Rookie Scribe
Can a man (or woman) who flirts and/or has cybersex on line claim to be " happily married", or are they just lying hypocrites deceiving their RL partners?
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Happily Married?
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Active Ink Slinger
Or maybe deceiving ourselves perhaps?
Awesome question..Just MY opinion..I think they can be happily married but there is something missing from there sex life and or from there life period that lush gives them. And NO I m not talking about myself..You can be madly in love with someone and your sex life sucks....Lush MIGHT give you what you need to Keep that happy marriage going.And I could be totally wrong...
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by GoodLilGirl
Awesome question..Just MY opinion..I think they can be happily married but there is something missing from there sex life and or from there life period that lush gives them. And NO I m not talking about myself..You can be madly in love with someone and your sex life sucks....Lush MIGHT give you what you need to Keep that happy marriage going.And I could be totally wrong...
I agree with GoodLilGirl, something to be said for contented and commitment. I am not sure one person can give a person everything they need. So as a contented and committed guy, I find in my case it works. She knows but chooses not to participate, I don't rub her nose in it.
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https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/wet-dream-1.aspx
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/lovers-quest.aspx
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Rookie Scribe
I take the above points, my question was aimed at those that don't tell there partners what they get up to on line!
Active Ink Slinger
At this point in time "Happily Divorced".
After you've been married twice and discovered all they wanted to do was target one's assets.
Who knows, I might just stay this way.
After you've been married twice and discovered all they wanted to do was target one's assets.
Who knows, I might just stay this way.
The Linebacker
A person can be flirty, in fact most people that are married, both men and women equally, couples in serious relationships, whether straight or gay, do flirt. I think that's human nature. But going further would be a betrayal unless the couple has an arrangement/open relationship.
Cybersex, I think is crossing the line, unless the other half knows and is okay with it.
Cybersex, I think is crossing the line, unless the other half knows and is okay with it.
Rainbow Warrior
I'm often surprised at the number of people on Lush who seem to be here only to flirt, cyber, or otherwise seek others' sexual attention. Maybe that IS indicative of something lacking in their RL relationship. But then there is something lacking in MOST relationships, or their wouldn't be so many divorces/dissolutions. This is a writing/story site, not a dating site, but if it can serve multiple purposes, then all the better, because for whatever reason, I want Lush to be successful. I don't cyber with anyone online, but I flirt with everyone, online and in RL. That's just my nature. If a RL relationship is so constraining and restrictive that it can't survive flirting with others, that's a pretty sure sign that it's in trouble already.
Active Ink Slinger
Since I'm in this situation, I'll give you some of my thoughts on the matter. My opinion is that not getting enough sex isn't a grounds for divorce by any stretch of the imagination. No relationship is perfect and never will be. I am happy the majority of the time and I don't want to change that. Now whether or not coming here and flirting online etc is right or wrong, I can't say. I will say that coming here and flirting makes me happy which makes me feel better all day long. And as the saying goes, happy wife, happy life.
It's a tough question and there probably isn't a good answer.
It's a tough question and there probably isn't a good answer.
Common Sense Iconoclast
I think it is natural to look around, flirt, and engage in lusty thoughts about others you are not married to, even when in a successful long-term and long-lasting relationship. We are more like bonobos than we want to believe.
Thoughts are not criminal. The only potential problem occurs when it goes beyond thoughts and becomes reality. And then, to each his/her own, in terms of what is tolerable. There seems to be a wide spectrum of what is considered acceptable, and that level of acceptance seems to vary throughout a longer relationship, so I will not pretend to have the right answer.
However, one should always remain cognizant of what might be put at risk by engaging in sites like this, or in extramarital dating sites, and any of the associated activities that relate to others outside of an established relationship. Your SO may be OK with what is happening, while someone else's SO is opposed. Probably, many justifications are founded on two principles: 1. It makes me feel good, better than I would feel otherwise; 2. I don't want or intend to hurt anyone else. In the ideal world, all things can be communicated freely and openly, so everyone is at least aware, if not also in agreement. It is the communication that is often the most difficult, and not undertaken because it is quite likely that someone will feel hurt.
Thoughts are not criminal. The only potential problem occurs when it goes beyond thoughts and becomes reality. And then, to each his/her own, in terms of what is tolerable. There seems to be a wide spectrum of what is considered acceptable, and that level of acceptance seems to vary throughout a longer relationship, so I will not pretend to have the right answer.
However, one should always remain cognizant of what might be put at risk by engaging in sites like this, or in extramarital dating sites, and any of the associated activities that relate to others outside of an established relationship. Your SO may be OK with what is happening, while someone else's SO is opposed. Probably, many justifications are founded on two principles: 1. It makes me feel good, better than I would feel otherwise; 2. I don't want or intend to hurt anyone else. In the ideal world, all things can be communicated freely and openly, so everyone is at least aware, if not also in agreement. It is the communication that is often the most difficult, and not undertaken because it is quite likely that someone will feel hurt.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
Senior Analyst
I am in fact happily married -- literally, tomorrow is my 46th wedding anniversary -- and I flirt like crazy here, so your question feels directed specifically to me. (Though I'm not vain enough or delusional enough to believe that's true.)
Let me state it unequivocally and loudly: I love my wife right down to the ground. She has been The Best Woman for as long as I have known her. She is my partner in all the ways that she can be, and I am hers. I know in my marrow that she loves me. Does that mean that we fulfill every need for each other? No, don't be silly. We are two separate people, not one.
My marriage includes virtually no physical sex, and hasn't for about ten or fifteen years. Prior to that, we had a very satisfying, though unadventurous, sex life. We did try an "open marriage" in the first eight years of the marriage, but neither of us has had any other physical partners since 1977. My wife finds even the discussion of sex unappealing to the point of annoyance; that is, even a discussion about how we might expand our physical relationship is out of the question. There's never been a fantasy life to speak of -- we don't send sexy notes to each other or watch porn together, say. She dresses well, but never to be "sexy"; her lingerie is functional rather than provocative.
So. I still have sexual urges, and even if there isn't a sexual desire, I occasionally want to talk about sex with someone. Since my wife doesn't want to do that -- and actually doesn't even want to know if I do that with anyone else -- I talk (and flirt, and swap pictures with) some of my friends here. I have several Lush friends with whom I've gone way beyond simple flirting, but not in the direction of infidelity. Rather, we've exchanged a fair number of intimacies and secrets. You know, the way actual IRL friends do.
Summing up: I don't believe I'm a deceiving, lying hypocrite. You (the OP) can believe what you want.
Let me state it unequivocally and loudly: I love my wife right down to the ground. She has been The Best Woman for as long as I have known her. She is my partner in all the ways that she can be, and I am hers. I know in my marrow that she loves me. Does that mean that we fulfill every need for each other? No, don't be silly. We are two separate people, not one.
My marriage includes virtually no physical sex, and hasn't for about ten or fifteen years. Prior to that, we had a very satisfying, though unadventurous, sex life. We did try an "open marriage" in the first eight years of the marriage, but neither of us has had any other physical partners since 1977. My wife finds even the discussion of sex unappealing to the point of annoyance; that is, even a discussion about how we might expand our physical relationship is out of the question. There's never been a fantasy life to speak of -- we don't send sexy notes to each other or watch porn together, say. She dresses well, but never to be "sexy"; her lingerie is functional rather than provocative.
So. I still have sexual urges, and even if there isn't a sexual desire, I occasionally want to talk about sex with someone. Since my wife doesn't want to do that -- and actually doesn't even want to know if I do that with anyone else -- I talk (and flirt, and swap pictures with) some of my friends here. I have several Lush friends with whom I've gone way beyond simple flirting, but not in the direction of infidelity. Rather, we've exchanged a fair number of intimacies and secrets. You know, the way actual IRL friends do.
Summing up: I don't believe I'm a deceiving, lying hypocrite. You (the OP) can believe what you want.
Bonnet Flaunter
This is a fascinating topic, mainly due to the honesty and thoughtfulness of the responses. Although I'm single at the mo, when I was in a relationship my rule of thumb on Lush was to avoid any conversation that I wouldn't happily show my boyfriend, which seemed to work for us. But then, I'm mainly here for the stories and writing anyway.
As the posters above have said, lines gets blurred in a life long relationship when one partner loses their desire for sex. Lush must seem a safe place for the other partner to express themselves, and that is very much about their discretion and the basic happiness of the relationship. As the success of a very long term relationship is not necessarily sex-dependent.
I think things get more problematic if a long term relationship is not happy, and someone comes on Lush seeking some sort of sexual compensation. I also wonder about some younger attached Lushies who come on here not for the stories or friendships but specifically for sexual release. One does ponder over the longevity of their real life relationships.
As the posters above have said, lines gets blurred in a life long relationship when one partner loses their desire for sex. Lush must seem a safe place for the other partner to express themselves, and that is very much about their discretion and the basic happiness of the relationship. As the success of a very long term relationship is not necessarily sex-dependent.
I think things get more problematic if a long term relationship is not happy, and someone comes on Lush seeking some sort of sexual compensation. I also wonder about some younger attached Lushies who come on here not for the stories or friendships but specifically for sexual release. One does ponder over the longevity of their real life relationships.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Porgy87
Summing up: I don't believe I'm a deceiving, lying hypocrite. You (the OP) can believe what you want.
I am going to quote Porgy's last line because that's pretty much how I feel. My friends know I am married, some understand my situation well, and I understand their situation, and I don't judge anyone who does what they feel is best for them. I have a good marriage in the sense we are friends, get along, respect each other, do love each other and our number one priority is to give our daughter a good and stable home. I am a bit selfish for coming here and seeking comfort from someone else, but I can say the same about my husband's complete disregard for my feelings with regards to intimacy. Black and white changed a long time ago for me, and to me, making a connection with someone who also needs a bit of distraction is not wrong.
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” Mae West
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by curvygalore
This is a fascinating topic, mainly due to the honesty and thoughtfulness of the responses.
I agree, the honesty/bravery of the responses to this is refreshing.
I don't think anyone can ever know what it's like inside another person's marriage. It's unknowable, just like knowing what is truly going on inside someone else's head is unknowable. So judging someone else's actions re:their marriage, or anything else they do, is a little arrogant and narrow minded.
My wife is gone. Personally, I would have considered cybersex cheating on her. I flirted in RL, not explicitly, and didn't consider that cheating.
Senior Analyst
Quote by Curiousoldcowboy
I don't rub her nose in it.
And there you have the most important thing. Nicely put, cowboy.
Quote by MarinaC
Since I'm in this situation, I'll give you some of my thoughts on the matter. My opinion is that not getting enough sex isn't a grounds for divorce by any stretch of the imagination. No relationship is perfect and never will be. I am happy the majority of the time and I don't want to change that. Now whether or not coming here and flirting online etc is right or wrong, I can't say. I will say that coming here and flirting makes me happy which makes me feel better all day long. And as the saying goes, happy wife, happy life.
It's a tough question and there probably isn't a good answer.
MarinaC- I completely agree with exactly everything that you have said here. No one can say as a whole what is right or wrong for anyone unless you are the person. There are a large number of members here on this site who come here not to be judged upon our reasons, morals or values. We accept the reasons and are comfortable with them and appreciate the non- judgmental approach shown by members here.
Good question, BTW
Active Ink Slinger
There seems to be more wisdom in this thread than I expected the first time I joined Lush. Some of the comments should be helpful to many a couple but not all.
We have been married for over 26 years and there is not much I would change. Yes, to the same man. I never thought I would be where I am today. That is a wife and a mother. At an early age I knew that the sexual drive I have within my body and soul would never allow for a successful marriage, let alone to raise a good family. I needed a variety of men and I needed woman just as much. So being an available single woman was the best lifestyle for me.
When my husband came along he would not take no for an answer. I knew it could not work accept on my terms and what man would agree to that. Open Marriage, with both free to be with anyone we want and most anytime we want. It has worked well for us and I know people have tried it and failed. Of course, we have always lived this kind of life. I have no idea how you would start in the middle of a relationship without saying to you partner " You are not satisfying me".
I heard that! No our sex is great and no other man has ever fucked me like Robb does. But I still need and want others, and he assists me with my needs from time to time.. Of course he has his playmates too, maybe not in the same number I do, but he is free to sample the fruit anytime he wants to, and he knows it.
The other side of the same coin I agreed to one pregnancy only he did not tell me that he was going to knock me up so that we got two baby girls. Without a doubt it is his fault and do not confuse the issue with facts.
How did the girls turnout you ask. Both are on career paths the they consider fulfilling and will contribute to this great country. There only shortcoming is neither seem to have a dictionary with procreation in it. DARN
It has worked for us but maybe not you.
We have been married for over 26 years and there is not much I would change. Yes, to the same man. I never thought I would be where I am today. That is a wife and a mother. At an early age I knew that the sexual drive I have within my body and soul would never allow for a successful marriage, let alone to raise a good family. I needed a variety of men and I needed woman just as much. So being an available single woman was the best lifestyle for me.
When my husband came along he would not take no for an answer. I knew it could not work accept on my terms and what man would agree to that. Open Marriage, with both free to be with anyone we want and most anytime we want. It has worked well for us and I know people have tried it and failed. Of course, we have always lived this kind of life. I have no idea how you would start in the middle of a relationship without saying to you partner " You are not satisfying me".
I heard that! No our sex is great and no other man has ever fucked me like Robb does. But I still need and want others, and he assists me with my needs from time to time.. Of course he has his playmates too, maybe not in the same number I do, but he is free to sample the fruit anytime he wants to, and he knows it.
The other side of the same coin I agreed to one pregnancy only he did not tell me that he was going to knock me up so that we got two baby girls. Without a doubt it is his fault and do not confuse the issue with facts.
How did the girls turnout you ask. Both are on career paths the they consider fulfilling and will contribute to this great country. There only shortcoming is neither seem to have a dictionary with procreation in it. DARN
It has worked for us but maybe not you.
Advanced Wordsmith
Very nicely written Porgy!! And a good question by the op.
My profile states "happily married" and I mean it to my very core, my husband is my true partner and I love him very much. He is aware of my use of this site, took a couple of the pics for my profile, but has no interest (and not enough imagination) to participate here.
There are certain fantasies I have, which I shared with him, that he is not willing to explore. As much as I respect his choice, he respects that I like to talk about certain aspects of sex that are unappealing to him. It isn't the case that if I can't be on lush that I'd go out and cheat on him.
I do believe we're happily married, and that as we've only ever slept with each other that there are curiosities that can be safely discovered and discussed here.
I have had the odd moan about our sex life to certain friends here, but everyone moans about something, no marriage is perfect, and venting is healthy, sometimes blurting everything out to a "stranger" can help to weed out the hurtful or unnecessary things, making a reasonable conversation possible with your real life partner later on, when you're calm.
In short, I don't believe my fun here makes me a liar or hypocrite, but I also don't believe every married person here operates in a healthy manner....
Another case of "each to their own" for this one I think!
My profile states "happily married" and I mean it to my very core, my husband is my true partner and I love him very much. He is aware of my use of this site, took a couple of the pics for my profile, but has no interest (and not enough imagination) to participate here.
There are certain fantasies I have, which I shared with him, that he is not willing to explore. As much as I respect his choice, he respects that I like to talk about certain aspects of sex that are unappealing to him. It isn't the case that if I can't be on lush that I'd go out and cheat on him.
I do believe we're happily married, and that as we've only ever slept with each other that there are curiosities that can be safely discovered and discussed here.
I have had the odd moan about our sex life to certain friends here, but everyone moans about something, no marriage is perfect, and venting is healthy, sometimes blurting everything out to a "stranger" can help to weed out the hurtful or unnecessary things, making a reasonable conversation possible with your real life partner later on, when you're calm.
In short, I don't believe my fun here makes me a liar or hypocrite, but I also don't believe every married person here operates in a healthy manner....
Another case of "each to their own" for this one I think!
Try anything once, twice if you like it.
Check out my stories below, enjoy! ;)
https://www.lushstories.com/rubz/stories
Check out my stories below, enjoy! ;)
https://www.lushstories.com/rubz/stories
Active Ink Slinger
Been married twice, to the same woman. Yea, I know a sucker for punishment, but things you do for your children.
Answer, no I wasn't happy then, but I've been single for 30 years now and I've never been happier. It would be love at first sight and knocking my socks off for me to do it again. Just can't happen.
Answer, no I wasn't happy then, but I've been single for 30 years now and I've never been happier. It would be love at first sight and knocking my socks off for me to do it again. Just can't happen.
Well that's just my opinion, sorry if you don't like.
BigDaddyRich
BigDaddyRich
I was married for many years and there were things my wife didn't want to do, sexually, but that was O K.
As far as I'm aware, we satisfied each other within those 'unwritten' boundaries.
As for flirting, cannot the phrase 'I chosen from the menu but that doesn't stop me looking' apply ?
You'll have gathered that I'm not married, now, and, as a virgin until shortly before I was married, I've been quite surprised - quite often pleasurably, sometimes not so (!) - by the antics of subsequent partners.
In summary, I think that, as others have said, one can never pass judgement on other people's marriages.
So, let's simply enjoy our times here.
As far as I'm aware, we satisfied each other within those 'unwritten' boundaries.
As for flirting, cannot the phrase 'I chosen from the menu but that doesn't stop me looking' apply ?
You'll have gathered that I'm not married, now, and, as a virgin until shortly before I was married, I've been quite surprised - quite often pleasurably, sometimes not so (!) - by the antics of subsequent partners.
In summary, I think that, as others have said, one can never pass judgement on other people's marriages.
So, let's simply enjoy our times here.
I am happy-ish with my marriage. We are grood friends who have been coexisting for many years more like roommates. We raised 3 grown kids together, laugh together, enjoy vacations with each other, and on occasions enjoy each other in the bedroom. I guess the definition of "happily married" is wide open for interpretation.
Some would look at my situation and be envious, but what they don't see are two people who couldn't be more opposite in what they enjoy, whose life values and goals are completely different. Deep, meaningful conversations are absent, and sensual love has never really been there. Again, what is the definition of "happily married"?
I used to think I was happily married but didnt understand why I was so frustrated. The older I got, the more I craved a deep spiritual connection with a woman - a soul mate if you will. Someone to share my thoughts and cravings with, to discuss life and love and all that makes life worth living.
My wife cannot help who she is anymore than I, and she is genuinely a good woman. She's done nothing that deserves the pain of losing a partner she honestly loves, so here I am - caught between living with a good friend with whom I've shared most of my life with yet needing so much more. Is being here right? Is it cheating? That answer is different for everyone. Am I a lying hypocrite deceiving my RL partner? Not at all. While she doesn't know I'm active here, she knows my deep desire for an intimate connection yet most of the time is unwilling to do anything about it. I wish this wasn't the case, but it's my reality.
Some would look at my situation and be envious, but what they don't see are two people who couldn't be more opposite in what they enjoy, whose life values and goals are completely different. Deep, meaningful conversations are absent, and sensual love has never really been there. Again, what is the definition of "happily married"?
I used to think I was happily married but didnt understand why I was so frustrated. The older I got, the more I craved a deep spiritual connection with a woman - a soul mate if you will. Someone to share my thoughts and cravings with, to discuss life and love and all that makes life worth living.
My wife cannot help who she is anymore than I, and she is genuinely a good woman. She's done nothing that deserves the pain of losing a partner she honestly loves, so here I am - caught between living with a good friend with whom I've shared most of my life with yet needing so much more. Is being here right? Is it cheating? That answer is different for everyone. Am I a lying hypocrite deceiving my RL partner? Not at all. While she doesn't know I'm active here, she knows my deep desire for an intimate connection yet most of the time is unwilling to do anything about it. I wish this wasn't the case, but it's my reality.
Quote by GoodLilGirl
Awesome question..Just MY opinion..I think they can be happily married but there is something missing from there sex life and or from there life period that lush gives them. And NO I m not talking about myself..You can be madly in love with someone and your sex life sucks....Lush MIGHT give you what you need to Keep that happy marriage going.And I could be totally wrong...
I think this is spot on for many here.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by playsit
I don't tell her because she would be hurt... why do that unnecessarily? Of course I'm not here to get my rocks off either, just looking for a deep connection.
See I feel the opposite way. If you are looking for deep connection, are you happily married (not talking at you directly, just in general)? It makes more sense to have some kink or overall sexual deviancy that it is either too embarrassing to show your S/O or you travel alot for work and you just need the release, or whatever reason why the physical endorphin rush is not there.
I know people who are "happily" married and happily having an online affair
I cannot judge I don't live their life
But I only want one man
One in my bed one in my thoughts
One forever
But having been married with no sex
I understand completely
I just want..one..on one
Others do not...and that is fine for them
To be all alike would be boring
All I ask is please never hurt anyone
Life is too short to be unkind
I cannot judge I don't live their life
But I only want one man
One in my bed one in my thoughts
One forever
But having been married with no sex
I understand completely
I just want..one..on one
Others do not...and that is fine for them
To be all alike would be boring
All I ask is please never hurt anyone
Life is too short to be unkind
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by lonelyman718
See I feel the opposite way. If you are looking for deep connection, are you happily married (not talking at you directly, just in general)? It makes more sense to have some kink or overall sexual deviancy that it is either too embarrassing to show your S/O or you travel alot for work and you just need the release, or whatever reason why the physical endorphin rush is not there.
That is the opposite for me. My husband knows my kinks, what I want, enjoy, etc., because your spouse should understand what makes you tick and what you need in the bedroom. Most people feel they can't be honest and say what it is that they want, then seek it elsewhere. But you have to factor in how they were raised and fear of rejection that their partner may not understand their kink/deviant urges/sexual desires. I am not saying it's wrong because not everyone is open and comfortable talking about sex. I have had very honest and open conversations with my husband about our sex life and tried everything possible to fix it. However, I also came to the conclusion that it's not me, it's him, and at that point I stopped caring and trying. It's refreshing to see people talking honestly about their situations and not feeling like anyone is being judged.
Quote by lonelyman718
See I feel the opposite way. If you are looking for deep connection, are you happily married (not talking at you directly, just in general)? It makes more sense to have some kink or overall sexual deviancy that it is either too embarrassing to show your S/O or you travel alot for work and you just need the release, or whatever reason why the physical endorphin rush is not there.
Again, I go back to the definition of happy. It's different for everyone and we all have varying levels of what is acceptable.