Hello,
Not sure how common it is to ask for elevator-pitch help (and I hope I'm doing it in the right forum), but I wanted to test a draft of mine before posting the story. Is it too much? Too clunky? Hook you at all? For context, it's a paranormal romance of what could be novel-length, but for now I'm just posting the first "episode" to see if I should pursue it.
Pitch:
After relocating to launch his firm’s new location, a single father finds himself blackmailed, forced to juggle his teenage daughter, her minxy mother, and work while subservient to the girl across the cul-de-sac.
Thanks,
Kelvin Watt
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Rookie Scribe
You know, Kevin, there's little downside to just posting the story, letting people know it's your first, and asking for feedback.
That's what I did, and after getting encouragement, I've written lots more, and now really enjoy reading the comments-- good or bad.
Give it a shot!!
Dave
That's what I did, and after getting encouragement, I've written lots more, and now really enjoy reading the comments-- good or bad.
Give it a shot!!
Dave
Top Shot
I agree with the other posters. Submit the story. Let it clear, let it be posted, learn from the result. You can always kill it (delete it) later, if need be.
With mine, I always take the attitude of "this is maybe probably definitely terrible, but eh, it's done". And it has worked out okay, in my case. Good luck!
With mine, I always take the attitude of "this is maybe probably definitely terrible, but eh, it's done". And it has worked out okay, in my case. Good luck!
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Active Ink Slinger
I guess Kelvin is no longer with us. All I can get is the website's error message of '404 - Page not found'. That's to bad, because from his brief description, it sounded as if he had the basis for a very good story.
If you're feeling bored during this Covid-19 epidemic I’d like to suggest
you take a peek at a story I collaborated with SueBrasil, a brilliant author.
It's about a mistake in judgment a lady makes concerning a friend, based
on the hurtful words of someone that only thinks of himself. Will that
conniving person succeed in ruining a beautiful friendship, or will she see
through his lies? It's gradually creeping up towards the 30,000 mark
and we’d love any votes or hearing whatever comments you may wish
to make. It is listed in my profile under ‘FAVOURITES’ as Apologize.
www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/apologize.aspx
you take a peek at a story I collaborated with SueBrasil, a brilliant author.
It's about a mistake in judgment a lady makes concerning a friend, based
on the hurtful words of someone that only thinks of himself. Will that
conniving person succeed in ruining a beautiful friendship, or will she see
through his lies? It's gradually creeping up towards the 30,000 mark
and we’d love any votes or hearing whatever comments you may wish
to make. It is listed in my profile under ‘FAVOURITES’ as Apologize.
www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/apologize.aspx
Active Ink Slinger
I agree, Seeker. Even if he were a spammer, and had a story or book he was trying to sell, there is no link or anyway for us to find it. Perhaps a person might try Googling for a few key words and see what turns up, however, I doubt many people would bother going to that much trouble. Maybe if a moderator reads this, they might know what happened and could post a reply here. In the meantime, I guess you and I will have to wonder what he had in mind for that story.
A thought just occurred to me. Since you are an accomplished author, why don't you take the basic concept he talked about, modify it a bit, and put together a great story for all of us to enjoy?
A thought just occurred to me. Since you are an accomplished author, why don't you take the basic concept he talked about, modify it a bit, and put together a great story for all of us to enjoy?
If you're feeling bored during this Covid-19 epidemic I’d like to suggest
you take a peek at a story I collaborated with SueBrasil, a brilliant author.
It's about a mistake in judgment a lady makes concerning a friend, based
on the hurtful words of someone that only thinks of himself. Will that
conniving person succeed in ruining a beautiful friendship, or will she see
through his lies? It's gradually creeping up towards the 30,000 mark
and we’d love any votes or hearing whatever comments you may wish
to make. It is listed in my profile under ‘FAVOURITES’ as Apologize.
www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/apologize.aspx
you take a peek at a story I collaborated with SueBrasil, a brilliant author.
It's about a mistake in judgment a lady makes concerning a friend, based
on the hurtful words of someone that only thinks of himself. Will that
conniving person succeed in ruining a beautiful friendship, or will she see
through his lies? It's gradually creeping up towards the 30,000 mark
and we’d love any votes or hearing whatever comments you may wish
to make. It is listed in my profile under ‘FAVOURITES’ as Apologize.
www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/apologize.aspx
Щíccαη Щoods Щhore
Quote by Guest
Hello,
Not sure how common it is to ask for elevator-pitch help (and I hope I'm doing it in the right forum), but I wanted to test a draft of mine before posting the story. Is it too much? Too clunky? Hook you at all? For context, it's a paranormal romance of what could be novel-length, but for now I'm just posting the first "episode" to see if I should pursue it.
Pitch:
After relocating to launch his firm’s new location, a single father finds himself blackmailed, forced to juggle his teenage daughter, her minxy mother, and work while subservient to the girl across the cul-de-sac.
Thanks,
Kelvin Watt
Sounds intriguing enough und series stories are much welcomed here.
As some earlier comments have said, just relax with it, allow your story-line go where it may,
und simply have fun with it.
No one here will be such a buttwipe und will try to be honest, productive, und supportive...smiles
Definitely gonna need to get yourself an Avatar though...smiles
. . .♀♌TT☩✯⁂⊕⧋▽⧊ )◯( ψΨ∅ǯǮǯ∞✾❈❁✤. . .
Active Ink Slinger
I've found that most readers on this site are pretty generous with their voting and comments.
I'm also on another, bigger site where there is some harsh criticism. But that's not so bad; sometimes I learn from critics although I may not recognize it right away. Sometimes it's the subject matter, not the quality of the writing, that bugs them.
And if the readers do like it a lot, then you know know you have something good going. You've won over some skeptical strangers.
I'm also on another, bigger site where there is some harsh criticism. But that's not so bad; sometimes I learn from critics although I may not recognize it right away. Sometimes it's the subject matter, not the quality of the writing, that bugs them.
And if the readers do like it a lot, then you know know you have something good going. You've won over some skeptical strangers.
Active Ink Slinger
I like the pitch, especially the part about the minxy Mom. Did you write it?
Teddy Carlson has a confession to make...
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/-sins-from-my-stepmother-book-1-ch-1.aspx
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/-sins-from-my-stepmother-book-1-ch-1.aspx
Practitioner of the art of the tease...
Interesting that this popped up after I just finished a four day elevator pitch course this afternoon.
I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters here. Write it an see how it feels to you after it's on paper. Edit from there. Have someone(s) beta read it and give you feedback then adjust and post.
As for the pitch for something like this, it's all about conflict and teasing the sexy details to get whomever your target is (lush audience) to be interested in reading it. I'd say here that your sexy details are great, but what's the conflict? I see it is blackmail but by whom or even tease a why?
If you change it to: After relocating to launch his firm’s new location, a single father finds himself forced to juggle his troubled teenage daughter, her minxy mother, and work while being blackmailed into subservience by the girl across the cul-de-sac.
I took a leap that it was the neighbor blackmailing him into him being a sub. It's clear, enticing and I'd read the heck out of it (I'd have likely read it before as well).
Check out the link below on writing blurbs to meant to drive amazon sales of erotica- it pretty much applies to your "pitch."
How to write blurbs
I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters here. Write it an see how it feels to you after it's on paper. Edit from there. Have someone(s) beta read it and give you feedback then adjust and post.
As for the pitch for something like this, it's all about conflict and teasing the sexy details to get whomever your target is (lush audience) to be interested in reading it. I'd say here that your sexy details are great, but what's the conflict? I see it is blackmail but by whom or even tease a why?
If you change it to: After relocating to launch his firm’s new location, a single father finds himself forced to juggle his troubled teenage daughter, her minxy mother, and work while being blackmailed into subservience by the girl across the cul-de-sac.
I took a leap that it was the neighbor blackmailing him into him being a sub. It's clear, enticing and I'd read the heck out of it (I'd have likely read it before as well).
Check out the link below on writing blurbs to meant to drive amazon sales of erotica- it pretty much applies to your "pitch."
How to write blurbs
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