I've probably only recently started feeling confident about myself. Not just my body, but being confident that my personality is attractive too. And, oh my god, just everything feels completely different. I tell you what, I've learned some crazy new things from this website...
Sometimes I see younger girls who feel confident and I feel like I've wasted a lot of time feeling bad that I could have spent having fun instead and I regret it. Sometimes I feel like it's too late for me, my 20s are all over now and there's just some things that I'll never get a chance to experience.
But then I try to make myself feel better because, well, I'm not that old yet. My husband says his favourite saying is 'you never know what is around the corner'. Sometimes I meet women older than me who still hate themselves and their bodies and I've done a lot more than them in comparison.
Anyone else feel like that they've missed out because of a lack of confidence, or were you just born loving yourself? Anyone else had a better sex life in their 30s and onwards? What I'm really asking is, is there any hope for me?! I know full well you're all going to say yes, don't let me down now Lushies...
Not sure if this will help you or not but here goes. Me personally, I've always had confidence issues and probably always will to some degree. I do feel like I've missed out on some things but the past is the past and you can't go back to your 16 year old self and say "Hey, you really should have done this or that". But I'm trying to make up for some of it now.
BUT, on the other hand, take my sister. She's 54, been married for 20 years and going through a divorce. She didn't work the entire time they were married and he spent all their life savings. So essentially, she's screwed financially. He was a master at verbal and emotional abuse so he made her feel stupid and worthless. Plus he moved her to Mexico where she had no friends, no family, nothing. So fast forward to today. She's back in the US. She landed a great job where her boss loves her and praises her (something she hasn't gotten in YEARS). She says she has laughed more in the last year than she has in the last 10-15 easy. Her confidence is going up and up. And she is a very pretty woman and is cultured and has done some interesting things in her life. So basically, she's a catch. She's now knows that the best is yet to come and she's going to go for it. I'm proud of her! So I'm looking at her as an inspiration. I'm working on my confidence and it's working.
So now I'm focused on me, working on my issues and making a list of things I want to do cause I don't want to miss out. For example, last year I did a solo cruise to Alaska. I wanted to see it, didn't have anyone to go with, but I found a group and went. No more missing out on stuff. Oh and one benefit of not being 20 anymore is that I have money to do stuff like that! LOL!
It took a long time for me to get to this point. I was just awkward growing up. I was terribly shy, so people thought I was a snob. I dreaded being called on in class, even when I usually knew the answers. I can't remember a time in my school days where I wasn't the tallest in my class. I didn't know what to do with my hair most of the time (I still don't, to be honest). I had the body of someone much older. All of these things played a huge part in how I perceived and felt about myself.
I kind of came into my own during the last couple of years of high school. Still shy, but more outgoing. Wasn't until college where I started to feel 'sexy'. Got into a pretty toxic relationship my sophomore year, and it definitely knocked me down a few notches. It wasn't really until I got out of it that I understood I was worth more than that and that I would never find myself in a situation like that again. That relationship was definitely a turning point. I've never felt lower in my life, but the good in that is that I know I'll never let anyone or anything make me feel that low again.
And it's not just confidence in my looks, but confidence in my abilities. I am a competent and accomplished individual. I'm gorgeous, hilarious, brilliant, compassionate, and admittedly, the shit.
Furthermore, I don't place my value in how others perceive me. And my confidence also doesn't rely on how I compare to the next person. My confidence doesn't need validation. Yes, I love a compliment as much as the next person, but it's not something I need to feel good about myself...unless of course it's just one of those days where I need a pick-me-up, but those days are few and far between.
Some people are born with it, but for many others like myself, it takes sort of a 'Fuck this shit, I'm better than this' moment for us to come to our senses and truly evaluate and realize our worth as individuals regardless of anyone else.
For the most part while growing up I was confident,not sure if it was because of having 3 older brothers and great parent. There are days when I don't feel confident but for the most part I feel I am.
i realize this is in "ask the gals" but i didn't see that until i'd clicked on the thread, so here's my take:
i've never been a confident person, but i feel that has less to do with how i perceive myself than with how i perceive that others perceive me. i can give you a lot of reasons why objectively i should be confident, why you might say i'm a "catch," but i'm 32 and single (never married) and my romantic history is filled with rejection--sometimes the type of rejection that has you looking around for the hidden camera, because it just *can't* be real. after awhile, that stuff gets in your head, and it makes you wonder if others are missing something good that you see in yourself (or maybe if you're missing something bad that others see in you).
since last summer, a pretty major breakup combined with a number of other disappointments in the following months had me in a state of ZERO confidence, and quite frankly, in a state of fairly dangerous depression as well. lush has honestly been a help in that regard. it's nice when you can see that there are still people in the world who think you have desirable characteristics. i don't know if that will translate to the real world, as i haven't been out much in the time i've been here (holidays, sickness, and winter weather being mostly to blame), but i'm hoping that a boost in confidence from here extends to every aspect of my life.
Quote by bonnierabbit I've probably only recently started feeling confident about myself. Not just my body, but being confident that my personality is attractive too. And, oh my god, just everything feels completely different. I tell you what, I've learned some crazy new things from this website...
Sometimes I see younger girls who feel confident and I feel like I've wasted a lot of time feeling bad that I could have spent having fun instead and I regret it. Sometimes I feel like it's too late for me, my 20s are all over now and there's just some things that I'll never get a chance to experience.
But then I try to make myself feel better because, well, I'm not that old yet. My husband says his favourite saying is 'you never know what is around the corner'. Sometimes I meet women older than me who still hate themselves and their bodies and I've done a lot more than them in comparison.
Anyone else feel like that they've missed out because of a lack of confidence, or were you just born loving yourself? Anyone else had a better sex life in their 30s and onwards? What I'm really asking is, is there any hope for me?! I know full well you're all going to say yes, don't let me down now Lushies...
Great Question!
Yes, I feel very confident in my appearance, my attitude, my sex life, everything. But this was not always the case.
When I was a teen I was very confident, at least I thought I was. But over time and with a few things happening in my life I became a mess. Some how I made it through them and when I was 20 I met the man of my dreams, or so it seemed. My marriage was great, had 3 daughters by the time I was 25. Life was wonderful. But after my 3rd child was born my husband began to show no interest in sex or in me, he would verbally abuse me making me feel worthless. Because all this I really didn't care about my appearance anymore, didn't try to lose the weight I gained from being pregnant as I felt I had no reason to anymore. Then my marriage became a nightmare, the verbal abuse got physical and to be perfectly frank I felt worthless. Thanks to a new neighbor having similar problems, I was talked into joining a gym with her and found I liked working out and began to get back in shape. I began to notice men (and women) looking at me and it made me feel much better about myself. Over a 6 month period I went from 160lbs back down to 125. I began to dress sexier and really began to like myself again. My marriage did not improve, actually it got worse but I realized it wasn't me. I kept working out, eventually divorced and then my new life began at 33. I was in best shape of my life, my confidence was growing and I began to know my body like I never had before. Sex got better, I knew how my body worked and what made me feel good. I became more adventurous, sexually and otherwise. Sex just got better and better. When I was in my 20's it would take me really long to orgasm and normally it was just the one. Now I was able to cum really fast (sometimes in just minutes) and many times they came in waves of 4, 5,6!! I even occasionally squirted. And now at 45, I feel great, I'm in best shape of my life, I am same weight I was when I was 18. I am the happiest I've ever been. It just keeps getting better and better.
So what I am trying to say is of course there is hope for you. And please don't have any regrets about the past, its all part of the journey that makes you who you are. Just enjoy your life, get to know your body and don't be afraid to try new things!! And I too have learned a lot from Lush. But mainly it has given me more confidence to try new things now that I realize many other "normal" women like some of the things I like too!!
Anyone else feel like that they've missed out because of a lack of confidence, or were you just born loving yourself? Anyone else had a better sex life in their 30s and onwards? What I'm really asking is, is there any hope for me?! I know full well you're all going to say yes, don't let me down now Lushies...
I don't think I was born loving myself but I grew up surrounded by people who loved me for exactly who I was and that's sure helped along the way. I'm really happy with who I am, I accept my shortcomings and work to improve on the parts that I can.
I did take a bit of a knock last year but I accept what happened and look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I made mistakes but they're only mistakes if you keep repeating them, right?
So, if someone insults me or tries to hurt me, generally their insults just slide off me because I know I'm striving to be the best person I can and, on the whole, I'm achieving that!
(Everyone is allowed off days, I mean, come on, we're only human)
I can't speak for having a better sex life in your 30s but the statement makes sense! I'm still yet to experience so many things and discover so much more about what I like and dislike. I can only imagine in the next ten years that sex will get better because I'll know exactly what to ask for and more and more what I'm capable of giving.
So, in my eyes, you don't even need hope. You're poised to enjoy everything on offer! Don't think about what could have been but what could be!
I've never been confident about myself before. I've always had people putting me down and I grew up it kept getting worse. I guess I also did what my mom would do and still does, keep quiet and let people do and say whatever they want.
It's recently (like a year or two ago) that I started gaining confidence and at times I still fear I may revert back to the old me. But I've learned to ignore people and be myself instead of trying to fit in. I mean what's the point of trying to befriend people who can't accept you as you are? Sometimes I still feel I might lose it but then I am lucky to have a few persons who remind me that I am amazing and that helps. If I look back, I never dared to oppose to things I felt were not right. Nowadays, I do it and don't bother about what people think of me.
Writing stories help me, talking to the right persons does too and trying to keep positive.
Anyways, coming back to your question, yes. I always wished I were confident and I feel I missed out too much. I've made a lot of mistakes and did things to let others be happy, almost killing some of my dreams. But something happened last year that made a difference in my life and made me realize a lot of things. I'm catching up and there's no chance I will go back to that unconfident girl I used to be.
Those who know me are familiar with my writing. I have posted a few stories and fewer poems and each time someone loves it. So why, then, do I always feel I am not worthy, that my stories are amateurish and not really very good. I suppose that is how I am made and will probably never change. All I need is just one person to enjoy what I write and I am over the moon. I have said this before and some lovely people have encouraged me since I started writing, less than 2 years ago but still, I feel it.
WooHoo!!!! 27,000 views! Could I dare to hope for a famous story...
Basically if I didn't feel confident in my ability I would not have the position I do.
As far as my personal life is concerned and sex plays a major role in it, then I do have days when I wonder about my life style compared with others. Fortunately my friends can and do restore the faith I have and make me feel needed and wanted.
I know how far I have come but don't know how far I will go - in life -so I always feel there is a better future.
Will I survive in this crazy world - I am sure I will, and live to enjoy it.
Smile - it helps.
Definitely age related with me! Was a very shy teenager, utterly embarrassed by the affect my voluptuous body had on the opposite sex. I felt fragmented and as though I should be confident but didn't know how. Roll on my 20's and 30's and despite outward assurance I still felt that way. And bam! My 40's hit and (after various health/life crises) things just clicked. I became at home with my body, comfortable emotionally and at last sexually soaring. I don't feel like I've lost any time at all, just cohered as a woman at the right time for me.
So in answer to your question. If you are confident and only just in your 30's you have oodles of time. You've missed out on nothing. Just enjoy the feeling because it's a mature feeling of sexual empowerment and will last for decades.
It all gets better as I go. Mentally, professionally, sexually... I just keep learning and growing. I think that old saying is true: youth is wasted on the young.
Never let anyone tell you that you are anything less than magnificent! You are a priceless original.
I too realize that this has been posted in "ask the Gals" and I am DEFINITELY NOT "a Gal". Still, there is something I'd like to say here. I think that for ALL of us, self confidence is a living breathing thing, just as we are. And, that it CAN BE either nurtured and helped to grow, or starved to death. Loving relationships CAN nurture it can help it to grow but it takes time and effort. (Sound ODD coming from an old Marine? We're human too, although we do our best to hide that from the world, only those we ALLOW to get close get to SEE our human side, with all of our doubts and fears; yes we have them too.) For MOST of my life I HAVE been a strong and confident individual...MOST of it. There was a period of about 5 years when I was one of the sorriest, most drunken and worthless specimens of humanity to crawl from the bar to the taxi and from the taxi to my bed. It took awhile and the help of my Brothers in arms (not just Marines, guys from every branch) but, I rebuilt BOTH my self respect (the FIRST component of self confidence) AND my self confidence itself. It isn't bullet proof nor impervious to all harm (not for any of us). But, I HAVE learned that there comes a point in any relationship where you need to take a stand and say, ABUSE I WILL NOT TOLERATE...NOT EVEN FROM YOU, AS MUCH AS I DO LOVE YOU. And, MEAN IT! Gender in this regard is NOT relevant. Then, STOP abusing YOURSELF as well, LEARN to love YOU. If you don't...no one else has reason too!
I'm very self-confident now, but I was probably 25 before I was comfortable with my body--specifically, my height and my curves. Until then, I always felt too tall and too...well, I thought I was fat. Which is funny, because all through elementary and middle school, before puberty, I was truly skinny. Being made fun of by my peers for my height and skinniness didn't help much.
The tall thing, though, that was always with me, always made me feel very self-conscious, and I was always wishing that I was short, blonde and fat, at least in elementary and middle school.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
The consensus is that I've been ridiculously over-confident all my life! Even when I was a kid, I was an over-achiever, and didn't think there was anything I couldn't do or be. I blew the lid off aptitude and IQ tests growing up, and I was raised in a very progressive environment, but it has also cost me plenty over the years!
At work I am. Been doing it for a long time, through a lot of different corporate managements and structures. Outside of work, I'm a hell of a lot better than I was a year ago. I used to be terribly shy around women; somewhere along the way that trait dissolved. Philosophically, I care less and less about always trying to please the crowd. I've always been a smartass, even in third grade when I hit on a nun.
“It's nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you're still alive.”
I think we make ourselves miserable with regret... there are so many people shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them... just a little confidence needed and you feel so strong and intense
I like the way you make me feel even when I'm nowhere near...
I feel confident about 75% of the time, more when I am just alone being me. If I have a crush on someone I really can lose it with all kinds of 2nd guessing and stuff.
I'm very comfortable with myself, I guess that means confident too in a way. And, yes I've gotten more so over time. I always have the outlook that the best is yet to come, and usually that has been true/
Quote by Ls63563 I'm very comfortable with myself, I guess that means confident too in a way. And, yes I've gotten more so over time. I always have the outlook that the best is yet to come, and usually that has been true/
I couldn't put it better myself . comfortable with how i look , comfortable with my sexuality , comfortable with more or less every thing and if i'm not then i don't dwell on it anyway
I do feel confident. My life is going really well. I am proud of all the things I have done in my life and I know I will reach the goals I have set for myself.
Being a professional in my field, I can say that confidence is highly coveted, yet often elusive. We dedicate time and energy to cultivating the feeling so we can tap into it when we need it most at work, in business meetings, on dates, during tough conversations etc. But let me tell you, best feelings are when you are assured in your own worth, ability, and power, regardless of the situation you are in.
I know full well you're all going to say yes, don't let me down now Lushies... 
