Mennopause

Quote by nighttonic
So when you all refer to hot flashes, is that mean bursts of sexual feeling, or physically feeling hot (ie., as in high temperature)?

Quote by nighttonic
So when you all refer to hot flashes, is that mean bursts of sexual feeling, or physically feeling hot (ie., as in high temperature)?

My wife may be beyond the change now. I would like to restore a level of intimacy with her. We are both older people, and I realize the sex won't be the same as when we are in our 20's, or may even not be called sex by your all standards. But caressing, kissing, showing signs of affection well on into our old age would be nice, at the very least. I can't expect to be physically entering her much more, but I would always want to tell her I love her.

Quote by Lauradj
Your wife is going through a tough time, what with her hormones being all over the place, hot flashes, cramps, pain, difficulty sleeping etc, and any other symptoms that menopause can bring on, and you want to throw sex into the mix? Sorry buddy, probably won't happen for a while. Get used to being married to your hand.

Quote by nighttonic
So when you all refer to hot flashes, is that mean bursts of sexual feeling, or physically feeling hot (ie., as in high temperature)?

My wife may be beyond the change now. I would like to restore a level of intimacy with her. We are both older people, and I realize the sex won't be the same as when we are in our 20's, or may even not be called sex by your all standards. But caressing, kissing, showing signs of affection well on into our old age would be nice, at the very least. I can't expect to be physically entering her much more, but I would always want to tell her I love her.

Quote by 1nympholes


Mostly true, but very harsh words for a man.

Yeah, that was not helpful or kind, though it's a perfectly valid perspective.

Quote by sweetsinner


Can I speak, from a perspective of an < 30 year old who long lost interest in sex (mostly due to contraceptives) it wouldn't hurt to work on things that are not physically related well before you try to dive in to sex.

Work out her love language, how to make her feel loved, valued, special, appreciated, work on engaging and stimulating her mind and make it so that the aspect of touch, physical and sexual intimacy is irresistible (as opposed to straight up repulsive which it can be, even just for women who are menstruating)... and then engage those things.

Cook for her, leave her love letters, focus on gentle non-sexual incidental touching, give her a massage, lay with her while she sleeps, make her feel comfortable (cool cloths, heat packs, snacks, whatever). Like, I know these seem like REALLY SIMPLE THINGS but often they are missing and it is the lack of these that makes a woman feel emotional undervalued and disinterested in sex. Add the hormonal overthrow to the mix and its only going to exacerbate the situation.

Also definite yes on the lube as menopause brings with it a decline on oestrogen production which is responsible for natural vaginal lubrication (which is why some women on contraceptives or whom are breastfeeding often also have dryness issues)

Thank you for that excellent reply, @sweetsinner.

Complex topic.

My lover had a high libido through peri-menopause but once it hit full-on, that was it. She lost all interest in physical intimacy.

As I understand it, from what I've read and heard from friends, it really depends on the woman, and factors, such as how understanding and open their partner is, communication on both sides, and then a whole slew of physical conditions that result from the end of fertility; vaginal dryness, changes in elasticity, health issues (greater risk of UTIs and others that complicate matters.

At the end of menses, several chemicals are produced in lesser quantities such as estrogen and testosterone, which contribute to libido, levels of arousal, and desire. The drop can be very sudden and something of a shock, combined with other aspects of ageing and physical changes that can affect self-esteem and self-image.

As I understand it, exercise and diet certainly help (as they always do) but there are medical treatments such as Hormone Replacement Therapy that have helped some women (and not others) and herbal remedies that can help restore hormonal balance and promote a healthy libido post-menopause. There are natural lubricants and some new products that can aid in restoring blood flow to the genitals, resulting in arousal and lubrication.

My friends have not tried any of these yet, so I'm curious to hear if anyone has.

Now, I have a few older friends who spell it, "Men: A pause," who suggest that it is temporary, and a few have told me that although it is different now, they still have a healthy sex life with their partners.

I actually came on the forum to see if this was being discussed at all, because I am still very much in love with my friend and am trying to be supportive, whilst gaining more of an understanding of what she's going through (as well as many of my friends my age).

Thankfully, there is good information out there but I'd love to hear from women who have actually gone through this change and have found ways of coping and keeping their interest in sex and intercourse. I have to have hope that although things might be different from this point on, there can still be physical love.

I'm middle aged but still have a strong sexual drive, and at least for now, am fully functional. In other words, I'm not really ready to put it down, don my cardigan and settle for the rocking chair until my heart finally decides it's had enough and gives out.

That's said with some humour, by the way.

So, women, is there any advice you can share with a loving, patient man, who has a desire to understand and be supportive? I've heard and read that there is sex after 55/60, and I really have to hope that that's true.