Now wasn't that something to behold? The quick witted, sharp tongued Ainsely and smooth talking, silver-tongued Javon found themselves standing on the walk outside Carolyn's house not knowing what to say. Each of them had many things they wanted to tell the other, but finding and forming the words just seemed to be too hard. Both of them sensed that this conversation was going to be important and each of them feared making a misstep, saying something that would hurt the other, or drive the other away. After a few silent moments, Javon caught Ainsely by the wrist and led her down the street toward the Carter apartment.

In front of the apartment, Javon leaned back against the car and took Ainsely by both hands. She looked into his eyes as they both started to speak at the same time. They stopped, smiled, then Ainsely said, “You first, baby.”

“No, ladies first,” Javon replied. Ainsely looked up into his face, went up on her toes and kissed him on the mouth.

“Oh Javon, I'm so sorry I've been such a dummy. I love you. You wanted me to tell you I love you, and now I am. I love you, I love you, I love you. I really do. I just had to figure out how to say what I was really feeling in this crazy situation and I think I have now. I love you.” He smiled at her, knowing that such an admission last weekend would have inspired him to use the shit out of her all night long. But he was starting to see that that would only be a short term gain, with no future. If he really wanted her, he had to think longer term. He had to clean up his act.

“That makes me really happy, because I love you too,” he told her, “Just like I've been telling you.” But he kept a firm hold on her hands, pointedly not embracing her like he wanted to very, very much.

“Well c'mon in then. Let's go inside,” she smiled hungrily. “Don't you want to fuck me?”

“Oh yes, very much,” he replied. “But baby, I don't just want you tonight. I love you. Don't you see, that means I don't just want to use you again, I want to really be with you, and do what's best for you.”

“What?” she responded, confused. “Can't we just talk inside? I don't think Jack will be home very soon, and I don't really care if he is,” she told him, pushing back up on her toes to kiss him again, certain that she could wiggle against him enough to get them naked and fucking like demons. But he held her away.

“Ainsely, baby,” he said to her with the most compassionate expression she'd ever seen on his face, “You're married. I know that hasn't been very important to me, but I can't ignore that. I won't ignore that. And up until now, you wouldn't either.” She started to tear up, fears of having done something really wrong, or worse, of having somehow become undesirable, the ugly duckling she had always feared that she was balled up inside her like a stone in her gut.

“You really don't want to fuck me?” she sighed blinking back a sudden onset of tears.

“Baby, I want to fuck you very bad. All night long. I want to blow your head up with orgasms and pump you so full of my sperm I can see your eyes floating it in.” Ainsely was still teary eyed and crying softly, but those words eased her fears just slightly. “But I want to do that with you, not to you. I want it to be because I love you and you love me and its what we should do with each other. I don't want to just use you.”

“The brothas probably think I'm crazy for admitting this, but caring about you means I have to be honest with myself. As much as we've liked each other, a lot of what I've been doing was for different reasons, screwed up reasons, at least on my part. In a lot of ways, I've just been trying to hurt you, to hurt Jack, to just... hurt somebody. It might be really stupid on my part, and I'm still not convinced I'm doing the right thing, but I want to try to do this right. Can you understand any of this?” Javon asked her softly.

“Sure,” Ainsely said, the confused expression in her eyes proving to him that she was not really understanding him at all. She was too busy struggling with her own fears and insecurities to even listen, much less understand. “So... I'm worried. Are you going to tell me you don't want to have sex with me anymore?” she asked softly, her little spirit feeling crushed.

“No, baby. I'll never say that because it will never be true. Here's what I'm trying to say,” he started over. “I want you to take me back to the barracks and for you to come back home and get a good nights sleep. Jack will probably be home later and you two can talk if you want.” Ainsely was listening intently now, afraid her whole world was about to come to an end.

“Tomorrow, why don't you and Jack come get me. Yes, both of you. And let's go have breakfast or something, someplace away from post for sure. Then we can talk about it. We both know he started this, but we also both know as soon as it started you and me wanted more and more of it. But now we got this problem. We all need to know what we want if we're going to keep on.”

“But what if Jack changes his mind?” she asked pitifully. “What if he wants to stop all this? You haven't been very nice to him, and he might even kind of resent you being with me. He might want it to stop. Please, baby. I don't know what I'd do if he tried to stop this. Can't you just fuck me tonight? Then we can have this big talk tomorrow.”

“Ainsely, baby, if we start, we won't stop. Can you try to trust me if I promise you that after we have a chance to talk tomorrow, no matter what your husband says or does, I'll fuck you all you want, all weekend long? Hell, all week long if you want! Can you accept that?”

Ainsely frowned like a petulant child, but blinked back the tears and felt a little comforted as Javon's black fingers wiped away her tears. She sensed that she really didn't have a choice here. So she let Javon put her in the passenger seat and sat there thinking, thinking and thinking some more on the trip back to his barracks. When he parked and leaned over to kiss her goodnight, she made one more vain attempt to get him to change his mind, grabbing his dick and using a lot of tongue in that goodnight kiss. But he just smiled at her and got out, leaving her sitting there with the tears welling up again.

She drove home imagining every possible horror that could befall her. Why wouldn't he take her to bed even after she'd told him what he wanted to hear? Did Javon really love her? What would Jack think about all this? Would he get tired of Javon's abuse and try to end this? Would HE dump her if he really knew how she thought she felt? Would he ruin her reputation back home? Ainsely found herself in that fetal ball torturing herself with all these thoughts until she drifted off to sleep.

Jack arrived home after Ainsely returned from dropping off Javon. (See Ainsely 11), Unaware that his beautiful wife, the love of his life, was asleep in bed just upstairs, quite alone, Jack dithered on the front stoop, leaning against the wall, dozing off from time to time, tortured with his own thoughts.

*****

I woke with a start after having been asleep for a while, almost surprised to find myself sitting on my own front step. It was still dark but the first hints of daylight were beginning to appear. I was stiff and sore, and still worried about what I'd find inside, but I was also hungry and cold and realized I'd make a pretty pathetic sight sitting there for nosy neighbors. I could just hear the snarky rumors: “What, did she kick him out or something?” So I bit the bullet and went in, quietly. Seeing and hearing nothing out of place, and still unsure of what might be going on upstairs, I layed down on the sofa just to rest my eyes a moment and was soon out like a light.

Later, I wasn't sure how much later, my eyes didn't want to open and my body didn't want to wake up, but the smell of brewing coffee was invading my senses. When my eyes opened, there was Ainsely, looking at me with a concerned expression on her face. She was in the t-shirt and panties she normally slept in, no makeup, her hair down, loose. “You didn't come to bed,” she said softly. Her tone wasn't accusatory, it was just a statement. “You must have come home pretty late.”

I sat up. “I wasn't sure you'd be alone, and I didn't want to interrupt,... anything,” I said, sitting up. “Carolyn said you left her place with Javon, and you know what an asshole he can be, especially with me.” She just looked down at her hands, as though searching for words.

“I put coffee on,” she said, still not looking at me. “Want some?”

“Is he still here?” I asked somewhat sharply. “Don't you have to get back upstairs to him?”

“No, he's... I'm not sure where he is, but I took him back to barracks after he walked me home from Carolyn's.” She told me this as she went to the kitchen and poured us each a cup. “He didn't come in last night.

“Right,” I smirked, certain there was no chance of that having happened. She didn't react to my snide remark. She just held her cup close, sipped, and looked at me. “So did you decide not to tell him what he wanted to hear?” I asked, now wondering why he wouldn't have come in for a piece of my wife's ass.

“No,” she said slowly, intentionally, her brow knitted in concern.

“I see,” I replied, now worried myself. There was no denying that my fantasy world was coming to life, but it wasn't working out the way my fantasy had it. I couldn't just wish things different. And the hits just kept coming.

“Not only that, but Jack, you might find this hard to believe, but I think Javon's really changing too. I mean I know he's been a jerk to you, and he's, well he might have just been using me. But I think he might have changed. I'm still confused about it, but last night, I really wanted him to stay here and fuck me all weekend. But he wouldn't. He made me take him back to barracks. He says he wants to be with me, but he wants to talk about it first. He said he wants all three of us to talk today, and I think he means it and I think he's not going to be the big jerk he was before. At least I hope not.”

She was right. I didn't believe it. I was fully expecting this just to be another way for him to mess with me, to mess with us, especially since I knew he'd gone out of his way to protect his vanity by not calling Ainsely. But then I thought about it. He still had to take the first step, he had to arrange to meet her at Carolyn's. It all made no sense.

“You may be right about him Ains, or you might not be. But I love you so much, Ains. You're my wife. And you know I will do anything for you, so I'll leave it up to you. If you want us to talk, I can go along with that.” I'd let him mess with me, with us, before, because that was part of my cuckold fantasy. But this was different. I had to go into this one making sure Ainsely knew how much I loved her before and still do.

*****

We pulled into a parking spot in the company area a while later, turned off the engine and just sat there. Jack looked at me with skepticism written all over his face. “I'm not running all over the company area looking for him,” he told me. “It's humiliating enough that I have to come over here and get him for you.”

“I know,” I admitted. Now that I thought about it, my idea to just show up over here and see if he was around was pretty stupid. For five minutes we just sat there listening to the radio. I asked him why he thought there was an MP jeep over at the company office, I think surprising him that I noticed anything at all, but he just got this concerned look on his face but said, “Probably some guys got in a fight or something? I hope it's not another dope party.”

We were both surprised at the knock on the window and turned to see Javon's smiling face. I quickly climbed into the back seat as Javon opened the passenger door and slid in. Jack pulled out and we were off. No one spoke for several minutes as we drove off post and turned south. “Thanks for coming to get me,” Javon finally said. Then it broke loose, everyone talking at once, or trying to, stepping all over each other.

*****

It's really hard to dispassionately record the kind of confused conversation that ensued. As Ainsely noted, they all started talking at once, and when rebuffed, just kept talking, stepping on one another. In an exchange like that, people say what they want to say, what has been pent up inside, hard to get out. But it comes out so fast and confused that each person hears what they want to hear. I guess that's communication, and as far as it is from perfect, it's probably better than nothing.

Javon was trying to quasi-apologize for having come on too strong, but not really succeeding, since he really didn't want to apologize and wasn't entirely sure he had come on too strong. He was trying to maintain and even grow his connection with Ainsely—he couldn't help really caring about her—and was thinking that not pissing off Jack might actually help in that goal more than hurt it, at least for the time being. But most of all, he was trying to protect himself from being hurt. He couldn't even really admit that to himself, but that's what was happening.

Jack was sick with love for Ainsely, the first and only girl he'd loved, and really wanted the best for her. He was also sick with the perversion of wanting her to be with a black guy, at least to some degree. But the prospect of really losing her to him, a perfectly normal and even likely possibility in this kind of situation, seemed to be something he hadn't even considered. That fact was making this a difficult bronc to ride. He's trying to hold on. And that means he too is trying to protect himself from being hurt, even as irresistible as he finds his perversion.

Ainsely feels pretty and desirable. She loves being pursued and is finding out she loves to be caught. She tells herself it's all about love, so she was in love with Jack during their long courtship and recent marriage, and now she's in love with Javon because of how strong he comes on to her and how delicious the sex with him is. She can't imagine anything changing if she just loves. What she can imagine is the social scorn and actual serious consequences she'll suffer from her own friends and family if her newly flourishing sexuality to become common knowledge. She's not afraid of being hurt, she's afraid of being caught.

What kind of words are flying around inside that little light blue compact as is runs down the road? You might hear someone say, “Of course a person can love more than one person.” That, or, “Love and sex are two different things, can't you understand that?” Javon, somewhere along the line asserts, “You gotta respect me man. You gotta treat me like I'm your equal!” You might hear Jack struggle to reinforce his connection with Ainsely with his constant assertions that he loves her, he's always loved her, and he will always love her no matter what.

When the little car pulls off at the exit for Mammoth Cave National Park well south of post, they're all kind of exhausted. They pile out in search of a sandwich and a drink or something. It's not totally unusual to see a white couple and a young black man in company with one another, especially in this touristy area on a major interstate, but the three of them feel that everyone must be staring at them, guessing more about them than could be possible. So they eat quick as Ainsely says, “Let's get out of here.”

The trip back home features more conversation, but interspersed with long periods of silence as each of them thinks. By the time the car pulls up out front of the Carter's little apartment, it's dark outside. There's no talk of taking Javon back to barracks. No big conclusions were arrived at. No big declarations took place. But they all seemed to have arrived at a kind of understanding. Jack mixed everyone a drink.

*****

All this talk was making my head spin. I couldn't get my first drink down fast enough. I needed to relax and my delicious gin and tonic worked. As Jack left to get me another I got up with a twinkle in my eye and sat on Javon's lap, winding my arm around his neck and stroking his fuzzy head. Jack was smooth, unrattled, handing me my drink as though nothing was happening. I gave him this wicked grin, then pulled Javon's face to mine and layed a hot nasty French kiss on him, loving the way his hands naturally went into gear, feeling me all over.

“Well, if you boys can agree that the most important thing is keeping me fucked and happy, I think we can all get along just great.” They both smiled. “If everybody can just be nice and share, we can have a lot of fun,... especially me,” I teased. I liked the way they looked at each other, seeming to arrive at some sort of unspoken agreement with my saucy suggestion. And I loved it that no one said anything mean.

“Didn't you promise me some raunchy sex tonight, Mister,” I said to Javon, grabbing his dick?

“I believe I did,” he told me. Turning to kid Jack, he added, “I guess that means I have dibs.”

“I guess it does,” Jack answered. “I don't mind sloppy seconds and I love getting to watch the love of my life do her nasty thing!” Javon's hand was up my skirt as I tried to get my blouse and bra off. Jack watched us with an amused expression on his face, sedately sipping his drink until Javon got me naked and led me upstairs. This night, Jack came along. He sat on the stool at my dressing table as Javon pushed me back onto the bed, all three of us feeling our way through how this relationship was going to change.

Once Javon and I started getting into it, I couldn't have cared less if my husband, or pretty much anyone else, was there. He taught me again how perfectly our bodies fit together, how expertly we copulated, both approaching passionate orgasms in short order. As soon as we'd both orgasmed, Javon turned me over on my hands and knees and entered me from behind, slowly, gradually building both of us to another orgasm.

I first noticed Jack again when he got on his knees on the bed, pushing his hard erection to my mouth. I smiled up at him and started sucking my husband's dick while my black lover fucked me. This could be better than I'd imagined, I thought as a new round of orgasms approached.