I'm a fan of clever, witty quotations, so I was wondering what your favourites are.
Here's one to kick off:
"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?"
Answer: "Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg." Abraham Lincoln.
"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L convertible."
PJ O'Rourke
"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be." --Abraham H. Maslow
"So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind."
--Evanescence
"No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical." – Nils Bohr
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. - Françoise Sagan
"I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes - and the stars through his soul."
Victor Hugo (1802-85)
Nice one Rocco, thanks. It reminds me of:
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde.
"The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us.
Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved.
How did we ever get started?"
Billy Connolly.
"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."
Woody Allen, Annie Hall
www.szadvntures.com
Latest story:
"Dreams are like bubbles; they burst and fade away."
That is a quote of Honeybee. I had this saw the words in my dream.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank
check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of
'up to and including my life.'
That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country
who no longer understand it.'
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Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.
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"As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there's a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness." - Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
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"If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable." - John F. Kennedy
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"Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties." - Abraham Lincoln
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There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. - Alfred Korzybski
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We are a nation of many nationalities, many races, many religions--bound together by a single unity, the unity of freedom and equality. Whoever seeks to set one nationality against another, seeks to degrade all nationalities. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
-Adolf Hitler
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"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur."
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound)
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"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." Albert Einstein
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“The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!”
Elenore Roosevelt
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"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering
if they've made a difference. The Marines don't
have that problem."
"The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success." Bruce Feirstein
"My computer is being a loose pussy whore"
My friend said that...It was unexpected and therefore funny as hell to me at the time.
your as happy as you make up your mind to be - abe lincoln
I've never watched any Marx Brothers films, but I know they contain some funny quips, such as:
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter.
Some day I intend reading it." Groucho Marx
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. ----Marie Curie
is very very true
Did
you know:
That the words race car spelled backward says
race car.
That eat is the only word that if you take the
1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense
ate.
And Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in
"illegal immigrants,"and add just a few more letters, it spells out:
"Go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid-producing, violent,
non-English speaking assholes and take those hairy-faced, sandal
wearing, bomb making, goat loving, smelly rag head bastards with
you."
How weird is that?
This is a joke not a political statement
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"You know, if you smoke after having sex, you're doing it WAY too fast..."
"Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery ?"
"Thou shalt not omit adultery."
"Adolescence /n./ The stage between puberty and adultery."
"Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."
"Sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it's fantastic !"
"Kinky is using a feather — Perverted is using the whole chicken"
all by — Woody Allen.
"I have yet to answer the greatest question, that has never been answered, 'What does a woman want?'" ~Sigmund Frued~
"Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken."
--Simone de Beauvoir
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” ~ Robert McCloskey
'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where --' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." - Anais Nin
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle.
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
