Sometimes I didn’t know which book to steal, so I’d just take both of them. As my pal John said, it wasn’t rocket science. All you needed was a sliver of silver paper and the right kind of look. Unfortunately, I had the wrong kind of look. I had criminal hair and a face that said don’t fuck with me because I’m stealing. I could see why Pablo Coehen was so popular. Everything he wrote was a fairy tail. And everybody apart...

I bought a packet of condoms from the Pakis shop in Great Western Road , the one across the road, from Winterskills, near the other pub. I didn't get embarrassed. I felt it was cosmopolitan to be buying rolls, bread and milk and suddenly fling in, ‘oh, yes and a packet of condoms’, in my best west of Clydebank accent. I almost hoped that there were others in the shop so that they could see and appreciate what kind of guy...