I've just recently acquired a first date with this girl I've known for a while and am pretty much crazy about. I don't want to do the standard 'dinner and a movie'; I want to do something that stands out and will make her want a second date.
I'm looking for ideas for something fun or different we could do together that will show her I'm not just another guy trying to get in her pants.
I've never done much dating before and I'm a bit nervous because I really want it to go well. Any advice is appreciated.
Young Clum,
First - congratulations! It seems like this girl has really caught your fancy and you are very happy that she has commited to a date with you. That's awesome!
Before I can personally share advice in what you may want to consider doing, I would have to find out what some of your interests are (both of you) Are you football fans, do you both enjoy music / theatre / art?
If you care to share a little bit about your interests, I am sure the Lush community could help whip up a very memorable date for you.
Way to go Clum!!! Very pleased for you!!
How about a day at the zoo, or what's the aquarium up your way again? That'd be fun.
Or why not take a trip to somewhere by the sea? Portpatrick is a lovely wee romantic place, and a day there will always stick in her memory...
Pack a special picnic for her with things you know she'll like...
Or take her for a days paintballing, or horse riding... You can do a great trek on Icelandic ponies, again, up your way and you don't need any experience...
I dunno, just a few ideas...
I'm sure that you'll be sparkling company and have a brilliant time, whatever you do...
Let us know how you get on, won't you?
Look clum, let me just start out telling you that I always get second, third, fourth and on and on dates until they are getting upset that I haven't cleared out a drawer for them to put their things in. I achieve this not because do shit like take them flowers or take them to the pier for some ice cream n shit... I'm a professional.
What you need to do is take her somewhere out of her comfort zone, maybe even slightly dangerous, but not really. Someplace that maybe an out-of-towner wouldn't go but that a local like you would know and be totally comfortable in. A seedy lounge, a rough bar, a pool hall are okay and will achieve the desired effect. The best is a spot that has a beautiful view but that you have to trespass on private property to get there. This will get the excitement level in her heart and stomach up... You'll be cool as hell cause you've already done this. You won't be nervous but she might be a little... Until YOU put her at ease. You still with me? What this achieves is a bonding experience. She might be a bit uncomfortable but since you're so awesome, she'll feel comfortable with you. She will start to have fun and give YOU the credit not that fancy restaurant you took her too. Anyone can pay for a meal or fucking zoo tickets. Not just anyone can make her feel comfortable and protected when her senses are heightened like you will cause you know the lay of the land where you're taking her already.
Go forth and conquer Clum. Conquer hard.
Magical Felix has some good suggestions. I've done that and it works!
Callum do you have access to a motorcycle? Taking girls on motorcycle rides always worked good for me. Nature hikes also was a popular date experience. Taking her bungee jumping might be a little too much.
I got it!!! Motorcycle to the country with a picnic basket attached and hike to a great scenic place for the picnic. Take a good bottle of wine.
Congratulations! And there are already so many great suggestions here. I will just add a few general advice.
1. Be patient and respect her. If you don't want her to think that you just want to get into her pants, then don't act that way. Just go there enjoy a good time hanging out with her, and don't rush into making moves. When time is right, she will give you a hint.
2. Listen to her. I know you have a lot to tell her, but remember girls like good listeners. She might talk about something you have little interest in, but be patient, listen to her and show her you're interested in her life.
3. Don't stop at things that are not in your comfort zone, be open mind. I once spent a whole day in SFO modern art museum and fine art museum with my gf, though I'm not an art guy and could not tell the difference between Mattise and Van Gogh. But it's her interest and I'm glad to share. It turns out great, I asked her questions while she explained them to me, and I learned a lot from her. We had great conversation that day and felt connected. Later she told me she really appreciate that I'm spending time with her on something I was not interested in.
I like taking a new girl to the Fair or something and ride the Ferris Wheel and get cotton candy. Also go play Putt-Putt or do bumper cars.
Buz and Magical_Felix have made me feel very inadequate about my first dates. I think I will spice the next 'first-fate- up quite a bit!
Iceskating! It's only really good if you can iceskate but she can't though, so she spends the time there clinging on to you for dear life. Failing that, an amusement park is always a good choice.
Guy's have always had better luck with me if they take me somewhere we can talk. Getting to know each other is important. Finding out what she likes to do is a good idea too though.
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I like the first meeting to be for coffee and maybe a small bite to eat. Then, the first real date can be somewhere that the conversation can be continued. Movies, amusement parks and the like are, in my estimation, a BAD idea. And I would never take a woman somewhere she was uncomfortable on a first date. So If she doesn't know how to ice skate, or whatever, that's out too. Com'om guys! Be a little respectful.
I had a great first date once, wherein I packed brie, wine, bread, and grapes, and we took a short walk (three miles) on the Appalachian Trail, to a gorgeous overlook tha tI kew of. Ate lunch there, and had a nice walk back. Six miles round trip is not too far, and it gave us a chance to do a lot of talking and finding out about each other. 'Course it didn't hurt that we encountered a rattlesnake on the trail, and I had to persuade him to move on, by tossing small pebbles his way. I got to be the hero, and didn't have to hurt the animal. BIG POINTS!!! LOL
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Strip clubs make a great first date... you can learn a lot from observing and communicating with your date in these type of places... One such first date of mine like that ended up with us catching the last flight out to Vegas for the rest of the weekend. It was a great first date and weekend. Never turned into a big romance or exclusive relationship (I seen those signs in the strip club,) but was several years of great encounters and sex when we got together. Just make it an experience for her an not to Vanilla women get that 90 percent of the time.
Clum ...
In all seriousness... Come up with three non-traditional dates, the type of dates that can be a fun exciting experience then write them down and put them in envelopes. Meet her early in the morning and after asking what she would like to do, which will most likely lead to her saying something like " you choose, surprise me, " let her choose from the 3 envelopes... and tell her after she chooses that she will have two more to choose from for your second and the last will be your third date(Plant the seed early)... Then show her the most fun you can. If your ideas are good and she has fun she will automatically want to know what are in the other 2 envelopes and you have succeeded in giving yourself the time to discover things about her in a natural progression and not some Q&A download date. You don't have to have a strip club date in an envelope, but you never know how fun it might be if she picks it
Lushies, I have done you an injustice in not telling the whole truth. The situation is not as straight forward as I would have had you believe in my OP so I'm going to tell something of a story now.
This girl that I mentioned, let's call her R, I've known her for over a year now. From the first time we met (and it sounds cliché but it's true) I was sure we were perfect for each other. Initially I really thought it was going to go somewhere - we got on great, she seemed really into me, her friends liked me, my friends liked her (most of them, anyway). There was one big problem - her boyfriend.
Before she came to uni (where we met), she had been seeing this guy (a semi-professional wrestler, no less) back in London. I was given the impression that this relationship was all but dead, or else I would not have pursued her, but it turned out that he was still on the scene and, despite their problems, they were going to give things ago.
This was a really difficult time for me, emotionally, especially because we had resolved to still be good friends. It was tough being around her when all I wanted to do was kiss her and at times I resented her for making me feel so lousy. One of the most awkward moments in my life was when I met her wrestler boyfriend - I didn't stick around for long.
We did manage to maintain our friendship (she really need a good support network) and I eventually learned to accept that that's all it would ever be. She has since broken up with said boyfriend but there was never another opening for me. Since then, I've had quite a defeated attitude towards potential relationships and there's never really been another girl that I've liked enough to give something a go. I kept myself busy with societies and political campaigning and religious activities and I thought I was happy being alone. I wasn't.
Loneliness really started getting to me, although I would never have admitted it to my nearest and dearest. I decided the only way to make it better was to throw myself wholeheartedly in Buddhism, chanting and praying earnestly every day for a cure to my loneliness. My practice became strong and other obstacle arose which I easily overcame, but still no sign of the future Mrs Clum. I did not despair, as my life was going so well in every other aspect so I had a lot to be grateful for.
A couple of weeks ago, I jointly hosted a big house party in St Andrews (11am until 1am - it was epic) as part of an annual tradition of our university. R came to the party later on, by which time I was pretty far gone, and stayed for a while. When she said she was going, and the party was quietening down, I decided I could still catch the last bus home rather that pull up a floorboard and so I walked with her. We chatted and dandered and I ended up missing my bus by 5 minutes so R invited me to crash at her house.
We talked the whole way home (most of it my drunken nonsense, although I was sobering up) and it was really nice but there was no real sense of anything romantic at that point. When we got there, we lay on her bed and talked some more and, somehow, the topic of 'us' came up. We hadn't discussed it in a long time but I guess there was just enough liquor left in my system to have no fear of talking bluntly about it. If I may paraphrase, part of the conversation went like this:
R: I kind of thought you'd be the guy I ended up with eventually.
C: So why don't you end up with me now?
---
R: I'm looking for a guy to have a more serious relationship with, that's not just about sex.
C: It seriously sounds like you're looking for me.
There wasn't much said after that, but we cuddled together and fell asleep. I had to leave early the next morning for a class so we didn't get to discuss anything in the light of day but she texted me a lot that day. We were a bit flirty but we seemed to be skirting around what was both clearly on our minds until she finally just said, "Can we talk about this." We set up a coffee date because I'm worse than useless on the phone. We got there, got a coffee, and talked.
I told her I was all in, I really thought we could make a proper go of it. She seemed less sure but she was definitely not saying no. We had been friends for so long now that she didn't know if we could take it up to that level without some sort of weirdness. I tried my best to allay her fears and agreed, by way of trial, to let me take her on a proper date to see what we would be like as a couple - enter this forum topic.
From then, we spent the night together a couple of times (with minimal relations but a little 'testing the waters') and things seemed to be going well. Just about everyone we knew was really rooting for it to work out (there was a sizeable 'Team Callum). I decided to take her out to see some live comedy but it wasn't going to be for over a week so, to keep her interest, I invited her to my flat for dinner, making clear that this wasn't the date that I had promised her and that there was more to come.. It turns out (and it really could have gone either way) that I'm a pretty decent cook, so that won me points. That was last Saturday.
On Tuesday, I ended up back at her house and spending the night again. We were kissing and cuddling and having a nice time when she stopped, looked at me and said, "I want to be your girlfriend." I was over the moon - I'd gotten the answer I was after before we even got to the real date.
So there it is; I'm in a relationship. It's quite a new experience for me but I think I'm doing not bad. We did go on that date last night and she described it as, "Probably the best date ever." Most agreed that it really showed how well I know her.
Needless to say, I'm a very happy man right now; having a beautiful woman on your arm does that to you. Things are great between us and I really have high hopes for the relationship - we're already lamenting the fact that we have to spend the Christmas break apart. You might see me around the forums from time to time looking for a bit of 'being a good boyfriend' advice, haha.
Thank you all very much for your suggestions, even though I didn't actually take any of them. I do want to comment on a couple:
MF - sounds like an interesting strategy and I'm sure it works for you but I only moved to this city a couple of months ago and so there isn't any place that fits your description for me.
Iceskating would be an utter disaster - I don't think making a complete fool of myself is how to win a girl's heart.
Strip club - no; I don't think I would be comfortable enough myself, never mind her.
'Getting to know you' dates are pointless - we know each other pretty well.
And to those who suggested picnics - it sounds terribly romantic but not when it's either below freezing or pouring with rain.
Thanks again and sorry for the essay, I just wanted to explain a bit more and shout from the rooftops how happy I am.
That's lovely,Clum...my inner romantic is very happy for you!
I've been in a somewhat similar situation, only to find myself ultimately rejected. Good for you! I don't know you, but you seem like the kind of guy to deserve it. Also, it means us good guys still have a chance in this fucked up world.
Ooooh Callum!!! You are a dark horse!!!
You're finally winching your lovely lassie!!
So happy for you!!
xxx
Callum, I feel you are one of the most genuine people on Lush, and so I sincerely congratulate you. Based on your story it sounds you have found happiness. That you are both math majors seems like an ideal match.
I do wonder, does she know about Clum and his writings?
That she last dated a semi-professional wrestler would seem to indicate she has a "wild" side, so it would seem in your stories she will find your "wild" side as well.
May life smile upon your life.KMZZguQNhyJiHhR8
Michael
Goot post, Michael. It goes directly to the heart of something I think is terribly important in a relationship - no secrets.
I don't think it is necessry to blurt out your entire past, but anything that is on-going should be in the open; and if she asks about the past, the answer should be totally open and honest. It is fair, however, to preface the answer with a statement that it is not a particularly comfortable subject.
"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
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