My husband and I have a great emotional relationship but when it comes to sex, it really falls short. We've been married for three years and we're both mid to late 20's.
We have sex once every three months, if lucky and it's been this way for 2.5 years. I've tried everything a can think of but it seems that he doesn't really like anything (including lingerie, costumes, role plays, sex anywhere but the bedroom, oral sex, toys).
I haven't let myself go, I still go to the trouble of trying to look and feel sexy every day.
He works from home so at times he might not shower for days and he will only brush his teeth if I mention it. Most nights I go to bed on my own. I know he's not depressed cos we've talked about this several times, it seems to have become a cycle.
It's getting pretty difficult keeping it together. I would never cheat on him but it's kind of hard to ignore my sexual needs...when a sexy guy walks by my hormones go crazy.
Any ideas?
Sounds like depression, but if not then other is cheating working away alot , fed up with job, or hate to say it married life was sex always like this loss of sex drive could be health problems, but not showering takeing care of him self sounds like depression he just might not realise it
Is it normal?? Definitely not!! And I speak from experience. My situation, however is due to age(mine) and menopause (hers) I'm used to it, but don't like it, hence, I too am on here regularly.
Continue to pamper yourself, for yourself! Don't let his disinterest pull you into his funk. Keep talking! Try and find out why he is the way he is.
And from the sound of it....he is most definitely depressed! Not engaging in personal hygiene is a sure sign of it.
I know that he says that he is not depressed but I remain unconvinced. At that age and stage of the marriage, I was still pretty randy and into my wife.
Another possibility is the job is in a bit of rut. Home officing is not for everyone. Some need the structure and social environment of the office and I recall reading that home officing employees may be less likely to advance career-wise due to the lack of interaction. If he isn't going to work, then some other way to get out of the house may be necessary (nights out with you or "the boys", joining a community group or church if he's so inclined, and so on).
Outdoor time is often good for dealing with mood issues. Get out to the beach or hiking or whatever outdoor activities are in vogue down there (here at this time of year it would be skiing but I know enough about Australia not to suggest that).
Bluewolf mentioned health problems (and depression does count as one, by the way). Does he get regular medical checkups (not sure how Australia's system works; here they are covered by public health care once every 365 days)? That should catch anything obvious.
Keep communicating as best you can and see if you can probe a bit to see if something is bothering him about the job or in his personal life.
Good luck.
It is NOT normal. I am not one to speak from experience of being married. But I am a guy and if I had readily available sex in my bed, I would take advantage of it as much as I could. But my ex's all have told me that they thought I was extra horny. haha. Have y'all thought about seeking counseling? Maybe going out to seek some activities that require y'all to work together?
i work from home, and i take time and effort to give and have pleasure where due!
maybe you need to see what he does or better have him see a professional
Even when I experienced depression, sex was the one thing that I craved. The closeness from it provided a sense of comfort for me. Maybe the best thing is get him to a dr. asafp
ask him if he would like to have a ffm threesome and just see what his response is. You will need to have a third person ready for the questions that he will have, but, or you can ask him if might know of anyone if he asked and see what he comes up with.
Something is definitely wrong, Darling. Keep trying to get through to him. Be straight. Be blunt. Tell him what you've told us.
kinda curious what you look like now. :B
but yeah...sounds like he needs to see a shrink asap.
It doesn't sound like normal behavior to me, though I think the big question is are these new developments. When you two met, dated, and eventually married was he lax with hygene and self care? If the other aspects of his actions haven't changed then it may or may not be something mental. However if he has changed to become this way it could be mental or it could be that these factors are simply symptoms of a different issue. Perhaps he is unhappy with some aspect of his life or another, before you jump to the conclusion that its you though I would recommend trying to sit him down and have a heart to heart.
If you have a good enough reason to believe he could be going through something serious, especially if its depression or one of its relatives you really need to make sure he knows your there for him, and try to get him some help. People with emotional disorders can often suffer in silence or even rash or irrational decisions because of them, some of which can have extremely serious repercussions.
In the end though we really are just words on the internet from people with completely outside views into the situation. Take our advice and form your own plan of action, make sure its your decision and that you stand fully behind what you are doing.
Okay is it normal behaviour. Then yes it sadly is. If he is suffering from depression, loneliness at work, then this is normal.
Why is he working from home? Is he happy? Does he go out does he need routine? These as things you need to work out before he can move on. Remeber this is his issues not yours. Be patient and things will with help work out.
Research indicates sexual passion in a relationship diminishes after 2 to 3 years.
Sadly, many of us find that our sex life dwindles after we have been together for a while, but after only 3 years that cannot be normal. For younger couples, work can get in the way of sex, but that does not appear to be be the problem here.
You are going to have to spell the problem out to him in words of one syllable, otherwise your marriage is unlikelyto have much of a future. It sounds as though some professional counselling might be the best way forward.
It sure sounds like DEPRESSION to me---the way you described it--- i believe you should both seek help,just because he thinks he doesn't have it doesn't make it true,hell nobody want's to be depressed but it happens!
Not normal. Talk to him and be honest. If that doesn't work, give him a reason to get jealous...see if that changes anything.
We always showered before going to bed, A habit I do every night still. as if something came up you was nice and fresh. Brushing your teeth is something you do a couple times a day if you care about your self. A little aftershave or smell pretty makes for a better relationship. I think lady this guy needs help. He's a nut and if he's not brushing his teeth and taking a shower something is wrong big time. I'd get a friend to help you out a woman needs fucked 2 or 3 times a week just to keep them from getting horny.
Not "Normal" in my opinion. I'm sure that must be a difficult situation to live with. Personal hygiene and a litte sex now and then is not too much to expect. I suggest a couple of counseling sessions (with a counsler of his choosing). An objective third party might be helpful.
it's not normal at all.
But talk to him and just say what you fell and how you see it, because i don't think he will be the one who picks up your signals.
If you go about and try to be sexy and makes something out of yourself and he doesn't even want to take a shower "wow" that's just too much, you better confront him or this will never change and you end up spending you time on someone you love but doesn't love you back.
We only live once so make the best out of it.
Maybe it's time to say goodbye to him.
Alexa, I see it has been more than five months since your initial post. Has your situation changed at all in this time?
It shouldn't be normal. My initial response, for what it's worth, would be to put the situation you described above to your husband directly - and ask him if he has an explanation for his apparent lack of desire for you.
As Slutracy said, sexual passion can diminish after two to three years. Sometimes that is not the case. Often the flame might have burned out. Sometimes there are other factors in play. Asking him directly might not give you the answer you want, or it might not give you any answers at all.
But if you really want to know, you should try asking him.
Best of luck. :-)
Sexual innuendo? I can keep it up all night.
If he's as depressed as I can get, then yes, it can severely tank your libido. Speaking again from experience (as an chronically depressed person (I got my anti-depressants on my desk) maybe he should see a shrink. I hate to play distant and anonymous psychotherapist, but from my experience, it's certainly normal for a depressed person to lose sexual drive, and lost hygienic drive.
-Source, I've been on anti-depressant pills for longer than I haven't.
And I've only begun fucking with you people.
At the end of the day, it's all math.
Fucking accidental double post. If a mod wants to delete this because I can't figure out how to, please do.
And I've only begun fucking with you people.
At the end of the day, it's all math.
How about suggesting a weekly 'date' night, you both take the time and effort to dress yourselves up, get out of the house, and just talk. Sometimes a change in location can help.
Hope you can both work through the issues and resolve them.
Another vote from the cheap seats for counselling, if not for the both of you, at least for you. A good psychologist will be able to work with you to help you take the action that's right for you, whether it's finding a way to accept the situation, come up with strategies to change it, or assist you to move on.
As for "normal", don't get caught up on labels. What matters is what's going on for you, not everybody else. But for whatever it's worth, it's not uncommon.
Good luck.
My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill. Sounds like you two need a vacation from work. Go somewhere over a holiday weekend. Stay in the room and get to know each other again.
it not normal there if I had a sexy women I wont keep my hands off her not a lot would get done around the house either hehehe
That said, as just an example how we may play roles, sometimes unwittingly and unaware, but nevertheless, a word, or being unevenly matched in areas. It may not be anything we would see or know as a part that makes up their thinking, walls that can be put up, or subconscious thoughts of another person. People can project things on us too and if they let that - it can cause a lot of unwanted pressure or stress-fear, etc. 
