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To those who Cheated while being in Relationship, what Instigated you ? was it worth ?? and what were the consequences ??
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Active Ink Slinger
Whatever instigated someone to cheat his/her partner in a relationship, can't justify their deeds come what may! This is my personal opinion and I don't want anyone to quote me or hurt anyone's feelings. But according to me cheaters are cheaters, nothing can change that. If you aren't happy in a relationship just end it, simple. Have the guts to tell your partner you can't take it anymore. I had the love of my life (at least I thought so) cheat me after 8 years of being together. It shattered me to the extent that I have a hard time trusting men. No one is forcing you to be in a relationship. Just speak out and let it go. (Hah! I think I will have to stop now)
Coco Pop
I'm not a guy but I doubt cheating would be worth it to anyone unless it was some super-organised stalker/thriller/psycho way of getting out of a relationship.
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by browncoffee
I'm not a guy but I doubt cheating would be worth it to anyone unless it was some super-organised stalker/thriller/psycho way of getting out of a relationship.
Actually, most infidelity is a form of escape (from stressors, conflict, responsibility, etc), and is usually a symptom of other problems in a relationship that aren't limited to just the cheating partner being an asshole (though that's a big part of it). Using an affair to end a failing relationship is more common than you'd think. For some people (generally people who are emotionally avoidant), doing something so damaging and unforgivable is preferable to sitting down face to face and saying "we've got problems we need to work on" or "I don't find you attractive anymore."
I've never cheated before, but I know a bit about it.
Don't believe everything that you read.
Quote by TheAngryishLover
perfect example of pleonasm.
Taken out of context that sounds dirty.
TO the OP:
What instigated me? Giving in to my urges for a more varied, interesting sex life. In short, I was fucking bored. My spouse is a great companion and co-parent but there isn't much physical heat there.
Was it worth it? I met some nice women and enjoyed my time with them so I guess so.
What were the consequences? None to date beyond my own guilt. I have not done it in a while and I'm not sure I will again.
Active Ink Slinger
Never cheated on my partners, tho as the song says 'I thought about it.' Have in the distant past assisted women in their cheating efforts. Those were all Navy wives who were bored and frustrated while their men were off doing their merry shit at sea. A young Marine in the San Diego bars was just what they were looking for.
It was fun for a few months, but other sexual activities proved more interesting than married & drunk.
It was fun for a few months, but other sexual activities proved more interesting than married & drunk.
Active Ink Slinger
It was the 3rd time of my ex doing it to me again, that I decided 2 can play that game. In the 1st after my divorce she would be playing grab ass with my buddies so again I played the same way. By the time I met my wife I'd had enough games. So I guess once a cheater always a cheater idea was a challenge I had to break away from. Was it worth it? Yes. The consequences? Lesson learned.
People can be too quick to judge. Circumstances are often not as simple as yes/no. A marriage that is sexless (health issues) over an extended time puts a log of pressure on the healthy member. For the past two years I've had a relationship with a woman who understands the situation and has helped me out. Without the frustrations of celibacy, the tension with my wife is reduced...sleeping sexlessly next to her is no longer a period of frustration and tension.
Does she suspect? maybe. She has told me on various occasions that there are certain things she does not want to know about. So I need to be discreet whether she knows or not..
How will it play? I don't know.
Does she suspect? maybe. She has told me on various occasions that there are certain things she does not want to know about. So I need to be discreet whether she knows or not..
How will it play? I don't know.
Rookie Scribe
I felt as if I needed some sort of validation after a humiliating night with the spouse . So the next day I slept with a long time friend . And yes it was worth it and as things have greatly diminished over the years at home so yes the affair makes the home life bearable at times .
Advanced Wordsmith
I haven't cheated since college years (that's more than ten).
I have been the third party to cheating more times than I'd like to admit. You'd think it would be the best of the three positions to be in, but it's actually the one with the least power and least likely rewards. If you participate with someone cheating, keep your heart out of it would be my advice.
I'm been doing a series on cheating on my blog if anyone is interested in the discussions we're having there:
Here's a link to part one of the Cheating series: Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Here's a link to part 7, most recent part: Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
.
I have been the third party to cheating more times than I'd like to admit. You'd think it would be the best of the three positions to be in, but it's actually the one with the least power and least likely rewards. If you participate with someone cheating, keep your heart out of it would be my advice.
I'm been doing a series on cheating on my blog if anyone is interested in the discussions we're having there:
Here's a link to part one of the Cheating series: Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Here's a link to part 7, most recent part: Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
.
Manager of the famous group: Salacious Interrogatory https://www.lushstories.com/groups/salacious-interrogatory
Quote by moon03You tried to prove your lies to my best friends here, and you will never cease to amaze me of your brutal behavior. You don't know both sides of the story, then you have the nerve to mark my last two Poems a 1. Wow! You are quite the women, so sad.
Whatever instigated someone to cheat his/her partner in a relationship, can't justify their deeds come what may! This is my personal opinion and I don't want anyone to quote me or hurt anyone's feelings. But according to me cheaters are cheaters, nothing can change that. If you aren't happy in a relationship just end it, simple. Have the guts to tell your partner you can't take it anymore. I had the love of my life (at least I thought so) cheat me after 8 years of being together. It shattered me to the extent that I have a hard time trusting men. No one is forcing you to be in a relationship. Just speak out and let it go. (Hah! I think I will have to stop now)
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by ElegantDreams
You tried to prove your lies to my best friends here, and you will never cease to amaze me of your brutal behavior. You don't know both sides of the story, then you have the nerve to mark my last two Poems a 1. Wow! You are quite the women, so sad.
I am not even looking at your poems to mark it down. Get your facts right before putting allegations on me. Check with Nicola who has marked you down. I am not such a low life of a person to stab on someone's back. If I have a problem with you I have blocked you and I will openly tell it on my profile that I have a problem. Now you have shown your level of maturity by quoting me here and calling me brutal. I did not lie anything about you. If you want to take it public so be it. You are openly lying to people about your age and pretending you are a well wisher, which is not true. Now get over yourself because I don't consider you worth it to score your poem. You deleted the comments you made on my poem, if that is making you feel good so be it. It will not affect me.
I want to make this thing clear to you. I am not interested in you or your online life at all. Double standards are not for me. Being married in real life and having affairs here is not my cup of tea. So before blaming me for anything, look at yourself and ask how many are hurt because of you. I have never hurt anyone in my life and you are the only person who are in my bad books and that is for valid reasons. It will not change. Taking your bs out in forums will not help you. It will only show your evil side. Next time before blaming someone for something just get it double checked. I have a very clear conscience and very high level of self respect. If you are sensible enough this will be the end of our interactions here, as I have no time for nonsense. Have a good life!
Active Ink Slinger
Cheating was not worth it. It made me feel awful.
For me it was a desperation to feel affection as my partner was very undemonstrative, and I craved affection, adventurous sex and to feel like someone was interested in me.
For me it was a desperation to feel affection as my partner was very undemonstrative, and I craved affection, adventurous sex and to feel like someone was interested in me.
Quote by Freddie Mercury
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday grow and never die
I can fly
The show must go on.
Active Ink Slinger
Sorry for making this forum look like a rage cage. It was not my intention. But I hate liars and cheats, so will not stay quiet if someone pokes me and starts something out of context. This is the place for individual opinions and not a place to discuss personal issues. So think before you quote someone out of context. My opinions are mine, whoever thinks it's directed to them may be suffering from guilty conscience. It's not my problem. Get a whole brigade for support, I can't care less. Karma is a bitch. So play your cards the way you want, it's none of my business.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by realz
People can be too quick to judge. Circumstances are often not as simple as yes/no. A marriage that is sexless (health issues) over an extended time puts a log of pressure on the healthy member. For the past two years I've had a relationship with a woman who understands the situation and has helped me out. Without the frustrations of celibacy, the tension with my wife is reduced...sleeping sexlessly next to her is no longer a period of frustration and tension.
Does she suspect? maybe. She has told me on various occasions that there are certain things she does not want to know about. So I need to be discreet whether she knows or not..
How will it play? I don't know.
Realz, I am in agreement with you. I, myself am in a situation like this: "Circumstances are often not as simple as yes/no. A marriage that is sexless (health issues) over an extended time puts a log of pressure on the healthy member."
Here's a point that's blatantly clear: There are MANY of us on Lush that are indeed 'cheaters'. Secretly escaping to be on here from their spouses or significant others.
I would have never thought to find myself here (on Lush or any other site like this) while married. But here I am. And I'm not looking for anyone's approval on MY life or MY decisions. I am human. And healthy humans have needs. Especially when you cannot get that from the one person that you should be because of unfortunate circumstances. So what do you do? And that's where cheating began for me. But I will say, that I've never physically cheated. But I have thought about it.
The only consequences I have to date, is keeping this secret from him. It can be a burden at times.
Creator
Quote by TheAngryishLover
My pedantic shitness is flaring up again, and I just can't help myself.
'To those who Cheated while being in a Relationship' is a perfect example of pleonasm.
There. I said it.
I had to look 'pleonasm'....
damn...I had to look UP 'pleonasm'
I have three famous stories, 2 recommended reads and have come in the top ten in two competitions~ Come in and make yourself at home.
Creator
I've never cheated, although I had a sex fling with a woman who told me she was single, making me the other woman. I broke it off and felt used. And I have been cheated on and felt insignificant and foolish. I have not wanted to cheat, I would feel too guilty
I have three famous stories, 2 recommended reads and have come in the top ten in two competitions~ Come in and make yourself at home.
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Never cheated. I don't even chat with women on here (at least not in a sexual way). I've passively thought about it (cheating) at times - I even wrote a story about one of those fantasies - but I'd hate to hurt my wife that way in real life, and I'd feel pretty guilty about it. Besides, when I think of all the work and effort that would be needed to have an affair and keep it secret, it just doesn't seem worth it.
Don't believe everything that you read.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by Simmerdownchick
I had to look 'pleonasm'....
damn...I had to look UP 'pleonasm'
I had to look it up too. Good word. Thanks Angry guy.
I have never, nor will ever, cheat on anyone in real life (I have broken up with girls to go out with others girls, so have behaved badly, but never cheated).
I will admit, in my early days on Lush, I played around a bit. I hurt people and regret it. I was, in my meager defense, using sex as a coping mechanism for some pretty fucked up stuff going on in my life at the time. But that is not an excuse. I hurt people. It was wrong.
Never gonna happen again, of course, virtually or actually, as my heart, mind and all other body parts are happily taken by (and given to) my lovely LaylaJ.
Advanced Wordsmith
I was in a sexless relationship. I mean totally sexless. I had fun with the person I had sex with but I don't really know if it was worth it. I needed to get out of that relationship and the girl I cheated with we didn't start going out though we became good friends. I wouldn't do it again though. I'd just end the relationship and move on.
Active Ink Slinger
How did this sinner get on the same site with all these saints that would never cheat?
I have cheated and cheated many times. My husband knew I would cheat when he married me. I guess our love is strong enough to deal with what some would call a serious flaw.
I just do not seem to be able to stay away from a strange cock attached to an exciting man.
I have cheated and cheated many times. My husband knew I would cheat when he married me. I guess our love is strong enough to deal with what some would call a serious flaw.
I just do not seem to be able to stay away from a strange cock attached to an exciting man.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by realz\\
People can be too quick to judge. Circumstances are often not as simple as yes/no. A marriage that is sexless (health issues) over an extended time puts a log of pressure on the healthy member. For the past two years I've had a relationship with a woman who understands the situation and has helped me out. Without the frustrations of celibacy, the tension with my wife is reduced...sleeping sexlessly next to her is no longer a period of frustration and tension.
Does she suspect? maybe. She has told me on various occasions that there are certain things she does not want to know about. So I need to be discreet whether she knows or not..
How will it play? I don't know.
--------
My wife has had health issues as well. She was overweight when we married (so was I). I have trimmed up, not as much as could, but I'm in better shape than I was ten
years ago. She is just not physically appealing. A lot of women here would say, "just get a divorce." But there are not the one who would have to pay alimony.
It is not just alimony, but I would not only lose the house, but the tax deduction that goes with the house, and health insurance (i'm on her policy, which is better than the one I have through my work).
Moving out would mean I would have to commute further much further to work, so there is wear and tear on the (and I would lost multiple car insurance discount).
Figure a divorce would cost me nearly 40% of my income, ever year until age 62 (when alimony ceases).
Cheating is lot cheaper, and besides I have two in college. So far with mom and dad's help they haven't had to take out student loans. A divorce would change that.
Rookie Scribe
Many years ago I had an affair with another woman. Prior to this I had caught my wife out with other men on a number of occasions and although there were a number of occasions where I also could have cheated I had not done so for several years until eventually my thoughts became "what's good for the goose is good for the gander".
It all started at a party where my friends wife asked me "How do you put up with her cheating". I admitted that it was very difficult and we spent some time discussing it and eventually took the opportunity to spend a night together. It seems that her husband had also been cheating on her and she had also caught him out and was not willing to forgive as I had done on many occasions.
Unfortunately I am not one for one night stands and before long I was involved in a "meaningful relationship" with the other woman which lasted around 12 months. It all came to an end when my wife discovered letters that we had written to each other. Given that my wife had become a serial cheater it took me by surprise that she became so angry and vengeful. She discussed it with my friend (my lovers husband) who also made life difficult for his wife and eventually the affair ended. Unfortunately I was emotionally involved and did not recover emotionally for many years.
Today I wish that I had been stronger and stood up for my lover and told my wife that our marriage was not going to work and protected my lover but it is easy in hind sight and there were children to consider. There were other relationships that developed but all of them were either resulting from this one experience or a result of my wish to prove a point to my cheating wife.
My wife's cheating continued for about 14 years after that. I became aware of at least 6 other men who she slept with over the 14 years that we remained together and suspect there were probably a good many more. Eventually she moved out to live with one of her lovers stripping me of most of our finances in the process. He left her some 6 months later and I refused to have her back mainly because of how she cheating me financially. I have never regretted my decision but kinky though it may seem I do occasionally get sexually aroused by the thought of her and when I remember some of the "events" that happened.
These days I am once more in a relationship with a wonderful woman who I have found to be entirely trust worthy. The scars of a very poor marriage and my cheating relationship still haunt me in many ways and I often wonder where my lover ended up and if she, like me still has a little place set aside for me in her heart as I have for her.
I know of many people who cheat on their spouses and never seem to become attached. Unfortunately that is not the way I am. Sex for me is and almost always has been a result of emotional involvement. My interests on Lush and other similar sites are to read the stories and write a few of my own when ever I have time on my hands which is not very often.
So to sum up. Yes, I've been there. I've tried it. I've been on the receiving end as well. I would not recommend it to anyone no matter how sexually stimulating it may appear. Would I do it again.? No bloody way.... Once is enough for me. However I do enjoy reading about other peoples experiences.
It all started at a party where my friends wife asked me "How do you put up with her cheating". I admitted that it was very difficult and we spent some time discussing it and eventually took the opportunity to spend a night together. It seems that her husband had also been cheating on her and she had also caught him out and was not willing to forgive as I had done on many occasions.
Unfortunately I am not one for one night stands and before long I was involved in a "meaningful relationship" with the other woman which lasted around 12 months. It all came to an end when my wife discovered letters that we had written to each other. Given that my wife had become a serial cheater it took me by surprise that she became so angry and vengeful. She discussed it with my friend (my lovers husband) who also made life difficult for his wife and eventually the affair ended. Unfortunately I was emotionally involved and did not recover emotionally for many years.
Today I wish that I had been stronger and stood up for my lover and told my wife that our marriage was not going to work and protected my lover but it is easy in hind sight and there were children to consider. There were other relationships that developed but all of them were either resulting from this one experience or a result of my wish to prove a point to my cheating wife.
My wife's cheating continued for about 14 years after that. I became aware of at least 6 other men who she slept with over the 14 years that we remained together and suspect there were probably a good many more. Eventually she moved out to live with one of her lovers stripping me of most of our finances in the process. He left her some 6 months later and I refused to have her back mainly because of how she cheating me financially. I have never regretted my decision but kinky though it may seem I do occasionally get sexually aroused by the thought of her and when I remember some of the "events" that happened.
These days I am once more in a relationship with a wonderful woman who I have found to be entirely trust worthy. The scars of a very poor marriage and my cheating relationship still haunt me in many ways and I often wonder where my lover ended up and if she, like me still has a little place set aside for me in her heart as I have for her.
I know of many people who cheat on their spouses and never seem to become attached. Unfortunately that is not the way I am. Sex for me is and almost always has been a result of emotional involvement. My interests on Lush and other similar sites are to read the stories and write a few of my own when ever I have time on my hands which is not very often.
So to sum up. Yes, I've been there. I've tried it. I've been on the receiving end as well. I would not recommend it to anyone no matter how sexually stimulating it may appear. Would I do it again.? No bloody way.... Once is enough for me. However I do enjoy reading about other peoples experiences.
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Don't believe everything that you read.
Advanced Wordsmith
Personally, I have not cheated on a partner, and by that I mean having a double life where I am pretending to be emotionally and physically intimate with one partner, but sneaking off secretly to be emotionally or physically intimate with someone else. I think many people in that situation feel split in two and often they guilty about the duplicity involved. Some degree of guilt feelings would be natural in those circumstances.
Life is complicated. Divorce is often not an easy option. The other party can be guilty of abuse or neglect. Sometimes, people are just outright trapped with someone stifling and controlling. Those are not just hypothetical situations, they happen to real people. Unfortunately, they happen too much.
I categorically reject the “cheaters always cheaters” idea. It’s is just way too simple and doesn’t match the real people I have met in my life.
Yes, there are some people who are serial cheaters. They cheat on their mistress, and on their mistress’ mistress. Maybe they cheat on their taxes too. They are fundamentally incapable of bonding with anyone, and have a serious character flaw that causes them to be unable to enjoy intimacy with another person for very long. They always need something new and novel, and they relish the hunt more than the feast. Yes, those people exist. Their promises mean nothing, so don’t believe them when they lie to you repeatedly. I have no idea what % of cheaters they are, but I know that they are not all, far from it. Cheaters are not always going to be cheaters.
I have personally encountered “cheaters” who did not have divorce as an option, and who were stuck in a sexless marriage, or worse- with a stifling, abusive, controlling, manipulative, judgmental partner. This doesn’t just happen to women either. Men can be trapped as well. I think there is something about the mockery of a manipulative, oppressive partner that makes it much more difficult to bear than merely being alone. When the life is being sucked out of you, sometimes a fling can feel like a breath of fresh air.
Then, in between the serial cheaters and the ones who are stuck, there are others who are more responsible for the attenuation of the bond between them and their partner. They and their partner together allowed the love to grow cold, drifting apart, and then one or both could not resist when something more tempting came along. Are they always going to be a cheater as if they contracted an incurable STD? No. Most of the time they do not. Sometimes, those people realize the new partner is a better fit, and they end the original relationship and move on. Other times, they go back and patch things up.
Life is complicated. Divorce is often not an easy option. The other party can be guilty of abuse or neglect. Sometimes, people are just outright trapped with someone stifling and controlling. Those are not just hypothetical situations, they happen to real people. Unfortunately, they happen too much.
I categorically reject the “cheaters always cheaters” idea. It’s is just way too simple and doesn’t match the real people I have met in my life.
Yes, there are some people who are serial cheaters. They cheat on their mistress, and on their mistress’ mistress. Maybe they cheat on their taxes too. They are fundamentally incapable of bonding with anyone, and have a serious character flaw that causes them to be unable to enjoy intimacy with another person for very long. They always need something new and novel, and they relish the hunt more than the feast. Yes, those people exist. Their promises mean nothing, so don’t believe them when they lie to you repeatedly. I have no idea what % of cheaters they are, but I know that they are not all, far from it. Cheaters are not always going to be cheaters.
I have personally encountered “cheaters” who did not have divorce as an option, and who were stuck in a sexless marriage, or worse- with a stifling, abusive, controlling, manipulative, judgmental partner. This doesn’t just happen to women either. Men can be trapped as well. I think there is something about the mockery of a manipulative, oppressive partner that makes it much more difficult to bear than merely being alone. When the life is being sucked out of you, sometimes a fling can feel like a breath of fresh air.
Then, in between the serial cheaters and the ones who are stuck, there are others who are more responsible for the attenuation of the bond between them and their partner. They and their partner together allowed the love to grow cold, drifting apart, and then one or both could not resist when something more tempting came along. Are they always going to be a cheater as if they contracted an incurable STD? No. Most of the time they do not. Sometimes, those people realize the new partner is a better fit, and they end the original relationship and move on. Other times, they go back and patch things up.
I have never cheated physically, but I am guilty of wanting and seeking out emotional relationships due to periodical neglect. My husband goes for weeks ignoring me emotionally and even sexually which I find frustrating. I used to just take it but I more recently began trying to remedy it myself.