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eocpez2
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 33
0 miles · Ohio
Forum
Advanced Wordsmith
I prefer painted toe nails, it gives them a great look when the rope pulls their ankles close together 
If you could chose between flying or mind reading which would it be? Flying = 3 times a day for a total time of 4 hours and mind reading only between the hours of 7am-7pm. Why?
If you could chose between flying or mind reading which would it be? Flying = 3 times a day for a total time of 4 hours and mind reading only between the hours of 7am-7pm. Why?
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by Ravyn
Try reading up on the subject as much as you can. There is a thread here in the BDSM section that might help you out a lot. Try mentioning some specific thing about the D/s relationship that you wish to try and see how he reacts to it. He might be more open than you realize and you two can learn and take this journey together. An open line of communication is key in any relationship but even more so in this lifestyle. It might something as simple as you telling him that you want him to take control of the nights activities and see what he comes up with. Just keep that line of communication open and do it as safely as possible. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can. Good luck to you both.
As always you have excellent advice. Its what I would have said as well
I wish I could add on that thought.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by ProfessionalMaster
Wow, this is a huge question. Not just rambling I think, but the flowing thoughts of someone who has truly been hurt deeply. As I read through that, I get a stream of consciousness mentality that almost cries for help. I won't have any guaranteed answers. But I can give my opinion based on the 15+ years I have and maybe somewhere in there is something that will help.
First, when you put time and effort into something that shows a level of caring and passion. I would say that means it was something that in the very heart of you, you cared about. Not just with the person you were with but as a whole. In BDSM just like in a 'Nilla relationship, things happen. In my case it was twice this year. I lost a former slave named Lindsey, when she passed away. She was truly the first slave I ever really truly loved, then I recently lost a slave named Princess who I started mentoring, but now she is talking with others and she may end up being mentored by someone else.
Why? Because that is what she needs. And while I would love for her to stay. She needs to grow. That might very well mean casting off the very person who introduced her in the first place.
Would that feel good? No. BUT.... If it is what is for the best then by all means it is what needs to happen. I say all that too let you know I can sympathize and if you will let me even at some level empathize with you.
But my concern is not in the way you will deal with the loss. Why? Because loss while tough, is something that we overcome a lot in life. What I am concerned with is that it is driving you back to where you "were before it all".
That to me, and once again this is an opinion.
Seems like it is throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak. I mean if you still love anything about this lifestyle there is going to be someone else in it for you. If you have doubts, I can speak again from experience. I never thought I would ever care about a sub/slave again when Princess left. I was hurt to the core. And then a chance email from someone who read my posts. Sent a friend who had experienced a loss to me. And a Master deserted another incredible sub/slave and once again we began to talk. Now I have two incredible girls that I care deeply for, that both love me and I them.
Two that I think most people might have never thought would end up with *takes two thumbs and points at himself* this guy.
I do not know the extent of the loss and so I was a little hesitant to post, but then I figured, if you were truly trying to get some sort of focus back that maybe just a few opinions offered here and there and you might find the words that speak to you and allow you to move forward.
As always if you want to talk on a more personal level feel free to send me a PM.
I hope this helped a little.
That actually helped out a lot. I have lost subs before but this one, she was a special one. She was one that I had felt things I never did before with a submissive. thank you.
Advanced Wordsmith
When something you put so much time and effort into falls apart. Someone you tried so hard to give your all and tend to their needs but failed in the end. Maybe they were right? A wanna be, a fake. How did you, others who have lost the one they started an amazing life in bdsm with, get back to how you were before it all? Just rambling maybe.... idk. Thanks though.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by anonymouslylush
Lol... Nice!
That's actually not "nice" at all. It is unnecessary and tasteless. Mockery of BDSM is not needed at all. It is a lifestyle choice and is taken serious by many here. Do you see any replies saying "vanilla is so bland and boring"? No. Don't judge us because you find it funny to do so.
Now, for the one asking for advice, finding a sub is quite the opposite. The sub finds the Dom/me. It is the sub who initiates the relationship and who gives up the amount of control they need taken from them. Be patient and be sure its something you are ready for. If you enter a D/s relationship without being 100% sure, both sides can get hurt, the sub more mentally and emotionally. Feel free to ask more questions! Us in the lifestyle are pretty welcoming and informative.
Advanced Wordsmith
Quote by MdeSade64
I have been a DOM since forever. I expect total submissiveness from all my subs. The kicker is that we have to agree as to what the sub wants. Hence the expresion "Subbing from the bottom".
It is your responsibilty to set the ground rules and if your "master", and I use the connotation delibertly: "If you won't accept them, the RUN LIKE HELL out of there."
There are too many wierdos out there and these basic rules will help you "cut the wheat from the chaff".
I would love to play with you, as I would with a number of other respondenets to your message, e.g., shebop21, But I am seen to many as too old for most of you. Well I would love to show those with the "issue" with how out of line your perception is..
Wow... just... wow. And we wonder where all the misguided people get their info on BDSM...
Advanced Wordsmith
When looking for a Dom/me carefull consideration is needed. Saying you have no limitations can open the door to many things that you have not thought about. When you find that right person to submit to, you should make sure to talk about what you do and don't like. For instance, you say you "love little painful sex". If you don't make it clear where that pain barrier is, you may be taken somewhere you don't enjoy. Have patience and be picky. Finding a Dom/me is not an over-night project. Extensive communication is the key to making it work. Talk talk talk and when your done talking, talk some more. You have to be sure the person you submit to will have the qualities needed to take care of your needs, the guidance to lead you as you require. Its not, "hey your a Domme, I'm a sub, let's get this started". Wanting a Domme in real life as well as on Lush, you have to be sure the person you choose is not just role playing. If you are looking for smething real, make sure its real before you commit and feelings get hurt. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Advanced Wordsmith
Yes, but making a thread saying you want a Mistress is not the way to do it. It is not a short process. To find a real connection with someone your willing to give complete control to, takes time. Your not going to go to the mall, pick a random woman and tell her to command and punish as she see's fit without knowing anything about her. There are so many of these threads that pop up, and so many who get great advice from other members. You need to have patience. Giving up control and letting someone into your deepest darkest corners is not something that should be taken lightly.
Advanced Wordsmith
I know there was no safe word. I agree that no means no. I also believe the forced involvment and participation is immoral and wrong. I did not know that would be happening there. As far as I know, the "group" has the understanding that their slave may be traded or swapped. meaning to different homes regardless of location as stated in the slave contract that is signed. I find it wrong and do not agree with it. I did not stay long and have not spoken to them since.
This is why I think much care should be taken when on this kind of subject.
This is why I think much care should be taken when on this kind of subject.
Advanced Wordsmith
Sensei, no, it was with no regards to the slaves desires. She explicity begged and pleaded to remain where she was. She was given away anyways. It was not done in regards to her desires or wants. She was not the only one in that predicament, which is why I said what I did about my opinion on what a slave is up above. I do not judge them nor look down on them, it is not my lifestyle but my lifestyle is also not that of others. I hope I was not mistaken for snubbing my nose at those who are in that lifestyle, I was merely giving my opinion.
Advanced Wordsmith
From what I have always known, to have a slave in bdsm is to have someone who is bound to the submission of a Dom/me for life. There is no exit for them unless told to go (set free). I do not agree with the idea of having a slave. In my opinion, slaves and subs are two different people in the bdsm world. A sub willingly enters and is free to leave when he/she decides they are no longer interested. Many believe that slave means he/she signs a contract and that's signing their life away. They are now in it for the long haul. Again, I do not agree with the idea of owning a slave or having a slave. I want to make that clear and not be mistaken for someone who does. I have even seen where a Master will have a party where slaves are then shared and/or traded, with no regards to what the slave wants or desires. I find that wrong and immoral on so many different levels. So, all that being said, no matter if I agree or disagree with slavery of a sub, to me, the term slave means you are bound until you are set free. You have no say in the matter.
The ones that chose no, are the ones who have a contract signed by their slave. Why would they want an exit clause for the one they get 100% unquestionable obedience?
The ones that chose no, are the ones who have a contract signed by their slave. Why would they want an exit clause for the one they get 100% unquestionable obedience?
Advanced Wordsmith
Yes, its not an over-night task. Finding the right fit is important. There are many fakes like you said. I hope you find what your looking for. Being in a M/s relationship is not just doing what your told when your told to do it. Finding that mutual desire and commitment is not always an easy thing to find. When you do find it, its an amazing feeling and I hope you get the chance to experience it.
Advanced Wordsmith
No matter how experienced a Master is, He will always have to ask what your needs and desires are. No two subs are the same. Each has their own needs and certain things that need special attention where as in another sub they don't need attention in that same area. No Master will walk into a M/s relationship knowing 100% what you want and need without having to find out.