Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
What are the worst cliches you've come across over and over again in erotic fiction?
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Cliches that should die
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Well, the usual one to complain about is the "laundry list" description of the protagonist. "Hi, I'm 18 years old with 34D tits ... yada yada". Nothing wrong with describing your character but that's not the way to do it.
Every woman having D cup tits and every guy having 7 or more inches downstairs. Would be nice to have some realistically described protagonists now and then.
Every woman having D cup tits and every guy having 7 or more inches downstairs. Would be nice to have some realistically described protagonists now and then.
Her Royal Spriteness
lesbians having sex with a dude. i mean, really. 
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by sprite
lesbians having sex with a dude. i mean, really.
lol I'm guilty of this.
It was actually based on a real-life friend of mine who was very certain she was a lesbian until she became attracted to a guy at her gym, which was very confusing for her. Eventually she married the guy, had children, and turned into a Stepford wife... but she seems happy, at least.
Don't believe everything that you read.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know
lol I'm guilty of this.
It was actually based on a real-life friend of mine who was very certain she was a lesbian until she became attracted to a guy at her gym, which was very confusing for her. Eventually she married the guy, had children, and turned into a Stepford wife... but she seems happy, at least.
then she's bi. i dated guys for a long time, even was engaged to one, but i never really considered myself a lesbian, still don't, despite i'm married to another woman. i'm very fluid about things
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
The Linebacker
Quote by seeker4
every guy having 7 or more inches downstairs
Those detatchable penises do have their drawbacks. I do keep my 7-incher downstairs as you say but you should see the monster I keep upstairs and I have an even bigger yard penis.
God Empress of Lush
Me, tomorrow morning, when this evenings drink becomes tomorrow's hangover....
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
God Empress of Lush
I completely misread this thread. It's the booze lol
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by seeker4
Every woman having D cup tits and every guy having 7 or more inches downstairs. Would be nice to have some realistically described protagonists now and then.
Yeah, I agree with this. Especially every guy packing a python in his pants.
Actually, I think giving the characters' specific measurements in a story is one of the worst cliches. I've never had a woman pull out a ruler and measure me either like it's some kind of science project: "He was 6 and 3/16 of an inch long, and 4 and 5/8 inches in circumference. It was precisely the 12th largest cock she'd ever had in her life by cubic volume." I think you could cover all this by saying "He was average and unashamed."
Similarly, I've admired many breasts in my life, but the extent of it has always been 'oh, those look nice.' I've never cared about her specific bra-size like I'm going to take her lingerie shopping. Big tits, little tits, firm tits, saggy tits, round tits, bouncy tits, (etc.) are all much better descriptors than a woman's measurements.
Don't believe everything that you read.
God Empress of Lush
Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Yeah, I agree with this. Especially every guy packing a python in his pants.
Actually, I think giving the characters' specific measurements in a story is one of the worst cliches. I've never had a woman pull out a ruler and measure me either like it's some kind of science project: "He was 6 and 3/16 of an inch long, and 4 and 5/8 inches in circumference. It was precisely the 12th largest cock she'd ever had in her life by cubic volume." I think you could cover all this by saying "He was average and unashamed."
Similarly, I've admired many breasts in my life, but the extent of it has always been 'oh, those look nice.' I've never cared about her specific bra-size like I'm going to take her lingerie shopping. Big tits, little tits, firm tits, saggy tits, round tits, bouncy tits, (etc.) are all much better descriptors than a woman's measurements.
All this. I never looked at a guy and thought hmmm he's 8 inches he can fuck me. By that time it's too late to care lol
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
Creator
Quote by sprite
lesbians having sex with a dude. i mean, really.
I completely agree.....
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Top Shot
As said by others, the description of a woman by her measurements, especially in the first person, definitely needs to die. Kill it. Kill it with fire.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Simmerdownchick
I completely agree.....
oh, baby, now that i've had cock, i'm suddenly straight! riiiiight. lol
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Actually, I think giving the characters' specific measurements in a story is one of the worst cliches. I've never had a woman pull out a ruler and measure me either like it's some kind of science project: "He was 6 and 3/16 of an inch long, and 4 and 5/8 inches in circumference. It was precisely the 12th largest cock she'd ever had in her life by cubic volume." I think you could cover all this by saying "He was average and unashamed."
Similarly, I've admired many breasts in my life, but the extent of it has always been 'oh, those look nice.' I've never cared about her specific bra-size like I'm going to take her lingerie shopping. Big tits, little tits, firm tits, saggy tits, round tits, bouncy tits, (etc.) are all much better descriptors than a woman's measurements.
I reference measurements if it fits, but rarely precise ones. I think I've used, "His cock had to be at least 7 inches." line for instance. Buy usually, I try to stick to using adjectives.
The Linebacker
It's best to avoid giving numerical measurements. Find other ways to describe that. But there are times you can depending upon what scene you are building.
And be real. Seriously, ten-inch cocks are very rare. Most porn cocks are less than that. Have you ever checked out profiles of female pornstars and seen how very petite they actually are. That helps penises look bigger on camera.
You can build a character's description a little at a time as the story progresses, plus let the reader's imagination fill in some of the details.
Also be real about titties. Really big ones may be bouncy but they are not perky.
And be real. Seriously, ten-inch cocks are very rare. Most porn cocks are less than that. Have you ever checked out profiles of female pornstars and seen how very petite they actually are. That helps penises look bigger on camera.
You can build a character's description a little at a time as the story progresses, plus let the reader's imagination fill in some of the details.
Also be real about titties. Really big ones may be bouncy but they are not perky.
Quote by Buz
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You can build a character's description a little at a time as the story progresses, plus let the reader's imagination fill in some of the details.
Exactly. You don't need an infodump about the character, though there are times when you can do it. When someone enters a room and another is looking them over, for instance. Even then, you should only dump the info that the person looking would know. If it's a woman they've never seen before, they wouldn't know her measurements, for instance.
Quote by sprite
oh, baby, now that i've had cock, i'm suddenly straight! riiiiight. lol
Oh God, that one is awful. And it goes for gay males, too, though I've seen it more with lesbians. One taste of pussy isn't going to make a gay guy straight.
Though I must say, the reverse can be bad, too. Straight as an arrow man sucks his first cock and WHAM! gay as they come. Sure, have a straight character discover that they are bi and can enjoy both sexes, but to suddenly swing 180 degrees w/o warning? Usually I try to hint that they have at least entertained the fantasy before, even if it is their first time doing it.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by seeker4
Oh God, that one is awful. And it goes for gay males, too, though I've seen it more with lesbians. One taste of pussy isn't going to make a gay guy straight.
Though I must say, the reverse can be bad, too. Straight as an arrow man sucks his first cock and WHAM! gay as they come. Sure, have a straight character discover that they are bi and can enjoy both sexes, but to suddenly swing 180 degrees w/o warning? Usually I try to hint that they have at least entertained the fantasy before, even if it is their first time doing it.
or the straight girl who goes lez. same thing
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Wild at Heart
The thing about cliches is that using them in a new, fresh or reinventive way is pretty skillful and interesting. It takes some real talent to make cliches put a smile on your face as you're reading/watching/listening.
Quote by seeker4
Well, the usual one to complain about is the "laundry list" description of the protagonist. "Hi, I'm 18 years old with 34D tits ... yada yada". Nothing wrong with describing your character but that's not the way to do it.
Every woman having D cup tits and every guy having 7 or more inches downstairs. Would be nice to have some realistically described protagonists now and then.
This. And the D cup thing. That too.
Nothing wrong with larger breasts. But beautiful teacup size or something would be beautiful. And exquisite.
Quote by Magical_felix
The thing about cliches is that using them in a new, fresh or reinventive way is pretty skillful and interesting. It takes some real talent to make cliches put a smile on your face as you're reading/watching/listening.
True enough. Read some pulp s-f and watch some old movie serials and you realize that Star Wars is dripping in cliches, just using them well.
But some cliches are so worn out (e.g. the laundry list) or offensive (e.g. the gay person suddenly "going straight") that they are probably beyond redemption.
Quote by MostPreciousLittle
This. And the D cup thing. That too.
Nothing wrong with larger breasts. But beautiful teacup size or something would be beautiful. And exquisite.
Variety is the spice of life as they say. And that applies to erotic fiction, too. If every woman's boobs were the same size, eventually boobs would become boring (as much as it pains this breast man to say it).
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
Quote by Buz
It's best to avoid giving numerical measurements.
*checks stories*
Crap, one says the temperature was 25˚C and rising. In my defense: it was my first story.
=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by noll
*checks stories*
Crap, one says the temperature was 25˚C and rising. In my defense: it was my first story.
next time just say "it was hot and getting hotter."
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
Quote by sprite
next time just say "it was hot and getting hotter."
I just stopped writing altogether.
=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===
Coco Pop
i hate when say a girl's introduced to a sex interest and it's like 'her panties were soaked'. i mean, she met him thirty seconds ago. did she fucking wet herself?