Ways to Avoid Repetition of “I” in First-Person Writing

Quote by KimmiBeGood
And Wannabewordsmith, one thing I did was remove most "I said" "she said" stuff. I think you were the one who gave examples somewhere else about that and said you don't use it... I think it really makes audios better without the "whoever said" wordings... Thank you!

You're welcome. Glad it's useful. As I think I mentioned, it's not something I consciously did, it just seems to have developed as I improved my style, picking up tidbits from reading other authors I admire.

One time I do use dialogue tags still is when I need to make it clear that two pieces of dialogue separated by a paragraph break are spoken by the same person. The "new speaker new paragraph" rule here gets in the way. There are a few approaches I've experimented with over the years:

"Don't you care what happens to her?!" Kimmi looked away to avoid my glare. "Just think about it, okay?"

With that one, which I've used a few times before, the lack of paragraph break means it's clear(ish) that the same person is speaking after the action. But notice that I've cycled the action back to the narrator: to avoid my glare. Without that bit, it could be misconstrued as Kimmi speaking: the reader might think perhaps I'd made an error in formatting and forgotten to put a newline in. That may then have a knock-on effect in the next sentence and cause the reader to not know who's speaking, which causes them to have to backtrack and come out of the scene... unless a dialogue tag is added to clear it up.

Another way around that (which I stole from Lee Child) and have adopted more recently is like this:

"Don't you care what happens to her?!"

Kimmi looked away to avoid my glare. Said nothing.

"Just think about it, okay?"

Adding the 'Said nothing' makes it crystal clear that Kimmi remained silent. Since there are only two people involved in the dialogue, the reader can deduce that "I" am speaking the second line as a continuation of my first, despite what the "new speaker, new paragraph" English rule dictates.

I prefer the second approach, even though it requires more words. It plays to the mini-movie I try to construct in readers' heads. I treat each paragraph as a "camera shot" so in the latter case, you can imagine the camera trained on "I" as the dialogue is delivered. Then it cuts to Kimmi to see her reaction and subsequent silence, then cuts back to "I" to deliver the remaining sentence. It also adds a natural pause/beat to proceedings, which may indicate more gravitas in Kimmi looking away and not coming up with anything as a retort.

The use of the paragraph break, along with starting the dialogue with 'Just', also means I don't need to use an adverb to say _how_ the second line is delivered, nor define any other action that might slow down the speech to tell the reader what's going on. The break in which we see Kimmi's reaction gives the tension in the first line time to diffuse, then 'Just think about it' is naturally read in a less aggressive tone, as if I've sighed, resigned to the fact that the message has finally got through to the other character.

Anyway, lots of tricks and things I've picked up and developed alongside finding ways round the pesky "I" did this, "I" did that in first-person writing.

Generally, I’d say this is excellent advice. Though I did find myself using ‘I’ quite extensively in a first-person story I wrote recently. I felt it helped to establish the narcissism of the main character.

I started with that character occasionally using the illeism of referring to themselves in the third-person, then generally using the royal ‘we’. I’ve met people that do both of those things in real life, but it proved confusing in the context of a written story. So I dropped the royal ‘we’.

Similarly, there are times when a character is more analytical and calculating. If they are the narrator, I think that significantly impacts the writing and may also lead to the increased use of ‘I’ and the narrator tending to explain scenes rather than having you live them more directly.

I'm still trying to learn to do this, but it seems to me avoiding the I in first person is similar to avoiding the passive voice in third person: don't focus the sentence on the character, but on the object or person the character is interacting with. Describe the object moving or making a noise, not the character reacting to it. Get out of the character's head.

Much thanks for this thread. Here's an example of a paragraph where I avoided first person entirely after using it in the shorter paragraph before...

I took my leave from Aunt Solange. As no one was paying much attention to us, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips while lovingly stroking her Italian-style hair.

Her expression of astonished pleasure alone made my trip in that house worthwhile. She was quite a lovely woman and a very fine hostess too. Fucking her would be fun, and if she got pregnant at thirty-four years old, everybody would assume it would be thanks to Uncle Henri and his cigar.

I like to disseminate factual information about the characters, such as age and height, by weaving it into the story as seamlessly as possible. That chapter is in progress, and this is only the first reading.

Adding introspection in one's narrative helps with this tremendously.

Quote by Kee
The following is excerpted from: https://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/i-i-i/

First-person narrative engages people in a way they don’t experience with second and third person. Readers see the world from your narrator’s perspective, including intimate thoughts and feelings. However, it’s easy to overplay constructions such as I did this and I thought that and I wanted something else.

Many people claim the I, I, I approach is permissible because I is an invisible word like said.

Don’t believe them.

Prose or poetry with an overabundance of the same words or structures will seem off. Readers might not be able to tell you what’s wrong, but they know they’re unsettled by something.

Consider the following two story snippets.

1. I answered the irresistible beckoning of the backyard. I watched brightly colored birds there frolicking in the breeze as they fluttered toward the creek. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun. I smelled the fragrance of the clover underneath my feet, a fragrance so sweet I could almost taste it. I heard fledgling robins twittering in a nearby tree.

I thought to myself, This is the life. I knew I never wanted to leave this place.

I decided to phone the real estate agent and tell her to take the FOR SALE sign off my lawn. She acted as though she had expected my call.

I told her in a firm voice that my mind was made up, and yes, I understood she would still receive her full commission.

I realized I didn’t care about the money.

2. The backyard beckoned with its irresistible sights and sounds. Frolicking in the breeze, brightly colored birds fluttered toward the creek. The sun warmed my closed eyelids, and my nostrils were flooded by the sweet fragrance of clover underneath my feet, a fragrance so sweet it almost sugared the taste buds. In a nearby tree, fledgling robins twittered.

This is the life. Who in their right mind would ever leave this place?

The real estate agent acted as though she had expected my call when asked to take the FOR SALE sign off the lawn.

My voice was firm. “Yes, my mind is made up. … Understood. … You’ll still receive your full commission.”

Hah! Who cares about the money?

Thank you, very helpful!