Hi Sisters I am part of the older woman of Lush. Last night I went out to meet a new man. I had spent the day at the SPA and everything was sweet and smooth, new hair do and perfect make up. Sexy but very classy dress. We met an upscale restaurant.
Right after we were seated another couple came in she could have been me 25 years ago and obviously she had done the same as I and the result was simply stunning.
Her date was the same age wearing flip flops, beat up shorts, a well worn tee shirt, unshaven and with a billed cap turn backwards. At her age and with all the effort she had taken to look great, I would have slammed the door in the face of any guy who came to pick me up looking like this guy did.
Why do woman accept this treatment? Which I have seem more than a few times.
Are we that hard up to get a man, that we will accept anything? Maybe I am just out of touch with the world of 2013.
What ever happened to "My Rules I have the Pussy?"
Help me understand, Please
desperation..i mean why do we still date men who treat us like crap
but maybe underneath that..um..outift he is sweet kind..loving and faithful
so if his clothes are the worst thing about him..well that can change
loving..loyalty..cannnot
or maybe she didnt care i always dress for me...not my date
very interesting question....have to say i see both sides
happy lushing
Doesn't sound like much of an "upscale" (upmarket) restaurant if they let him in dressed like that.
Want a guy's thoughts on this subject? A lot of us older guys wonder about the same thing. We look in amazement at stunning, beautiful women and they're hanging on the arm of some guy who looks like a homeless wannabe with unkempt stringy hair and discheveled clothing. WTF is she thinking, we wonder? Maybe the schlub is a rock star... LOL
One opinion that I've heard from some of those stunning, intelligent women is that in fact, they are damned lonely because many men feel too intimidated to ask such women for a date thinking that they will be rejected as just 'not good enough' for her. When they're sitting home night after night and some schlub DOES ask them out, they go. Maybe, just maybe, we guys need to man up and not be so afraid to risk rejection and take a chance. After all... all she can say is no and maybe she'll say yes and something develop.
My Mother used to say, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
When I was dating after my 2nd divorce. I went to get my pictures taken and thus I was "extra" dressed up. A guy saw me & asked me out. I still dressed nice, classy blouse, slacks, styled my hair, make-up, and he questioned me about the "dress" I was wearing. When I explained it was for a picture our date went south really fast. Had he asked me to wear that dress... I probably would have. But to assume that's my "normal" attire was ridiculous. A few years later when my husband & I started dating, I did "dress-up" for him, but over time we did relax. Now we've been together for 5 years, happily married... and we still dress-up for a special night out. I love it when he puts a little effort in his appearance and I make a point of telling him how much I appreciate it by giving him genuine complements.
Maybe our men just need to be reminded that we like it when they look good.
It's not all one way. Yes more women than men take the time and care to look and dress up nicely, sexy etc. but the truth is we like to and it makes us feel good, sexy and confident.
But have you ever walked behind a women who is very over weight and looks like the back end of a bus only to notice as you pass her that she's pushing a baby in a wheelchair and thought was it artificial insemination or did a guy really get it on with her?
The answer is yes because some guys like big women and bless them for doing so.
There's so many different looks and styles for guys - hipster, douchebag/guido, metrosexual, retrosexual, homeless chic...
Maybe these guys are rocking these slob looks on purpose?
It's not really my thing (unless on a casual/rustic beach vacation or backpacking through a third-world country), but as long as they're clean and the babes they're with find them sexy, then I don't mind that much. It really depends on the guy and the way he's wearing it. A lot of clothing is designed to look well-worn and/or deconstructed, so in many cases it might be a 'look' versus just being randomly sloppy.
A guy dressing down at a restaurant wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. I don't really care one way or the other. It would bother me if he was my date at an important work function though.
I would like to say I believe in that pussy rule but when it really comes down to it, it's commen courtesy to try to look good, your on a date for a reason!!! Durr!! If it was family though I think this family going to an upscale restuarent they would try to dress with class.
I can't imagine dressing down for an upscale restaurant. I try and dress appropriate for where I am going. There are plenty of places that are very casual anymore. I actually don't mind though having to dress up and wear a suit to go out to events or a very upscale restaurant. My wife wanted me to be fitted for my own tux, so every now and then I get wrangled into wearing that thing.
I would think showing up for a first date to a really nice place like that is not showing any respect. The guy should look like an appropriate escort for the lady.
I personally have always believed that "first impressions" are lasting so I have always tried to at least dress to the occassion. Once we get comfortable with eachother we can dress down as needed once again based on the event, time and place. That being said I think that when a lovely woman takes time to make herself beautiful just for me she deserves my best also, and besides it is very sexy to see a lady dressed to the nines!
I would have thought that if he dressed like that now, it will only go downhill from there, if possible. Fortunately most of us aren´t like that, and would make a big effort on a date. Then let ourselves go after marriage (only joking).
This is a subject that truly gets me cranked up. Countless times I have observed this, dressed up lady and a man who looks like a sweaty dirty lump. NO ONE should accept this. I will probably be branded as 'old school' and obnoxious but I feel women should have equal rights, pay, and prestige in the work place; in the dating arena they should be treated with dignity and respect! Ok men, this means, shower, shave, clean clothes and dress for where you are taking her. The old rule of opera works, dress one level down from the orchestra, if they are in a tux you are in a suit. If you do not respect your date enough to dress and act appropriately, yes this means opening the car door and holding her chair, what will you be as a couple. I picture you as so many bad country songs, but all I can think of is the one with the chorus, ''did I shave my legs for this''. If the lady is special enough to date, dress as if you respect her and want to be with her!
We don't know the full story, so it's hard to have a hard and solid opinion. Maybe she works as a banker or real estate agent and that's her work attire. What were the ages of this couple? He might still be in that "I'm a tough guy and I'm gonna be me no matter what anyone says" mode. Some guys are like that.
Having said all that, the dude could have put forth just a little more effort. Maybe he just had enough time to shower but not to shave, I can accept that. But he could have put on a nicer shirt. And at the very least, take off his cap while at the table. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm rarely seen without a cap on. And no, I'm not bald or balding (not to jinx it). In jobs were I couldn't wear a cap, I'd put one on as soon as I left work. It's just my thing. But, when I go out with a date, or when I did, I usually went without the hat. But I still remove my hat whenever I walk into someone's home and anytime I'm eating.
If the girl doesn't care how he's dressed, then no harm no foul. If she's pissed that he showed up like that, then later she may not give him any pussy. After a couple dates of dressing down and no pussy, he'll start dressing more appropriate. If not, she'll dump him and move on.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates Seems a bit disrespectful of his date and the establishment.
Not to mention the other diners that chose to go there for a relaxed yet fine dining experience.
But in this society of "I can do whatever I want" it is not so surprising.
There appears to be no class or manners around much anymore.
Who or what is to blame?
Topic of another forum...
Myself, I would call him out and if he refused to clean-up and change I would not go;
but she had to know his personality before she went unless it was a first date.
"The Gods that smiled when you were born
are laughing now."
I truly believe the old saying "The Clothes Don't Make The Man". You can dress up a nag to look like a thoroughbred, but its still a nag!!
Who is to say she is "accepting" anything!! Who knows what this guys story is. Maybe she likes him dressed that way. People make too much of how people dress. Just because a guy or woman dresses very casually doesnt make them low class or a bad person. They may just be comfortable with who they are and have no need to put on show for others.
But having said that, I do believe you should dress appropriately for the location and occassion. I prefer men who dress very casually to those who are always dressed in a suit. Jeans, T-shirt and Leather jacket do it for me. But if I invited a man to a wedding or some other formal type event, I would expect him to dress the part.
If the restaurant was upscale as said and he was allowed to be seated, then I assume that isnt the first time someone dined dressed like that. I have seen celebrities dressed down dining in some very trendy and upscale NYC restaurants that had sidewalk seating (yes, I saw them while walking by,what did you think, they would let me in, LOL). Upscale doesnt necessarily mean "Snobby"!!
I would slam my door in a man's face too if he came dressed like that to pick me up to go to a fine dinning restaurant. It shows disrespect and ingnorance if he comes dressed like that to go to a nice place with me. I don't think that I am snobby or anything but it is just common sense to dress nicely to go out to a nice place, but maybe I am old fashion too.
ok if it was an upscale place flipflops are a no no
i really hate seeing people in them at nice places
put some shoes on people
you can make shorts look nice and even rock out the scruffy look
but flip flops are casual...period
i once got picked up by a guy in a raggedy t-shirt and old jeans on the first date...
we never went out again
i mean if you cant work it on YOUR first date YOU never will again
looks count...sad to say...u can be casual and well dresssed.. period..
Okay this is one of my pet peeves about my wife. She's happy with me in jeans and a t-shirt. I look for reasons to get all dressup jacket, tie and all. Her in that litttle black dress. Of course once we get back home I can find so many other uses for my tie!
Thank you all my friends that responded, i do appreciate it.
Many of you validated my position, but many of you did not.
LoveWhen: I am considered easy, but if you are dressed like a Bum you chances of testing my easiness is greatly reduced.
Phoenix you are funny. Even if everyone thought I was Wacko a good laugh would make it all feel better
Anika
Seriously I feel that it's not that big a deal to be clean and tidy. Maybe I'm soppy but I'm the kind who would dismantle a Kinder Egg and place a birthday gift of jewellery inside then reassemble the egg - but I don't wear ties - maybe a jacket and trousers, and I wouldn't be seen dead in a cap with the peak at the back (or the front come to think of it). I like giving a woman a single flower now and then but can't be corny enough to open car doors I would be embarrassed for the girl. I love picnics and have my own basket with all the little dinky thingies to assemble and fill but I have no six pack (unless we're talking booze containers or even a little tummy which I'm told is a turn on for some girls along with dirty fingernails??). I'm definitely not that new thing an Alpha male more your Zulu guy but I seem to get on ok with the opposite sex.
