restarted. I took her left arm he took her right. He watched me closely the whole march down the aisle.
We stood at the gate to the altar steps.
“Who gives this woman today?” intoned the minister. I said nothing. The silence was pregnant.
I could sense that my ex-brother was waiting for me to say or do something. I just continued to wait. Finally, he did it.
“I do,” said Ronald Carter. I got a serious look from Jenna as he handed her off to her intended.
I headed to the back of the church and watched as my baby got hitched. Ronald had taken his seat next to his wife in the front row. Stacey kept glancing back at me. He too glanced back at me at least a dozen times during the ceremony.
The music started up again as the new couple came back down the aisle. I slipped out I would never see any of them again; that was my oath to myself.