Mister215's Forum Posts

8 Mar 2010

Quote by Necho
Quote by mister215
Quote by Necho
You got hit like that because you posted it in the public forum, have you noticed its not really a trend to do that?

Try submitting the story, have a mod read over it and then people can read it and decide what they think. Other than that, if you haven't noticed, people have posted several threads on how to improve your writing, imagine if everyone first posted their story here before actually submitting it?

Good Luck

wow your stunning ;)
and yeah sorry about that, well people should know that i'm a NEWBIE to this forum
so please people just forgive me this once

and I had posted the story, but some moderator took it down saying "it wasn't high enough quality to be on here "

Some Moderator? They deserve a bit more respect than that.

Like the others have said, read some more stories, try categories you've never tried before.

well if you posted your first story and had it taken off, you'd be a tad upset wouldn't you?
anyhow it's not a big deal, I respect the moderators action

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8 Mar 2010

Quote by Exakta66
Mister...I will agree that I think people went a bit hard on you about the spelling...as I said, if you saw my stories before I spell-checked them, you might think they were in another language...
But, you should read quite a few stories before you really decide to do this yourself...I think the fact that you submitted it like it is shows that you have not read many stories on here...
Your best bet is to read stories of known quality...the Editor Picks on here, the highest rated, ie most popular stories, that sort of thing...you learn how to write good stories by reading good stories...
There are still several stories that are favorites of mine that I still re-read from time to time when I feel I need a refresher in how to write a good erotic story...and I've been doing this almost a year...it will be a year next month...
Good Luck,
Alan.

sounds good smile

thanks

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8 Mar 2010

Quote by Lisa
Quote by mister215
Quote by Lisa
Quote by mister215

My excuse for having some misspelling was that, this was written pretty quickly
I had no time to revise and correct mistakes... plus I wasn't too concerned with that..
but since everyone of you has made such a huge fuss about it, I shall change and improve my grammar/vocab

I must admit it is a bit disheartening to read some of these comments, but still I guess I deserve them :P

Saying you're not too concerned about spelling/grammar/presentation shows you don't care about your story very much. As the author, if YOU don't even care about your story, it's a bit of a stretch to expect anyone else to.

As someone else pointed out, the best way to learn about writing is to read and read. Then read some more.

thanks for the reply
well hey you have a point, but I figure that if the story is captivating enough, the reader will ignore the misspellings and enjoy the story :)
but since spelling is stressed, i'll improve on it ^^
and I agree, reading stories and or actually doing sex will help improve my stories

I look up to you guys as mentors kinda xD lol..

That's the problem with spelling/grammar errors - they detract from the story and take the reader's attention from the plot because they keep stumbling over typos etc.

And I don't necessarily think you have to have sex to be able to write about it. Many authors haven't personally experienced the things they've written about. You've just got to be convincing and that's where reading a lot helps.

gotcha ;)
thanks for the help biggrin

in the future would you like to proof read them before I start posting them?
of course i'll fix my spelling before I hand it too you, don't want to give you a headache do I ? ;)

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8 Mar 2010

Quote by Necho
You got hit like that because you posted it in the public forum, have you noticed its not really a trend to do that?

Try submitting the story, have a mod read over it and then people can read it and decide what they think. Other than that, if you haven't noticed, people have posted several threads on how to improve your writing, imagine if everyone first posted their story here before actually submitting it?

Good Luck

wow your stunning ;)
and yeah sorry about that, well people should know that i'm a NEWBIE to this forum
so please people just forgive me this once silly

and I had posted the story, but some moderator took it down saying "it wasn't high enough quality to be on here "

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8 Mar 2010

Quote by Lisa
Quote by mister215

My excuse for having some misspelling was that, this was written pretty quickly
I had no time to revise and correct mistakes... plus I wasn't too concerned with that..
but since everyone of you has made such a huge fuss about it, I shall change and improve my grammar/vocab

I must admit it is a bit disheartening to read some of these comments, but still I guess I deserve them :P

Saying you're not too concerned about spelling/grammar/presentation shows you don't care about your story very much. As the author, if YOU don't even care about your story, it's a bit of a stretch to expect anyone else to.

As someone else pointed out, the best way to learn about writing is to read and read. Then read some more.

thanks for the reply smile

well hey you have a point, but I figure that if the story is captivating enough, the reader will ignore the misspellings and enjoy the story :)
but since spelling is stressed, i'll improve on it ^^
and I agree, reading stories and or actually doing sex will help improve my stories

I look up to you guys as mentors kinda xD lol..

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8 Mar 2010

Quote by nicola
You could start by spelling the title of your post correctly.

haha thanks for pointing that out for me ;)

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8 Mar 2010

hey everyone thanks for your responses even if you were blasting me with heavy insults..

My excuse for having some misspelling was that, this was written pretty quickly
I had no time to revise and correct mistakes... plus I wasn't too concerned with that..
but since everyone of you has made such a huge fuss about it, I shall change and improve my grammar/vocab surprised

I must admit it is a bit disheartening to read some of these comments, but still I guess I deserve them :P

Just because I haven't had sex before doesn't mean that I'm underage..
not everyone has the convince to find a sex buddy.

Lastly, everyone just take a chill pill smile

I came here looking to IMPROVE my stories, and I am prepared for heavy criticism but I do not want any flaming here.

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7 Mar 2010

I know a few friends that have already have sex quite a few times..
and when I showed them a exapmle of my sex stories that thought it was weird ( but they did like the details ) smile

so is it just up to the girls taste?

or is there a way that I can right my stories that will make the female viewer more attracted to it and find themselves invovled?
go to my profile and look through a story I posted earlier.. to get an idea..

and a guy friend of me told me he'd like me to right a sex story for him and his girlfriend..
he wants her to be the main character..
should I make the story 1st or 3rd person? and what kind of settings would make it arousing for 17-18 year old's?

IF your too lazy to go check my prof
here's my story *NOTE* I NEVER had sex before.AqPuhCGNP1uOLPBR

I want constructive critisim please :)

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It's Midnight, as the black seas washed the beach shore, spotlights sweeping over the dark sand..
however they failed to notice the black figure darting away into the trees.
the figure crept slowly up the mound onto a patch of grass, they glistened in the moon light, the black one peice plastic like suit gleamed
the suit was very tight around the wearer's body, revealing the sexy curves, beautiful elegence and the outlines of a camel toe..
the figure sprinted across the open yard, careful to keep low and avoid dectection
reaching the other side , you catch your breath, your wet hair splayed over your face, the sweat of your body against the unelastic suit
feels uncfomfertable agasint your skin, and you slightly unzip the top of your one peice rubber laytex suit, the tip of your breasts poke out.
looking around you continue\\
:::::::::::::
after 30 mintues of constantly avoiding secuirty camers and patrols you make your way inside one of the buildings that were in the courtyard.
peeking in you take a flight of stairs down. Taking your satlite beacon you make your way down a hall, the sound of your heels clacking aginst the floor
.you see a steel door and quickly slip inside.
turning around your greeted with a stead hum of electronics and the soft glow of green and blue monitors shining lazily..
taking out a small thumbdrive stick you bend down to extract the info you came for..

Me)
I slip out of the room, planting the last explosive that would blow his tyrants mansion and industry to bits..
as I made it down, I noticed a door slightly cracked..
curious I peeked in and noticed a black figure crouched in the corner
my eyes look closely and I can see the sexy curves of the figure.. the person was shifting uncfomertably in the suit..
glaceing at my watch, time was short, the bomb would diffuse off in a matter of 15 mintues and it looked like this stranger wasn't going to leave anytime soon

you) you look at the bar, it's taking forever you thought..
bored you open your brest pocket and take out a long thin cylinder, and wet the tipe of it with your tounge.
squatting, you slid the silver cylinder through a hole you made in your suit, and begin to slid it in and out of you, wishing it was a hard man's cock..
mintues later
finally it flashed green.. finally finished, you slid the cylinder out of yourself and take the thumb drive out..
and your turned around to leave but felt strong arms grasp you from behind.. then everything went black

)me) I had to knock her out , didn't have time to get aquainted
I lift up the woman, and piggy backed her right out of there..

you) you wake up feeling drowsey, and look around..
your still wearing that black uncomfertable latex suit, but your in a bedroom, with the sun shining and the sea just outside.
moaning you get up and see a topless figure standing ou on the veranda.. a young asian man by the looks of it, his body average but slightly
muscular. you slowly creep out of bed, trying to surpirse the man in surprise but just as you were about to spring, he flips around and catches you off guard
pushing you gnetly on the bed.
the sudden movment caused your shirt to unzip even more, as more of your clevlege was revealed..
looking up you see the man looming over you, a sense of sexual desire swept through your tired body..

after talking you realized that he was a member of the CIA branch from a simmilar division of yours..
he and you began sweet talking, and you felt his pants, feeling a hard lump from benath his pants..
giving a teasing smile you begin to lay back on the bed, slowly bringing him forwards towards you.

I lean towards you smelling the sweet fragnace of your body and hair, and I lean forward to kiss your juicy lips which were plump and wet..
your hair falls down on me and covers your naked neck, and I slowly unzip the suit..
your body being exposed every second
your breasts pop up, with your tites as hard as rock
and then down your sexy stomach
and to your pussy
you slide out of your body suit, your body feeling competely exposed and cool against the soft winds..
glistening with sweat from the afternoon heat, you embrace me as me explore and touch each other
I would kiss your body, leaving a trail of goose bumps after each kiss
I take my hands and begin massaging your naked bodoy, feeling your curves..
and i'd take your beautfiul breasts in my hands and begin massaging them, rubbin them together in a circular motion..
id tease your hard tites, taking my fingers and rubbing them against them
and you would moan and gasp as my fingers played with them
id make them wet sucking on your breasts, my tounge swirling your tities around, tasting your flesh

the scene of love and desire begin to float in the room
i'd slap your butt, then covering the pain up with my touch and kisses,
then
I would lay you down, and demand you to open your sexy legs far apart from each other.
your legs would be pressed close to your body, leaving your sexy pussy exposed
it gleams in the afternoon sun, the traces of wet precum stain your pink flesh as more begin to pour out, oozing down and dripping onto the bed sheets
as I near closer to your pussy, I sense your body tense up.
rubbing your legs as I go, my tounge begins to slide inside your pussy, tasting your joy and excitement, the cum sliding down my chin
and my tounge would continue to flicker in and out of you.
your body would tremble as I continued before taking my figners and sliding up your pussy, going deeper then before.
I would tease your clit with my fingers, rubbing it softly between my thumb and index finger, gingerly touching it.
and you would gasp

short of breath and covered with sweat, lust and your pussy juice, you climb on my body, and begin to take my pants off "mhmm I want your hard cock"
you slide your naughty hands up and down my hard cock
rubbing your hands against my shaft, watching me grow bigger and harder...
smiling and purring with sexual desire, you lick the tip of my cock, before leaning your head fowrad and sucking my cock like a lolipop

your lips plucked and the sound of your sucking noises fill the room, as your heads bobbs up and down along my hard cock. you would
look up at me, your eyes wide and alive with sex and desire to please me "does daddy like this?" you would ask?
weting my cock with your mouth, you'd alternate between rubbing and playing with my shaft and taking your sexy feet and playling with it
I would cum, covering your feet and hands.
tasting my cum you would smile and ask to come inside you."mhmm babe I want you inside me, I want to feel you.."
laying on your back at a angle, i'd crawl towards you on the bed, my cock would teasinglyl tease the edge of your raw wet pussy, sending
spasms of pleasure throughout your entire body.
and i'd enter you slowly
my warm cock against your flesh, sliding inside , before drawing out, then picking up speed, you could feel me getting deeper inside you
my cock making wet sliding nosies as it glided between your pussy. you'd moan between beats "mhmm yeah babe, I want your hard cock in me"
and you would moan everytime I drew into you,, your breath would draw short, becoming short gasps..
id would lean forward and lock lips with you, while our bodies continued this rhytmitic beat, your breasts bounching agasint my chest, and my balls slapping
above your anus..
and I would give a grunt exploding inside you.
your body would feel a pulse of energy, your inside feeling like fireworkds exploded, as you moaned loudly as my cum and yours begain to pour out, squirting all over the sheets.
weak, you manage to give me a smile as you embraced be in bed, our bodies together, feeling like one, as we lay covered in each others cum
and you would fall alsleep in my arms,
looking down I would look at this beautiful girl, her innocent smile as she slept, and i would part your hair , kissing you on the fore head, as I slept too.. the sound of seagulls , the rushing sound of waves and the sun bathing it's sunshine on us two.. basking your body in a golden light, show how truly beautiful you are..

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