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creekdaddy
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 61
United States
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
This is a topic that is near and dear to me - even though most of it is in my imagination... at least at this point. For the last 5 years or so, I have worked in an industry dominated by people much younger than I am - including many attractive girls/women. I'm talking about ladies ranging from 20 - 30 years younger. In this environment, I develop attractions, ...crushes, all the time on girls with whom I work. The crushes vary in intensity, seriousness, and actual potential, but I can assure you with 100% certainty there have been a couple I would have acted on and maybe one or two that I would have taken very seriously in relationship terms had anything gotten to that point. There was only one that went anywhere beyond the flirty and / or good friendship stage and that's a whole 'nother funny failure story that I may write about here sometime 
. And I genuinely care for all these girls to the point of being a protector at times.
There are multiple facets, I think, to the whole older man, young woman thing. In my mind a big part of the innate attraction is Darwinian or evolutionary in nature: there is an instinctual drive in man to spread his seed and the physical appearance and appeal of an attractive young woman just blows up a big wad of neurons deep in the reptilian part of a man's brain. From an evolutionary standpoint at least it has to do with "ripeness" and fertility. It just triggers something in men (most anyway) that I'm beginning to believe NEVER goes away. Sometimes - at least for me - there is an almost tangible sensation that might best be described as anticipated deliciousness... Just fuckin' YUM.
All that having been said however, what I have described is basically physical. In actuality, while there are lots of younger women I see that I find physically attractive, I know that there is only a very small percentage of them with whom I could find any sort of real compatibility. Not that I'm an expert in any way on the matter, but the age / potential compatibility factors tend to have an inverse relationship in general - all muddled by the relative maturity of either party or both.
For the older one in an age-gap relationship, no matter the sex of either partner, the maturity of the younger person is what really makes or breaks the possibility of anything "real" and long-lasting developing. For the younger one, I guess it has more to do with the physicality or appearance maybe ? of the older one... Don't have much perspective on that. Of course there's the $money$ aspect of the whole thing - which I detest - and refuse to comment further on.
Personally I would love to have a white-hot affair with a much younger lady and would definitely entertain the possibly of something much more serious. I have found it quite hard to even get in the game, though and I'm not sure why at this point.
Finally, in actuality, I'm not overly focused or fixated on this age-gap thing even as much of a fantasy to me as it seems sometimes. It is true, however, unfortunate as it is, and it does make me sad, that there is a growing proportion of women my own age that I just don't find particularly attractive on a physical level. I know that's really sort of a horrible thing to admit, but it just is... Seven to ten years (younger) just seems to make a huge difference for some reason.
Honestly, I truly believe that age should never be a limiting factor either way (as long as everything's legal, of course). I also think that we would see a lot more variety in ages within relationships if there had not been significant social stigmas against such for a long, long time (in western cultures anyway). People and societies get so easily caught up in the conventions and strictures dreamed up by a few that it inhibits the hell out of people from pushing on conventional boundaries even for all the right reasons. And that is truly sad.
As long as you find someone who really makes you happy and it flows both ways - that's what really counts and to hell with what anyone else says.
I guess that was at least my 7 cents worth...
. And I genuinely care for all these girls to the point of being a protector at times.There are multiple facets, I think, to the whole older man, young woman thing. In my mind a big part of the innate attraction is Darwinian or evolutionary in nature: there is an instinctual drive in man to spread his seed and the physical appearance and appeal of an attractive young woman just blows up a big wad of neurons deep in the reptilian part of a man's brain. From an evolutionary standpoint at least it has to do with "ripeness" and fertility. It just triggers something in men (most anyway) that I'm beginning to believe NEVER goes away. Sometimes - at least for me - there is an almost tangible sensation that might best be described as anticipated deliciousness... Just fuckin' YUM.
All that having been said however, what I have described is basically physical. In actuality, while there are lots of younger women I see that I find physically attractive, I know that there is only a very small percentage of them with whom I could find any sort of real compatibility. Not that I'm an expert in any way on the matter, but the age / potential compatibility factors tend to have an inverse relationship in general - all muddled by the relative maturity of either party or both.
For the older one in an age-gap relationship, no matter the sex of either partner, the maturity of the younger person is what really makes or breaks the possibility of anything "real" and long-lasting developing. For the younger one, I guess it has more to do with the physicality or appearance maybe ? of the older one... Don't have much perspective on that. Of course there's the $money$ aspect of the whole thing - which I detest - and refuse to comment further on.
Personally I would love to have a white-hot affair with a much younger lady and would definitely entertain the possibly of something much more serious. I have found it quite hard to even get in the game, though and I'm not sure why at this point.
Finally, in actuality, I'm not overly focused or fixated on this age-gap thing even as much of a fantasy to me as it seems sometimes. It is true, however, unfortunate as it is, and it does make me sad, that there is a growing proportion of women my own age that I just don't find particularly attractive on a physical level. I know that's really sort of a horrible thing to admit, but it just is... Seven to ten years (younger) just seems to make a huge difference for some reason.
Honestly, I truly believe that age should never be a limiting factor either way (as long as everything's legal, of course). I also think that we would see a lot more variety in ages within relationships if there had not been significant social stigmas against such for a long, long time (in western cultures anyway). People and societies get so easily caught up in the conventions and strictures dreamed up by a few that it inhibits the hell out of people from pushing on conventional boundaries even for all the right reasons. And that is truly sad.
As long as you find someone who really makes you happy and it flows both ways - that's what really counts and to hell with what anyone else says.
I guess that was at least my 7 cents worth...
Active Ink Slinger
It goes in stretches for me - I'll get a lot of remarks over a couple months then none for a while. Most frequently I get Dennis Quaid, but have also gotten a fair number of younger Robert Redfords... I'll take those compliments all day long, thank you VERY much !! But they do embarrass me sometimes too. Just wish I had their bank accounts...
Active Ink Slinger
I know this was an ask-the-gals question, but I just had to add that I have long had thoughts and fantasies of being present and at the controls of a sybian while a woman I'm strongly attracted to rides it..... yum !
Active Ink Slinger
Oh man, all the replies, graphical & verbal had me rolling, can't say there's a lack of intelligent humor here.... Lesson to all: so often it's not what you say (or ask), but how you say it...
Active Ink Slinger
I would be very interested in talking / interacting (or more if we're local to one another) with girls / ladies with sub tendencies or fantasies. My preference is for women younger than I am (which shouldn't be difficult).
Although I cannot claim to be a Dom, I have a bit of a dominant side that has been dormant for a quite a long time. I'd be interested in learning, from the more experienced subs, more about the mental and emotional spaces you have and fill in this way. Certainly I'm very interested in the physical as well. Either way I want to get comfortable bringing out my dominant tendencies. This is something I've found difficult since becoming single again partly because I am naturally just a very nice, gentle guy in many ways.
From those who are new, or also just beginning to explore their sub desires, maybe it would be interesting and fun exploring the dynamic together....?
lemme know girls :-)
Although I cannot claim to be a Dom, I have a bit of a dominant side that has been dormant for a quite a long time. I'd be interested in learning, from the more experienced subs, more about the mental and emotional spaces you have and fill in this way. Certainly I'm very interested in the physical as well. Either way I want to get comfortable bringing out my dominant tendencies. This is something I've found difficult since becoming single again partly because I am naturally just a very nice, gentle guy in many ways.
From those who are new, or also just beginning to explore their sub desires, maybe it would be interesting and fun exploring the dynamic together....?
lemme know girls :-)
Active Ink Slinger
Oh shit, I busted major wood just reading this thread. I'm not a lady, and have never had this done to me, but I have been on the giving end of this - once. It was quite a while ago, maybe 15 years, and during somewhat of an "alternative" sexual encounter. But I have a pretty vivid memory of the occasion scorched into my brain; the lady on the receiving end was sexy as hell and hot as a July firecracker, and it really seemed to light her fuse when I did it (quite spontaneously). One of the hottest things ever.
Thank God for great memories like that. When I finally find my old mojo and get it back in working order, one of the first things I'm gonna do is take some sweet young thing into my favorite shower, clean her up good with the shower head and.......... well, you get the idea I'm sure
Thank God for great memories like that. When I finally find my old mojo and get it back in working order, one of the first things I'm gonna do is take some sweet young thing into my favorite shower, clean her up good with the shower head and.......... well, you get the idea I'm sure
Active Ink Slinger
My 2 cents:
Even though I haven't read this entire thread, I gotta say I'm pretty damn impressed with the overall quality of the advice, thought, and suggestions given and with much good karmic intention, to boot. You should go through all of whats been offered (and I mean every last bit like you were studying for a final) gather what makes the most sense to your gut on a harshly objective level, and really take it to heart. Then make a plan to slowly but consistently put these things into action. And I don't necessarily mean put these things into action totally directed at pursuing women; put things into action directed at making some changes in - and within - you. Ideas are great but where the rubber meets the road is in the implementation of those ideas. And yes, clearly this is the really hard part, but as a rule, nothing much gets accomplished without hard work. The best definition of luck that I know is: the coming together of opportunity and preparation - nuff said.
Now as for a few random points just coming from me; don't feel alone in the world or shitty about yourself because you're having a hard time "getting a girlfriend" as you put it in your original post. I am, and have been for at least 4 years now, in a similar boat. My story leading up to this point has little in common with yours, I'm sure, but I have not been in any sort of relationship at all during that time. Now I haven't exactly been pursuing that like focused fiend, but I have really, really wanted some sort of connection and have been constantly open to becoming involved either casually or something much deeper. The results: I have had maybe 6 "dates" and slept with exactly 3 women and not particularly successfully in each case... in the past 4 or 5 years. Yeah, I am sorta picky but nowhere near THAT picky, LOL!
Granted I'm not very financially endowed, which these days it seems to me, sadly, a huge handicap at least for the first 10 - 15 yards of a 100 yard race (the finish line being having established an ongoing relationship with someone you want to be with). As for other criteria, I have a good family name in my community, I'm intelligent, exceptionally kind and respectful, well educated, a great conversationalist and cook, I'm pretty fit and trim (my avatar is really me and I'm pushing 50 hard), I have always been told that I'm handsome, not infrequently I've had random people both male and female say to me something like "I bet you have more ladies after you than you know what to do with... blah, blah, BLAH.
Without going into the whole, long story, I suffered a number of truly shitty circumstances at regular intervals over 10 or 15 years, at work, in my personal & family life, and in my marriage (now divorced). The result is that this series of events did a real number on my CONFIDENCE. Sure a few of those shitty circumstances were at least partially self-created and that I can accept and deal with, its part of being an adult. Most, however, had nothing to do with my abilities, performance, intentions, actions, etc.
I have always been a good guy, optimistic, friendly, confident in myself, and comfortable with who I am as a person. Now, though, I carry around a slightly shaken confidence sometimes, but I've worked hard on repairing the foundation that cracked inside. Still working at it and making progress, but lemme tell you it doesn't happen overnight. I guess what I'm saying is that I believe, quite strongly, that in situations like "trying to get a girlfriend" the vast majority of people subconsciously project important things like confidence - or lack thereof - no matter how hard they try not to. So you have to approach yourself from the inside out to get at and address the problem you're having. Unless one has the skills of DeNero, it's next to impossible to act through it.
Having said that, though, over the sort haul sometimes it helps to have a serious talk with yourself and come to the conclusion that you really like yourself just fine and you don't GIVE A SHIT about what other people think, see or hear with regard to you. Sometimes it helps a lot to just put a smile on your face, a happy song in your heart, say Fuckem !, and go out and just be yourself and have fun doing it. And for pete's sake, whatever you do don't try too hard when interacting with a woman you find attractive.
Hope I've given you something worthwhile to consider....
Even though I haven't read this entire thread, I gotta say I'm pretty damn impressed with the overall quality of the advice, thought, and suggestions given and with much good karmic intention, to boot. You should go through all of whats been offered (and I mean every last bit like you were studying for a final) gather what makes the most sense to your gut on a harshly objective level, and really take it to heart. Then make a plan to slowly but consistently put these things into action. And I don't necessarily mean put these things into action totally directed at pursuing women; put things into action directed at making some changes in - and within - you. Ideas are great but where the rubber meets the road is in the implementation of those ideas. And yes, clearly this is the really hard part, but as a rule, nothing much gets accomplished without hard work. The best definition of luck that I know is: the coming together of opportunity and preparation - nuff said.
Now as for a few random points just coming from me; don't feel alone in the world or shitty about yourself because you're having a hard time "getting a girlfriend" as you put it in your original post. I am, and have been for at least 4 years now, in a similar boat. My story leading up to this point has little in common with yours, I'm sure, but I have not been in any sort of relationship at all during that time. Now I haven't exactly been pursuing that like focused fiend, but I have really, really wanted some sort of connection and have been constantly open to becoming involved either casually or something much deeper. The results: I have had maybe 6 "dates" and slept with exactly 3 women and not particularly successfully in each case... in the past 4 or 5 years. Yeah, I am sorta picky but nowhere near THAT picky, LOL!
Granted I'm not very financially endowed, which these days it seems to me, sadly, a huge handicap at least for the first 10 - 15 yards of a 100 yard race (the finish line being having established an ongoing relationship with someone you want to be with). As for other criteria, I have a good family name in my community, I'm intelligent, exceptionally kind and respectful, well educated, a great conversationalist and cook, I'm pretty fit and trim (my avatar is really me and I'm pushing 50 hard), I have always been told that I'm handsome, not infrequently I've had random people both male and female say to me something like "I bet you have more ladies after you than you know what to do with... blah, blah, BLAH.
Without going into the whole, long story, I suffered a number of truly shitty circumstances at regular intervals over 10 or 15 years, at work, in my personal & family life, and in my marriage (now divorced). The result is that this series of events did a real number on my CONFIDENCE. Sure a few of those shitty circumstances were at least partially self-created and that I can accept and deal with, its part of being an adult. Most, however, had nothing to do with my abilities, performance, intentions, actions, etc.
I have always been a good guy, optimistic, friendly, confident in myself, and comfortable with who I am as a person. Now, though, I carry around a slightly shaken confidence sometimes, but I've worked hard on repairing the foundation that cracked inside. Still working at it and making progress, but lemme tell you it doesn't happen overnight. I guess what I'm saying is that I believe, quite strongly, that in situations like "trying to get a girlfriend" the vast majority of people subconsciously project important things like confidence - or lack thereof - no matter how hard they try not to. So you have to approach yourself from the inside out to get at and address the problem you're having. Unless one has the skills of DeNero, it's next to impossible to act through it.
Having said that, though, over the sort haul sometimes it helps to have a serious talk with yourself and come to the conclusion that you really like yourself just fine and you don't GIVE A SHIT about what other people think, see or hear with regard to you. Sometimes it helps a lot to just put a smile on your face, a happy song in your heart, say Fuckem !, and go out and just be yourself and have fun doing it. And for pete's sake, whatever you do don't try too hard when interacting with a woman you find attractive.
Hope I've given you something worthwhile to consider....
Active Ink Slinger
Of course, women don't have to shave for anybody other than themselves. That being said, my personal pref is for a woman to be closely trimmed / shaped, or smooth and bare. I had a hell of a time convincing my ex-wife to just do the slightest of trimming for me - sure, she would do the standard bikini trim in the summer of course to keep up appearances (social and otherwise) but outside of that...yeesh! I was seriously worried for quite a while that if her pussy didn't get some air it would suffocate and die !
I, on the other hand, started trimming myself in the early 90's because it felt better and seemed to enhance hygiene (among other reasons). Not too long after that, I started shaving and got to the point where now I'm mostly shaved pretty much all the time. Once my ex asked me why I did this. I replied - quite honestly - "So that when and if you ever get the urge to go down on me, it will be as pleasant an experience for you as possible". She responded with "That's a mean thing to say!".... That one has stuck with me for a long time Backstory: for the latter 2/3 of our 22 year marriage, I only rec'd blowjobs after much insistence, which I didn't like to do (pressure like that gets unpleasant over time) and on birthdays and maybe anniversaries. Enough said that we're no longer married for a myriad of reasons...
I, on the other hand, started trimming myself in the early 90's because it felt better and seemed to enhance hygiene (among other reasons). Not too long after that, I started shaving and got to the point where now I'm mostly shaved pretty much all the time. Once my ex asked me why I did this. I replied - quite honestly - "So that when and if you ever get the urge to go down on me, it will be as pleasant an experience for you as possible". She responded with "That's a mean thing to say!".... That one has stuck with me for a long time Backstory: for the latter 2/3 of our 22 year marriage, I only rec'd blowjobs after much insistence, which I didn't like to do (pressure like that gets unpleasant over time) and on birthdays and maybe anniversaries. Enough said that we're no longer married for a myriad of reasons...