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Is cyber sex cheating?

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Quote by seveninch
Wife has no problem with me masturbating to porn pics vids whatever, but she does not like when I engage in phone sex because it is a "real" person on the other end.
I guess it's the actual immediate interaction vs. the static "deadness" of porn (i.e. I cannot interact with the porn material).
So...I just started having phone sex with my wife! :P ha!

That's such a brilliant answer!
If you were gay I'd marry you!
Seriously? I'm sorry but this whole question just blows my mind. Anyone who WOULD consider fantasy to be an actual act of sex has just condemned themselves and every other human being who has ever lived! We ALL fantacize and the mere act of sharing that fantasy whether verbal or as we are here IS NOT a sexual act even if it does result in masturbatory orgasm! The MASTURBATION is the sexual act!
It depends on the boundaries of your relationship. Each relationship is different. Most people in monogamous relationships consider any sexual activity outside of the relationship is cheating. Be it phone sex, cyber sex, sexting, etc. I mean sure there are technicalities...but who cares about those? If you're in a committed relationship with someone and you find out they've been playing pretend sex with strangers on the internet, you're not gonna say, "Oh God...just please tell me you didn't masturbate."

And if you're doing it behind someone's back, it's dishonesty at best. So there's a betrayal of trust there as well. You willfully did something that you know your partner might not appreciate...and knew enough to keep it from them. It's a bit skeevy. But as I said before, each relationship is different...and it depends on the set boundaries.

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To me it depends on how deep you want to look into the question... meaning this... To some, the mere thought of having sexual or emotional thoughts of another is cheating... Then there are others that say once you touch its cheating... Then the very few who say as long as your not having intercourse its not cheating...

So, as most things it is up to an individuals interpretation... I totally agree with most here in that if you cant tell your spouse what your up to, then your hiding something from them... You also know if they find out you have been hiding something like that from them, they are going to question what else your hiding... THAT effects the trust they have in you and effects the relationship you share.... So in my opinion, if your doing something you cant tell your spouse about, your cheating... Cheating them out of a part of you and if they mean the world to you... They deserve every bit of you.. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful...
Quote by slipperywhenwet2012
It depends on the boundaries of your relationship. Each relationship is different.

This. Instead of asking "Is X cheating?" the real question is what you and your partner have agreed on. Does the activity violate your trust and boundaries? If you can't answer such questions then you need to communicate with your partner.

Some people should take the golden rule into consideration and think about how they would react if their partner did the same thing. Still, it comes down to what you and your partner have agreed to. Don't just assume. Discuss if you the other hasn't specifically stated a clear stance.
I would say yes. If someone else gets my gf off whether he's in the same room as her or not I would feel cheated on and similarly would feel like i'm cheating if someone else got me off even simply over cyber.

Click The Pic
Not quite the answer you were expecting.
I got involved with cyber and it had me hooked.
I was a 17yo gullible girl unknowingly dealing with a very much older married man.He was nearly 4 times my age.
I had sent a photo of myself naked and he replied with a guy who looked 20 from somewhere.
At times we even masturbated in graphic detail on-line together at times. I know I was, and believed he was too.
It lasted almost 3 months before his wife found out. She emailed me and was not very pleasant, and sent me a real photo of him and said he had a daughter older than me. She was disgusted with both of us - and claimed I knew who I was dealing with.
I was very dissapointed at being duped and admitted things I would never normally admit to a man that age.
Would I cyber now - no way. I get my kicks in real time, face to face, body to body..

I believe that he was cheating on his wife and his daughter. He certainly was cheating me.
I have had cyber sex for many years, At first I had the feeling it was cheating, it was until Olivia caught me on cam with another man. She explained I sould not hide and it was then for her just a form of masturbation.
Now, I just make sure not to make her feel discarted and do it at proper times and not show off or bragg about it.

Most of the time I do it when she's not at home or I tell her I have some private business to take care off.

Sometimes she asks how it was.

She did mentionned she'd like to watch but never did yet.

I think the fact I mostly cyber with guys while I dress in my lingerie makes her feeling better than with women.

As long it stays this way I will continue having cyber sex.
Got to disagree with most, and say no of course it isn't, and it doesn't matter whether your partner knows or not.

It is no more being unfaithful than looking at a sexy woman in the street, pub, at a party or theatre, or film, and thinking about what you would like to do when fucking her. Most men do this, and more women now are admitting that they do the same about a hot bloke. It's actually better in some ways as it can help improve your own sex lives, as you pick up things which you might do. OK, there are dangers as well, but if your own sex life with your partner is an open enough pone, so you can talk about sex with her/him, then no issue.

It only becomes unfaithful if you actually engage in sex physically with another. That's the real betrayal, in my book, though I know for many people more open relationships are possible and endure.
You know yourself. You know what emotional depth you put into some things and not in to others. Your mate does too. Does your RL partner consider it cheating? There lies your answer. And, it's different for all of us and each situation.
? A True Story ?
Avrgblkgrl nailed it.
“It's nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you're still alive.”
Quote by avrgblkgrl
You know yourself. You know what emotional depth you put into some things and not in to others. Your mate does too. Does your RL partner consider it cheating? There lies your answer. And, it's different for all of us and each situation.


Could not have said it better, sweet lady.
Quote by OldGeezer


It only becomes unfaithful if you actually engage in sex physically with another. That's the real betrayal, in my book, though I know for many people more open relationships are possible and endure.


There are ways to cheat on your partner that don't involve being physical with anyone else. The emotions involved in the act can be a bigger betrayal than the act itself.

Cheating can mean you're depriving your partner of emotional intimacy and pseudo-physical intimacy in favor of engaging in these things with someone else.

Cheating is so far beyond sex. The lack of physical contact is just a loophole.

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Quote by OldGeezer


It only becomes unfaithful if you actually engage in sex physically with another. That's the real betrayal, in my book, though I know for many people more open relationships are possible and endure.


There are ways to cheat on your partner that don't involve being physical with anyone else. The emotions involved in the act can be a bigger betrayal than the act itself.

Cheating can mean you're depriving your partner of emotional and physical intimacy in favor of engaging in emotional and pseudo-physical intimacy with someone else.

Cheating is so far beyond sex. The lack of physical contact is just a loophole.

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cheating is anything you have to hide from your partner. If it is something you know would be willing to admit to them you engage in, regardless of weather you actually are sharing at the moment, its not. If it's something that you know would hurt your partner, but you continue anyway, then it is cheating.

This template can be applied to all aspects of life, and all relationships. Some relationships are a bit more flexible then others, and allow more freedoms.
watching porn and masturbating to strangers on whatever is NOT interaction nor cheating

the same as looking at a playboy wasn't..u wacked off to a stranger who you will never speak see or meet

fucking a person online with INTERACTION is sex....not solo play...

if your partner knows..no it is NOT cheating

cheating(sexual cheating) is keeping a secret about a sexual act with ANOTHER

that could either hurt or damage your partner

it is so ok if your partner is cool with it

it is NOT ok when they are not

you can excuse it away all you want

but for some of you if your partner came in and you were cyber/cam fucking a person they would be gone

no judgment...none at all..god knows I am not lilly pure on a LOT of things

but you are deluding yourself into thinking that playing and lying are ok

but those of you who have that open relationship I commend you

you are OPEN HONEST and don't lie in your partnerships....you HURT NO ONE

and that is the only thing I care about

don't hurt others...
Two questions to ask

Does your real-life partner know about it?

If they do, are they alright with you doing that?

If EITHER answer is no - then yes, it's cheating.
Anything you have to hide from your partner is cheating on the relationship. Many people say that masturbation is not cheating, but it is if you deny that you do it. The same with fantasizing (at any time - alone, or with your partner). You don't have to describe your fantasies to your partner, but refusing to admit to having them is cheating. Faking an orgasm is cheating. I guess what I am saying is, if you are lying to your partner, then you are cheating on the relationship. I would go one step further; you are cheating yourself, as well. When you lie or hide things from your partner, you demean yourself. You lower yourself from being someone who can look the world in the eye and call yourself an honest person.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
depends if your willing to tell your partnet or not...
i doubt you would tell your SO so yeah it is cheating can't see any time when it would be approved of by a partner
It obviously varies by couple and while not a common view, I really don't care if my wife is sleeping with another man (or woman), so long as my needs in the relationship are being met, she doesn't embarrass me, and she's safe about it. I don't own her. I think the traditional view of monogamy is a joke and if it wasn't, why would the statistics show that 42% of partners will cheat over the course of their marriage (and the other 58% are liars). What I "demand" from a partner is emotional intimacy, stability, the absence of drama, and someone to share a home and all the responsibilities that come with it. Much like that song you absolutely fell in love with six months ago, listened to ten times a day the first week, but by the end of the month you caught yourself changing the station to get away from it, sex with a single partner and no one else is Hollywood, not reality. That doesn't mean you can't have a stable relationship for 20, 30 or 50 years, it just means that straying happens and there's a hell of a lot more to a marriage than sex. Ha, for most couples I know that have been married for 20 years, sex has nothing to do with marriage, so get over it.
Quote by avrgblkgrl
You know yourself. You know what emotional depth you put into some things and not in to others. Your mate does too. Does your RL partner consider it cheating? There lies your answer. And, it's different for all of us and each situation.


Agreed! If you need to hide it from your lover because they will be hurt, its cheating
Totally depends on your partner. If your partner is cool, then it is all fun and probably both of you could be on it together.
Quote by Dani


There are ways to cheat on your partner that don't involve being physical with anyone else. The emotions involved in the act can be a bigger betrayal than the act itself.

Cheating can mean you're depriving your partner of emotional and physical intimacy in favor of engaging in emotional and pseudo-physical intimacy with someone else.

Cheating is so far beyond sex. The lack of physical contact is just a loophole.


very well put. i know someone that cut off emotionally from her spouse for years until she got the courage to leave him. she said she never cheated...i was like...uhm yes you did. maybe not physically at first but emotionally you did. FYI shes still with that 2nd guy but she has discoved he has had cybers with many others during that time. people smh
my newest :)
I have quit BC I know if my man were doing it I would b pissed. Golden rule. Always. So no more for me, no matter how lonely I may b...or how long he is away.
Quote by Guest
IMO:

If you are committed to another whether married, engaged, or just "going together" and you have any kind of relationship outside of that, it's cheating. Plain and simple. I'm a "dance with the one what brung ya" kinda guy. I have My pet whom I am totally committed to. I have no need nor desire to go outside of our relationship for sex - real or imagined.
Do I fantasize, sure. But most of My fantasies are realized in the one sleeping next to Me.


This hits the nail on the head for me!
Cheating is cheating. [Above post w/quote^Put very well without justifications] Is Unfaithfulness unfaithful? Ask Yourself. Does it matter the circumstances? Is Lust lust? Answers may differ. Courts could decide whether it is infidelity or not. This did include another person? I think there would be traceable records too stored inside your computer. If you are married is it an affair if you date someone else on the side without having sex? Is oral sex "sex"? Does lesbian sex count? lol (sorry, just seen these questions and others actually asked places). These answers may differ depending on who you speak to and ask. I am sure this topic could be debated [heatedly] and justified all day. You are also "asking" this question on an erotic lit & sexual adult site! More than not, I would think you are seeking the answer in a skewed climate.

Anything can be justified.

whether a extra-marital affair or indiscretion.
Cyber sex real or not real?
You cannot get STDs so therefore does it count?
What if there is no real orgasm?

The list goes on.

Personally, I see much of this stuff as a breath away or a dangerous place falling into a grey areas that make for muddled waters.



Really, the only thing that matters in the trenches of your relationship is whether or not your spouse considers porn or cyber fantasy cheating. We as individuals can rationalize anything and be as logical as we want, but if my lady friend found the trail of a cyber conversation on my phone or PC, it's how she feels about it that determines what happens next.

In general, we all already know the answer in regards to how our loved ones feel.

If you have to hide your online activities, you're cheating. You're cheating because you are engaging in a emotionally sexual act outside of your relationship that you already know will hurt your loved one.

If you know that you can tell him or her with the knowledge that they will be either as indifferent as they (should) be about masturbation, then you are not cheating, even if you haven't told her.

As far as solo masturbation goes, even with the use of porn, if your spouse has issue with that, then he or she has a problem that you cannot be blamed for. Everyone wanks, including them. To get pissed about that is hypocritical in the extreme.

I actually had that conversation with a girl I was seeing years ago. She seemed to have the idea I should be satisfied because we had sex once a week. Then I called her at three am and asked her if she wanted to come over and deal with my hard on or if I should just knock one out. Funny, we never had that conversation again
Quote by Milik_The_Red
Really, the only thing that matters in the trenches of your relationship is whether or not your spouse considers porn or cyber fantasy cheating. We as individuals can rationalize anything and be as logical as we want, but if my lady friend found the trail of a cyber conversation on my phone or PC, it's how she feels about it that determines what happens next.

In general, we all already know the answer in regards to how our loved ones feel.

If you have to hide your online activities, you're cheating. You're cheating because you are engaging in a emotionally sexual act outside of your relationship that you already know will hurt your loved one.

If you know that you can tell him or her with the knowledge that they will be either as indifferent as they (should) be about masturbation, then you are not cheating, even if you haven't told her.

As far as solo masturbation goes, even with the use of porn, if your spouse has issue with that, then he or she has a problem that you cannot be blamed for. Everyone wanks, including them. To get pissed about that is hypocritical in the extreme.

I actually had that conversation with a girl I was seeing years ago. She seemed to have the idea I should be satisfied because we had sex once a week. Then I called her at three am and asked her if she wanted to come over and deal with my hard on or if I should just knock one out. Funny, we never had that conversation again


My ex-wife had a big problem with masturbation both before and after we were married. She caught me once after we got married. I never let her catch me again. It was funny because she had turned me down for like 3 days in a row. Finally I had to do something. There was no porn involved other than the images in my head. But oh did she get mad when she walked into the bathroom and caught me.

I continued to jack off but I never got caught again.