ive been wondering what people views are on the role of the dom are to the sub and vice versa.
can anyone help me out with my basic understanding of this? cheers
Firstly, it's "vice versa", not vise. Secondly, the role of the Dom to the sub will vary according to the relationship and the individuals involved. It's not a one size fits all routine. Look up the words domination and submission in a dictionary. Try to grasp their extrinsic and intrinsic meanings. Read some of the D/s bogs. There is a TON of information to be found, some good, some not so much. Again, remember that you build the relationship between the two (or more) of you. Dominants generally lead, submissives generally follow. Earn a submissive's respect by how you behave. It's not force, it's strength of character. It's not abuse, it's passion. It's not trying to make someone bow down, it's creating a relationship that they want to. It's not inequality, it's finding the right equality. It's not role-playing, it's allowing the natural personality to emerge. And so much more, of course.
This is pretty complex and fascinating to me. I find the terms dom and sub to be a bit of a misnomer when applied to BDSM. On first glance the "dom" seems like they are the ones in charge. Nothing can be farther from the truth. In fact, it is the sub that has all the real power in the relationship.
The sub allows the dom to please them. The sub is the one that decides how far things go and for how long. For example, say a dom is spanking the sub. It's the sub that is getting pleased. The sub will allow it to continue for as long as they want not whatever the dom wants. Without the sub the dom is nothing. The subs will even have a safe word, the safe word is just like "stop" with non BDSM couples...
Who has the power? The sub of course. The term dom or master are just there to give a false sense of power.
While some of what you say it true Felix, a sub does hold the power in some regards (after all it is HER submission we are talking about - a gift from her to the Dom she serves) MisterDark also makes some valid points. It is not about who leads and who follows so much as it is the relationship where both get what they need. A Master is nothing but a man without a submissive to dominate, and a submissive is nothing but a needy girl without a Master to serve. It is the combination, the Yin and the Yang, that makes D/s. I mean it's right there in the term D/s!
Here is My view of the "ranking" if you will, of the Dominant role (of a male since that's what I am)
1st, you must be a man. Not a boy trying to be a man, a man. Grow up.
2nd, you must be a gentleman. Learn some manners and how to treat a woman.
3rd, you must be a Dominant. A woman is not going to follow if she has to lead too. Take charge and lead.
4th, Learn your craft. Learn your sub. Learn what pleases her, what makes her wet. Learn her mind and what she desires. Once you have learned to dominate her mind, then you can dominate her body. When you have learned your submissive inside and out, THEN (and only then) can you become her Master.
I am a Master not because I can spell the word, but because I put the time in - years of time - to learn what makes My submissive tick. I know how to fuck her mind as well as her body. I know what she wants better than her. I can get her aroused and squirming without saying a word. And THAT boys and girls, is what a MASTER is.
Very aptly put, MJ *gentlemanly applause*
Hi, As a dedicated sub, who has recently enjoyed switching with a lovely lady, I believe both the sub and the dom must each enjoy what they are doing / are having done to them As important, at the same time both must be happy the other is having as much fun. It should not be a chore for either.
Whether you are a sub or a dom is inherent in yourself. Giving and receiving pain must be erotic for both.
Trinket, will you be my submissive ?
I like to thank everyone on this post for the information and words they have given it makes you think about what the two roles really are.
So is this sort of lifestyle something that you explore, learn and develope with participation ? Is it something that can come naturally/ flow fluidly for certain folks without any prior experience as it pertains to the bdsm lifestyle?
To answer your question slipperywhenwet, you are absolutely correct. A sub without a Master is a needy sub, and a Master without a sub is a needy Master. Each completes the other and each needs the other which is why the D/s relationship is such a beautiful thing.
There can be no darkness without light, and there can be no good without evil. By the same token, there can be no Master without a sub, nor sub without a Master. This is the Yin/Yang of D/s.
A Master is just a man without a submissive to dominate. Without My submissive I am merely Jonathan. It is her submission that makes Me who I am. And any dominant who thinks otherwise may be a dominant, but they will never be a true Master. The humility of knowing you are dependent on your submissive is one of the hallmarks of being a Master.