I left Gerry's office close to noon , his last words were
               (" don't do anything stupid , none of this is worth 25 years of your life in jail, she is one sick mixed-up bird go easy ")
                 
                    I started to drive home but tought better of it , she was expecting me in the early evening , if she takes advantage  of the afternoon to take a bum home for an afternoon fling and i am there i was not sure of my reaction.
                        Better stop by her office and give her a heads up that i was back .
                  Walking in her office, her receptionist said i was just on time, Madame is leaving for the afternoon. I walked in without knocking , she had her back to the door on her cell phone and was saying she would be there in 20 minutes or so.
                     She turned around and saw me she yelled (" Dennis so glad you are back early ")
I heard a voice definetly male say something on the phone She said ("a nice surprise  Dennis is here
  it will have to be another time ")  
  ---  (" who is on the phone ??") from me,  she said (" my sister ")  i reached for the phone saying i wanted to say Hello but she turned it off.
            ("So your phone is fixed ") 
             (" it was not broken ") she said
              (" i called many times last night while You were with your sister and later and you did not answer it it must have had a problem ")
             (" How i forgot it on the living room table i must not have heard it from the bedroom")
              She said since she knew i had  heard  the ( i will be there in 20 minutes)  A was going to go to lunch with her and talk before she went to work at 4  She said no , since i was there she would rather go home with me now .
              On the way home fallowing her car ,i could see her talking on her cell .
     Once home . she threw her arms around me and kissed me hart and long , she said she would have a shower while i got my bags and then rub my back while i took mine . He hypocrisie was sickening me .
                I took everything i got from Gerry in the living room , put the dvd from last night in the player and advanced it to were she had both of them one  in the mouth and one in the ass stopped it and waited . I wanted hard to give her one more chance to be frank with me at least .
               She came down in a nice little neglige and said you are not going to shower?
      (" First i have to know if you acted on your need to go out and screw someone else while i was gone ")
        (" No it was not a need i was just testing you i could not bring myself to do it , i love you to mush for that. ") wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me --- (" come have a shower and to bed i need and missed you so ")
         (" did you missed me enough to let me deposit my cum in your mouth and your ass??")
         (" you are funny ,you know i don't do such things , only whores do that")
   I said while turning on the video player   (" you are right only whores do that")
               She looked at the tv and  turned white as a sheet , her mouth was moving but no sound came out , She shook for a few seconds and started to cry saying (" how is it possible how did you get this ")
              I have the whole 2 nights and also know about the Riverside Motel and the afternoon with  Marie Louise  (Looloo_). I also know it was not your sister in your office it was a man's voice and you were going to meet him in 20 minutes, i suppose for an afternoon of fucking  before the idiot ,me got home .
              She cried harder still could not talk for a moment
          (" Please forgive me i love you and only you a can't stand loosing you . we will get over this it was my  one and only fling i had i will never do it again please :) 
           (" it was one hell of a fling  even Looloo shit and 2 guys ")
          (" Looloo it was only coffe and girl talk ")
                      I took the picture of her coming out of Looloo's house and showed it to her
            (" Does this look like someone who just had coffe ???")
                    She crumbled on the sofa crying and shaking
        I took what i had gotten from Gerry and got up to leave , she asked were i was going , i said to a hotel till monday and monday morning to my lawyer.
                 I left with her crying and begging me not to leave her like that
                        It was a bad mistake to leave her in that state
                 I got a room in a hotel in town , she was calling me every 10 minutes .

Finally in frustration i picked-up she begged me to come back home and talk it over and hold her in my arms she needed that badly
              I blew it again .
                (" Listen after what i saw , no one was using protection , i would not touch you with a full rubber suit on for protection. if you need arms to hold you , call one of the bums you fuck ")
                 She did not call back . I went to the room bar and mixed myself a strong drink i am not a drinker so it did not take much for me to pass out a think is the term.
             I got awakened next morning by someone banging on the door of my room . It was Gerry and another guy, he introduced him as sergeant detective i don't remenber the name
              I wanted to know what the problem was .he said we will explain on the way
     Her sister was worried that she did not answer her phone after last night conversation with her she dropped by our home she found her on the floor
          She had taken quite an amount of  Brandy and slit her wrists , Sh had left a note for me .
               The body had been removed when we got there,  the note was in the computer room they thankfully left me alone to read it
              It is in French a translation of it

                     Dearest Dennis my one and only love
 I know now you are lost to me i have nothing left to loose . I have hurt you very much i regret it
This will hurt you more i am sorry but i must be honest a tell you all of it " FORGIVE ME "
              I don't know the reason i did these things . You satisfied me in every way in bed especially there were many time when you give me more than i needed or wanted . so it was not dissatisfaction
                 Robert was not the first one . I had been cheating since a couple years into the marriage. I was carefull to go to hotels were there were conventions to make sure i did not  know the guys and would never see them again ( i used protection ) I did it when you were out of town or took afternoon off work also on some night out with a couple girls from the office , we would go to hotels and pick-up guys.
                I did not give my ass or mouth to any of them . just one time i picked up one with a very small penis i had no lubricant i tought i could take him in the ass if i lube with cold cream i had in my purse . It was really painfull and  he was small, i refused to do it afterward . Only when LooLoo told me about training with a dido was i able to do it . i trained in the shower and in the morning after you had left for work, it did not take long before i enjoyed having the dildo in my rectum I wondered if a real penis would be the same or hurt like the time i had tried it
        With Robert the spankings If you looked at the whole videos , you say you have the 2 nights  you know about that too.
             IT started by accident , in the motel , i was having him in my mouth and ready to pull back and have him cum on my tits like i always do.He grabbed my poney tail and  held my mouth on his penis as he came, at the same time i was on on all four my ass was high he slapped my ass twice hard . It made me swallow i realized that it was not unpleasant  and did not taste as bad as i expected .  The slaps left me with a tingling sensation that i liked after that i would always ask him to do it again before and after screwing him ,it was not love with all of them it was screwing like you say.
            I had decided to do all those things for you , but a little at the time so you would not think a was to much of a saloppe all of a sudden and start wondering .
               I look in the bottom of my heart and know sincerely i would have never cheated on you again if you had not left it took that to realise what i was loosing
               I
you were right i was talking to Robert when you walked in my office. I was not meeting him to screw but a the restaurant next to his business to tell him it was over and i would tell all to Jeannette his wife if he tried to see me again.
              Looloo It was a bad mistake but i discovered that a women is not at all like a man . better in some way and not as good in others They know how to do thinks to a woman tha no man can and cannot satisfy  some other basic needs .
               I am not sure in my heart that i would not have been tempted to be with her again from time to time . It is too late to lie now it is my most honest true
               It is only you that i love above all Dennis
                    I will be waiting for you on the other side in the hope that by the time you get there , you will have  found it in your heart to forgive me and will again take me in you big arms
               Your Bernie who loved you and only you to the end 
                        A bientot Dennis adore


                                   I cried like a baby
                                      A few days after the funeral, i went to her grave with a dozen red roses i kneelt down deposited the roses and told her she was forgiven and asked for her forgiveness .
              I can only hope she heard and is at piece were she is .
                            Now if i can forgive myself