Look, I'm sorry if this is harsh, okay?
But if this guy liked you back he most certainly not freak in a distancing himself sort of way. He might freak in a 'holy shit, she likes me back' way in which case he might get marble mouthed for a few minutes before he lets it sink in. He would not panic and leave and then ignore your texts. Most guys unless they are extremely nerdy, insecure, anti-social, awkward etc. will hint at what they are feeling inside for you at some point in your 'friendship'. The fact that he hasn't and he reacted this way means he probably doesn't like you like that. You should be weary of this and don't fall into the trap of him continuing the friendship on a normal friendship level and then one night he gets fucked up and he looks to you for an easy lay... You'll get hurt. If he wishes to just be friends, kill that love you have for him and bury it down deep or else you'll be his tool.
time. as always, time will give your right answer. You shouldn't do anything until he does. just wait for his next reaction. Probably he didn't expect it from you and he needs to make his feeling clear. stay just as a friend, or more than friend. You also should be sure about your feelings. Is your reaction only sexual or more than that? Does your feelings come from your heart or from your body? A small mistake can end your friendship and you can lose your friend.
He sounds very immature. Sounds like high school BS. I say blow him off until he grows up and that is around age 25 for most guys. Whether he likes you or he doesn't isn't the important part. He is being an immature asshole and the only way you can respond to that sort of BS is to tell him to fuck of and give you a call when he grows the fuck up. Once people mature these sort of games aren't played anymore. When you get a bit older you won't fall for the hard to get or childish attitude BS. It will just piss you off and you'll look back at this crap and wonder what you were thinking. Personally I wish I had decked a few guys who treated me that way rather than following them around like a stupid puppy dog.
So the two of you are about 19 years old right? He is probably still a little immature. Girls mature faster but you are getting to the age where guys start to catch up in that area. Give him a little time, a little space, and act as if nothing is wrong. If he has feelings for you they will eventually come out of him.
Well everyone that has commented, thank you, they all have made me think a little. But I forgot to say a little bit. This guy, his name is Alex. Well Alex lost his mom 2 years ago to reason IDK what they are. But since then he has ALWAYS had himself shut up. As he says he has a barrier around who he really is and he doesn't want anyone to break it otherwise they won't want to be around him anymore cause he'll hurt them. Well the night that he found out I liked him he said "I've known that you've liked me since my Sophmore year in high school I just never said anything." well then I knew that he was fine with me liking him and all but then when we started talking deep into why he is like he is. I broke his barrier. I got close to him. Closer then anyone besides his sister has ever been. And i've been talking to my friends about it and they all say that since I broke his barrier that I might think he is weak for me letting him see the real him or that I'm afraid or don't want anything to do with him because I saw him for who he really is.
There is nothing as wonderful as young love. Finding someone to love is really, really easy too. The problem is finding someone to love you back. You've known this guy for years and he hasn't made any moves or said anything to make you think that he thinks of you romantically so it's very likely that he doesn't. We all get our hearts broken. I have yet to meet the exception to that rule. You are in love with someone who doesn't love you back. You can't make him love you. You can make yourself very miserable by chasing after him though. Then again, this may just be strategy on his part to get in your pants. Men do that sometimes. From reading your post I don't get an impression that you are very experienced with men in general. You're nineteen. It's too early for you to find the perfect life mate. You have these years to have fun, don't waste them. Don't let yourself be discourage by the fact that one guy hasn't fallen in love with you either. There are thousands of men who will. I am in love with your sweet innocence already and I don't even know you. Sometimes the reality is not as great as the dream anyway.
Trying to manipulate him into returning your love is not really any better than if he is trying to manipulate you into bed either. Of course, I am all in favor of manipulation and am a scurrilous old reprobate with the morals of an alley cat who would do almost anything imaginable to get a beautiful woman to get willingly into my bed, so maybe my perceptions of the situation are skewed somewhat. I do wish you the best of luck though. You may not look back on this and laugh one day, but in a few years you may wonder why it was so important to you.
"Happiness is doing it rotten your own way."Isaac Asimov (1994)
This is what his best friend told me word for word
"Alex doesn't like help..with a lot of things, especially when it comes to stuff like this.. he isn't one to turn to me or anyone else for help...he thinks if he lets someone see his emotions that he is weak or something so yeah, he tries to put up this wall to shut people from those emotions, and the emotion he shows the most...is anger, he sort of thrives on it and lives by it because thats the easiest thing to do, he thinks if people think i'm a hardass all the time they won't see me as a little weaking or whatever.... so whenever someone(hence me) breaks that wall down and he shows you those other emotions, he trusts you...not a lot of people have seen him cry, I've only seen it once.... but if something happens that makes him think differently about a person that he showed those feelings to, he builds that wall back up quicker(and a hella lot thicker than before) that's probably why he's practically completely ignoring you. He thinks (she's seen my softer side, now I think differently about her, so I have too)"
IDK what half of that means so someone help me ):
You stated in an earlier post that he put up this wall because he lost his mother and that is about the time he started to distance himself from others. This can be because he loved his mother and it was a terrible loss for him and he doesn't want to go through that again, with anybody. That may be why he has that wall and the reason he doesn't want to get close to anyone, for fear of losing them.
He may be using anger as the emotion to get by since he might see it as easier to hide his true emotions from the world. It may be easier for him to bury those other emotions so he doesn't have to confront what he is feeling. Others will tend to leave him alone if they see him as angry and not push the subject much. Also he may be feeling that he is a man and men don't cry and show emotions, so he may be trying to show everyone that he is a man the only way he knows how.
Either way this is something that he has to figure out on his own. No one can tell him what he needs, he already knows but he has to be willing to accept it. Just be there for him if he decides he needs you, he may see you as meaning more to him since you have broken that barrier before.
The decisions we make dictate the life we have.
Follow your dreams, for those that do not will only try to discourage others.
Here's a novel suggestion.
Why not just be his platonic friend?
You may well have had two or three or four other guys walk by you, who were taken with your looks and maybe they wanted to say hi...but you didn't notice them, cuz you're so into trying to get this guy's attentions?
Sounds like he needs a good female friend, first. And you've got the inside track on that aspect.
Chill out on trying to be more, than just his good friend.
I've got many good female friends, and I treasure each of them and their perspectives.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
You come across as being VERY young but rather clever, sensitive and thoughtful...
You MUST be aware that girls mature emotionally earlier than guys, and while your regard for your friend and his problems is admirable, and reading between the lines it sounds like you might be interested in him romantically, it really does sound as if he's not quite as grown up as you are....
Concentrate on yourself and being the best person you can be. In the way you look, the way you think, the way you behave... Accept other peoples' actions while admitting you don't fully understand them. Trust yourself and your feelings. Don't expect other people to act as you would act, but accept that they have their reasons, even if you don't understand what those reasons are... And if someone creates a distance between you and them, respect that while continuing to be proud of yourself and letting them know that their actions won't stop you being the person you're proud to be....
Most importantly, love yourself, trust yourself......
Always try to think positively about any situation you are in.... You can only do what you think is right, and if other people don't get it, then maybe you need to see that they might not be quite as able to deal with it as you are....
Above all, VALUE YOURSELF when you know you're being true to what's in your heart..... Don't EVER define yourself by what others think of you.... (If YOU think it's right, it usually is...... And if it FEELS wrong, it's usually wrong.......)
It gets MUCH easier as we grow up....... But this is the way we learn..... And the fact that you're even thinking about this stuff indicates that you're quite a special lady......
Respect Yourself. Trust Yourself. Educate Yourself. Be Beautiful. Enjoy Yourself. Value Yourself. (If you do this, everyone else will get it.... Trust me.....)
xx S
A lot of advice here, Mikashikyo, but believe me, most of it is spot on.
This is one of those sad, sad things in life where you love someone with all your heart, and don't get loved in return. It's that simple a situation, but then we complicate it by making justifications or projections that simply aren't helping.
Obviously, he's going through a lot emotionally. To be blunt, he's not really the type of person to be in a relationship with at this point, if you weren't in one with him before. The changes he's going to be making are off the scale, and the ups and downs of his emotions are also going to mirror those changes.
And yet, the pain in your heart must be suffering. One cannot easily separate the friendship from the love. And I suspect this is where you are at now. To be honest, it sounds as if you are harboring a multi-year desire for him, and even have kept others from entering that space in the hope that Alex would come into your life.
In the end, there is no easy answer. It is easy for me to say that you should restrict your activities with him to that of a platonic friend, and to date others. To actually do this would be nigh impossible for some people. But you have taken ONE important step.
You joined this site. Here, we have a lot of people who welcome you with open arms. Many, if not most, would open you with open libidos as well, but for the most part, we are caring and desirous of your happiness.
So the answer? Time will take care of things. Time will always help deflect the hurt you feel now. If it's too painful to be his friend now, so be it. He may be lonely, but as a male, he will adapt faster than you may think, or even wish to think. But take care of Mikashikyo, first and foremost.
Mikashikyo (new moon death) yer name says it all, i think. you can either make it the death of a new moon or a new moon from a death.
here's what i mean: there has been many, many a time that i've grown very fond of or even loved someone and they didnt feel the same about me. one guy completely shunned me from the day he found out (for one, i didnt tell him coz i knew him well enough to know he'd freak...it was a betrayed confidence), so i had to let the friendship/love die. i knew he loved me too, but was as a brother and he was more than homophobic...even towards bi guys.
several women, i have loved remained great friends to this day...it was heartbreaking to me to know / find out the romantic love was not returned...it felt like a death...BUT, i kept that love for them, used that energy to keep them as friends and those friendships became richer for it (my new moons). to this day, i know that things worked out for the best, for them and for me. i am blessed by their friendships and i cherish my love for all of them.
dunno if any of tyhat helps or even makes sense to you; bless ya either way.
and im going to give you some good advice. just chill. you prolly did touch him a little deeply and maybe it did freak him out a little. but the best thing to do is chillllll... if you guys have been friends that long he is not going anywhere. guys are diff from us. when freaked..we need to reach out and talk, they go into cave mode. so go let him be in his cave and process and you go hang out with your girls and distract yourself from texting a super ton. he'll come out when hes ready...and he will come looking for you :) Id bet money.
