Quote by Twisted_Skald

I'm not an expert but I'd advise thinking about what exactly you want and what you're prepared to trade or offer for that.

Specifically what are you asking your wife to agree to?

Is it just permission to fuck a specific other woman as in have a girlfriend, to semi swing in that both women are aware of the other and know what they're getting in to, a don't ask don't tell about affairs or do you want permission to pick up a stranger in a bar and fuck them?

The more specific you are about what you want and what you're prepared to offer in return the more emotionally honest you're being with your wife.

A friend of mine has a don't ask don't tell policy on affairs. They're both not allowed to do it in the family home or the car and never with someone their other half will meet in public. Get yourself tested,  get them tested and don't spawn a sprog.

Works for them.

If your wife is willing to discuss it,  have something to offer in return. If someone else is going to handle your sexual needs what are you going to give your wife that's above what you give now?

Less jewels and fancy dinners , more emotional care of her. Doing more together things so you're better able to support her emotionally.

For me I'd want to feel you were less angry and resentful,  more loving with me, maybe we go to events together or get dressed up to take in a show. That I'm allowing you to have your physical needs met so you're able to provide me with more love and empathy.

That's just me though.

I would say that if your wife is absolutely against the idea you may have to ask yourself how much deception you're prepared to engage in to get what you want. Some people get a kick out of the the secret nature of it all and others find the deception curdles the pleasure of the deed. They get a burst of release and then the self loathing kicks in and spoils the after glow.

You need to do what's right for you and what you're prepared to essentially live with.

Hope that helps.

Thanks for responding. You gave good advice that I hadn’t considered about being specific with what I’m looking for. I’d like to think that once my physical need and curiosity for variety was being met I would be more emotionally alive with my wife. Such as acknowledge how lucky I am to have such a great partner. 

I won’t lie about the idea of doing it in secret being exciting. But because of our home-based business and her physical disability, we are together 24/7. I have no outside groups or interests that take me out of the house. It would be impossible to sneak around and make up excuses. So if she refuses, I’m afraid an outright separation or divorce might happen. 

As to what I’m looking for, that would be discrete hookups. Whether that’s exploring, long term FWB, mistress, etc, I don’t know yet. I would prefer my wife not know or meet the woman, but she would be aware of each “date.” Definitely no random pickups, I’m not into bars and clubs. I’m an excruciatingly analytical person, so she would have to tick all the boxes of whatever we decide to do. 

Quote by Twisted_Skald

That could be a really good flash or micro story.

How do you officially ask for an open marriage? I have been having the same hypothetical conversation with my wife for the last few years. I have been trying to communicate. She is in denial that there is a problem and refuses couples therapy. She has stopped individual therapy.

Lengthy background, from my perspective:

We have been together 24 years. We were both virgins at age 23. The first 8 years were good, sexually, but I had nothing to compare it to. Nothing experimental, plain vanilla. No anal, no oral beyond foreplay, no positions outside missionary, nothing outside the bedroom. (Read my story, A Comedy of Errors, for one of the few times in 24 years we tried “exotic” sex.)

During year 8, she became pregnant, which was a glorious miracle, because infertility treatments had failed earlier. Halfway through the pregnancy, a growth was found on her labia. It was vulvar cancer, caused by HPV. The doctor thought the pregnancy hormones had activated the dormant infection. 

After the delivery, a specialist removed the affected labia with clear margins, and she came home. Over the next 6 years, precancerous cells were found and removed three times. On the last recurrence, the local doctor said he couldn’t help any longer. So it was back to the specialist.

Ten years ago, she had an extensive recurrence of vulvar cancer and had all of her external genitalia removed. This included her remaining labia, clitoris, and skene’s gland. As you might imagine, she gets very little pleasure from sex anymore. We have to use lube even for foreplay. Her g-spot is intact, so she still gets feeling during intercourse, if we get that far. Usually that only happens when she is drunk, which was a plot point of the story I mentioned above.

I guess that after, essentially, 16 years of being the one begging for sex, I’m desperate enough to consider cheating. I feel like a selfish bastard for thinking about physically stepping out on my disabled wife. Before, it was a fantasy to help me get by, but it has become more real in the last month. There is a lot of anger and guilt boiling over. There is the cliche of staying for the child, but there is also concern for how my wife would cope on her own if we separated. Part of her disability is mental (such as lack of self-control in spending money), chronic pain, and autoimmune disorders, and I feel like it would be abandoning her.

As my therapist would say, things won’t get better unless something changes. The problem is that most of the changes I foresee involve walking through a minefield.

Quote by krystalg
I'm not really experienced enough to give a decent opinion, but I feel that it is your story, you're writing it because it is what you want to say, therefore it should be in the category of your choice. Nobody knows your innermost thoughts and feelings like yourself, so you should decide what category is the main bent, just as you choose the words of the story.

I couldn’t even have my 15-year-old daughter knocking on the door and interrupting a quickie. That apparently made her part of the sex act. It’s BS reasoning, but whatever. 

Well, it has hardly any explicitness at all. It is a one-day passionate lust-filled experience that opened my eyes to what was possible online. Your response serves to reinforce that it is entirely subjective and my writing style probably doesn’t belong here. 

Is it common for a submitted work to be returned because the verifier feels it is in the wrong category, not long enough, and basically (subjectively to the verifier) doesn’t “feel right?”

I submitted a short piece in the love poem category featuring meeting someone on Lush, falling for them over chat, having role play cybersex, and how it changed my life. It was rejected because it didn’t fit the “criteria” of a love poem. It was suggested (demanded, really) that it be expanded and resubmitted under a different category. 

It was also required that the reference to fantasy role play removed. (Readers are always commenting that they want details, so I included it. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been there. Aren’t you supposed to please the readers?)

Where is the list of criteria for what constitutes a love poem? Where is it explicitly stated that fantasy role play is excluded? I can think of a host of stories I have read that violated “unwritten rules” that both of my submissions were dinged for containing as far as topic and age of non-sexual characters.

Is it purely up to the whims of whoever reads the story before it is published? Are there published rules anywhere, other than no sexual characters under age 16?

Has anyone tried the www.Lovense.com toys for couples? They supposedly connect with each other and interact with the other partner’s stroking. 

Www.Lovense.com makes toys that respond to each other remotely. They can be paired so his stroking activates the vibrator inside you. If you stroke the vibrator, it activates nubs and an air pump on his toy to simulate orgasm contractions. Not ideal, but better than nothing. 

Quote by IMPÜRETHOUGHTS





You mean to tell me that she spent all the monies from all the savings account too?

Cause if she used a credit card and not a debit card then you are fucked.


You should have left the first time this happened.