OK for a little update.
I made a decision to contact the “guy” on Monday afternoon; I came right out and asked him if he was having an “emotional affair” with my wife. (My wife was on a plane and could not be contacted at the time this was happening) as could be expected complete denial, that this was only a friendship. For some reason I believed this explanation, feeling relief it was only my imagination getting the better of me, I was satisfied nothing was going on. Then the bomb shell, he called me back and spilled the beans; yes it was an affair and more than emotional. For the last 4 months (coinciding with my moving home) they have been meeting up about once a week. Wow, very interesting, I thanked him for the honesty. (he is telling the truth) Told him if he contacted my wife again his spouse would be made aware of this situation, actually even if he did contact her again I wouldn’t tell his wife, it would not change anything for me.
Now Monday evening the same questions was asked of my wife. Denial plan and simple, I presented the text and cell phone records. (One occasion being a New Year’s Eve exchange of 22 text messages in the first 15 minutes of 2017.) Still complete denial. She has contacted the cell provider stating these are errors on the records; she is adamant the records are false, they have opened and investigation. Her actions would build and case for plausible deniability if I were still in the dark about what really happened.
At the end of the day I could get over the sex outside of the marriage. When I did it was only that, sex, adult fun. The women were also married and for them it was the same, adult fun. There is sex (good or bad) and then there is love making. Like I said before monogamy is not realistic, what is realistic is commitment between two loving people that builds a life, a legacy for our children and grandchildren, a safe home for them and us, today and in the future. What I did was wrong and done during my active alcohol use, carless and selfish to the core. I objectified my wife and for that and I have made amends to her. Now the substituted reality that my wife is presenting is a problem. Will I forgive her? Yes in a heartbeat, even after this latest deception.
Now the last question, what if she doesn’t come clean?
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
SparrkyKV
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 57
0 miles · Edmonton
Forum
Some background, married for more than 25 years and now empty nesters. I had suffered for addiction for a number of years that resulted in our separation for about a year. During my recovery (more than a year sober now and holding quite well) we started work on reconciliation. During this time I discovered my wife was hiding a friendship with a man. I found out when snooping on her cell phone. She was confronted with this; she proclaimed it was nothing more than friendship. Accepting of this and expressing my thought if its only friendship there should be no need to hide something like this. We moved on and have since stating living together again.
I have cheated and been caught, through recovery I have committed that it would not happen again and realize it’s a behaviour of selfishness attributed to the addiction. To my knowledge she has not cheated in the past. We have had a brief experience with a MMF with one other man; she now states that it won’t happen again. I believe sexual monogamy is not a realistic, emotionally exclusive but not sexually, this only works when each half of the relationship agrees.
Now I have found out this friendship has continued and is actively being concealed from me. This resulted in my investigations in to how much contact they have. I cannot prove infidelity but I have connected enough of the dots to discover missing hours of her whereabouts here and there, even since we have started living together.
Questions, 1) should I confront the situation and state I am OK with the friendship (FWB or otherwise)? 2) Continue as thou I am not aware of the current situation and embark and a considered effort to eavesdrop to either prove or disprove of infidelity? 3) Are her actions by hiding the friendship be considered cheating?
It should be noted I am not concerned about her taking on a FWB and have encouraged it in the past. I only would like knowledge its happening, she knows this as well. If the guys want to wade into the discussion please fell free.
I have cheated and been caught, through recovery I have committed that it would not happen again and realize it’s a behaviour of selfishness attributed to the addiction. To my knowledge she has not cheated in the past. We have had a brief experience with a MMF with one other man; she now states that it won’t happen again. I believe sexual monogamy is not a realistic, emotionally exclusive but not sexually, this only works when each half of the relationship agrees.
Now I have found out this friendship has continued and is actively being concealed from me. This resulted in my investigations in to how much contact they have. I cannot prove infidelity but I have connected enough of the dots to discover missing hours of her whereabouts here and there, even since we have started living together.
Questions, 1) should I confront the situation and state I am OK with the friendship (FWB or otherwise)? 2) Continue as thou I am not aware of the current situation and embark and a considered effort to eavesdrop to either prove or disprove of infidelity? 3) Are her actions by hiding the friendship be considered cheating?
It should be noted I am not concerned about her taking on a FWB and have encouraged it in the past. I only would like knowledge its happening, she knows this as well. If the guys want to wade into the discussion please fell free.
OK I have to ask this of the ladies in the Lush community and keeping in mind not all of you are in the alternative lifestyles however it very much a sex positive atmosphere. So for those of you that have been or are currently in the lifestyles these questions are directed to you
In the beginning (I am assuming (I know, ass of you and me)) when the subject was raised by the male side of the partnership there was reluctance on the part of the ladies side as per the norms I have read here and elsewhere.
So ladies what happened to overcome the reluctance that allowed you to carry through with it?
Last one ladies, does being able to separate love and affection from sex make a deference to you?
In the beginning (I am assuming (I know, ass of you and me)) when the subject was raised by the male side of the partnership there was reluctance on the part of the ladies side as per the norms I have read here and elsewhere.
So ladies what happened to overcome the reluctance that allowed you to carry through with it?
Last one ladies, does being able to separate love and affection from sex make a deference to you?