CHAPTER 17:

And then she was there across from me. “Before you open your mouth and go off on me,” said Claire. “I have a couple of messages for you.”

“Yeah, what?” I said.

“One, your daughter is out in the waiting room. She’ll be coming in in a few minutes.”

“You said a couple of messages,” I said, not actually reacting to the information that my daughter was outside waiting for me.

“Yes,” she said. She came toward me, smiled, and slapped me as hard as she could.

“What the fuck!” I said. “Why . . .”

“Because you deserved it. Because it made me feel good, actually better than I thought it would,” she said.

“Well, don’t do it again or I’ll have your pretty pink ass arrested,” I said. She didn’t seem especially concerned with my threat.

“Jimmy, don’t you ever do anything like this again. It’s not fair and I do not deserve to live the rest of my life grieving over your headstone. Got that young man!” she said. I nodded, sadly nodded.

“Okay,” I said. “I won’t. “That enough?”

“Yes, on that score.

“Jimmy, how are you feeling? Are you okay? I’m worried about you,” she said.

“You mean how do I feel after being slapped as hard as anybody’s ever been slapped?” I said.

“Jimmy!” she said.

“Didn’t you talk to the other cheater? Surely he doesn’t keep secrets of that magnitude from you,” I said. There was not the slightest doubt in my mind that he’d told her everything I’d told him.

“Some stuff, but he told me that anything else would have to come from you,” she said. I nodded. What she said had the ring of truth.

“I feel bad, really, really bad, okay! And there is not a damn thing that you or him or Rebecca or the church or anybody or anything can do about it. All I want or need is to be left alone to grow old more or less gracefully and then die. Yeah, I tried to hurry things up. I promise not to do that again. The image of you crying crocodile tears over my headstone is enough to quash any further attempts to end things that I might otherwise have entertained. Okay!” She nodded a sad nod. There was an incipient tear forming at the corner of her eye. The interesting thing? I didn’t give a damn.

I needed her, and I needed her bad. I think she knew it too. She couldn’t see under the covers. She couldn’t see my stone hard erection, but she knew it was there. I knew she knew it. I had a perverse idea. I should go for it. She took a step nearer the bed. I did it. I threw the sheet off of me.

“See there babe. You’re the first woman to see it since Nadine dumped me after I lost ‘em,” I said. “See it? I didn’t lose it, my legs yeah, but not my thingy. Ain’t I the luckiest sonovabitch you ever met. Six inches of steel hard flesh. It’ll never feel the inside of a woman’s sheath again. Got any idea how I feel about that. Let me reiterate. I feel really, really bad!” For the longest moment she stared, shocked out of her drawers I was sure.

“Oh my God!” she squealed.

“No, not God,” I said, “just my dick. It still looks pretty good huh?”

“Damn it Jimmy!” she said; then she ran out on me. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time; how the hell is that even possible. Well, the good news? My little foray into exhibitionism might have been what it would take to get them all the hell away from me. Well, one could hope.

Oddly I went to sleep after she left and I dreamt about Nadine. She’d had a great pussy, as I recalled. I missed my time with her. Would’ve liked to have made it permanent. But, well, she turned out to be more interested in having a whole man than mere eternal love, or maybe she wanted both. I would’ve settled for one or the other, but the way things looked I was gonna get neither. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fucking fair!

******

Well hope might well spring eternal for some, but for me it sprang futile. I got another visitor. This one was one I would not be pulling any theatrics to get rid of, and she did look beautiful, as beautiful as her mother.

“Hi Daddy,” she said.

“Hello. Rebecca,” I said. I was choking up seeing her like that all beautiful and she noticed. Jesus! Why couldn’t she be my daughter for real instead of the cheaters’!

“I’ve missed you,” she said.

“Yeah sure,” I said.

“Dad, you have to come home to us,” she said.

“No,” I said.

“Daddy!” she said. “I want . . .”

“Stop right there, Becca. Stop right there. You might feel a little bad because of what happened before, and I’d really appreciate it if you would let that go. I don’t want you to feel bad. But, I know I’m just in the way at that house. You’re momma doesn’t want me around except maybe for the occasional holiday do or such. And, she and I have a history that makes being around her very hard on me anyway. So no. Please respect my wishes and don’t ask me to ‘come home’ as you put it. And add to that, I’d just be in the way of you living your life too, so again, no,” I said.

This was a message even the cheaters could get their heads around. I was pretty sure of that one.

“Daddy, about the things you heard me say that day. I didn’t mean any of it. You know that!” she said. “How could I mean something like that, any of that.”

“Because you did. Because you have another dad who you are invested in and I’m just in the way and that’s all there is to it. I’ve heard it. I’ve heard it from all of you. And, I understand it. You have busy lives, and having to care for and pay attention to an invalid all of the time is just too big a deal to deal with. So go back to your momma and tell her you’ve delivered her message, or your dad, whichever one told you to come here today and say what you’ve said; and deliver my message: I want to be left alone! Please, okay?” I said.

“Dad you are so wrong!” she said and then she did leave, and yes, she was crying and I felt bad and so what.

Good! Finally! I thought. And then I got sick to my stomach and vomited.

******

“You did what! And he did what!” said Rodney. “Tell me again!”

“I slapped him. He’d scared me and I was angry!” she said.

“Jesus! That’s the way to get on his good side—not!” he said.

“And then he whipped out his cock and played with it right in front of me. He was hard as steel too; I’m sure of that.

“I feel so guilty going there dressed like I was. I teased him, Rod. I teased the man, a man who can’t have a woman because no woman wants him like he is. I cannot even imagine anything more cruel that I could’ve done to him.

“I ran out of there. He probably thinks I did it because he embarrassed me. But that wasn’t it. I ran out to minimize the teasing that I’d done him. I want to go back, Rod. But I will most definitely dress down next time I do; I mean if I do go back to see him again, him and his six inch heat seeking moisture missile. I’ve figured that part out for damn sure.”

“Claire, our guy’s in the wrong on a lot of this. Leaving out for a moment the fact that we cheated on him and tried to get him into being a willing cuckold; he does bear some responsibility for all of the misunderstandings that have beset us all, and I do mean all; us included in the all. But, there just happens to be one unassailable truth that you and I, and even Rebecca, need to keep in mind. He saved our fucking lives, and lost his in the doing of it! Yes, he’s still breathing, but for him that’s nothing more than a seriously inconvenient reality and way overrated. There’s no getting around it, Claire, not on any level. And, it’s a debt we can never adequately pay. We might at some point be able to do for him something that he would care a whit about, but I’ll be damned if I know what that something is!”

“Yes you do,” she said.

“I do not,” he said.

“Yes you do. He needs a woman and that’s what we can do for him. We’ve got money, we’ve got influence, we’ve got contacts: and, I am certain that a woman of his own is the only thing that he will ever give a whit about, to use your words,” she said.

“Claire, we can’t make a woman love him, not the way he is. Yeah, we can find him a whore, buy him one. He might even go for it someway somehow, but he will never give a whit about it, not on any level,” he said.

“Rod, we’ve got to figure it out. How to find a true love for him. We’ve got to! For our own sanity, we’ve got to!”

“Well, I’m open to suggestions,” he said.

******

“Momma, he doesn’t like me and he never will. I know it,” said Rebecca.

“Honey, the feelings of a man are always pretty delicate in spite of all of the nonsense of how tough and macho and everything that they are. Say anything that hurts their pride and they’ll cry like babies. Make them think you don’t love them and they can become suicidal, like your daddy James Clausen did.

“We women are emotional too, but we at least have more sense than the men do,” said Claire Pollard. As for whether or not your daddy loves you, he does. He is just afraid that you don’t love him and he doesn’t want to chance it that you may not. So, he is cutting himself off from you, from all of us. Can you understand what I’m saying.”

“I guess so, Mom. But what can we do? I want to do something!” said Rebecca.

“Find someone for him to help him,” said her mother.

“You mean a wife?” said Rebecca.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” said Claire.

“But he doesn’t have any legs?” said Becca.

“That doesn’t mean he can’t be a good husband to some woman. But yes, it is going to be hard to find a woman for him,” said Claire.

“But you are going to try?” said Rebecca.

“Try, yes. Whether I can succeed is another question at the least,” said Claire, “but at the least I am going to try, so is your father.”

******

They’d been members at Knollwood Country Club since they’d been married, some seventeen years now. And really had been going to Knollwood even before that while she was still married to that other good man, James Clausen. But today she wasn’t in attendance for fun or to socialize in the true sense of the word. Oh no, she was on the hunt.

She was going to find her “used to be” husband a mate, and not just one who wanted a nice payday, but a woman who could appreciate a good man. A good man but a man with no legs and no serious job. Difficult? Difficult to find such a broad minded woman? Oh yeah, maybe impossible, but no one was going to be able to say after the fact that she hadn’t tried.

She had two or three candidates in mind. Roberta Shore, Cassandra Hawking, and LeaAnn Dressler. All were members of the Club. All used to be well off. All were currently hard up for cash since their respective husbands had dumped on them and left them collectively pretty nearly destitute: the prenups had pretty much guaranteed that state of affairs for the ladies. LeaAnn did have a smallish alimony check she’d gotten in her divorce from Carl Dressler, but the other two had to work and Cassandra still hadn’t yet found employment; Claire did expect to be hit up for a job by Cassandra: Rodney Pollard really did have influence.

The slim redhead approached plopped down on the stool beside her. “Claire, I got your message. I am so glad you called. I was getting up my nerve to call you,” said Cassandra Hawking.

“Good to see you,” said Claire. The other woman smiled the smile of one saved by the bell.

“I guess I should ask what’s up?” said Cassandra.

“We need to sit down. I have a big favor for you to consider,” said Claire.

“A favor? For you?” said Cassandra. “Consider it done.”

“Hmm, I wish it were that easy,” said Claire. “But no, this is a really big favor and if it were to work out, I would not only be grateful, but you would prosper like you never dreamed of prospering.”

“Oh wow! I’m in, no matter what it is, I’m in,” said Cassandra. Claire smirked.

“Yes, well, we’ll see,” said Claire. “But, first off, what are you having?”

“Oh yes, a martini if they still serve them here,” said Cassandra, smiling. Claire waved at the girl who was manning the daytime shift at the bar and held up two fingers. The bartender nodded: she’d already been clued as to what was likely to be ordered.

The small talk that preceded the arrival of the martinis, was, well, small.

“So tell me, Claire, what is it that’s so big a deal for you that you need my help,” said Cassandra.

“Cassie, I know your divorce from what’s his name, was a bad one. I have a friend that is in need of a woman. Bad in need!” she said. “You’re in need of a man, and all . . .”

“You’re matchmaking today!” said Cassandra, genuinely surprised.

“You could say that,” said Claire.

“Okay,” said Cassandra, “I’ll bite. Who is it? Is he super ugly? Is that why you’re running interference for the guy?” She was smiling. She was sure the guy wasn’t ugly, probably one of her husband’s employees.

“No, no, not ugly. It’s my ex-husband,” said Claire.

“Jimmy?” said Cassandra. “But he’s . . .”

“Yes, he’s handicapped,” said Claire. “But he’s the best guy in the world. You could do far worse. And with you on his arm I know I could get him to accept a job from my husband and then you two would be doing real good; trust me on that one.” The look on her friend’s face was not real encouraging.

“Claire, I agree, Jimmy’s a great guy, but . . .” said Cassandra.

“Okay, I get it,” said Claire. “Do me a favor, don’t say anything about me asking you. Please,” she said.

“You got it,” said Cassandra.

******

“Yes, I talked to Cassie. She was embarrassed. Hell, I was embarrassed,” said Claire.

“I can imagine,” said Rodney.

“I’m finally getting a sense of just how hard it is for a guy in his situation. Compared to his problems my little concerns are pretty much bullshit!” she said. The man nodded.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said.

“Anybody else on your list?” said Rodney.

“A couple, but one of them is a little old for him. The other one has some alimony coming in though the way I hear it it’s not very much,” said Claire, “so she might be a possibility, but in truth things don’t look too good.” He nodded, slowly.

“Well, we just gotta hope that something or someone will show up and solve the problem,” he said. “I cannot believe that a man as good as he is at base cannot have any hope of finding true love out there. I mean after divorce, handicapped or not. Hey, what about talking to that guy at the Salvation Army, Captain Traynor?”

“Captain Traynor?” she said. “I don’t know. Maybe. It might be worth a try.”

“Yes, Captain Traynor, that’s the ticket. We’ll continue to try other means for now, but maybe he can be on the list for a future go,” he said.

“Yes, that’ll work, well it might,” she said.

******

I was smiling a lot even if I was still in the hospital eating hospital food and wishing I had the means to get one of the nurses in bed with me: talk about wishful thinking!

Well I was well rested. And, now I’d got another visit from her. I couldn’t believe it. I’d bitched at her. I’d told her to get lost and to stay lost. I’d flashed my dick at her shocked and no doubt disgusted face, but here she was again. Oh, and she wasn’t alone.

“And you’re here why?” I said. “I told you last time . . .”

“Shut the fuck up, Jimmy. For once just shut the fuck up and let me talk, okay!” she said. I sighed my most submissive sigh and waited all but snarling at her and her friend.

“Oh, and this is Roberta Shore,” she said.

I snarled a “Why the hell are you here?” greeting at the newcomer. She smiled back at me, but perhaps with a bit of the same snarl that I had tendered her.

“Yes, you were ultimately nasty the last time I was here, so I’ve brought reinforcements this time around in case I have to beat you up. Got it?” said Claire, interrupting things.

“All of which begs the question as to why you’re here. You know I don’t want you or your man around here bugging me. There is nothing good can come from it, you being here, so why?” I said.

“Because you’re family and we love you, Jimmy. And we are not going to just disappear because you’re still bitter about the divorce—Jesus, Jimmy, after all this time.

“Anyway, we’re going to be around whether you like it or not, period! Oh, and Rebecca says to tell you hello,” she said.

“Rebecca didn’t say that. Or if she did, it’s because you put the words in her mouth. She doesn’t love me; she loves the other guy. Uh—you know, Rodney something or other,” I said, being as sarcastic as I could. She changed her apparent mood.

“So how are you feeling? Really?” said Claire, apparently really meaning it.

“Oh pretty good I guess, great actually. I feel like I could run a marathon. But alas, I have some physical limitations in that regard,” I said.

“Funny,” she said, “not”

“And how are you feeling?” I said.

“Huh?” she said.

“You know, are you well? Is everything going good at your place, the castle in the sky? I mean you know,” I said.

“Yes, everything is fine. It could be for you too if you’d just agree to come home to us,” she said.

“Oh yeah, and listen to my ex-wife and my ex-best friend getting it on while I masturbate in the next room. Yeah, well that’s a picture that doesn’t works for me. Well, you can imagine.”

“Do you think that’d be a good picture to masturbate to, Roberta?” I said.

“Huh? I . . .” I don’t . . .” she started.

“You don’t know? Hmm, me either. But, at first blush I’d have to say that the odds would be massively against it. I mean the jealousy and all that I’d be beset with. Well, you can imagine,” I said. Roberta looked decidedly unhappy with my using her as a foil to argue my case with my ex-wife.

We went back and forth for the next minutes with neither side giving quarter.

“Okay, okay, Jimmy. We’ll call today a draw. But, the offer is open. You really need to rethink things. Oh, and thank you for not exposing yourself again,” said Claire.

“Well, and thank you too,” I said. “You know, for giving me another reason to masturbate. You know the image of two beautiful women talking sex with me and all.

“Oh, one more thing. Would you, the both of you, come nearer to me for just a second,” I said.

“Huh? Why?” said Claire, looking inordinately suspicious.

“Look, I promise not to do anything untoward. Really, I swear,” I said.

She nodded and she and her friend approached near to the bed. I took a long deep breath breathing in their scent. “Awe the scent of a woman, women!” I said. “There’s nothing like it.”

“Jimmy!” said Claire.

“Well, I can’t get any of my porn sites on this damn TV, and it’s still going to be another week before they let me outta here. So . . .” I said. “And even the porn sites only give you pics no scent of what’s going on in the pics. I mean obviously.”

“Jimmy! Stop it,” said Claire. The two women frowned, turned, half waved, and left. I had to think that I’d won the match on points. A knockout? No, not that. But I did feel like I got my licks in.

******

“I can’t,” said Roberta. They were seated in a booth at a Denny’s immediately around the corner

from the hospital. “That man is so bitter he may never get over it. He is a good looking cuss. Still, the no legs thing is a major downer, but, that said, not the worst thing in the world and overcomeable as far as I’m concerned. But, for a woman, especially this woman, to want to be with him, he’d have to be willing to try. I am not into being his mother. He is definitely not willing to try. No, can’t do it.”

“I understand, and he was at his worst today. He hates me. I mean I did dump him for his best friend as he correctly states. Couldn’t help it, but that is not an excuse that he’s ever going to accept or let me off the hook for. Anyway, Robby, thanks for giving the situation a look see. I more than appreciate it. And, the job I mentioned to you is yours for the taking regardless. Thanks again,” said Claire.

******

“So your friend didn’t go for it,” said Rodney.

“No, and I couldn’t blame her. He was at his absolute worst today. He even made us let him smell us. Talk about embarrassing!” said Claire. “That man is hurting so bad I mean I just don’t know. I don’t think he’d try to kill himself again, but who the hell knows for sure.”

“Nobody knows something like that for sure,” he said. “Well regardless, I’m not giving up. There may come a time when we have to, but I’m not at that place yet. We’ll just keep the faith as long as we can that’s all we can do, I guess,” he said.

******

“Denise, you look to be down today,” said Rodney to the secretary.

“I’m fine, sir,” she said.

“Denise, I’m a friend, okay. What’s the problem? Please,” he said, pressing her. The thirty-eight year old woman was never down, but today she was, and her friend and boss wasn’t letting it go. They’d been a team for the past fourteen years and Mister Rodney Pollard had come to depend on her. But, like anyone else, secretaries and money moguls alike could be stressed out and beset with personal problems. It was clear that today Rodney Pollard was not alone among the stressed and pressed.

“Sir, really, I am fine. It’s my sister,” she said.

“Your sister?” he said.

“Yes sir,” she said. “She’s a soldier. She just got back from the Middle East, Afghanistan. There was one of those bomb thingys. She was hurt bad, sir, very bad. The whole family is upset if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, I see. I am so sorry, Denise. Is there anything I can do to help?” said Rodney Pollard.

“I don’t think so, sir. She lost her left leg and her arm below the elbow,” she said. “Kinda like your Mister Clausen I guess. It’s very bad, sir. And, if that were not enough, her husband is divorcing her. Found his soulmate or so the asshole claims. I mean she hasn’t got enough to deal with without her husband of ten years screwing her over! She’s kinda down on men anymore.”

The look on the face of the man was missed by the lady sitting at her desk, well, she was looking down so that kinda figured. Denise was a pretty girl. Would her sister also be pretty?

“Wow!” he said, finally. I know exactly how you feel. Yes, just like Mister Clausen.”

“How is she getting on? I mean is she staying with family or . . .” he said.

“Yes, with mom and dad. But, they’re old and can’t really do a lot for her. She wants to get a job, but . . . well, sir, she’s very depressed right now. She mostly just sits and broods or reads want ads that she mostly doesn’t follow up on. I don’t blame her of course. But . . .”

“I see,” he said. “Look, Denise, we’re having a barbecue at our place this weekend. Do you think you could get your sister to come? I will use the occasion to kind of informally interview her and maybe see what I can do about getting her a job that she might be able to handle. Whaddya say?”

“Sir? That would be wonderful. I mean if she could get a job . . .” said Denise.

“Yes, well, I do have some contacts.

It was a long shot and that on two fronts. One: he’d have to persuade his ex-best friend to come to the barbecue. And two: the two of them, Denise’s sister and James Clausen, would have to hit it off. If they did there might finally be some light at the end of the tunnel. He had some thinking to do, planning and thinking. Match making sucked, but in this case maybe, just maybe, not so much. He was moderately concerned about what the woman might look like, but that was a question that had to be left on the back burner at least for the moment.

CHAPTER 18:

“Barbecue, what barbecue?” said Claire.

“The one I decided on today. Denise has a sister that’s had some very bad luck. So I invited the two of them to come to our barbecue.

“You know, we should try to get Jimmy to come too: he gets out of the hospital tomorrow. I’m going to be there to pick him up, and no he doesn’t know it yet. But I think that the news that a bunch of women will be at the barbecue would give him a chance to use his smeller some more. That might entice him. Whaddya think?” said Rod, he was smiling.

“Not funny, Rod. He was very rude to Roberta. To her credit she didn’t take offense, but he was a complete and total asshole if you know what I mean,” she said.

“This isn’t a matchmaking effort, well, it’s not planned to be. But it is a gathering. I know he’s lonely. Hell, he’s said as much and he’s said it often. I think it’s time to go to a full court press and get our guy to join the rest of the human race,” he said.

“Okay,” she said. “Who knows maybe he’ll propose to your secretary. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the ass. She is single right?”

“Yes, she’s single,” said Rod. “And if I didn’t mention it, so’s her sister. I haven’t met her, but according to Denise one of her sister’s biggest problems is that she’s down on men. A nasty divorce is what she told me. The asshole found his soulmate or so he told her, the sister, and needed a divorce,” he said.

He didn’t immediately comment on the look she gave him, but then he did. Her look communicated the undeniable fact that the man he was talking about sounded just like himself, Rodney Pollard. But of course in Rodney’s case he’d stolen his best friend’s wife. Not exactly the same thing, but close.

“Yeah, I know. The asshole does sound a lot like me,” he said.

“And me too,” said Claire. “So . . .”

“Nothing, but I did tell Denise that I would try to get her sister a job. She’s evidently been looking for one but without success. I’ll kind of quietly interview her. She just won’t know I’m doing it,” he said.

“Hmm, sounds like it’s going to be an interesting barbecue. But, you gotta be the one to get our guy to come. He’s not going to listen to me. You might want to take Rebecca with you too. That might get you over the hump with him so to speak,” she said.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. Yes, I will,” he said.

******

The two of them were fidgeting as they waited in the room assigned to the purpose for the escape of their recalcitrant family member, Jimmy “no legs” Clausen.

“Remember, honey he is your daddy,” said Rodney.

“Yes, dad, I know. And I like him too, even if he doesn’t believe me,” said Rebecca. Her tone bespoke exasperation, or maybe it was constipation; her de facto dad wasn’t sure.

“Honey, we have to get him to the barbecue this weekend, it’s critical. Okay?” he said.

“Okay, dad, but I don’t know why this particular barbecue is so darn important said his daughter,” she said.

“Just take it from me it is. Okay? I mean it, Becca. This is a time of turning points I can feel it. The man saved our lives. Whatever the cost, the rest of us, all of us, have to do what we can for the man. I know it’s going to be dicey, but you above all are critical to the whole thing. Okay?” he said.

“Okay dad, okay! Sheesh!” she said. He shook his head, but slowly. He was worried.

The two of them turned at the same time as the man was wheeled into the room.

“Daddy!” exclaimed Rebecca. She went to him and hugged him.

“Wow! I was told I had a visitor, but not two visitors,” I said. “Thank you for the greeting, Rebecca. It was nice.”

“Nice to you see you, friend,” said Rodney. I nodded. But I didn’t say anything.

“I’ve gotten permission to wheel you outta here right away if you’ll allow,” said Rodney.

“Really, and who gave you that permission,” I said.

“The head nurse actually,” he said, nodding toward the nurses’ station down the hall.

“Oh,” I said.

“Yes, well, you need a ride. Yeah, you could all a cab, I guess, but letting us drop you would save you a couple of bucks and give us a chance,” he motioned to himself and his daughter, “to talk a little. No pressure,” he said, “promise.”

The fact was it would save me a couple of bucks, accepting a ride from them. The fact was it would save me the best part of seventy-five bucks: Littleton was an almost two hour drive.

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. Rebecca being there decided me. Had it been just him I likely would have turned him down in spite of the cost of a cab but with her in the mix I’d be able to talk to her and not so much to him. That worked for me.

“Thank you,” he said. He came to the chair I was sitting in and took up wheeling duties for the ride down to the lobby and the exit. I was sure he had his car in the valet space waiting for me. Well, if the hospital had had a valet space he would have.

The fact was it didn’t have one, but I’m sure he would’ve found a way to accomplish the same thing. He did have the bucks to do whatever he wanted to do and get almost anything he wanted to get.

I nodded my thanks of his thanks.

He had an SUV waiting. Getting in was going to be a problem. Well, I thought it was going to be a problem, but then it wasn’t. The damn thing had an elevator built into the passenger side. Which allowed me to muscle myself into the elevator’s bench and after the three foot ride to the passenger seat I was able to slide in of my own accord and get situated.

He had to have had the damn thing made special. I’d never seen or even heard of anything like it.

“Nice,” I said.

“Thanks, I figured it would make things easier for me if not for you whenever you came over. You know when you finally get to the point where your insufferable pride would finally allow me to pick you up,” he said.

I didn’t answer him. My insufferable pride had nothing to do with things the way I saw them. It was more my overwhelming and undying rage at the betrayal of him and my wife that was getting in the way of allowing the things he wanted me to allow. Oh yeah! But for whatever reason I wasn’t going to get into any of that today. I wasn’t tired exactly. Well, maybe tired of being in bed so much and listening to the hospital shrink shrink me.

My system was clear of the drugs that had almost done me in. The cops, or the D.A. whichever, had had their day threatening me with jail time if I tried it again. Helluva thing laws against suicide attempts. Yeah, I just wanted to get out of there and get home and cook me up some grub that didn’t taste like hospital healthy! He must have been reading my mind.

“You hungry?” he said. I looked over at him. Rebecca intervened.

“Daddy, can we go to Denny’s?” she said. She was looking at me when she said it. That made up my mind for me.

“Okay, if your other dad’s got the cash. I’m a little short today,” I said.

“I got it,” he said. “Denny’s it is.” Rebecca smiled. I read it as a smile of pride that her other dad was rich, but I could’ve been wrong about that.

We were halfway through our patty melts when he hit me with it. I should have been expecting it or something like it but I wasn’t.

“Got a barbecue this weekend can I prevail upon you to come?” he said.

“Huh?” I said.

“Oh daddy, yes, please come, okay!” said Rebecca. I smirked. That’s why my kid was there. He knew I’d have a harder time turning her down, that even though I had told her I didn’t want to see any of them again including her. I smiled, and he caught it and realized that I’d caught him. His look told me he was expecting me to turn him down Rebecca’s presence notwithstanding.

“I guess,” I said. “I mean if I can bum a ride off of you. It’s too long a ride from Littleton in the van and too expensive.” The look on his face at my all too easy capitulation was actually comical.

“You got it,” he said. “You absolutely got it.” His happiness almost made me wish I’d turned him down. Happiness was not something I wanted to be party to supplying him with. But, I guess I was going to come to his little do. I could always call later and cancel. I wouldn’t but the possibility was mine if nothing else.

He promised to call with the details the next day. It was Wednesday, and it was August third, and it was turning into something I would not have guessed possible before my stupid attempt to off myself. The one thing that the shrink had given me was the realization that I had been stupid and that I had to stop living in the past, at least not so much of the time—my words his meaning. That I would ever totally forgive or forget the dirty hand I’d been dealt by the dynamic duo was highly unlikely, as he said, but that didn’t mean I had to let it rule and ruin my life, what was left of it.

We talked quite a bit at Denny’s and much of my conversation was indeed with my daughter, the same girl that had held me to be such a pain in the ass not so long before. But if my conversation with Rebecca was long and friendly, and it was, the attention I was getting per that conversation from my ex-best friend was almost certifiable. I mean he looked to be analyzing me or, more accurately, my unstated motivation. We’d be talking soon him and me; I was sure of it. And it wouldn’t be me initiating the conversation, oh no, that would be him and it wouldn’t be long in the happening. I figured the barbecue on Saturday was likely.

******

He’d picked me up early in that same fancy dancy SUV with the elevator; well, it was kind of a long drive. Jesus I wished I had that car. Had to cost a ton even without the elevator which would have cost a ton in itself. I had to ask.

“So, Rodney, how much did a ride like this cost you if I may be so bold?” I said. He gave me a look.

“You don’t wanna know,” he said.

“Yes, I do,” I said, pushing it. He sighed.

“Two hundred,” he said.

“Huh? Two hundred dollars?” I said. My implied question was stupid, but it’s what he’d said, sort of.

“Thousand,” he said.

“Oh,” I said, suitably impressed. “Wish I could afford one. Hell I wish I could drive one,” and I laughed. “That elevator on the passenger side is real useful.”

“It has the same thing on the driver’s side,” he said. “Oh, and it has the capacity to install controls you could use to navigate around too.” Now I was really impressed.

“Yeah, now if I could only find me a couple hundred grand lying around somewhere,” I said.

“You could have this one if you want, James. You have to know I had it built to make things easier for you,” he said. I did know it. And, boy did I wish I didn’t. I didn’t respond to his obvious offer.

The drive to their place was kinda quiet after that, not silent exactly, but definitely quiet. And then we were there and getting out of the tenth floor elevator and crossing the few feet of the hall to the Penthouse door. I was on my skitterboard. He paused before keying the door.

“Jim, just for today, okay if you transfer to the chair I’ve provided inside to get around. I mean just for today,” he said. I looked him askance, but nodded. It would be easier to socialize in the chair than on my board.

She must have heard the elevator coming up or something. She was waiting for us. And she was waiting with the chair. They’d obviously planned, and planned well. “I’m glad you decided to come,” said Claire. I hoisted myself into the chair. It was much the same as me hoisting myself onto my couch at home.

She was holding her wine, probably merlot I thought, and sporting an earnest expression as I made the transfer. “Jim, are we good?” she sure as heck wasn’t waiting to go through all of the niceties of greeting and settling down, not my Claire! I cut to the chase.

“I don’t know, Claire, things are kind of roiling around in my head. If you mean am I in control of my emotions now, well, I’m done with the suicidal stuff. If you mean am I good with you and him being together, rest assured, I will never be good with that. Dealing with it? Maybe that but good with it, no,” I said. She nodded.

“Okay, I think I can understand where you’re coming from, Jim. And as I’ve said before I just hope that at some point you’ll find yourself a woman who you can love and help you to forget ‘me’ in those respects. I mean what Rodney and I did to you,” she said.

“Yeah well, the odds of that happening aren’t real good if you know what I mean,” I said. “But, I’m here and I hope the food will be good.”

Claire and I had wandered out on the expansive first floor patio with drinks and had been conversing for a while about nothing of significance for some time. Actually we’d been talking mostly about her pursuit of her hobby, cooking.

I should note here, that Rebecca, with her other dad, had gone to pick up other guests as soon as we’d arrived at their place. They’d just gotten back. I was glad for that; being cooped up with my ex-wife for the half hour just past had been kind of a test for me, and one that I wasn’t sure I could pass; but, I guess I had. I wasn’t emotional like every single other time I’d been around her since our breakup sixteen years gone.

Rodney came out on the patio and joined us. Following immediately behind him was Rebecca who came to me—I was sure under orders—and gave me a big old kiss on the cheek. She’d startled me, but I guess I did appreciate her expression of affection.

“That was nice,” I said reacting to her.

“Love you, dad,” she said. She seemed to genuinely mean it, but she could have been acting; I suspected that she was.

“Jim, this is Denise my indispensable right hand at the shop. And this is Ann her sister,” he said. Suddenly I was staring. Denise was a very pretty woman who I’d met before. And her sister, Ann, who I’d never met, was even prettier, stunning actually. Oh, and she only had one leg and one arm, that is Ann did!

“Jim, are you with us, man?” said Rodney. I let my staring gaze slowly float in his direction. I think I nodded.

“Uh—yes, nice to meet you Denise, Ann,” I said. I’d met Denise of course several times over the years, but this was the first time I’d met Ann.

Ann came forward a step using a crutch to support her progress; she was smirking. I was in my wheelchair with an afghan covering my lap. It wasn’t actually cold but it was a little cool and plus it kinda protected me from the overly sympathetic gaze of people who didn’t know me well.

“Afghanistan,” she said, “a roadside bomb.” I nodded.

“Oh sure, sorry,” I said.

“I hear a building fell on you,” she said.

“Not a building exactly, I said, “just a part of one.”

“Oh, okay,” she said. “I’m glad you cleared that one up.” It was clear to me that this girl had it together—unlike me.

Pretty soon everybody had a drink in their hand. Rebecca though only seventeen had a glass in her hand too. Well, she was at home and only six months or so shy of legal adulthood.

The patio was a good forty by forty feet: bigger than most apartments. I’d talked to Claire at some length before the other guests arrived. And after they arrived I’d had a few mundane words with Rod, while the drinks were being put together; I’d actually helped him with that. The heavy conversation that I had anticipated him initiating didn’t look to be happening. Well, that was just as well with me. I’d also had a few words with Denise while Claire and Ann got together for a few words of their own; and now I was near the outer wall of the patio and Ann was leaning against it supporting herself, her crutch unattended also leaned against the railing; she was talking to me.

“I have to say I was surprised to find another gimp here today,” said Ann.

“No more surprised than was I,” I said. “And might I add the surprise was more than pleasant. I have to say that I do suspect my brother of planning this.”

“Thank you for that,” she said. “As for him planning this, not so, my sister told him I was in need of a job. I think I’m here to get the once over to see if I can qualify to work for him. But he’s never met or seen me before.”

“Hmm, okay,” I said, “maybe. Anyway, so, no husband for an American hero?” I said.

“Hah!” she said. “No, no husband. He took off with some teenybopper as soon as I got back stateside. Told me it had nothing to do with the fact that I was half the person he married. Oh no, it was just that he’d met his soulmate and the feelings he had for her just couldn’t be denied. Words to that affect at any rate.”

“Hmm,” I said. “I’m familiar.”

“How about you?” she said. “Your wife leave you because of your situation? Denise told me you weren’t married but had been.”

“Huh?” I said. “I mean you don’t know?”

“Know? Know what?” she said.

“About my situation?” I said.

“No, not really. I know you saved our hosts, the whole family, and lost your legs in the doing of it,” she said. “That, and that you’re divorced, but that’s about all. Am I in no trespass territory here?”

I couldn’t believe it, but I did believe her. Her tone was such that it was clear to me that she didn’t have a clue about the big thing. That put me in an uncomfortable place. I wasn’t sure that I wanted her to be in the know. No, that’s not right, I did want her to be, but I just wasn’t sure that this was the best time. I decided to hedge my bets.

“Well, it was very bad,” I said. “But as to the details, maybe another time if that would be all right.”

“Sure, I can dig it,” she said. It was right then that our host shanghaied me to help with the barbecuing. Boy did I want to talk to the woman some more. But, that would have to wait until later. I was busy making the best hamburgers east of the Far East. Well, I was putting the veggies in the burgers while my ex-best friend was flipping the patties. They’d be good, the burgers.

And they were good, and I had two of them. I’d have to burn off some calories on the morrow.

We were on our second drinks and Denise and Claire were in the kitchen clearing the dishes. I didn’t know where Rodney and Rebecca had got to, but I wasn’t as concerned about them as I was about the renewed conversation I was having with Ann Rogers at that particular moment.

We’d been talking for a good while and I had decided to chance it and ask her out. We’d not be dancing but we could do other stuff: dinner, movies, exhibits, live shows lots of stuff. At the least of it we’d be good company for each other. I sure as hell needed someone to talk to and a woman was the kind of someone that I most wanted to talk to in the whole world. And, Ann Rogers was so damn pretty. Yes, she was missing some body parts, but boy could I relate to that.

“So any chance?” I said.

“Sure, I guess,” she said. “Why not. We sure as hell have some stuff in common for darn sure.”

“Okay, then if next Friday evening is good for you, I’ll pick you up at say sevenish,” I said.

“That’d be fine,” she said. She didn’t ask how a guy with no legs could do any picking up; I considered that a good thing.

******

The Red Barron had the best steaks in town. I hadn’t been to dinner there since getting dumped by Nadine. But, maybe my new friend would be willing to extend our relationship and go out with me on a more or less regular basis; that was what I was shooting for. To my mind’s eye she was for damn sure a winner, and a singular beauty. Light brown shoulder length hair, a delicate porcelain complexion, green eyes, maybe five-eight and slender, 34Bs if my judgment was any good: yeah, she was the total package. I sure was glad that her soon to be ex-husband was dumb enough to dump her, callous as that might seem to anyone I said such words to.

“So, how long before your divorce is final?” I said.

She slumped in her seat. I could see I’d stung her. “A couple of months more,” she said. I nodded.

“Didn’t mean to open any wounds,” I said. “I know how divorces can be. Even after sixteen years what my woman did to me still rankles. I’ll likely never really get over it totally.”

“No, that’s all right,” she said. “It does hurt. I mean you give your heart to someone and then discover that it meant nothing to him, or her in your case, I guess.”

“Exactly. Exactly!

“Ann, I’d like to say again that I sure am glad I met you. If I get out of line or anything just slap me around. I’ll take my punishment, apologize, and ask you to do it again. Okay?” I said. She smirked.

“You got it bub. So since we’re sharing our personal marital catastrophes, how about yours?” she said.

I gave her a look that she misinterpreted.

“I’m sorry, if you’d rather not talk about it, it’s okay,” she said.

“No, no,” I said. “I just can’t believe you don’t already know.”

“Huh?” she said. “How would I know? I’m missing something here aren’t I.”

“No, it’s just that your sister knows, so...” I said.

“Denise? My sister Denise knows?” she said.

“Yes, she works for the guy. Rodney Pollard is the man in the middle and Claire Pollard is my ex-wife,” I said. She suddenly became semi-catatonic. I waited for her to come back to me.

“The people whose house we were at last week?” she said.

“Yes, and their child is actually my daughter, something I didn’t know till she was six years-old,” I said. “So, you can see, I really am in the know about how it feels to be dumped on. There’s more, but all of that can wait for another time.”

“No, no, let me get this straight. She divorced you to marry Mister Pollard. You saved their lives. You lost your legs doing it. And, your daughter lives with them. Do you have joint custody, I mean . . .?”

“All correct, but no, I do not have any custodial rights, legal ones, at all. They do allow me to see her any time I want though, I mean to be fair,” I said.

“Wow, you must have been hurting real bad all of this time, I mean emotionally, and you still get along with them? And you say there’s even more to this story?” she said.

“Yes and yes, sort of,” I said. “The rest of the story is the biggest reason I still hurt so bad even after all of this time.” She folded her hands in front of her and waited clearly spellbound for the final chapter of the story. She really wasn’t brooking me dodging the issue.

“Claire and I were married nineteen years ago, actually twenty now. After we got back from our honeymoon, to make a short story even shorter, she immediately began doing my then best friend. We had, he and I, been tight since the second grade. The cheating went on for three years before I discovered them doing each other in my house and talking smack about me.

“The two of them tried to apologize and get me to agree to an open marriage of sorts: I’d get to remain her loving husband and they’d continue to do each other once or twice a month. Claimed they saw us, the three of us, as a single nuclear family and that it made sense for us to continue on as before. Her as a hot wife and me as her willing cuckold. I took exception to their proposed arrangement, so she divorced me and married him. But there was a fly in the ointment unknown to all of us; well, that’s what they later assured me was the case.

“The last night we were together, Claire and I, I mean the last night we did the deed together, I’d gotten her pregers. It was six more years before any of us, again, according to them, knew the baby was mine. A quirk of fate occurred when the baby’s doctor discovered that Rodney could not have been the father: he was the wrong blood type. But, oh joy, I was the right blood type. So anyway that’s pretty much the whole story,” I said.

“Sweet fucking Jesus!” she said.

“Yeah, all of that,” I said.

“I take it that the only reason you allow yourself to be around them is because of the child,” she said.”

“More or less. To tell you the truth I really don’t know why I’m still around them. I mean Rebecca yes, but even there, I discovered a while back that she considers me kind of a bother and in the way. She likes me well enough, and I suppose she’s appropriately grateful that I saved her life, but the truth is I’m not much more than a distant uncle as far as she’s concerned. So is that enough reason to be around them? Hell I don’t know. You tell me,” I said.

******