Tapping softly on the door with his signature knock, Jeff waited briefly before entering. The room was unoccupied but there was evidence that a great deal had happened there. The room reeked of sex, the bed was nearly torn apart and an upended champagne bottle presided over the dresser.

Oddly, the scene prompted no excitement within Jeff; in fact, what he felt was one of isolation. He was an outsider in his own marriage. In port their cell phones would work but Jeff suppressed the urge to text Audrey to see where she was. Wherever it was, it’s likely that the agenda did not include him.

Not wanting to remain in the stateroom before Housekeeping got rid of the evidence; Jeff decided that a coffee and some time to think were in order. He went to the ship’s buffet and took his coffee to a table. Because most guests were in port sightseeing, the buffet was lightly occupied.

The coffee was rich and dark and the caffeine’s stimulus hit quickly. Staring off into the ocean and pondering just where his marriage was going weighed heavily on Jeff. Yes, Audrey repeatedly said that she loved him and Kat had even made some sense of it all. And, he had just had sex of sorts with Audrey the other day; so why was he so worried?

Jeff’s thoughts returned to Kat and their sudden lovemaking this morning. The experience was dreamlike. He had awoken to Kat ordering toast and coffee for them and they began kidding around and flirting a bit. Somehow, that turned into full on sex – beautiful sex, actually. They kissed and touched and undressed each other and no words were spoken. Jeff had begun to say how beautiful Katrina was but she shushed him on the first syllable. It was as if words would somehow diminish the moment. No – it was more like, if no one spoke it was a dream and no one is being unfaithful because it is all just a dream.

Jeff felt his loins stir as he mentally relived being with Kat. He had sucked her nipples while roaming his hands in circles all over her body. Kat’s nipples were not as large as Audrey’s but they perked like rigid little bumps with ridges that he could feel grazing his teeth and tongue. Jeff remembering Kat reaching down and taking his… Oh! Kat was here! Jeff looked up from his memories to see Kat standing at his table. “Hello again,” Jeff said taking her in. Katrina was dressed in a bathing suit and cover-up and a broad brimmed sun hat.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Kat said with a genuine smile on her pretty face.

“For me as well,” Jeff gushed. “I take it you are going to the pool?”

“Yes, but I wanted a coffee along the way.”

“Let’s make it cappuccinos,” Jeff began, “so we can see if the ship’s is as good as the ones we had in Tucker’s Town.”

“You’re on!”

Katrina took a sip of her coffee and said, “What are you doing today?”

“At the moment Kat, I really don’t know.”

“Your wife and her boyfriend are still in the room?”

“No, they left for points unknown but the room is a mess right now and reeks of their sex. I left the veranda door open to air it out a bit to show a little mercy to the cabin-guy.”

“Katrina grimaced and said, “Yeah those people really earn their money. If you can believe it, my room smells even worse!”

“Worse?”

“Oh God… Yes, worse, there is vomitus… God, why am I still talking like a doctor? Asshole puked all over the bed and floor. He is passed out in it.” I changed in the bathroom and I was looking for the coffee to somehow wash the smell of him from my nostrils and the pool to wash his smell from my skin.”

“You smell nice, actually.”

“Thank you. I showered while I was in there. You know, after these tiny stateroom bathrooms, I really enjoyed the spacious bathroom in the hotel last night.”

“I know what you mean, Kat. I can’t get used to showering in a phone booth. Maybe now that cellphones have replaced public phones, that’s where old phone booths go to die. They are reborn as cruise ship shower stalls.”

They shared an easy laugh.

“So it looks like your husband is down for the count and my wife is off honeymooning somewhere. What say we spend some quality time together?”

“I’d like that Jeff, what would you like to do?”

“Well, I could grab my bathing suit and we could use the ship’s pool or if you like there is a place called Snorkel Park Beach about a fifteen minute walk from here.”

“The beach sounds perfect!”

“Okay, Snorkel Beach it is then,” Jeff said standing. “I will meet you at the gangway in ten minutes! I just want to put on a bathing suit.” Then, taking along look at Katrina as she stood Jeff added, “And my camera.”

“Oh Jeff, please let’s make it fifteen minutes? I want to stop at the ship’s store and buy a can of sunblock. I refuse to go back into that stateroom room until it has been hosed down and fumigated.”

“Fifteen it is, Kat.”

Along the short walk to the beach, Katrina and Jeff walked together very close, bumping shoulders occasionally. Their hands bumped and each fought off the urge to hold hands as they did not want public displays of affection to complicate their situation in the prying eyes of fellow passengers or possibly Audrey and Donald returning to ship.

At the beach, Jeff rented two chairs, beach towels and an umbrella and they set up ‘camp’ back near an old wall of huge stones built for the navy by slave and convict labor – or ‘labour’ as they would say it in Bermuda. Sea, sun and sky all cast a magnificent glow on this man made bit of sand. Jeff and Kat chatted lightly about all manner of things, recent movies, books, awkward moments from high school dating and college.

As the sun peaked in the sky, Jeff applied sunscreen to Kat, and she to him. “I liked touching you this morning,” Jeff began.”

“I liked it too,” Kat answered, “But if it’s Ok, I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”

“And there I thought you head-shrinks were all such great communicators.” Jeff smiled.

“We are, just not… Oh Hell, we shrinks, as you say, are just people too. ”

“Not a problem Doctor Katrina,” Jeff grinned, “Just making conversation.”

In time, Kat dozed off to sleep for a few minutes and Jeff looked out to see. He began wondering where Audrey was and once again where his marriage was heading. From what Audrey had said, she seemed upset about some of the sex partners he had arranged for her. Jeff thought that she was enjoying the experiences as much as he himself had. He began searching his memory, recalling some of those times.

There was the guy they had picked out of a chat room. His name – if it was his real name – was Charley. Charley seemed an average guy. He said he drove a UPS truck. Jeff had reasoned that a truck driver would have strong hands and that Audrey might like that.

He had discussed Charley with Audrey and she seemed okay with it and so they made the date to meet in a park. Jeff brought his video and still camera he sat in the front seat of their Buick while Audrey and Charlie occupied the back seat. The agreement was that they could have ‘soft swinging’ and do anything except sexual intercourse. As it happened, they did nearly everything except intercourse and that became a bone of contention. Charlie had made several moves to slip into Audrey but she managed to evade him. Finally, she shifted and pulled his cock into her mouth. Jeff was filming madly as Audrey sucked Charlie’s cock and fondled his balls. As Audrey felt Charlie’s balls tighten to cum, she pulled her mouth off of him and stroked him feverously until he came.

Audrey reached around to the front seat for her purse and the package of tissues which she used to clean her hand and the back of the front seat.

Jeff was getting hard just reliving the moment but then the moment faded. He saw the tears in Audrey’s eyes. At the time, Jeff thought maybe Charlie’s cock had triggered Audrey’s gag reflex and that’s what caused the tears. Now, he wondered if maybe he had misread the situation.

“Jeff, yours is not the face of a man living in the moment on this wonderful beach in Bermuda.”

Feeling like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Jeff turned to Katrina and said, “Busted, Doc.”

“Where were you Jeff? You looked either sad or lost, I couldn’t tell.”

“I’m sorry, Kat. But, I still am processing all this stuff with Audrey and trying to figure out where to go from here. I can’t stop wondering if I am losing her to this guy.”

“So tell me Jeff, how did all this get from a fantasy stage based on sexual tension to a reality?”

“It’s a pretty kinky story, Kat.”

“Some of my patients are awfully kinky people Jeff, more so than you can probably imagine.”

“Am I a patient?”

“No, you are a new friend, and a good one. If I can maybe help you, I’d like to try but for the long term, you and Audrey may need to enter into both individual and couple’s counseling. Ethically, I can’t offer that to you but there are many good practitioners out there and I’m sure that you could find one.”

“Well, from the fantasies I guess the next step was photos.”

“Photos?”

Jeff explained to Katrina how he had begun accepting photo requests from men and women on the internet. He would have Audrey pose and except for her face, virtually every part of her had been photographed hundreds of times in myriad poses and sent off to the requestors. Following a photo shoot, Jeff and Audrey would have fantastic sex.

“”May I ask, for how long did you and she do this?”

“Actually, we still do. We’ve been doing it for a couple years now. Why?”

“I ask because most of the diagnostic criteria for this particular fetish behavior are based upon whether the behavior goes on for six months or more.”

“Which particular fetish is that?”

“It’s called Candaulism, Jeff and it’s a fetish behavior where men expose their female partners either directly or indirectly by photographs for the voyeuristic pleasure of their fans. The term also describes urging, forcing or intimidating a woman to having sex in third party relationships such as swinging and the like or pornographic movies. At the extreme end, is forcing one’s spouse into prostitution. Have you urged Audrey to accept money for sex, Jeff or to allow your movies to be shown to others?”

“No, but I have thought about it and the thoughts are exciting but I don’t think I could do it without Audrey’s permission and she would never give that. Why do you ask? Is this dangerous? What are these things you are calling fetishes? I thought fetishes were guys who were into feet and shoes and stuff.”

“Okay Jeff, one thing at a time. I asked about the prostitution and pornographic movies because I want to understand where you are in the fetish behavior.

While you say that Audrey would never consent to prostitution or porn, those activities aren’t too far from where she already has consented to go in order to please you.”

“Are you saying that I am a sicko?”

“No, of course not. But these behaviors can have serious consequences.”

“Such as…”

“Well for starters, unprotected sex always carries a huge risk in these days of sexually transmitted diseases. Apart from AIDS or herpes, there also are many, many cases of women developing cervical cancers from unprotected sex from the HPV virus, which we now know is sexually transmitted.”

“Well we always made the men wear condoms,” Jeff said.

“Always? Even for oral sex such as blow jobs?”

“Oh… Ah, no.”

“Okay, those are one set of risks. Another is the impact of psychological risk to your wife. It sounds as if Audrey felt increasingly degraded during these encounters. From what you have told me, much of that began to turn around as she got to know her current lover by email and then by phone and finally in reality.”

“So this really is dangerous,” Jeff said.

“Well, dangerous is a big word. As an extreme case, there was a French girl from a wealthy family some years ago who married a popular disc jockey. They played around with these kinds of fantasies and fetish behaviors and eventually they hit money problems and prostituted her and made porn movies. She became quite a popular porn actress and her movies sold well both in and outside of Europe. Like a lot of women in the acting business and in particular the porn business, the stress is too much and anti-anxiety drugs and sleeping pills become the norm. This particular actress eventually died in her early thirties of an overdose.”

“Jesus, are you saying that something like that could happen to Audrey?”

“Well, here’s where it becomes interesting. I am a psychologist, not a psychic so I can’t make predictions. Also, I have never met your wife, and never performed any of the testing and clinical interviews that would lead me or any other clinician to a differential diagnosis. Nor, could I even discuss any of that with you if I had because of patient confidentiality. What I can say to you is this: If everything you’ve told me is accurate, and your wife behaves as most women would behave in her situation, you could be at a crossroads.”

“A crossroads?”

“Yes Jeff. If your wife was feeling victimized by your insistence that she submit to sexual posturing by you then resentments have built up. From what you told me earlier about her and the candle in your ass and the bondage, it sounds as though you have awoken a dragon within her.”

“There are hundreds of fetishes from the shoe and foot fetishes you mentioned through extremes of BDSM and torture, even murderous behaviors like snuff porn. Pretty much everyone has some of these fetishes ingrained within us. We all have our kinks. It’s just that some kinks are more intense than others.”

“If I was a betting woman – and as a clinician I’m not – but if I was I would bet that Donald saved your wife’s sanity, at least for now.”

“What do you mean Kat?”

“I mean that it seems as if your wife was becoming increasingly resentful of the sex outside your couple relationship. She felt used. Then, you encouraged her to communicate with this Donald guy and he built her up. He even told you that he was doing it! You missed a huge clue there, Jeff. The first couple of times they got together in person, you were there with your candid camera and my guess is that your wife resented your presence. Her Donald was building her up and your wife perceived that you were tearing her down by over-control.”

“She resented me?”

“I think so, Jeff. Put yourself in her place for a minute. How did you feel when she made you put the candle in your ass and have your testicles’ tied to a chair?”

“I uh, ah jeez, I’m embarrassed.”

“Please don’t be embarrassed with me Jeff.”

“Uh, OK I felt excited at first but then pissed off.”

“Why”

Jeff’s face became red with embarrassment, “Because she made me shove a candle up my fucking ass that’s why! And then she tied my balls with wire to the seat of a girlie-ish chair at her dressing table!”

“And you felt how…”

“I don’t know!”

“Yes, Jeff, you do know or you wouldn’t be so angry right now. Please get it off your chest and tell me.”

“I felt ashamed! She shamed me, Kat! My fucking wife shamed me with a fucking eight inch candle and wiring my fucking balls to a fucking chair and then making me watch her fuck that fucking guy through a fucking mirror! Kat, she fucked him in ways that she never fucked me. God, I wanted to die.”

“And yet, you allowed it. You put the candle into your bottom and you sat there in silence while your wife tied you. And you sat in silence watching them in the mirror. What made you do that?”

“It excited me.”

“What excited you Jeff?”

“The whole scene! The fact that Audrey was taking charge and forcing me to do something that pleased her was a rush. Watching them together was a rush too, but I hated it. I hated myself.”

“You have taken a huge step today Jeff. I can’t tell you how many of my patients take months of therapy to get where you are right now.”

“Really? I don’t understand what you’re talking about or even where I am right now.”

“Jeff, I think that men have a difficult time opening up to mental health professionals because they fundamentally have a tough time making themselves vulnerable. Because you and I already have an intimacy between us you are able to speak more freely with me. As an ethical matter, I could never actually counsel you because we have been intimate but I can help you through some of this as a friend.”

“But, where is it that you think I am right now?”

“Let it sink in for a minute Jeff. What were you telling me just a minute ago?”

“I was telling you about feeling excited but then resentful.”

“Doesn’t it make sense that your wife may have felt the same way, excited but then used and resentful? Can you see that your wife may have thought she needed to do things she found distasteful to keep you satisfied in marriage but she hated what it was doing to her?”

“Oh my God, I am a terrible person!”

“Don’t go off the deep end on me Jeff, you are not a terrible person, you are a very good person, a loving husband, and good person. You’re a man that Jewish people would call a ‘mensch.’ But, you are at a crossroads in your marriage.”

“You said that before, what is this crossroads?”

“Jeff, you said it yourself but in different words. You are afraid that you might lose Audrey to Donald.”

I did say that and yes, it’s a big fear of mine. But also, she said that she loved me and always wanted to be my wife and that her thing with Donald was just her enjoying loving both of us. I am not sure what all that means. Hell, you even told that chances are my wife loves me and will keep on loving me.”

“Oh I believe that she loves you; otherwise she would have left long ago. Where I think the crossroad is, is which of you men will be the dominant love of her life. I use the word ‘dominant’ because that is what all this collaring is about. At this point in time, I think that psychologically, your wife looks to Donald as her husband and you as a man on the side. Do you understand?”

“Yes, and that is the heart of the matter, please forgive my bad pun. It’s where Audrey’s heart is that worries me.”

“Right now I think you have cause to worry but only to a point.”

“How about I buy her a ring and ask her to renew our wedding vows?”

“Go slower Jeff, much slower. Her boyfriend has wooed her and won her – for now. For all practical purposes, as you have wisely surmised, this is their honeymoon. A cruise to Bermuda is about as romantic as it gets and your wife is like any other honeymooning bride. She has eyes only for her groom. In your wife’s case her loyalties are split between you but Donald, as her Dominant right now gets the lion’s share of her love and respect. I think if you asked your wife to renew your wedding vows at this stage that she might say no. And, honestly Jeff, at this moment I think you are way too vulnerable and wounded to suffer such a rejection well.”

“What can I do? I am terrified and miserable.”

“You need to fight fire with fire Jeff. Donald wooed her. You need to begin laying the groundwork for wooing her back when this honeymoon is over. That is, if you even want her back – truly.”

“Kat, of course I want her back! That’s what all this is about.”

“Okay, calm down a bit Jeff. Let me ask you a brutally honest question and I want a brutally honest answer. Can you live with Audrey having Donald in her life and occasionally in her bed for the next year?”

“At this point I don’t really like it but yes, I can do that.”

“And can you treat him with respect both near and away from your wife?”

“I guess so. After all, I can’t really blame him for loving Audrey.”

“Okay, because that is very important. Their honeymoon phase will be over soon and he will be back to his own wife and all the difficulties that led him to seek an escape. He will be able to see your wife only occasionally. What you need to do is to begin wooing her all over again just as when you were dating. Once your wife’s needs for love and affection from you are met, her need for Donald may wane its way either to a level acceptable to you. Or it may die a natural death.”

“What’s important though is for you and Audrey to find a level of sexuality that is comfortable for both of you. It sounds as if your wife enjoyed some level of your kink back before it went off the rails. Sometimes love is when your kinks mesh. If you got to where only fantasizing your wife with other men was acceptable to her, could you be satisfied with that?”

“Well, I suppose it would be better than what I am going through right now.”

“Well why not work towards that then? Firstly, you need to begin dating Audrey and making her special. For the next several months don’t even mention other men fantasies unless she mentions them and then go slow. Focus on ‘I’ statements such as ‘I liked seeing this’ or hearing that or the smells and tastes and such. But always keep the focus on her. “

“Also, and this is important, you need to ask her forgiveness for not understanding that she was having a tough time being sexual with other men. You don’t need to be ashamed, but you do need to acknowledge that it placed her in a terrible position and that you ‘get it’ now. There is no power on earth that heals like forgiveness.”

“And if Audrey mentions Donald and wanting to see him?

“As the Brits say, ‘keep calm and carry on’. You need to accept that Donald is an important part of her life for now. For now, your wife is taking you for granted just as you took her for granted before the tables turned and so for now you need to be understanding, accepting and exceptionally loving.”

“That may take some doing and maybe some acting.”

“Well, being genuine is often the ticket but sometimes I tell my patients to fake it till ya make it.”