Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
First you're going to need to contact some of the right kind of extra-terrestrials. If you give them enough pine-cones (surprisingly valuable in space), they'll dispose of the body for you. No questions asked... Seriously.
If you don't know any extra-terrestrials or carry some kind of prejudice, then I guess witchcraft is second-best.
Don't believe everything that you read.
A pig farm or a big gator pond. Pigs would be easier. They'll eat everything; clothes, bones, hair, everything but the shoes.
The question concerns me, or at least it should, more than it actually does, so let's pretend I'm concerned. But you know, in case she was serious and the FBI wants to talk to all of us (clears throat), this is only a philosophical discussion. To be honest, it's not like the same question hasn't crossed my mind. My sister and I used to have lively discussions about it. Hypothetically, of course (cough, cough).
There was a period of time where I watched a lot of murder porn (true crime stories, interviews with detectives and killers, serial killer documentaries, etc.) and I remember a discussion about pigs being the best way to dispose of a body. But they said a mistake some killers made was that the pigs usually leave some bones, so you have to go back and make sure that you grind up any left behind. Um, yeah.
"Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were, but without it we go nowhere.”
― Carl Sagan
All sorted now. Thanks, everyone!
Local kebab shop took it off my hands.
You bunch of amateurs. Feed the body to your dog/s!
Someone once suggested using an industrial mincer (for making ground beef).
Then feed to product to the inmates at the local piggery.
Mail it to China. They will know what to do with it
Is this an actual thread? I think that I got suspended for using the word "cunt."
So first off, you have to disarticulate the body. You need to know were the joints are. It's actually very hard to cut through human flesh, so you need to know where the soft parts are.
You need to cut the fingers off, and pull out the teeth. This will eliminate the chance of identification. Then you toss pieces in different locales.
If you were dumb enough to do it in your house, then you have to use bleach to kill any DNA. You should never kill anyone in your house. Bleach will cover the scene, but the cops will see the presence of bleach as a red flag.
I hate it, but I really hate dis-articulating human bodies. It's awful. I can't stand scraping fat off corpses. The glamour sinks away when you are tossing fat into a bucket.
I live in Florida. Gators...nuff said.
Put it in the bathtub. Disarticulate the joints. Pull the teeth out and cut the fingers off. Flush them down the toilet. The arms and legs are easy, but the hips will be hard. Wrap the pieces in garbage bags and then place them in luggage. Fill the bathtub up with water and bleach.
Take the luggage out and bury them in different locales. You can add quicklime to assist in the decomp. I suggest boiling the skull and then smashing it to pieces, scattering the bits everywhere.
You can bury them, but I suggest going to different bodies of water, weighing them down and sinking them. Get rid of any tools you used, and burn your clothing.
Absolute best way is one easy step:
1. Don't have a fucking body to dispose of.
Clear, easy solution.
A fire of extremely high heat then dump the ashes in several locations in a fast moving river. Why are you looking at me like that? I read it in a book.
Considering I live in Nevada my first thought would be to roll'em into an old abandoned mine shaft.
Most people assume the old shafts are full of rattle snakes so don't go near them.
Fibreglass is light and easy to install, but cast holds the hot water temperature better... and hydrochloric acid. However, you'd need to refinish the cast after each HCL use.
