Jeff and Katrina left the beach about 5PM. Walking back towards the ship, Jeff asked if she would like to have supper aboard or on the island.

“While I am not exactly avoiding my husband per-se, I could do with not dealing with him right now and so yes, I’d love to dine with you on the island.”

Along the way to the beach, Jeff had noticed a picturesque looking pub called the Frog and Onion. Dressed in beach clothing the inside dining rooms weren’t available to them but there was an outdoor patio with full service. As the evening was beautiful, Jeff thought that outdoor dining was preferable anyway. Katrina ordered a glass of Shiraz wine and something called a Bermuda style mussel pie, a local favorite made with mussels, cauliflower and chick peas in a crust. Jeff ordered a draft beer and a burger.

After dinner, they shared a slice of pumpkin cheesecake over cups of rich, black coffee.

“So, you think my marriage is salvageable then?”

“Yes, Jeff, most marriages are but I don’t want you to have the impression that it will be easy. You really should consider counseling for each of you as individuals for a while and then together as a couple. There are aspects of your marital difficulties that are similar to what happens when a wife has an affair – which, in fact, she is having. The difference is that, while you are experiencing feelings of betrayal, all of this occurred with your tacit consent and even with your encouragement – at least at first.”

“The fact is that it takes two strong people to make a strong marriage and only the strongest of marriages can survive a swinging lifestyle if indeed swinging is what you and your wife wish to continue. And, at the moment, you are not strong. I doubt if your wife is either because it seems that she experienced strong feelings of betrayal when she thought you were ‘pimping her out,’ as it were. Also, that she was doing things that went against her grain so to speak and then turned around nearly completely by Donald’s courtship of her, suggests that she was very lonely.”

“There is a term we use in psychiatric circles called ‘cognitive dissonance.’ You might call it conscience but basically cognitive dissonance means living in a way that is at odds with the mores and social norms on which a person grows up. In other words, when a person is doing something that their conscience tells them is wrong, it causes them to think of themselves as a bad person or a somehow defective person. That bad feeling about oneself is often a very painful and damaging one.”

“So you think it is possible that Audrey felt like a bad person when she was having sex with men whom I had chosen for her?”

“I’m not certain but I am probably ninety percent sure. In our culture girls and young women are taught to be sexually repressed. There is an expression that says there is a lid for every pot, meaning that everyone or at least most people will find a soul mate.”

‘And right now, I am not Audrey’s soul mate.”

“I’m sorry Jeff, but I think you are correct, at least for your situation right now. For the moment at least, Donald is filling that role in her life. There also is the reality that Audrey knows that Donald has a wife whom he says that he will never leave. If that is true, at some point your Audrey will have to process the reality of his limited availability. In their honeymoon phase right now, I don’t think she will dare burst the good feelings bubble by giving reality much thought. Her brain is literally full of ‘new love’ endorphins. “

“Let’s do some of the work together Jeff. Tell me about the very first time you had sex. First, how old were you?”

“I was eighteen, almost finished high school.”

“Prom date?”

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess. And where did it happen?”

“In the back seat of my father’s car.”

“And?”

“And we did it. I mean Shir… her name was Shirley, and I had dated for about four months. We went to movies and dances and spent a lot of evenings making out. She was terrified of what her parents might do if she became pregnant and so she said she was saving herself for marriage.”

“And?”

Well, after the prom we went to a diner for breakfast with three other couples. After that, I was driving her home and we went to our favorite parking place to make out for awhile. Then, one thing led to another and we had sex. Actually, it was over so fast that I almost wasn’t sure that we had… Ah never mind, I was sure. It was just so embarrassing that I came so quickly.’

“That’s pretty normal stuff Jeff. Even more normal would be that your prom date had a pregnancy scare because her menses came a week late.”

Jeff cocked his head suddenly. “How the hell could you possibly know that Kat?”

“One, I am a psychologist and have heard that story from a hundred clients. Two, and this is only for your ears my friend, except that it happened in a dorm room, my coming of age story is nearly identical.”

“Okay, moving right along Jeff, what happened with Shirley after that night?”

“Well, the relationship didn’t go well. First off, she wouldn’t let me park with her anymore and she got really angry with me that I still wanted to. In fact she broke up with me two weeks later.”

“Do you know what she did afterwards; I presume she didn’t run off to a convent?”

“Maybe she should have. That’s the really crazy part, Kat, after me, Shirley dated a string of guys and developed a reputation. One of the guys knocked her up and apparently she didn’t know which guy it was. Her parents sent her off to live with an aunt in Ohio and no one ever heard from Shirley again. Weird, huh?”

“Weird? No Jeff, sad. It’s unfortunate but that story repeats itself too often when kids so young have sex when they really aren’t ready for the emotions surrounding it. Poor Shirley. So sad. Oh well, tell me did you have other sex partners before Audrey?”

“Three,” Jeff replied.

“Tell me about them.”

“There’s not much to tell, one we dated for seven months, one nearly a year and one only six weeks.”

“And you had sex with these women?”

“Yes. We didn’t always have intercourse. Sometimes it was oral sex, sometimes using our hands and every now and then, they gave it up and we had intercourse.”

“Where?”

“Uh, in their vaginas.”

“No I mean where were you when you had sex with them?”

“Oh, sorry. Once was in a dorm room but most times it was in a car.”

“In the back seat?”

“Yes, in the back.”

“Another question, have you ever had sex with a married woman?”

“Jesus Katrina, are you a fortune teller on the side?”

“No Jeff, just a garden variety headshrinker. So some of your partners in college were married?”

“One was. Don’t laugh but her name was Madonna.”

“What was her marital situation?”

“She worked days, her husband worked nights and they fought a lot.”

“Any children?”

“No, she did not.”

“How did you two meet?”

“I was at the supermarket picking up food and when I came out, Madonna was standing next to her car staring at a flat tire.”

“And you changed the tire for her?”

“Sure why not?”

“No, you did the right thing, what I like about you is that you are such a nice guy.

I’m pretty sure that it’s what attracted Audrey to you as well. That’s something to build on as you repair the damage to your marriage. Let that nice guy out more. Okay, what happened with Madonna?”

“Her spare tire was one of those little doughnut thingies and so I had her follow me to a tire place where they plugged her tire and put everything back normal. While they worked on her car, I stayed with her in the customer waiting room. A week later, we met for a coffee. After that, beers and a week after that we began a month long physical affair. She was hot! I called her my ‘hot Madonna’ but she was down on herself and called herself ‘Madonna-whore. ‘ I felt badly for her.”

“I agree, that’s a sad story. Tell me how you felt having sex with her?”

“I felt this crushing mixture of excitement and guilt. I mean, she was a married woman and from his pictures in their apartment, he was an okay looking guy. He seemed a decent fellow by her descriptions of him.”

“Did she say why she was cheating, Jeff?”

“Not directly but I think she was bored and lonely. I also think she wanted to punish her husband for something but I don’t know what.”

“That’s often the case,” agreed Katrina. Tell me about sex with Madonna Jeff. What kinds of things did you do and how did they make you feel?

Jeff paused discreetly as a waitress refilled their coffees. “Well the sex was nothing out of the ordinary – whatever ordinary means -- but probably the most exciting of my life.”

“What made it so exciting?”

“It was the naughtiness, the taboo of having sex with another man’s wife that made me feel more alive and more powerful than anything I ever had experienced. In fact, I felt some of that old feeling this morning with you! Illicit sex is a powerful experience!”

“That’s why they call it forbidden fruit.”

“Tell me, where did you have sex with Madonna?”

“Once we did it in her living room on the couch but she was really afraid of being caught and I had a roommate who was always there so mostly we used my car. Why? Is it important where we did it?”

“Well, I think maybe it is. What you have told me so far is that all or almost all of your sexual history is in the back seat of cars and that your most intense sexual feelings happened when it was sex that you considered illicit.”

“Really?”

“That’s what I heard you say to me, have I gotten anything wrong?”

“Uh, no, nothing in particular, I just never saw those connections before.”

“That’s what shrinks are for,” Kat said, behind a toothy smile barely concealed by her coffee mug. “Jeff you have a half mug of coffee in front of you. I am going to tell you something and I do not want you to speak until you have finished that coffee. Oh, and no gulping. Ready?”

“Uh, yes, nervous but ready. What is your verdict? Shall I throw myself on the mercy of the court?”

“You threw yourself upon me this morning Jeff, and quite nicely I might add. But let’s get serious. “

“Jeff, suppose I ask you to consider whether the excitement that you got while planning, executing and photographically documenting the taboo sex that your wife would experience with others is directly tied to Shirley and Madonna? I am not judging anyone by the way. I imagine that both women were victims of circumstance that unfortunately befall too many people. You were angry with Shirley for giving to other men what she came to deny from you and then became pregnant and moved away.”

“Then, there is the charged sexual tension that you experienced when a married woman risked discovery to have illicit sex with you? A woman named Madonna no less. And, before Donald, most of the experiences you designed for your wife were in cars, as were nearly every premarital experience you ever had. It’s something we call transference, or projection and it means that you acted out feelings onto your wife that were baggage leftover from your earlier relationships. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so.”

“Good. Now, finish your coffee Jeff and let this sink in.”

Four minutes later Jeff downed the last sip, gave a low whistle and said, “Wow…”

“And…? Come on Jeff, use your words,” Kat said with a warm smile.

“Wow and wow,” Jeff replied. Somehow, you just stitched my whole sense of sexuality together and part of me is in awe of you but most of me is ashamed that I never put all that together myself. It was all very clear.”

“Actually no, Jeff. For most people there is too much forest between themselves and the trees.”

“Okay, so from what you have deduced, what I have been doing to and with my wife Audrey all these years is to fuck-over Shirley and Madonna for the past.”

“Essentially, but keep perspective Jeff. There are no bad people in this story. You, your wife, Madonna and poor Shirley all are people caught between our realities, unfortunate circumstances and the expectations around us. Your wife, for example, she expressed her anger towards you and towards the man who took her anally by taking it out on you with the candle. By tying you by the testicles she struck at your ego, your manhood, and your very balls. Tell me about that night.”

“I did already. “

“No, I mean about the night the man took your wife anally. What was the agreement between the three of you?”

“To be honest, we really didn’t have an agreement except that they would be in the back seat of the car and I would watch them and shoot some video from the front seat. I thought that Audrey would set the pace and the limits.”

“But you said that you like to direct the sex between your wife and the men, like you were a movie set director.”

“Yes, you’re right, I do. Yes, I did direct them. I told Audrey to kiss him hard and she did. I told the man to tear her panties off which he did.”

“What was his name?”

“It was, err, I uh, I don’t remember the man’s name is it important?”

“It’s only important that the man himself was so unimportant that you don’t know his name and yet you chose him to sex your wife and the experience between him and her precipitated a life-changing incident between her and you. What happened is more transference.”

“What other instructions did you give them?”

“I remember telling him to leave hickeys on Audrey’s tits and to spank her ass.”

“Spank her ass?”

“Yes, I wanted her spanked. I told him to spank Audrey’s ass and to make her ass hurt, make it hurt bad… Oh my God.”

Gently, Katrina said, “Yeah Jeff, be careful what you wish for.”

“So, I got what I wished for...”

“Not exactly Jeff, but in many ways you got what you asked for. If your marriage is to be saved you have much repair work to do. Incidentally, so does your wife. Now, walk back to the ship with me and when we get there I’d like to hear the first steps of your plan.”

“And what do you think you and I are going to find on that ship with our spouses Kat?”

I have no idea but if your wife is still in a honeymoon trip to pound-town and my husband is still sick or in the throes of his next round of binging, I propose that we return to that hotel. This time it’ll be my treat.”

The two exchanged cell phone numbers and agreed to send a text message to meet in a given lounge and decide from there.