I'd have to say that Circle of friends whilst being a great story is very cynical, but that's not really a criticism because I think it sadly reflects a great deal of truth about how people behave online. I hated the txt spk, but again, I suppose that's reflective of the situation, it wouldn't get me off though.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Well Sir Rump, "How Humans Do It" was fun and quite excellently executed. It's actually one of my go-to stories when I'm down in the dumps and need a good chuckle.
My only criticism is that when I first read it, it kind of made me have to step outside of myself to really enjoy it. Animals getting aroused by humans having sex just wasn't something I was ready to allow into my psyche. Kind of threw me off guard...waaaaaay off guard.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
I just read your latest story SWW2012 and my criticism is that I feel cheated when I read a "you" story. Maybe that's just me. Some people seem to like them, but they don't do anything for me and it seems like taking the easy road instead of performing up to your potential.
I read "Snake Charmer," and loved it. The only criticism I could come up with is a little bit of a nitpick. At one point, you needed to describe the effect of a drug on the patient, but the POV was of the woman who administered it. It was a little bit of a detour the way the effect was described. I am not sure whether there's a better way to achieve it or not - or perhaps if it was necessary (perhaps it might simply have either sufficed for her to simply say why she had to restrain him).
I think my criticism would have to be that your stories tend to lack a certain spark: something to surprise or shock. "The Demerit System Part 2" for example: man says he's going to give the girls 30 whacks and then does. The end. Putting a bit of chaos into a d/s story isn't easy - people are often surprised that I've not written a spanking story but I've yet to come up with something I think good enough to present here because I can't make that vital twist work.
Your stories (and there's plenty of them!) are technically very well-written and edited but the settings and situations are usually unremarkable - that's not necessarily a bad thing but it doesn't help the reader's imagination to be carried away somewhere and lost in a little made-up world. I like that you write in third person (vital I think for d/s stories) and that you don't capitalise "he" - an increasing blight on the genre.
There's lots of stories on this site and I think for anyone to stand out they really need to find some way to challenge the reader a bit more.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber I have been back and forth to this thread too many times so decided to finally post!
I re-read your stories and tried to unpick one that didn't stand out as much for me which was 'Three Bears'. I could only critique this on my preference for story writing as the storyline is very good, and cleverly done, however, for me it lacks the sexiness in comparison to your other stories. The actual scene of her fantasy is covered by only a very short section. There was potential to expand this eroticism for the reader.
I just read "Again". Sorry to say, it was my first by you. I spend most of my time writing my own or reading those of friends. So, here goes. Aside from the editing errors (and are you British or Canadian that you spell color "colour"?), I found the story deeply engrossing. So much so that I was disappointed by the denouement. Who are "they" to whom she should speak. And why did they break up in the first place. A long distance affair out of the question? I loved the style of writing. It was superb. I was baffled by it to a certain extent. I would have loved to have known the exact circumstances of the break up. They certainly got back together rather quickly. Thanks for allowing me to make a few comments. You are a fine writer.
I just re-read She Has A What? and felt the need to vent about inconsistencies. In the advertisement the statement is "Unfurnished". But there is a TV and couch in the living room;and a desk, a chair and a queen-sized bed in the bed room which is to be his. That made me stop reading and go back up to the top of the story, to see if I had mis-read the ad. So much for being able to engross myself in the story. From that point onward, my radar was on, searching for other inconsistencies. But overall, I thought it was a good story, and fun.
I had a little fun with a similar subject when I wrote Charlie-Charlene. I will say this. I thought linking Roger Williams' courage of his convictions was a masterful touch. (Having descended from a bunch of Massachusetts and Connecticut Calvinists I have a more than passing interest in New England history, and am of course, very familiar with Roger Williams' banishment.) As I read that, I wished I had thought of it when I was writing my Futa story. But I was too busy trying to keep it light and humorous while still trying to maintain the love concept, so, although I did all right at describing the love between the three of them, I neglected the philosophic implications.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
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