Manly and Bondi have the big reputations, but they're honestly not all that, just good for surf. The most beautiful one I've been to was probably Cronulla Beach, it's more of an inlet, so the sea is calm and tranquil. There was also an awesome one in Queensland, I think it was called Bramston.
I can't think of any nice beaches in England though, it's not a beach country because the for at least 6 months of the year the weather is shite. Hurry up global warming...
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Archadia
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 35
United Kingdom
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
Negging is a losers trick. I've heard guys doing it, I know Mystery liked a neg or two, but it's a tactic that I really do not like, and the most confident, socially adept guys, wouldn't stoop so low. It's a clear display of insecurity when you have to insult a woman and drag her down to your level, in an effort to get her knickers off.
True men who have played the game, will always remember the golden rule. Leave her better than you found her. Doesn't mean you need to shower her in compliments, but you should at least make a women feel good about herself.
A true gentleman tries to raise himself to her level, not degrade her to his. The only time a Neg should/could be an outside option, is when dealing with a 'I-worship-the-ground-I-walk-on' kinda girl who so consumed with her own beauty that she downgrades everybody else in the room, so the neg is deployed in order to get her off her high horse. I have to say, I never Neg, and if I have, it's been accidental. But don't mistake a Neg for flirtatious teasing. Which is fun, attractive and pumps the sexual tension up a knotch.
True men who have played the game, will always remember the golden rule. Leave her better than you found her. Doesn't mean you need to shower her in compliments, but you should at least make a women feel good about herself.
A true gentleman tries to raise himself to her level, not degrade her to his. The only time a Neg should/could be an outside option, is when dealing with a 'I-worship-the-ground-I-walk-on' kinda girl who so consumed with her own beauty that she downgrades everybody else in the room, so the neg is deployed in order to get her off her high horse. I have to say, I never Neg, and if I have, it's been accidental. But don't mistake a Neg for flirtatious teasing. Which is fun, attractive and pumps the sexual tension up a knotch.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by bustyreadhead
don't decide what you need to do is hit on them harder or w/ more stealth, lot of guys who frequent PUA sites think you need to do one of those things, and it's fuck-all annoying.
Actually, I've never heard a PUA do this at all, this does not sound like PUA advice, it sounds like AFC advice (Average Frustrated Chump).
A PUA would give you the opposite advice, in fact if you'd looked above you would have seen what a PUA has to say.
I have to back up Dancing Doll.
By getting yourself in the friendzone, you're less trustworthy than every other guy in town. Because you're technically in a position of trust, but you have BIG ulterior motives. You're not being true to yourself, you're not being honest to her, you're a fake friend, you're just too gutless to go for it.
Something along the lines of distancing yourself from her so that she starts to seek you, being must more relaxed and far less needy in her presence, attending and inviting her to your own exciting agenda, instead of fighting to become part of her agenda all the time, meeting new interesting people instead of dedicating so much time to her. D
Don't seek her approval, don't look for her to validate you, don't ask for her opinion, don't compliment her on anything, unless she has actually earned it. Disqualify her if you have to, and make her work for your attention. Imagine how you would act if you wern't attracted to her, and don't treat her any differently from them.
Don't put her needs before the needs for yourself and others in the room. Gain your own social proof and become the centre of the room. I know it's bizzare and sounds like reverse psychology, but its true.
In this wierd world it's the guys who are the most relaxed, don't give a fuck take-a-chance, strong, confident guys, that get the results. You've got plenty of time to be needy, compilmentary and loving towards her, once you're in a relationship with her.
And often, what women say they want in a relationship, is not necessarly the same thing that attracts them during the intial courtship phase. Needy guys are far too easy, and not much fun. Putting in less effort can get you better results. As Neil Strauss says, It takes alot of effort to look effortless.
This doesn't mean you need to be an arsehole, not at all, but don't go above the call of duty until she has earned it, because for some reason this world seems to think that attractive people are automatically owed something.
And for fuck sake, let go of your outcome. If it doesn't happen, move on and don't beat yourself up, negative thoughts will just damage your chances with other girls you like in the future.
@CLUM
I had to youtube that because I honestly didnt believe it. Ha Brilliant
Active Ink Slinger
As the girls, but I don't care, because I have something important to contribute here. Asking a woman what attracts her, i've found can be a red herring. Because the simple fact is that most people don't know what attracts them, they only think they know... Muscles, tattoos, tall etc etc... I've heard it all, and yes I'm sure women would say thats what they find attractive, and believe me, almost all of them are still susceptible to falling for a short thin guy with no tattos IF the guy in question has a host of other attractive qualities.
Avoiding the friend zone is actually highly easy. But for inexperienced people, it's always the same trap that gets them, every, single, time. Because getting the girl you want can oft at times require counter intuitive behaviour. I know because I've been there, ALOT of times in the past, until my journey through life, and (various reading material) actually enlightened me about how attraction works. There are many hints and tips I've picked up along the way, and yes, to anybody who has read The Game, will know what I'm talking about.
Alot of people think attraction is simply built in, you either are, or you aren't. This is a lie. You CAN learn to be attractive. When girls say they have a type, and you're not it, blow them out of the water. Yes we all have our 'type', and yet we are still completely capable of falling for somebody that goes against all of the traits of our 'type'.
I'm dating a girl who is 2 inches taller than me, my 'type' is small and petit and usually not taller than my shoulder. Theres one theory blown.
I'm no pickup artist, I've had alot of failures and rejections with women, but I've also had my fair share of success, so I know now how this stuff works
I found this on Neil Strauss' website, read it, take it in, it's handy information.
3 Ways To Avoid Being Friend-Zoned
Posted by Neil on Jun 12, 2014 | 26 comments
Today’s guest blogger, writer and Inner-Circle member Georgie Beal, gives us the female perspective on the dreaded friend-zone…
A general definition of the friend-zone would be the state of limbo a boy feels when he has obtained a friend like relationship with a girl with the intent of future intimacy that is denied or ignored by the other party.
It’s understandable why this relationship would confuse and frustrate. Especially considering the time and effort that might have been given to nurture the friendship. However it must be remembered that unlike boys, girls are designed to seek commitment and resources before selecting their partner. This is the basic instinct the majority of females feel.
With this in mind, it makes sense that if a girl can acquire commitment and resources without the exchange of sex, why would she bother to provide intimacy in return? Similarly, if a man can get sex without commitment, why would he bother to commit? In most cases he wouldn’t, just as woman won’t.
Women have had an understanding of this for a long time, which is why advice has historically been given that a girl should play hard to get, make him wait before sex and so on. In doing so, adding value to herself and the assets she offers. In this case, the intimacy she can provide is her precious asset. In a man’s case, it is his commitment and resources.
To ensure you are not stuck in limbo, as so many men often are, there are three important rules to remember when having a friendship with a girl you wish to turn into something more.
fzone
Be The Gatekeeper Of Your Emotional Support
I find that the most common mistake for guys whining about being stuck in the friend-zone is that they all fall into the same trap. They talk to the target girl about everything, they are the shoulder she cries on, providing emotional support without restrictions, while assuming in some way this will increase the bonding in the relationship. It will not.
Most girls are used to discussing their feelings with many different types of people. This is not a special or rare occurrence. Particularly these feelings are often shared with their closest female friends. By socializing in such a way before romantic feelings have developed for the girl, one is putting themselves in a feminine social position. Clearly a disadvantageous spot to be in.
To avoid this, the key here is to make a girl work for your emotional support providing capabilities. Do not let yourself be associated with her misery or misfortune, or worse yet her flailing relationships. Instead, rather be a friend she turns to when she is need for excitement, fun and adventure. By doing so you are associating yourself with similar feelings to arousal rather than all the negativity in her life.
Emotional support is the prize you offer, make her work for it. Don’t hand it out to everyone like it has no value. Save it for the relationship.
Treat Her As Your Equal
Another behavior many guys display when stuck in the friend-zone is that they idolize their target. Prioritizing her needs above their own, her whims above their friends. In doing so, putting the target in a position of power. This is unhealthy as well as undesirable to the target.
Most women will not be attracted to men who so easily become doormats. As frustrating as it is, being the perfect friend will in no way convince a girl to leave her douchebag boyfriend. In fact, by providing all those boyfriend behaviors without being in an intimate relationship, you are encouraging the girl to stay with her douchebag boyfriend who might stimulate her sexual needs, while you care for her other sexless needs in the background.
Therefore, it is vital to treat her as any other friend. If you wouldn’t go out of your way to drive your male friend home, do not drive your female friend home. All these affectionate and resource providing behaviors need to be saved for the dating and relationship stage. Doing so under the pretext of friendship will only solidify that friendship and ensure a very difficult battle out of it.
Make A Move
Lastly, the most important rule to remember is that you actually need to make a move. In the modern world, it is perfectly acceptable for a boy to be friends with a girl without ulterior motives. Being aware of this, girls now may have doubt in their minds as to what your feelings and intentions are. The longer you wait to act, the more time they have to convince themselves that you are not attracted to them and not an option for a future boyfriend. Having this thought diminishes your chances considerably.
Furthermore, the girl may simply not be that into you as you lack the skills or technique to gain her interest yet. This information is better known early on as it prevents the friend-zone situation occurring in the first place. This does not mean you necessarily have to give up on the girl or the friendship but at least you know where you stand in her eyes and have the option to pursue others.
What To Do If You’re Already In The Zone
Assuming you are already friend-zoned, all this information is probably coming to you a little bit late. However fear not, you can still make it out if you are prepared to make the sacrifices.
Firstly, you need to stop contacting your targeted friend. Slowly but surely, you need to distance yourself, become less familiar and fade out of her life. This may take time, a few months at minimum, years if necessary. Secondly, you must utilize this time, become the man you want to be, achieve your goals, meet new people, have new relationships, obtain life experience. If you’re not prepared to do this, you have to ask yourself if you’re attitude isn’t perhaps holding you back in the first place. Thirdly, after a period of time away with new changes and developments to present, approach your target again. Be flirtatious from the start and make it apparent you are no longer the sweet door mat she remembers. You have changed and are worth her attention now. Nothing is more attractive to woman than transformation in a man.
If you follow the above three rules in all your interactions, as well as other techniques you’ve learned you have a shot at a success. Remember, you have value. There is no reason to lower your position, maintain your status and at the very least she will respect you more for it.
This was just a copy and paste, Don't credit me for this...
Avoiding the friend zone is actually highly easy. But for inexperienced people, it's always the same trap that gets them, every, single, time. Because getting the girl you want can oft at times require counter intuitive behaviour. I know because I've been there, ALOT of times in the past, until my journey through life, and (various reading material) actually enlightened me about how attraction works. There are many hints and tips I've picked up along the way, and yes, to anybody who has read The Game, will know what I'm talking about.
Alot of people think attraction is simply built in, you either are, or you aren't. This is a lie. You CAN learn to be attractive. When girls say they have a type, and you're not it, blow them out of the water. Yes we all have our 'type', and yet we are still completely capable of falling for somebody that goes against all of the traits of our 'type'.
I'm dating a girl who is 2 inches taller than me, my 'type' is small and petit and usually not taller than my shoulder. Theres one theory blown.
I'm no pickup artist, I've had alot of failures and rejections with women, but I've also had my fair share of success, so I know now how this stuff works
I found this on Neil Strauss' website, read it, take it in, it's handy information.
3 Ways To Avoid Being Friend-Zoned
Posted by Neil on Jun 12, 2014 | 26 comments
Today’s guest blogger, writer and Inner-Circle member Georgie Beal, gives us the female perspective on the dreaded friend-zone…
A general definition of the friend-zone would be the state of limbo a boy feels when he has obtained a friend like relationship with a girl with the intent of future intimacy that is denied or ignored by the other party.
It’s understandable why this relationship would confuse and frustrate. Especially considering the time and effort that might have been given to nurture the friendship. However it must be remembered that unlike boys, girls are designed to seek commitment and resources before selecting their partner. This is the basic instinct the majority of females feel.
With this in mind, it makes sense that if a girl can acquire commitment and resources without the exchange of sex, why would she bother to provide intimacy in return? Similarly, if a man can get sex without commitment, why would he bother to commit? In most cases he wouldn’t, just as woman won’t.
Women have had an understanding of this for a long time, which is why advice has historically been given that a girl should play hard to get, make him wait before sex and so on. In doing so, adding value to herself and the assets she offers. In this case, the intimacy she can provide is her precious asset. In a man’s case, it is his commitment and resources.
To ensure you are not stuck in limbo, as so many men often are, there are three important rules to remember when having a friendship with a girl you wish to turn into something more.
fzone
Be The Gatekeeper Of Your Emotional Support
I find that the most common mistake for guys whining about being stuck in the friend-zone is that they all fall into the same trap. They talk to the target girl about everything, they are the shoulder she cries on, providing emotional support without restrictions, while assuming in some way this will increase the bonding in the relationship. It will not.
Most girls are used to discussing their feelings with many different types of people. This is not a special or rare occurrence. Particularly these feelings are often shared with their closest female friends. By socializing in such a way before romantic feelings have developed for the girl, one is putting themselves in a feminine social position. Clearly a disadvantageous spot to be in.
To avoid this, the key here is to make a girl work for your emotional support providing capabilities. Do not let yourself be associated with her misery or misfortune, or worse yet her flailing relationships. Instead, rather be a friend she turns to when she is need for excitement, fun and adventure. By doing so you are associating yourself with similar feelings to arousal rather than all the negativity in her life.
Emotional support is the prize you offer, make her work for it. Don’t hand it out to everyone like it has no value. Save it for the relationship.
Treat Her As Your Equal
Another behavior many guys display when stuck in the friend-zone is that they idolize their target. Prioritizing her needs above their own, her whims above their friends. In doing so, putting the target in a position of power. This is unhealthy as well as undesirable to the target.
Most women will not be attracted to men who so easily become doormats. As frustrating as it is, being the perfect friend will in no way convince a girl to leave her douchebag boyfriend. In fact, by providing all those boyfriend behaviors without being in an intimate relationship, you are encouraging the girl to stay with her douchebag boyfriend who might stimulate her sexual needs, while you care for her other sexless needs in the background.
Therefore, it is vital to treat her as any other friend. If you wouldn’t go out of your way to drive your male friend home, do not drive your female friend home. All these affectionate and resource providing behaviors need to be saved for the dating and relationship stage. Doing so under the pretext of friendship will only solidify that friendship and ensure a very difficult battle out of it.
Make A Move
Lastly, the most important rule to remember is that you actually need to make a move. In the modern world, it is perfectly acceptable for a boy to be friends with a girl without ulterior motives. Being aware of this, girls now may have doubt in their minds as to what your feelings and intentions are. The longer you wait to act, the more time they have to convince themselves that you are not attracted to them and not an option for a future boyfriend. Having this thought diminishes your chances considerably.
Furthermore, the girl may simply not be that into you as you lack the skills or technique to gain her interest yet. This information is better known early on as it prevents the friend-zone situation occurring in the first place. This does not mean you necessarily have to give up on the girl or the friendship but at least you know where you stand in her eyes and have the option to pursue others.
What To Do If You’re Already In The Zone
Assuming you are already friend-zoned, all this information is probably coming to you a little bit late. However fear not, you can still make it out if you are prepared to make the sacrifices.
Firstly, you need to stop contacting your targeted friend. Slowly but surely, you need to distance yourself, become less familiar and fade out of her life. This may take time, a few months at minimum, years if necessary. Secondly, you must utilize this time, become the man you want to be, achieve your goals, meet new people, have new relationships, obtain life experience. If you’re not prepared to do this, you have to ask yourself if you’re attitude isn’t perhaps holding you back in the first place. Thirdly, after a period of time away with new changes and developments to present, approach your target again. Be flirtatious from the start and make it apparent you are no longer the sweet door mat she remembers. You have changed and are worth her attention now. Nothing is more attractive to woman than transformation in a man.
If you follow the above three rules in all your interactions, as well as other techniques you’ve learned you have a shot at a success. Remember, you have value. There is no reason to lower your position, maintain your status and at the very least she will respect you more for it.
This was just a copy and paste, Don't credit me for this...
Active Ink Slinger
I'm obsessed with this show, nothing comes close to it. It's best I keep comments to a minimum or you'll never get me to shut up ha 
Favorite Charicter: It has to be The Hound, hands down, recently finding out so much about him has been captivating, there is a heart behind that tough exterior, but I also love how realistic he is. He knows the world, and what the realm is. He sees people for what they are. He's smarter than you first realise. Runners up are Bronn and Tyrion for there awesome banter, Jaime (I know right what the fuck?) he really grew on me the last couple of seasons, I dispised him through season 1&2. Jaqen H'Gar, for his mysteque, and for being the first person in Game of Thrones to voice the best two words I've ever heard. VALAR MORGHULIS.
Most Hated: Cersei - obviously. Petr Baelish (Littlefinger) - again and obvious one. Meryn Trant, he thinks he's mister big, but shits himself in a real fight. Ramsey Snow, although I do find his scenes awesome. Walder Frey. Dirty old perv. I'm sure I could name more.
Hottest Woman. Most people go with Daenary's for number 1. Not me. I'd jump in bed with Margaery Tyrell first, every single time (as if she's 31 IRL!). Theres something about her smile that makes the erotic section of my brain completely reel. I also have a thing for Ygritte, she has a kick ass attitude. She remind me of somebody like Mila Jovovich. Sansa Stark is of course a total beauty, and now all men can rejoice as she is officially over age ;) and Lady Melisander (The Red Woman) has to be a cougar of the year.
Most Boring/pointless: Right now, I find the whole Brandon Stark plot a real drag, I'm not sure what the crack is with his special powers, I guess it's heading somewhere, but there is so much good stuff happening, I hate it when it cuts to their scenes, because in comparison they seem to be quite tame and lack excitement. Despite the fact I like her scenes, and like her, Brienne is quite a boring charicter, she's just all about duty and honor, without Jaime she's not so much fun to watch.
I wanna say more, but I'll leave it for now.....told ya I'd never shut up haaa
Favorite Charicter: It has to be The Hound, hands down, recently finding out so much about him has been captivating, there is a heart behind that tough exterior, but I also love how realistic he is. He knows the world, and what the realm is. He sees people for what they are. He's smarter than you first realise. Runners up are Bronn and Tyrion for there awesome banter, Jaime (I know right what the fuck?) he really grew on me the last couple of seasons, I dispised him through season 1&2. Jaqen H'Gar, for his mysteque, and for being the first person in Game of Thrones to voice the best two words I've ever heard. VALAR MORGHULIS.
Most Hated: Cersei - obviously. Petr Baelish (Littlefinger) - again and obvious one. Meryn Trant, he thinks he's mister big, but shits himself in a real fight. Ramsey Snow, although I do find his scenes awesome. Walder Frey. Dirty old perv. I'm sure I could name more.
Hottest Woman. Most people go with Daenary's for number 1. Not me. I'd jump in bed with Margaery Tyrell first, every single time (as if she's 31 IRL!). Theres something about her smile that makes the erotic section of my brain completely reel. I also have a thing for Ygritte, she has a kick ass attitude. She remind me of somebody like Mila Jovovich. Sansa Stark is of course a total beauty, and now all men can rejoice as she is officially over age ;) and Lady Melisander (The Red Woman) has to be a cougar of the year.
Most Boring/pointless: Right now, I find the whole Brandon Stark plot a real drag, I'm not sure what the crack is with his special powers, I guess it's heading somewhere, but there is so much good stuff happening, I hate it when it cuts to their scenes, because in comparison they seem to be quite tame and lack excitement. Despite the fact I like her scenes, and like her, Brienne is quite a boring charicter, she's just all about duty and honor, without Jaime she's not so much fun to watch.
I wanna say more, but I'll leave it for now.....told ya I'd never shut up haaa
Active Ink Slinger
I had no idea Charlie Hunnam was a Geordie. Well there you go!
I'm actually from Durham, about 25miles south, but thats close enough but most peoples standards, plus I'm a Newcastle United supported, so I'll class myself as a Geordie thanks. ;)
Just to clear something up. The term Geordie has kinda been Hijacked by people from newcastle, it was origionally designated to all people with North East origins, that included Sunderland and County Durham too. Pahaha Dirty Mackems! (I'm kidding relax!)
It comes from the old mining days, when a fella called George (Stephenson... could be?) designed a mining lamp that was used throughout all of England, in the mining industry. It was used all over the country, until another fella, called "Davey", came along and designed another, better lamp, known as a Davey Lamp. The rest of Englands mining towns and cities decided to go with the newer more updated Davey lamp and scrap the Geordie lamp, except for the North East, who decided for whatever reason, that they preffered the older Geordie lamp, much to the astonishment of the rest of the country. From then on, North Eastern people, were reffered to, as GEORDIES.
Learn something new every day with me around haha.
Lmao, Geordettes! I like that. Might have to start using that ha
One a bit of a side note, one wierd thing I've noticed, is that in Game of Thrones, Liam Cunningham who plays Ser Davos, uses a geordie accent (and he's Irish too, which shows he is a awesome actor because it's a hard dialect to perfect). But he's the only one in the whole show who uses it, the rest are all Lancashire/Yorkshire/Manchester/Sheffield/Bristol types. It's nice to actually hear that british accent on TV for once! Instead of your usual Hugh Grant type or Cockney gangster.
The only other TV show notorious for having Geordies, would be Geordie Shore of course
Other famous people who I only just found out are Geordies would be, Bryan Johnson (Current lead singer of ACDC) Rowan Atkinson (MR Bean, BlackAdder, Johnny English) although he's clearly lost his accent, Alun Armstrong, actor in Braveheart, Les Miserables, Get Carter and many more, and Ridley Scott, who made the Alien and Promethius films.
Amazing what a bit of research can do
I'm actually from Durham, about 25miles south, but thats close enough but most peoples standards, plus I'm a Newcastle United supported, so I'll class myself as a Geordie thanks. ;)
Just to clear something up. The term Geordie has kinda been Hijacked by people from newcastle, it was origionally designated to all people with North East origins, that included Sunderland and County Durham too. Pahaha Dirty Mackems! (I'm kidding relax!)
It comes from the old mining days, when a fella called George (Stephenson... could be?) designed a mining lamp that was used throughout all of England, in the mining industry. It was used all over the country, until another fella, called "Davey", came along and designed another, better lamp, known as a Davey Lamp. The rest of Englands mining towns and cities decided to go with the newer more updated Davey lamp and scrap the Geordie lamp, except for the North East, who decided for whatever reason, that they preffered the older Geordie lamp, much to the astonishment of the rest of the country. From then on, North Eastern people, were reffered to, as GEORDIES.
Learn something new every day with me around haha.
Quote by Nikki703
Or maybe Geordettes?[/img]
Lmao, Geordettes! I like that. Might have to start using that ha
One a bit of a side note, one wierd thing I've noticed, is that in Game of Thrones, Liam Cunningham who plays Ser Davos, uses a geordie accent (and he's Irish too, which shows he is a awesome actor because it's a hard dialect to perfect). But he's the only one in the whole show who uses it, the rest are all Lancashire/Yorkshire/Manchester/Sheffield/Bristol types. It's nice to actually hear that british accent on TV for once! Instead of your usual Hugh Grant type or Cockney gangster.
The only other TV show notorious for having Geordies, would be Geordie Shore of course
Other famous people who I only just found out are Geordies would be, Bryan Johnson (Current lead singer of ACDC) Rowan Atkinson (MR Bean, BlackAdder, Johnny English) although he's clearly lost his accent, Alun Armstrong, actor in Braveheart, Les Miserables, Get Carter and many more, and Ridley Scott, who made the Alien and Promethius films.
Amazing what a bit of research can do
Active Ink Slinger
Play it Cool. If you try hard, you die hard.
I don't see the reason why you're particularly attracted to this person any more than other eligable bachelors in the pool. So you chatted and got on, but thats trivial information at this stage. You're giving yourself a hard time unnecessarly, but we've all done it. I can't count the amount of times I've been missed around, or received the 'hot cold hot cold' treatment. It's frustating, but it sounds like you're veering more towards obession, that has been strengthened because of rejection, than actual attraction. Even if he was interested, obsession is likely to drive him away and be intimidated.
Remember that you live in your own reality, so in matters like this, you need to flip script. You be the confident one, you be the non-needy one, you show how much fun you are, and love of life you have, without actually trying to direct too much attention to yourself. Theres a huge difference between showing off, and people knowing that you're showing off. One of the Paradoxes of dating and courtship behaviour, is that that it takes alot of effort, to look effortless (Thank you for that Neil Strauss).
One scenario that I suspect, is that he has been dating or courting this Katie, and they've hit a rough spot, pahaps not talking to each other or on the rocks. Often when this happens, people don't change their facebook status, because they are not sure if this situation is dead, or if it will flower again. However during this period they are more open to interest for others, and will make considerations for other potential partners as rebound or backup. Thats my guess on this, it could be entirely false, he may just be a player, on the other hand, she may just be his half-sisters best friend, that he didn't mention.
Checking his facebook is a natural reaction, but The fact that (at least you made it sound like) you are not friends on facebook, tells me you didn't get that close, nor do you really know that much about him. You're getting into territory where you're gonna destroy your own self-esteem, for no good reason.
Relax about the whole thing.
I don't see the reason why you're particularly attracted to this person any more than other eligable bachelors in the pool. So you chatted and got on, but thats trivial information at this stage. You're giving yourself a hard time unnecessarly, but we've all done it. I can't count the amount of times I've been missed around, or received the 'hot cold hot cold' treatment. It's frustating, but it sounds like you're veering more towards obession, that has been strengthened because of rejection, than actual attraction. Even if he was interested, obsession is likely to drive him away and be intimidated.
Remember that you live in your own reality, so in matters like this, you need to flip script. You be the confident one, you be the non-needy one, you show how much fun you are, and love of life you have, without actually trying to direct too much attention to yourself. Theres a huge difference between showing off, and people knowing that you're showing off. One of the Paradoxes of dating and courtship behaviour, is that that it takes alot of effort, to look effortless (Thank you for that Neil Strauss).
One scenario that I suspect, is that he has been dating or courting this Katie, and they've hit a rough spot, pahaps not talking to each other or on the rocks. Often when this happens, people don't change their facebook status, because they are not sure if this situation is dead, or if it will flower again. However during this period they are more open to interest for others, and will make considerations for other potential partners as rebound or backup. Thats my guess on this, it could be entirely false, he may just be a player, on the other hand, she may just be his half-sisters best friend, that he didn't mention.
Checking his facebook is a natural reaction, but The fact that (at least you made it sound like) you are not friends on facebook, tells me you didn't get that close, nor do you really know that much about him. You're getting into territory where you're gonna destroy your own self-esteem, for no good reason.
Relax about the whole thing.
Active Ink Slinger
I don't believe in soul mates in the supernatural or destiny sense whatsoever, in the same way that I don't believe in fate. However I think that certain people have certain compatabilities with each other, based on their attaction parameters (and even then that doesn't matter), and that is the basis of whether or not a relationship can flourish. I don't think there is one person for everybody, I think everybody is for everybody, so long as there is a chemistry, attraction, a personality connection and a desire to be together. What more do you need than that?
I don't think that two people are destined to be together, real life isn't The Notebook.
Alot of people might find it depressing or unencouraging that their relationship isn't the work of some kind of supernatural love guru, but I think thats narrow minded and in fact I believe the truth it's quite the opposite. The infinate possibilities are amazing.
I think it's quite sad that somebody who is your 'soulmate', isn't somebody you're romantically involved with. I think the person I'm in a relationship with has to be the closest person to me in my life, and that there would be nobody else I would confide my feelings with before them.
I also think people set themselves too many parameters when it comes to chosing partners, because they are too specific with what they want, without really think it through. People have made poor decisions and ended up staying single because they didn't take a chance, and in hindsight it's their own mindset that has ruined them. People saying "I only go for a girl with big tits" or "I only go for tall guys" are shooting themselves in the foot by cutting people who could be perfect for them, out of the equation. Attraction is not a choice, so it's bizzare that some people set themselves such strict criterea, and often they end up regretting it.
My stepmother already admitted that my Dad is not the type of man she would usually go for, but she took a chance, now shes in love.
I don't think that two people are destined to be together, real life isn't The Notebook.
Alot of people might find it depressing or unencouraging that their relationship isn't the work of some kind of supernatural love guru, but I think thats narrow minded and in fact I believe the truth it's quite the opposite. The infinate possibilities are amazing.
Quote by cherrycola703
I believe soul mates exist, but not that they have to necessarily be romantically involved. A soul mate is someone you have a deep connection with.
I think it's quite sad that somebody who is your 'soulmate', isn't somebody you're romantically involved with. I think the person I'm in a relationship with has to be the closest person to me in my life, and that there would be nobody else I would confide my feelings with before them.
I also think people set themselves too many parameters when it comes to chosing partners, because they are too specific with what they want, without really think it through. People have made poor decisions and ended up staying single because they didn't take a chance, and in hindsight it's their own mindset that has ruined them. People saying "I only go for a girl with big tits" or "I only go for tall guys" are shooting themselves in the foot by cutting people who could be perfect for them, out of the equation. Attraction is not a choice, so it's bizzare that some people set themselves such strict criterea, and often they end up regretting it.
My stepmother already admitted that my Dad is not the type of man she would usually go for, but she took a chance, now shes in love.
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I quoted your first post because despite the fact you had the wrong idea, it was essential a nice piece of thought out writing, that describes how the tos and fros of what happens in the relationship paradigm, how it should work, at least in a perfect world.
Being Dawg isn't my aim, but neither is falling for the wrong person just because it feels like the right time. If I met 'the one', (And I'm sure she is right out there waiting for me), I'd be happy to take things further, and would feel totally comfortable in a relationship. But if you have doubts, it usually because the attraction levels are not strong enough. At 25, I shouldn't be a major rush to find the right girl, but when she comes along, guarantee I will be a sucka for her. At heart I'm a romantic too, but it just alot of groundwork for me to get there. Until that happens though, I'm happy to just have fun.
Rather than wallow over the fact I lost one girl, who I wasn't that attracted to anyway, I should focus on meeting and interacting with more women, because thats the only way I will a) be able to have more 'fun' with somebody else b) have the best chance of finding that special girl.
Being Dawg isn't my aim, but neither is falling for the wrong person just because it feels like the right time. If I met 'the one', (And I'm sure she is right out there waiting for me), I'd be happy to take things further, and would feel totally comfortable in a relationship. But if you have doubts, it usually because the attraction levels are not strong enough. At 25, I shouldn't be a major rush to find the right girl, but when she comes along, guarantee I will be a sucka for her. At heart I'm a romantic too, but it just alot of groundwork for me to get there. Until that happens though, I'm happy to just have fun.
Rather than wallow over the fact I lost one girl, who I wasn't that attracted to anyway, I should focus on meeting and interacting with more women, because thats the only way I will a) be able to have more 'fun' with somebody else b) have the best chance of finding that special girl.
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Quote by avrgblkgrl
I think I sort of fall into the same line of thinking as Mazza. How often did you want to talk to her? That's what you should have been asking yourself. There is so much game playing and counter measures in dating. It's stressful and confusing. It also leads to a lack of communication. Do you. If you want her to want you for who and what you are then "Do You". Wouldn't it have been nice if you had just called her because you were thinking about her and said exactly that? If she reacted negatively, then there is your answer. She just is not that in to you. But, to deny your natural urges only hurts you in the end. Eventually you are going to be you and if that is irritating to her then why not get it out of the way early.
Isn't it wonderful to just be with someone and just be yourself? Those are the type of relationships that last. I do understand that it takes a certain amount of confidence, but it saves so much time. If you still have an urge to talk to her, do it. Explain yourself if it is worth it to you.
Quote by hayley
HEY!!!! r u for real John? u say u cared for this girl? sooo have u turned that off?
if the answer is NO! then take all that stuff u wrote in yr original post.. minus the last paragraph .. and send it to HER!
then follow it up... but don't be verbose in yr follow ups .. just simple messages .. "thinking of u" or "wondering what u r doing right now?" ..
do u actually believe she has moved on?? sounds as if u two had quite a connection..
of course I am just a hopeless romantic.. but maybe she wants to see if u really care???????? omg we r complex creatures...
and sweet sweet john.. u sooo need to pay attention to ROMANCE... we may SAY we hate u contacting us all the time.. but if we do we will TELL u so... and with a...
and as for all this baloney ... "truth is, I didn't see a huge future for us, so maybe just being happy with how things were going, isn't enough" ... what is this all about??..
do u care? and what's with "MAYBE"? ... u cared enough to bring yr pain .. yr loss ...here..
if u don't try and get her back.. well u will never really know will u????
These are two amazing answers, they put the whole thing in prespective. It's difficult to say how I feel, without either sounding like a chauvenistic pig or a player, two charicterists that as a gentleman, I never try to emulate. The more I think about it, the more it makes total sense that we are not together. When I got with her, my intial instinct was thinking that there isn't so much attraction involved, that this didn't have a realistic future, it was more like "this will be fun, for a while."
By that statement, I can immediate see some critics looking at me and thinking "so basically you were just using her for sex, or for your own validation". No, I think it was a medium ground. Attracted enough to want to see the girl, and have some fun together, not attracted enough to believe it was going to lead to a real long term relationship.
We live in a society that likes to make clear cut judgements; right and wrong, good and bad. But I don't believe the real universe works like that. The case not either 'in a relationship' or 'single', there is a grey areas involved that many people don't mention, which in the 21st century people should be mentioning. Call that grey area "fuck buddies", "Friends with benefits", "Open Relationship", "Dating", whatever you like. I think in many cases people get together, purely to chance if there is anything more there, if there is, cool, if not, move on. Even so, during this peroid I would be expecting to have sex. The sex before marriage days are behind us, or at least, should be.
I thought she was attractive, pretty, sexy, and a nice genuine person, and we had a laugh. However there was little deep connection on a personal level, and I think that is a base requirement, but I also think that just because that isn't there, doesn't mean we shouldn't be having fun at all. Sex is a many splendid thing.
It's not fair for people to say, well if you don't see this becoming a relationship, then you shouldn't be with her in the first place. Well you know what, I think I deserve to having sex in my life too, regardless of what 'status' you want to give the circumstances.
I was happy with how things were, but I didn't want a relationship, and I think it's totally fair that she has the right to move on, but I also think its totally fair, that I'm not judged for that. I'll get into a relationship on my terms, when I am totally sure I love the person I'm with. In a way, its a natural occurence, the dating phase has a limited lifespan, and once thats over with, general concensus seems to be move on to "relationship" OR "regress to friends".
In this case it's "regressing to friends" I believe it is for the best, but in future, it think it was important for me to know a healthy level what kind of limits and rules should you be placing around how often you contact, or how little you contact, in the event that I do find somebody I'm a hugely attracted to, and want to take it further ie going from dating to relationship. I can see the answer now. THERE ARE NO LIMITS.
I'm learning
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I wouldn't refer to it as 'feeling good', theres nothing particularly pleasurable about nursing an erection, in fact it can be quite a hinderance; in tight jeans it can be painful, in the workplace it can be awkward as you have to hide it etc.... It's rare that you'd get an immediate reaction from just seeing a girl in the street, even if she bent over. The reaction usually happens once you starting thinking about it, pondering on it, and allowing a fancyful thought.
Having an erection isn't always from sexual thoughts, sometimes i can be totally random. For example, the reason you get a hard-on during sleep, is so that you don't pee yourself in your sleep. The erection causes a back pressure which prevents you from waking, and not peeing, which is why morning glory is usually attributed to busting for a piss, rather than being horny, although you can use it to your advantage if you wanted to...
Theres also a spider in brazil thats venom causes erections, because the male brain mistakes the chemicals for the ones a man feels when he is aroused. However by all accounts, judging you've just be bitten by one of the worlds deadliest arachnids, its likely to be worst hard-on you'll ever experience.
Instead of actually pleasure, i'd refer to having a hard-on as a emotional rush of sexual desire an tension, that you'd do anything to satisfy. You can get erect for no reason at all, but still, it makes you feel like you need to do something about it.
Having an erection isn't always from sexual thoughts, sometimes i can be totally random. For example, the reason you get a hard-on during sleep, is so that you don't pee yourself in your sleep. The erection causes a back pressure which prevents you from waking, and not peeing, which is why morning glory is usually attributed to busting for a piss, rather than being horny, although you can use it to your advantage if you wanted to...
Theres also a spider in brazil thats venom causes erections, because the male brain mistakes the chemicals for the ones a man feels when he is aroused. However by all accounts, judging you've just be bitten by one of the worlds deadliest arachnids, its likely to be worst hard-on you'll ever experience.
Instead of actually pleasure, i'd refer to having a hard-on as a emotional rush of sexual desire an tension, that you'd do anything to satisfy. You can get erect for no reason at all, but still, it makes you feel like you need to do something about it.
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Quote by SandyJ
If this is important for you to know as a dating criteria. I, for one, would not be dating you.
I didn't offer.
@ Mazza
I think theres a number of things I need to bear in mind in order for me to objective. Everybody is different, and has different expectations, certain girls may not require frequent contact in order for them to remain interested, or indeed for them to feel as if you're interested in them. It sounds vain, but particularly confident girls who feel comfortable with themselves, don't spend too much time worrying when their guy doesn't contact, in fact, they probably quite enjoy the space. Other girls may need more attention, to stay engaged and to keep the attraction levels pumping.
There was on American girl I dated, where I didn't necessarly keep in touch that often, but every time we met up we had a great and special time together, and she was so damn confident, which i what I really liked, she was always busy doing her own thing, and not needy whatsoever, I felt really relaxed because I didn't feel like I had to check in, she was just cool.
But conversely I've dated girls where they text message, and if you don't reply in 20 minutes they send another message. To me this displays insecurity, but at the same time, you can be reassured because you know they are interested in you. It's difficult to find an exact answer to the question.
I think judging the type of girl you are dating, pahaps comes with experience rather than assumption or actual guildlines.
When dating a girl, I was definately more eager in the past, and since learned to more stand off, but it looks like in this case I've gone from one extreme to the other.
Often men have a problem with dating, they create set rules that aren't particularly necessary, when men think they are. I have a friend that always waits 20 minutes before replying to a text message, and only puts an 'x' at the end of message, if the girls has put one first.
I think when it comes to dating, men can tend to overthink, rather than just be natural. We humans are a strange breed ;)
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Well said Mazza.
Trinkeeeet, where the hell have you been You're reasoning is perfectly feasible, I'm not sure we were that attracted to each other in the first place. Her excuse was that it's not her job to chase me, and that it should be the other way around. Now, I'm not a fan of double standards, as you probably know, but I didn't chase her very much at all, not even enough for her to meet me half way. I think it's my own doing, and the more I think, it's definately for the best. I wanted to disuss it because if I do meet somebody else that I like, I need to make sure I find the right medium between keeping contact and connection, but giving freedom and space.
Trinkeeeet, where the hell have you been
You're reasoning is perfectly feasible, I'm not sure we were that attracted to each other in the first place. Her excuse was that it's not her job to chase me, and that it should be the other way around. Now, I'm not a fan of double standards, as you probably know, but I didn't chase her very much at all, not even enough for her to meet me half way. I think it's my own doing, and the more I think, it's definately for the best. I wanted to disuss it because if I do meet somebody else that I like, I need to make sure I find the right medium between keeping contact and connection, but giving freedom and space.
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Falling in love doesn't come with a manual, I guess you could meet the person of your dreams practically anywhere, I'd like to think the possibilities are endless, could be a nightclub, a lemonade stand, a library.
From my own personal experience, I once hit it off with a with a girl I met on an aeroplane from Darwin to Sydney. I don't see why the possibilities on the internet should be any different.
One thing is for sure, it will happen when you least expect it ;)
All I would say is, despite is crazily awesome sexual nature, Lush may be a harder place to establish a connection with girl than usual, because of the way a 'some' men behave here, it's forced girls to put their guards up and be suspect of all men that approach. It's a shame because I'm sure there are plenty of true gentlemen here, but unfortunately its the few spoiling it for the many.
From my own personal experience, I once hit it off with a with a girl I met on an aeroplane from Darwin to Sydney. I don't see why the possibilities on the internet should be any different.
One thing is for sure, it will happen when you least expect it ;)
All I would say is, despite is crazily awesome sexual nature, Lush may be a harder place to establish a connection with girl than usual, because of the way a 'some' men behave here, it's forced girls to put their guards up and be suspect of all men that approach. It's a shame because I'm sure there are plenty of true gentlemen here, but unfortunately its the few spoiling it for the many.
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Thanks for the feedback ladies, I can see that in highsight I was probably too distant, I didn't see the need to keep contacting her on the basis that she was expecting. Pahaps the answer is, I was attracted to her, but not quite attracted enough. I find that if another person wants it to get more serioius, the instinct can sometimes be for me to worry that we're getting too deep too soon. Let's be honest, I have a slight fear of showing major commitment, when I can't decide if the girl is just a temporary thing, or if I see a real future. Maybe to some extent, I've answered my own question. The truth is, I didn't see a huge future for us, so maybe just being happy with how things were going, isn't enough.
I wonder how many other people have to wrestle with their fears of commitment, or sometimes wonder how attracted they truly are to the girl. I think if you truly like somebody, these questions never come into it. Pahaps moving on, makes perfect sense.
I wonder how many other people have to wrestle with their fears of commitment, or sometimes wonder how attracted they truly are to the girl. I think if you truly like somebody, these questions never come into it. Pahaps moving on, makes perfect sense.
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I met a girl at the Modern Jive classes I take, and I was seeing her for around 2 months. We we're in the intermediate phase of 'past the first few dates', but also 'not in a relationship just yet'. Call it friends with benefits, taking it easy and seeing how it goes, or just having fun, but things we're going well (at least I thought), and I did like her.
We slept together on the first date, saw each other once a week for drinks, movie and sex, and I usually contacted her a couple of times a week for a chat, mainly texting.
It's paramount for a man (at least I thought), that you appear non-needy as possible, to display confidence, so I tried not to bombard her with text messages and limited it to convos just once or twice per week. Because we were just datings or as I put it "Seeing each other", but not in a full on relationship (which I think would be far too quick after just 2 months), I thought that by not texting all the time, I was displaying a person who was not needy and desperate for attention, and instead a confident person who didn't require a girls interest in order to get on in life.
In essence, by not texting her all the time, I've played it TOO 'cool', and the reverse effect has happen, I haven't attracted her, I've inadvertantely shunned her.
I've had problems recently, I lost my job and I've been busy dealing with stuff, and she's also been busy doing dance auditons, but she said this is no excuse for not to be in touch very regularly.
After a chat with her tonight, she's said we're not seeing each other any more, because she got the impression that I wasn't interested enough, and therefore she stopped being interested in me. She made a comment that when she is dating somebody, she requires contact from them at least once a day, otherwise she would feel as if it was an active display of somebody not interested.
So because I've tried to play it cool and not smother her, I've accidently given the opposite impression, made her feel as if she wasn't worth chasing, and that I don't desire her enough. She's made me feel like a bit of a pig, even though I genuinely think I am a good person.
I need to learn from this. I don't want to make the same mistake again. I always thought as a guy, you have to be careful about seeking too much contact for the girl, otherwise you're showing needyness and insecurity. I thought texting every day, is too much for a girl you're only dating. I actually cared about this girl, but i've been so frightening about scaring her away, because I've heard that texting too much can be a turn off, that I've been way to stand-off, and she felt unwanted.
I've asked if I can fix it, but she said she's already moved on. She never texts me first, and says that as a man, it's my job to chase her and not the other way around, i felt that was a bit of a double standard.
So please tell me, when you're dating a guy, should he be texting/phoning/emailing every day? Is once or twice per week not enough? Or does it depend on the girl and she is the needy one? What can I do to ensure that this never happens again.
We slept together on the first date, saw each other once a week for drinks, movie and sex, and I usually contacted her a couple of times a week for a chat, mainly texting.
It's paramount for a man (at least I thought), that you appear non-needy as possible, to display confidence, so I tried not to bombard her with text messages and limited it to convos just once or twice per week. Because we were just datings or as I put it "Seeing each other", but not in a full on relationship (which I think would be far too quick after just 2 months), I thought that by not texting all the time, I was displaying a person who was not needy and desperate for attention, and instead a confident person who didn't require a girls interest in order to get on in life.
In essence, by not texting her all the time, I've played it TOO 'cool', and the reverse effect has happen, I haven't attracted her, I've inadvertantely shunned her.
I've had problems recently, I lost my job and I've been busy dealing with stuff, and she's also been busy doing dance auditons, but she said this is no excuse for not to be in touch very regularly.
After a chat with her tonight, she's said we're not seeing each other any more, because she got the impression that I wasn't interested enough, and therefore she stopped being interested in me. She made a comment that when she is dating somebody, she requires contact from them at least once a day, otherwise she would feel as if it was an active display of somebody not interested.
So because I've tried to play it cool and not smother her, I've accidently given the opposite impression, made her feel as if she wasn't worth chasing, and that I don't desire her enough. She's made me feel like a bit of a pig, even though I genuinely think I am a good person.
I need to learn from this. I don't want to make the same mistake again. I always thought as a guy, you have to be careful about seeking too much contact for the girl, otherwise you're showing needyness and insecurity. I thought texting every day, is too much for a girl you're only dating. I actually cared about this girl, but i've been so frightening about scaring her away, because I've heard that texting too much can be a turn off, that I've been way to stand-off, and she felt unwanted.
I've asked if I can fix it, but she said she's already moved on. She never texts me first, and says that as a man, it's my job to chase her and not the other way around, i felt that was a bit of a double standard.
So please tell me, when you're dating a guy, should he be texting/phoning/emailing every day? Is once or twice per week not enough? Or does it depend on the girl and she is the needy one? What can I do to ensure that this never happens again.
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Feel like I swimming against the tide here, but no I don't want to taste my own cum, the idea seems very non-hot to me. It's happened inadvertantly after sex if the girl took me in her mouth, and then gone to kiss me, and being the gentleman I try to be, I don't pull away because thats kind of cruel, after shes done a nice thing for my benefit. All the same, I wouldn't tick the box to say I enjoyed it. Still, its your sexuality, I'm live and let live person. And plus we've been on lush long enough to know, theres no such thing as normal. ;)
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I can't say I've listen to a song and felt aroused, maybe it just have a poor imagination, but there are songs that drive me wild with ecstasy, even if it isn't sexual ecstasy. I think it's mainly due to awesome lyrics that actually mean something or tell stories. For Example:
Aerosmith: Sweet Emotion, Dream On, Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, (and more because I love this band)
Bruce Springsteen: Born in the USA
The Eels: My Beloved Monster
Lady Gaga: Born This Way (Yeah I know, and I'm totally straight too!)
Guns N' Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine
Darius: Colorblind
Daniel Powter: Bad Day (Mainly because I'm in love with the girl in the music video...)
Imagine Dragons: Demons
The Script: Man Who Can't Be Moved
Nelly: Just a Dream
Donna Lewis: I Love You Always Forever
GlasVegas: It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry
Kid Rock: All Summer Long
Michelle Branch: Everywhere
Er... I think thats enough. Besides there songs aren't ones that would drive my into a sexual frenzie, more songs where i'd like to cuddle up close to a girl and give gentle passionate kisses.
I've definately lost some masculinity points with this post haven't I haha
Aerosmith: Sweet Emotion, Dream On, Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, (and more because I love this band)
Bruce Springsteen: Born in the USA
The Eels: My Beloved Monster
Lady Gaga: Born This Way (Yeah I know, and I'm totally straight too!)
Guns N' Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine
Darius: Colorblind
Daniel Powter: Bad Day (Mainly because I'm in love with the girl in the music video...)
Imagine Dragons: Demons
The Script: Man Who Can't Be Moved
Nelly: Just a Dream
Donna Lewis: I Love You Always Forever
GlasVegas: It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry
Kid Rock: All Summer Long
Michelle Branch: Everywhere
Er... I think thats enough. Besides there songs aren't ones that would drive my into a sexual frenzie, more songs where i'd like to cuddle up close to a girl and give gentle passionate kisses.
I've definately lost some masculinity points with this post haven't I haha
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Ok, so it's not a Movie it's a Series, I think Game of Thrones deserves a mention here. It's the best thing I've ever seen, I'm absolutely obsessed, and I know others are too, I've honestly never seen or read anything quite like it, Amaaaaazing! I urge you to completely avoid Game of Thrones if you value a good nights sleep in your life. For the rest, Immerse yourself
Other than that, Lord of the Rings is the only thing I've seen that compares to the books they were filmed from. Harry Potter films are a dive, they could have made it so much more spectacular, although the 7th film is passable. The books were unbelievable though. Hunger Games was pretty good too, although again, the tame graphics in the film didn't live up to the gory explicit nature of the books.
Maybe I expect too much idk..
Other than that, Lord of the Rings is the only thing I've seen that compares to the books they were filmed from. Harry Potter films are a dive, they could have made it so much more spectacular, although the 7th film is passable. The books were unbelievable though. Hunger Games was pretty good too, although again, the tame graphics in the film didn't live up to the gory explicit nature of the books.
Maybe I expect too much idk..