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Sex and love

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Guest
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Sex can obviously have a great emotional impact and enhance a relationship (and the other way around). But what about sex with others when you are in a relationship.

Have you had it?

With or without your SOs knowledge?

What was the impact on your relation with your SO?

Did you get emotional relations with the other person(s)?
BelleduJour
Active Ink Slinger
Sorry Elling, not my style to seek others whilst in a relationship good or bad. I've written several posts about this topic and how my ex-hubby gave me 'permission' to go out and have an affair as long as I came home to him. He said that to me during a very difficult time in our marriage sexually speaking and although I had plenty of opportunities to cheat on him and even thought about it again more seriously when he extended his supposed blessing, I realized I am just not that kind of woman. I don't think I could have lived with myself and wasn't sure I could trust my emotions especially because I still loved my hubby very much. That wasn't who I was nor who I wanted to become. As a result, I did end up ending my marriage shortly thereafter but have managed to remain the best of friends with my ex in spite of it all.
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Quote by Elling50
Sex can obviously have a great emotional impact and enhance a relationship (and the other way around). But what about sex with others when you are in a relationship.

Have you had it?

With or without your SOs knowledge?

What was the impact on your relation with your SO?

Did you get emotional relations with the other person(s)?


Temptation abounds - I caved in more than once and usually it was a sign that the relationship was just a crap relationship - I've also been cheated on . . . drama happens.

But - the last time I cheated on anyone (not physically - emotionally) was when I met a hot guy at my work - and you know, I quickly ended the relationship I was in and I've been married to that hot guy ever since (10 years)

He'd say the same thing ;)
Guest
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Quote by BelleduJour
Sorry Elling, not my style to seek others whilst in a relationship good or bad. I've written several posts about this topic and how my ex-hubby gave me 'permission' to go out and have an affair as long as I came home to him. He said that to me during a very difficult time in our marriage sexually speaking and although I had plenty of opportunities to cheat on him and even thought about it again more seriously when he extended his supposed blessing, I realized I am just not that kind of woman. I don't think I could have lived with myself and wasn't sure I could trust my emotions especially because I still loved my hubby very much. That wasn't who I was nor who I wanted to become. As a result, I did end up ending my marriage shortly thereafter but have managed to remain the best of friends with my ex in spite of it all.


I think your position on this is what is most people`s view; that sex and love shall be connected, and reserved for each other. Interesting to note that his permission for you to be with others, drove you further apart - even though you did not act on it.

But many people on Lush (and elsewhere) describe how they live in these kind of relationship and says that their love is quite as strong (even stronger?). Is this just another example of the diversity of human sexuality, that we are different in sexual preferences, wants and emotions?

I must admit that swapping and adventourous wives intrigue me. If my wife was interested, she would have the permission - and preferable we would explore together. But she is not, and I do not cheat, so I continue to keep my sexlife together with my one and only love for the rest of my life - I hope. And perhaps it is for the best anyway.
Guest
Lurker
Infidelity has been the reason for every break up I have been through. I have never been the starter, but i've been the finisher. I believe in being faithful in a relationship until the other hasn't been, from that point the relationship isn't worth saving and it becomes a mess.

Saying that! After my long time ex cheated on me, I did cheat on him. I know two wrongs does not make a right but it felt good. I feel for the other person almost immediately because after 6 years of the same cheating cock sucker it was a nice change. Of course what was good for my ex wasn't good for me, so our relationship ended immediately following me being caught returning the favor!

Once a trust has been built and then broken it can not be fixed!... It is important that once you can build a trusting relationship you hold onto it and work on it!...
reggie123
Advanced Wordsmith
Wouldnt think of it. First wife cheated on me when we had 2 small children, yep i worked to much but she didnt. Lfe changing event. Have twice the woman now, under no cicumstances would I go outside the marriage.
LASARDaddy
Story Verifier
For me? No!

To me this is a very big commitment and I have strong feelings about that. When I commit I do not break it. When I told my wife I loved her 43 years ago I meant it. Were still together and I've never strayed. Had many opportunities but could just never do it.

I firmly believe she never has either.

But, we are all different.
I am always a gentleman.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by LASARDaddy
For me? No!

To me this is a very big commitment and I have strong feelings about that. When I commit I do not break it. When I told my wife I loved her 43 years ago I meant it. Were still together and I've never strayed. Had many opportunities but could just never do it.

I firmly believe she never has either.

But, we are all different.


this awesome.. I agree.. relationship = commitment...
I also think sex is an important part of a relationship.. well it is for me ... BUT ... strangest thing.. I know of a relationship where she and he have been together for more than 10 years and have still not consummated the relationship..
this is beyond my understanding but they r happy together.. biggrin
LASARDaddy
Story Verifier
Thank you. And I agree, sex is a huge piece of it. But with the right person it's Nirvana, and she was it for over 38 years.

That's how I've felt all these years. She looked up at me and said, "Tell me." Just those two words. This was the 4th time we were together. It took what seemed like a half hour to me but she later told me it was about 30 seconds to a minute, then I said, "I love you." And I've never turned away from that.

I still see her now like I did then and I will until one or both of us die. She's being slowly consumed by that that fucking beast called Alzheimer's though and that's killing me. I fight it and try to help exercise her mind but it just gets worse.
I am always a gentleman.
Ls63563
Active Ink Slinger
Sex and love are not enterchangable words in my life. I certainly don't have to love someone to enjoy sex with them and of course I love people I don't have sex with. I don't have a problem enjoying sex with someone when I'm in a relationship with someone else, one has nothing to do with the other.
XomarieoX
Rookie Scribe
I have been cheated on and it was a terrible experience. I would never ever cheat
Unknown User
I do separate them to some degree. They enhance each other (sex with someone you love adds a dimension to both the sex and the love) but I have had sex without being in love and enjoyed it and I have been in love without having sex as well. I have had sex with women other than one I am in a relationship with (though not for a while) and it's a guilty pleasure that fulfilled needs that weren't being met in the relationship.
Guest
Lurker
I used to believe passionately that sex and love belong together, not so sure now. As a single-again woman I just don't have the opportunities to experience the two together.
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
Unfortunately sex with others while married is a pretty common occurrence but so is divorce. Sex and love are not exclusive. Your can have FWB and you can love a person with all your heart mind and soul without sex. But when you combine love and sex it is a complete union. Then there are those that have a working open relationship. They seem to be able to seperate sex and love.
Pegasus4
Active Ink Slinger
My wife and I are very much in love and deeply committed to each other with a healthy loving sex life together. However we do occasionally indulge in what we term as recreational sex where it involves others. This is something we do together, never apart. To us this is sex without love because it is just sex for mutual fun where we can live out our fantasies.

Click Pegasus4's Profile (lushstories.com) to see my profile.

Click Pegasus4's Stories (lushstories.com) to see a list of my stories.
1nympholes
Active Ink Slinger
Been Married to the same man for many years now and we both have always had other partners.

I never intended to be Monogamous and we both knew it.

It has worked well for us, but I know others who tried to live this style sometime after marriage and it did not have a lot of success.

Sex and Love certainly go together.

Sex for the joy of sex is very nice also.