Marg and I had travelled east to investigate if Lyn, Marg’s sister, had been manipulating Sue to cheat on me. What we found out horrified me. Every person that was involved who was willing to talk to us told a similar story. Lyn had been setting up liaisons for Sue with a huge number of men.

This information did not take the responsibility away from Sue. It was Sue who was meeting those men. It was Sue who was having sex with them and sleeping with them. What it did show though, was that while Lyn was pretending to be my faithful friend and at a later stage my lover, she was manipulating me and she was manipulating Sue.

Unfortunately, I had on many occasions accused my wife, Sue, of manipulating others including Lyn, to allow her to continue her cheating ways. Not all those accusations were put to Sue but they were firmly embedded in my mind such that it affected the way in which I dealt with Sue.

Had I been awake to Lyn's manipulations and not so trusting, I may have been able to put an end to it all, which may have saved our marriage. In this way, I was intricately involved in the failure of the marriage. Sue must have known that my trust in Lyn was misplaced. Perhaps she may even have tried to tell me but I was so sure that Lyn was trustworthy that I would not have listened.

This train of thought was broken by Julie who asked me if I was coming to bed. I had been sitting in the room that Julie had set aside as my office after returning from the airport where Marg and I had flown in that evening. Julie and Marg had been so involved in female chatter that I had taken the time to go to my office to think out what I should do about what we now understood.

I was sitting in the dark when Julie entered. She was not surprised that I had not turned the light on because she knew that my thought processes worked better in the dark. She had become accustomed in the short time that we had lived together to finding me sitting with the lights out.  

“OK honey, I’ll be right in. You and Marg go ahead.  I’ll join you in five.”

“Don’t be too long. I’ve been missing you.”

“I’ve been missing you to, honey. I’m just having a little trouble coming to terms with my foolishness. Lyn had me totally fooled.”

“She had us all fooled. No sense in dwelling on it. We must move on.”

“Yes, I know that. I just have to find a way to put the record straight. I’ve blamed Sue for a lot of things that were not her fault. I have to find some way of apologizing to her without creating more problems.”

“It may pay to just move on and forget about it. She was cheating on you and didn’t respect your position no matter what else happened. If you start wanting to meet her and start apologizing she may think you want to get back with her. You don’t want to do that do you?”

“What, get back with her? Fuck, no. I’d rather fight a grizzly bear than take that on again. It’s you and me from now on, babe. There is no chance that I will let her get that opinion. As soon as possible I’m going to apply for a divorce.”

“Why don’t you leave it for now and come and join Marg and me. We are really looking forward to the three of us spending the night together. Ronny is looking after things tomorrow so I don’t have to go to work and you still have another week before you go back. Let’s make the most of it.”

I got up and took her in my arms and kissed her. She rubbed her crotch up against my leg. It felt nice. She was hot and I could feel the moisture coming through her panties. My cock came to immediate attention, pushing against her.

“You still have to wear a rubber. I’m not ready yet. We still have three weeks to go before our get together with Debbie and Cherie.”

“Yes, I know. How do you feel if I were to ask you to go first? You understand what that means don’t you?”

“We have been apart for a while and I’m feeling very horny. Are you sure that you can hold on? I don’t want you to misjudge me.”

“If I go too far, I promise I will pull out.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Goyse. It’s just that if I get too involved I might want you to finish in me. What if I wrap my legs around you and won’t let you pull out?”

“I’d like that. I couldn’t think of anything better.”

“Yes, I assume that you would but it’s not what I want, not yet anyway. Maybe it is better that we don’t have sex.”

“OK, I’ll use the condom.”

“Hhhmmm, I thought you might reconsider.”

I grabbed her and kissed her. She melted into my arms. It felt so nice to hold her.

“Go ahead with Marg. I won’t be long until I join you. I’ve almost got my head around it all. I have a fair idea of what to do. I’ll just make a quick call.”

When I joined the girls they were under the sheets together. I sat back and watched them. I thought about how important both of them were to me. It brought back memories of the early days of my marriage to Sue when I had thought that no one would ever be that important to me and to my life. I had loved Sue so much that even though I had suspicions that her daughter may not be mine, I wouldn’t ask her because I did not want to upset or hurt her in any way. A husband’s duty is to protect his wife not to accuse her of the ultimate sin that any wife can commit.

Was that the reason that our feelings for each other had degraded in the way that it did? Was the fact that I would not even challenge her on one of the most important questions that any man could face? Did that make her think that she could do anything to me without me responding? Did I respond, that is the big question? I never did, did I?

I thought back to that song. What was it called? Yes, ‘Left in the dark again’ by Jim Steinman was its name. The words echoed in my brain.

Did I ever demand to know? Did I ever say, “Stop? You can’t do this to me.” Was it my weakness that allowed all of this to happen? Is that the reason that I like to sit in the dark when I think back.  What were Jim’s words again?

The words echoed in my brain, over and over again. Was it me all this time? Was I the reason that she sought company elsewhere? Was I so weak that she had no respect for me so she sought out stronger more demanding men? Is all of this because of me? It was me who put unquestioned faith in Lyn. She was a devil woman manipulating me and manipulating Sue. Or perhaps she didn’t manipulate Sue. Perhaps she just played a role for Sue but she did manipulate me or...  maybe not. She may have just done what I let her do. After all, it was me who trusted her.

“Are you going to join us or are you going to sit there staring into space as if you are on another planet?”

It was Julie.

“Yes, I’m just thinking it all through, that’s all.”

“I thought you always said leave the past alone. Learn from it but then move on.”

“I did, didn’t I? I’m just not sure of what I should have learned from it all. It all seems so uncertain. I don’t think I can move on until I put it all to rest and that means doing the one thing that I don’t want to do.”

“So you are going to confront her?”

“I don’t want to but I think I’ll have to if ever I want to move on. There are things that I still don’t understand and I need to know the answers. I feel that there are things that I need her to tell me before I can put it away in the back of my mind.”

“She won’t want to talk to you. Her guilt will be too great a burden for her to bear if she has to talk to you. She knows what she has done and no one person can do all that without feeling guilty. If she has to talk to you, all that guilt will flood down on her and anger will overpower her. She will direct the anger at you but it will be anger about what she has done.”

“I’ve got to try. If she gets angry I’ll just sit and wait it out. If there is no response the anger will have to dissolve and disappear.”

“You have never experienced guilt like she is carrying. If you don’t respond she will just get angrier and angrier. She will want you to tell her what she is. Only calling her the fucking, cheating, thieving slut that she knows she is will satisfy her.”

“How can you know all this?”

“When I first arrived here, I asked Marg, Cherie, Gloria and Debbie what had happened and they told me the full story. Lyn had told me part of it but I wanted to know it all. Once they told me the story, I spent some time thinking about how I would react if it were me in the same position.”

“OK, so what did you work out?”

“She wanted you to stop her but you didn’t. She thought that because you didn’t stop her you didn’t care about her. She felt like a common whore. You used her for your satisfaction. You used her to raise the kids. You used her like a trophy that you took with you to display at public events but you didn’t care enough about her to put a stop to what she was doing.”

“So you think that I was to blame?”

“No, you wanted her to be happy and you thought that if you stopped her from doing all those things that she would be unhappy and leave you. You just don’t understand a woman, that’s all. She didn’t understand men who are madly in love. That was the problem. Neither of you was to blame but then both of you were to blame.”

“That doesn’t make sense. How can you say that neither of us is to blame but both of us were?”

“Think about it. One cannot be blamed without the other. One was not more to blame than the other.”

“I guess you are right.”

“That’s why you should leave it alone. She thinks you are wrong but she knows that what she was doing was not acceptable. You are questioning it all because you know you should have tried to stop her. There are no winners here so just forget it and come to bed. Marg and I need you with us.”

“OK, just let me have a quick shower and I’ll join you.”

I went in and had my shower. It took a lot longer than it should have because I was trying to wash some of my thoughts away but that was impossible. When I returned to the bedroom Julie and Marg were both asleep. Julie was facing my side of the bed and Marg was spooning her. I climbed into bed and lay looking at Julie for some time. She opened her eyes.

“Are you going to sleep or are you just going to keep staring at me all night?”

“I was just trying to work out how to not make the same mistake?”

“You won’t. I don’t need you to tell me what to do because I’ve lived through it all from your perspective and I understand you. Don’t change because I love you just the way you are. I don’t want other men but I do like women sometimes and I don’t mind sharing them with you. It works out fine. You don’t have to ever worry about it.”

“I love you, Julie.”

“Yes, I know and I love you too. Kiss me and let’s get some sleep.”

I kissed her. I then pulled back slightly and just looked at her. She stared back for a time then gave a little grin, her eyes closed and she went to sleep. I don’t know how much longer it was but I dozed off as well. I know that because when I opened my eyes it was daylight. She was awake. She had that little grin on her face and was just lying there looking at me.

“How did you sleep?”

“Fine and how did you sleep?”

“Fine, it feels good with Marg holding me like this. It comforts me.”

“Would you like her to move in with us?”

“Hhhmmm, that would be nice. Cherie would need to come as well. The unit is a little small for four of us.”

“We could move back over to my house. With the bank managers help, I have paid all the outstanding accounts and have enough money to replace the furniture. Your lease will run out shortly so that won’t be an issue.”

“You don’t think it is too soon? Not many people know that we are together. You bring an assistant back from the US with you at the same time that your wife leaves and within weeks you are shacked up with her. That’s like pouring fuel on to a fire for the gossips.”

“Think of the positives. While they are talking about us they will be leaving someone else alone.”

“What about your boss. Won’t he be concerned with the reputation of the company?”

“If you agree, I will sit down and talk to him about it. I’ll tell him that you and I have been getting along together well for a long time now and I’ll tell him I don’t want you to get away from me.”

“He might suggest that if you’re concerned that I might get away then it might be too soon.”

“I’ll point out the age difference and tell him I’m not going to get any younger. He’ll understand. He’s been through a divorce and found a new partner within a couple of months.”

“OK, if you are certain. Let’s do it.”

We just lay there for a while looking at each other then she spoke, “Goyse, last night, didn’t you want to make love to us?”

“I was fairly stressed about everything. I was having trouble with my train of thought. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s OK. I just wanted you to know that it is OK. If ever you don’t want to make love to me, don’t feel that you have to. We all have our off times. If our relationship is to work we both have to respect each other’s desires and even our lack of desires sometimes.”

“Thanks, Julie. It won’t happen very often, I assure you.”

“I don’t know about that. You might have a few off days when you get to eighty or ninety years of age.”

There was that little cheeky grin again. That’s what I’ll call her from now on, “Cheeky.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing, Cheeky.”

“Cheeky?”

“Yes, Cheeky.”

“I think I like that.”

“You had better. That’s your name from now on.”

I got up, showered and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. By the time it was ready both Marg and Julie had come down to the dining room. As we ate, Marg opened the conversation.

"So, how are you going to get to talk to Sue?”

“It’s already set up. She goes for a coffee to the same shop every day at ten o’clock. I’ll simply walk in and sit down at her table. The owner has been asked to put her out in the back where we will not be disturbed.”

“What, how did you organize that?”

“I use a guy to snoop for me from time to time. He has been monitoring her movements since I got back and knows that she will be going there at that time today. The owner is a bit of a romantic so it didn’t cost much to make sure things were set up to allow me time to talk to the wife who has recently left me. Of course, we forgot to tell him that we would not be getting back together. He will be disappointed to see our attempt at reconciliation failed.”

The girls were busy talking about it all when I left. They were running through all the possible scenario’s as I had done the previous night when I left them. I arrived at my destination at five minutes past ten. The owner recognized me immediately and signalled the direction for me to take.

Sue was alone. She didn’t see me until I pulled out a seat to sit down.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I just want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. If you try anything, I’ll scream.”

“You will have no reason to scream. I just want you to listen for a few minutes and then I’ll leave.”

“I’m not coming back.”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“You are not getting the money back. I’ve seen my lawyer and she says that I can keep it all.”

“I’m not here for the money. There are just a couple of things that I want to say to you. Can you listen to me for a couple of minutes, please?”

“OK, you have five minutes.” She took off her watch and laid it on the table as if she was about to time me.

“I recently found out that I was wrong about Lyn. I thought that I could trust her but I was wrong. I may have taken her word for things where I should have listened to you.”

“So, what difference does it make?”

“I now know that she was arranging men for you.”

“So, what if she was?”

“She was trying to break us up. That’s what difference it makes.”

“She succeeded but it doesn’t change anything. You wanted to be with her anyway.”

“Lyn and I were good friends. We were not lovers until you brought us together.”

“I saw the way you looked at her. You believed everything she said and when you were around her you looked like a lovesick fool. I bought you together because you wanted her and she wanted you. You thought because I wanted other men that I was a fool. I knew what was going on.”

“I didn’t come here to argue with you but I can’t let that pass. You’re wrong about us. I had no intention of making a pass at Lyn. She was not in my sights until you brought us together.”

“She had you in her sights. I know that because she told me. She also told me that you wanted her as well but you wouldn’t make a move without my OK. That’s the reason why I put you together with her that night. You showed me how much you enjoyed it so don’t lie to me.”

“Of course I enjoyed it. She is a very sexy woman but I was not in love with her. I respected your position and would never have got together with her if you hadn’t insisted.”

“Don’t lie to me. You got with Marg so it was just a matter of time before you did the same with Lyn.”

“Marg was a mistake. It happened on the spur of the moment when I was upset because you were meeting another man after skating finished. My mind was in turmoil thinking of some donkey dick screwing you. She comforted me and in a moment of weakness, it happened. Neither of us planned it.”

“You want me to believe that. You make love to another woman and put the blame on me and you think that I should accept that.”

“No. I didn’t ask you to accept anything. I simply wanted you to know, that’s all.”

“I think your five minute is up. I’m leaving.”

“Just allow me another minute or two. I wanted to tell you something but I keep getting sidetracked.”

“One minute and then I’m out that door.”

“OK, I want you to know that I’m sorry. I want you to know that I should have been stronger and I should have told you to stop.”

“OK, then why didn’t you?”

“I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to... how the fuck do I say this? I wanted you to be satisfied. I wanted you to have the sexual satisfaction that you deserved. I knew that I couldn’t give it to you but I wanted you to have it.”

“What, you expect me to believe that you did that for me? You’re just a fucking, weak-kneed, cuckold cunt. What you really wanted was for me to run around and get fucked by every Tom, Dick and Harry so that you could get pleasure from it all and then for me to come home and give you slippery seconds. I’m not stupid.”

"That's not true"

She carried on, “When I was good, you fucked me for up to an hour before you came. Sometimes it was up to an hour and a half. When I went out and come home full of another man’s cum you came within ten minutes. Don’t you think I could tell? You wanted me to do that even when I didn’t want to. But you made a mistake. Over time I began to like it and then it became like an addiction to me.”

"That's not what I wanted."

She continued, “I knew how kinky you were about me being pregnant by someone else. Before we were married, you had to have known that it was not your baby. What did you do about it? You asked me to marry you. Here I was, thinking you would probably punch me out if I told you but you asked me to marry you. I knew there and then what turned you on. I knew what you expected of me. I wanted you to be happy so I did exactly what you wanted.”

"Sue..."

“If ever I had any doubt it was all pushed aside that night with Henry. You were dancing with Veronica but your attention was on me sitting on Henry’s lap. I thought, if I lift up you will know that it is possible for me to take him inside my pussy. It was my way of testing you. If you wanted it you would do nothing. If you didn’t want it you would stop me.”

"I didn't know what to do."

“Did you stop me? No! You moved closer so that you could watch me. Henry had been trying to fuck me for some time. When I saw that you were not going to stop me, I knew that you wanted to watch us so I lifted up and directed his huge cock into my pussy. I had to lift up several times to get him to slip inside me. I knew you were watching my every move. It was good for both of us. I could see the look on your face and you could see the expression of pleasure it gave me.”

"I..."

“That told me all I needed to know. You wanted me to search out donkey dicks as you called them and I did exactly what you wanted. You knew that I had been impregnated by another man. What did you do about it? You married me so I then knew that you enjoyed the risk factor so I planned my affairs to coincide with my fertile time of the month. I made sure that I left clues for you to find so that you knew that you were going to enjoy sloppy seconds when I arrived home each time.”

"I didn't want that."

“You knew but you did nothing to stop me so I knew that you wanted it. Unfortunately, you impregnated Lyn. I had trouble accepting that. I had become addicted to donkey dicks and I couldn’t stop when you wanted me too. What drove me was the thought of you getting Lyn pregnant behind my back. It made me angry so I wasn’t doing it at the end for your enjoyment. I was doing it because I wanted to hurt you.”

"You succeeded at that."

“I had to leave because if I hadn’t you would have left me. I knew you no longer loved me. You loved Marg and you loved Lyn but I couldn’t compete with them so I did the right thing for all of you, I left. I’m not coming back, Goyse. Don’t ask me to because I won’t be.”

I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I felt sorry for her. I was feeling sorry for this woman who had stripped me of all my savings, my furniture and stripped me of my pride. I desperately needed to get away from her. After all, she had done to hurt me over all those years, I found I still felt deeply for her. The love that I thought had deserted me was still there. In her presence, it had all flooded back to me like a giant wave that thrashes over you in the surf.

I got up and walked away. I couldn’t say good-bye. I may have broken down if I had.

That night I sat in the dark in my temporary office and I wrote the following poem. I’ve called it “From one to four for nought.” The one is me. The four is Sue, our two kids and me.

Like glassy lake when I not know

Small problems just like ripples go

And hopes and dreams build up and flow

Emotions drift for I not know

That mighty tide was soon to flow

Then bursting forward a mighty rush

Destroying dreams with one great flush

It burst its banks and crashed on forth

Destroying hope with all its force

And down from deep within my soul

The tears they flow I cannot hold

Composure long...

And how damned blind could I have been

To not have known - to not have seen

It creeping forward with all its force

This mighty gale... And now... She’s off

And here alone with one small thought

That many years are now for nought

All those years all gone, what for?

My son, he enters through the door

To say that all... It is no more

I fall and kneel upon the floor

This crashing sea of pain I feel

I cannot stand and still I kneel

Writing down just how I feel

For that great one that made this earth

Did he know what Sue’s love is worth

To me... I turn around and see my son

And in his eyes, I see his mum

I see how great this mighty pain

affects us both.. Alas in vain

I have this thought.

If I could change this tidal course

Could do it all with mighty force

…I'd let her free.

For now the tide it ebbs and flows

Emotions come... Emotion goes

And as the gale, it settles down

My feet are firm upon the ground

Once more

I see the mark the tide has laid

I feel the pain this loss has made

And then I walk along the shore

I find her love it is no more.

So that is the story of me and my wife, or should I say, my ex-wife. It is a story of love, or should I say loves, because there were many, perhaps I think too many. It is a story of sex, not enough, though. Is there ever enough sex?

It is a story of happiness but also of pain and suffering. It is a story of disappointment and of misunderstanding. It is a story of great strength. It is also a story of human weakness but it is mainly a story of deception.

I take responsibility for a good deal of that deception because it was encouraged by my mistaken belief in someone who I thought was my best friend... But was she? They say love is blind but just how blind I didn’t comprehend until it was too late.

There are only one or two chapters to go in this story and that is to tell of what happened to the main players. It won’t be very exciting but it must be told for the reader to fully understand where all this has led to. Well, I hope the reader can see more clearly than I did because I still don’t fully understand it all or why it happened the way it did.