Best Negative Feedback

Quote by DamonX
The same guy just sent me some more feedback of a different story. Here it is.

YOU ARE CERTAINLY A SICK PILE OF FECAL MATTER AND i WOULD GUESS YOU WILL BE SOMEONE WHO WILL PAY A TERRIBLE PRICE FOR YOUR TWISTED CARNAL SOUL, IF YOU EVEN HAVE ONE. MANY DON'T AND WILL SIMPLY CEASE TO EXIST IN ANY FORM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT THE END OF THE PLANETARY CYCLE.

They just get better and better.

Quote by nicola
That is hilarious, thanks for posting.

Was that on this site in the comments area, or did someone sign up and send you a PM?

Quote by DamonX
The same guy just sent me some more feedback of a different story. Here it is.

YOU ARE CERTAINLY A SICK PILE OF FECAL MATTER AND i WOULD GUESS YOU WILL BE SOMEONE WHO WILL PAY A TERRIBLE PRICE FOR YOUR TWISTED CARNAL SOUL, IF YOU EVEN HAVE ONE. MANY DON'T AND WILL SIMPLY CEASE TO EXIST IN ANY FORM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT THE END OF THE PLANETARY CYCLE.

They just get better and better.

Quote by DamonX
The same guy just sent me some more feedback of a different story. Here it is.

YOU ARE CERTAINLY A SICK PILE OF FECAL MATTER AND i WOULD GUESS YOU WILL BE SOMEONE WHO WILL PAY A TERRIBLE PRICE FOR YOUR TWISTED CARNAL SOUL, IF YOU EVEN HAVE ONE. MANY DON'T AND WILL SIMPLY CEASE TO EXIST IN ANY FORM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AT THE END OF THE PLANETARY CYCLE.

They just get better and better.

Quote by DirtyMartini
Was this sent to you written in blood, or what???...

Truly Mediocre
03/24/11 By:.......
The story has possibilities. Christine could develop into an interesting character (aside from being an anal ho), and Maria could be a first-time double play (Christine and Tony start Maria on the right path). But this story started nowhere and ended there, with nothing much in the middle.

So here are my quibbles, offered in the hope that Donkee does something better next time.

didn't mean too, I just kind of did..."|Should be �didn't mean to, I just kind of did�." Three dots mean elision, a pause or omission. Four dots end the sentence.

"Alright, I'm leaving now..."|Should be �All right, I�m leaving now�.� Misspelling; also see comment above.

her jean's pocket|Here the exception proves the rule. While the phrase seems singular possessive, and therefore justifies the ��s� construction, jeans are, by custom, a pair (one doesn�t wear a jean, one wears a pair of jeans) and therefore the plural is here correct usage. Now strictly speaking one might require the �s�� construction, thus: �her jeans� pocket�, that is to say, the pocket belonging to her plural jeans, but that is too technical even for me, mirabile dictu, so better use the colloquial �her jeans pocket�.

"Yes, you can get snuggly too, you baby," Maria said as she lifted the blanket and motioned for Christine to get under."|Why the second close quotation marks? The sentence was fine until then. Read your stories carefully before hitting the �submit� link.

Hopefully I'll be back in a couple hours.|I realize this is dialog and that people talk this way. Correctly, the phrase is �a couple of hours�, partitive genitive.

Alright that's easy|Should be �All right, that�s easy.�

"Hey, you gotta to do what you gotta do right? I know Maria's parents would of killed her if she got caught stealing."|Grammar first, then the lecture. Should be �would�ve�, contraction of �would have�. �Would of� is like huked on fonix wurked fur mi. And if Maria�s parents had talked to her and brought her up properly, they wouldn�t have to kill her if she got caught stealing, because she�d know better than to steal or associate with those who do. As it is, Maria has become the ho (not �hoe�, that�s an agricultural implement; �ho� is a slang term for �whore�, which more accurately states Maria�s case) who would associate with thieves.

a party I went too with Maria| Should be �went to with Maria�

Tony inhale deeply...| Should be �Tony inhale deeply....� Four dots end sentence.

her problems you pussy...|Should be �her problems you pussy....� Four dots end sentence. And let us know when you shift points of view.

eating technique is sorta weak...|Four dots end sentence. Write that on the blackboard 100 times.

pant's pocket|Should be �pants pocket�. See discussion above. And wasn�t she wearing jeans before? Did she stop at Banana Republic and buy new clothes or what?

Tony gulped so hard he was actually scared Christine could hear it from across the room.|Tony may be breathless but you have no such excuse. Clumsy and sloppy; try this: �Tony gulped so hard Christine could hear it from across the room; he was actually scared.� That, old boy, is an English sentence.

I'm going to let you fuck my vagina?| Why �vagina�? Christine would hardly get clinical on us, now would she, with her anus aimed at the ceiling and her mind tuned to �fuck�? Why not: �I'm going to let you fuck my cunt? And knock me up with your limp-dick bastard?�

Alright bitch...| Four dots end the sentence. And the words are �All right.�

"Oh... Look at you, licking your girlfriend's best friend's asshole... You're a very bad boy Tony..."|Absolutely correct�I knew you could do it! Until you fell at the last fence, and me wager went doon the nick. Four dots, me ol� darlin�, four dots to end a sentence.

"You're such a dirty hoe."|A dirty hoe is the badge of a careless gardener. A dirty ho is par for the course.

I told Maria to keep hers shut and she didn't..."| Sing the following to the tune of �Three Coins in the Fountain�: Four dots end a sentence, three dots signify elide, if you can�t grasp that fact yet, you had better go and hide.

Donkee, I had hopes of something better, so I wasted a good hour on this. You can do better, I know. Now go and do better.

Breathtaking
03/24/11 By: .....
It reminded me of the movie The Notebook. Touching, bittersweet and full of love, trust, devotion and dignity.

Felix, every time you take a shit, it smells different.

Quote by Magical_felix

Felix, every time you take a shit, it smells different.

I liked that one too. It's almost a compliment.

Either that or he is genuinely concerned about the variety of your diet...