My duty ended at noon on Monday. But my relief was about a half hour late. And then I took another half hour just filling him in on the nonsense we'd dealt with the night before—a fire in the trash can on the third floor of some barracks where a guy was trying to get his dope head roommates busted because they wouldn't let him sleep. What a great use of taxpayer dollars. But whatever.

All I could think about was the love of my life, the beautiful young white Southern girl I'd brought to this nasty place, now in the arms of, under the body of a horny young black guy. I'd agreed I wouldn't come back to our apartment until they were finished. I waited as long as I could stand it. I went to the snack bar and ate a sandwich while I waited. I even thought of going by the library to find something to read. But finally about three thirty, I called the house. No answer.

I waited two more excruciating hours and called again. Again, no answer. It dawned on me about five PM that I wasn't even sure how I'd get home. Ainsely and Javon, or to be precise, Javon, had my car. They're still fucking of course, I thought. Sure in my insecurity, I couldn't keep the thought out of my mind, He's going to fuck her all night. Hell, he might not leave. I'm sure he won't want to go. I tried to wait patiently, but all I could do was torture myself with these perverted fantasies.

They're fucking with me, I thought. Didn't they know I was sitting out her dying to get home and find out what had just happened. They didn't give a shit about me. It's hard when you let your mind wander to the worst that could possibly be. I was sitting on the concrete planters outside the library at 9:30 when I decided to call again.

“Hello?” Ainsely's voice, sounding tired and beaten down, but nevertheless sounded wonderful to me.

“Hi, honey. I was just wondering how you all are doing. Is Javon still there?”

“No,” she answered. “He left a couple of hours ago.” She was silent on the other end of the line for a few moments. “He said he'd tell you he was gone when he got back to the company. I didn't know where to call.”

“I'm at the library. I guess he wouldn't know I'm here.”

“Yeah,” she said. I told her I loved her and she mumbled back something that sounded like the same thing before we hung up.

I walked the 15 minutes to the company area and sure enough, there was our light blue compact parked in the lot, doors locked. No sign of Javon, or more importantly, my keys. Great, I thought. Now I have to go hunting. To my great embarrassment, I had to check with the company duty desk where a grinning black E2 handed me my keys. I thanked him curtly and got out of there as quick as I could, feeling his grin on my back as I hurried off, totally humiliated. I guessed the word was out more than I thought.

*****

Ainsely was balled up on the bed when I got home, asleep it seemed. I was dead tired, so I just stripped down and got a nice hot shower. Exhausted, I laid down next to her and immediately fell fast asleep. No alarm. Fortunately, I had the next day off to recover from my overnight duty, at least unless I got called in.

Though I usually wake up at the crack of dawn, this morning it was 7:30 before I was alert enough to even check my watch. The delicious smell of coffee wafted up from downstairs just as I flopped my arm over on her empty side of the bed. I hopped up, threw on a t-shirt and shorts and came down to get some breakfast.

Ainsely was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee nibbling on a piece of toast. I kissed her on the forehead. “Hi,” I smiled. She was beautiful as ever even though she wasn't made up yet, her hair back in a pony tail. It was obvious she hadn't slept well and was unhappy about something. She was in one of her sleep shirts and panties her pretty bare feet crossed under the chair, so she hadn't gotten dressed yet.

“Hi,” she said softly as I poured myself coffee, her expression flat. My dick hardened as I noticed the red hickeys on her neck and the part of her shoulder the t-shirt left exposed.

“Do we have any eggs or sausage? I'll be glad to make breakfast for my honey,” I told her cheerfully, getting up to look in the fridge. “Looks like you got rode hard and put up wet,” I teased.

Ainsely's face got this unbelievably sad expression and she burst out in tears. I was totally caught off guard. “Oh Jack,” she sobbed, “Javon is so mad at me. And I don't know what to do!”

“Wow, what happened?” I asked her gently, trying hard to be as kind and conciliatory as I could, taking her in my arms, stroking her soft hair. For a few moments, she just sobbed pitifully into my chest, struggling to get control of herself.

“This is just so hard. I mean, I never thought anything like this could happen. Getting what I want, and then more of what I want, and now it's all just... so complicated.” She paused then looked me in the face. “I love you, honey. I really do love you. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't.” My mind was whirling at the possible directions this could go. “I'm your wife. And I know what I promised. And I know it wasn't that long ago that I promised it. That's what makes all this so hard.”

I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, holding her close. “Honey, I love you too and I know we can get through anything. It's okay with me if you play. I think you're happier and prettier and sexier when you're playing. Just remember, I won't stop loving you ever, and we can get through anything. So what did he say, honey? What did he do? I just don't want Javon to hurt you ever. I promise you I'll never hurt you.”

“Just listen to me,” she said, blinking her red eyes and wiping tears from her cheeks. “You're not listening,” she said, pushing me back down on the chair and taking the seat opposite me across the table. Taking my hands in hers, she sucked in a breath and began. “You have to know we fucked all weekend and I have to tell you it was glorious. Sex with Javon is so spectacular. He's so into me and I'm so into him when we're doing it. I know you like that. I know it's what you told me you wanted from the start. But then he started telling me he's falling in love with me.

“Now he tells me all the time that he's in love with me and he says he knows I'm in love with him too. I never said that, honey, I promise, but he's totally convinced it's true and I'm just holding back or something. I mean, I love fucking him and I told him that, but I never told him I love him. When he pushes me to say it, I try not to because I don't want to hurt you or to hurt us. But he keeps pushing and gets mad when I tell him I can't say that, that I have to talk to you.”

“Honey, you both know you're just playing. You're having fun with someone and learning about sex, about yourself and about him. You're both learning and growing and enjoying each other, just like we said before. I don't think he really means anything by telling you all that. It's just lovey-dovey pillow talk. It's what guys say. I mean, what else could he possibly want?”

“Well, he tells me he wants me to say to him that I love him too. I know I'm not exactly being little miss faithful with the way I'm acting with him, but saying that would make me feel like I'm kind of crossing some kind of line.”

“Well if he just wants you to say something, can't you just let it be a little white lie, something you tell him to make him happy?”

She paused, collecting her thoughts. “You might be right, but I really feel like he meant it... really. You ask what else he could want. He told me he wants me to be his girl. I don't know what he means by that but he tells me he wants us being together more, lots more, maybe all the time... maybe even... living together.. or something.” She spoke slowly, obviously choosing her words carefully.

I felt my hard-on graduate to diamond cutter status when I heard her say those words. “He does?” I asked, trying to sound shocked. “Really?” She nodded. “Honey I find it hard to believe he really wants that. I mean, I know he likes playing house, but there's a lot more to the kind of relationship you're talking about than that. You know that. Do you think that's what he really wants?”

“Oh honey, I don't know. We talk while we're fucking. Or he talks while I'm sucking his dick. I'm not exactly at my most alert. My emotions go crazy and I know he can make me do things I'd never be willing to do otherwise. I do know that the way he tells me he's in love with me, I believe him. And when he tells me he knows I'm in love with him too, that sends me into a tailspin.

“You know why I don't want to say it, don't you? You have to know how afraid I am of saying it. But Jack... the truth is.. he's right. I am falling in love with him too. I do love him, not just the sex, but everything.

“Hmmm. But you didn't tell him yet?”

“No. But I wanted to. I still want to. Especially when we're fucking I want to so badly. The thought of what we have is all that keeps me from saying it. Can you forgive me for feeling like that?”

“Just know that whatever else happens, I love you,” I said straight from the heart. “So that's why he left mad?” She nodded. “So when will you see him again? What do you want to do when you see him again?” She just let her head hang down and shrugged, starting to cry again softly. “Don't cry, honey. We'll figure something out,” I comforted her as I got up to make us breakfast.

*****

They say if you never lie, you don't have to remember what you said and to who. It was a relief to have been totally honest with my husband. It didn't solve any of the many problems we had, but at least it let us start working together on what to do next. I knew he wanted to sexually reclaim me after my wonderful weekend with Javon, but I just needed to be held, comforted, loved, and didn't especially need to be fucked just then. But that made me feel guilty about the obvious lump in Jack's shorts. He was so ready.

After we ate, I let him take me upstairs so we could shower together. I begged off of sex with him with the excuse that I was too sore, only a partial lie. After my tearful revelation, he was hesitant to grill me for details of my weekend with Javon, but I could tell he was burning to hear whatever I would tell him. I felt I owed him something, so as we toweled off, I told him we could just snuggle and I'd tell him what Javon did to me. From the way his dick leaped at the suggestion, his agreement didn't surprise me.

As we laid snuggled together, my head on his chest, my hand slowly stroking his erection, I started telling him about our amazing sex after he left on Saturday. “So you fucked your black boyfriend a lot?” he asked in this smarmy voice.

“Oh yeah, honey,” I told him. “His dick was in me almost all the time and he told me he was going to keep me full of his sperm all weekend.. and he did it! I'm still feeling it come out,” she smiled.

“So did you suck your black boyfriend's dick?” he asked me.

“Oh yeah, honey. I sucked his dick and licked his nasty balls. You would have been so turned on at the sight of it. Are you proud of me?”

“You know I am. I love it that you're doing that for him. Do you think you might be able to suck my dick?” he asked as sweetly and politely as if he were asking me to scratch his back. I don't know why, but that request kind of surprised me. He'd never even asked me much before and I didn't fellate him because he knew I didn't like it. But honestly, things were totally different with me now. The smells and tastes, the sensations and feelings it gave me now were totally different.

So I smiled sweetly and said, “Sure, honey,” lowering my mouth onto the pink purple head and swirling my tongue around it. His eyes fluttered shut and he moaned in pleasure as I sucked the head.

I'm good at this, I thought. I like to do this now, I told myself. So why does this feel so wrong? One of the things I liked most about being Javon's cocksucker was how dirty and nasty it made me feel to let him do this to me. Letting him use my face for such a nasty sex act defined our relationship in a lot of ways. But I didn't have that feeling sucking my husband's dick. I kept sucking though. I didn't want to hurt him, but I suddenly just didn't want him to cum in my mouth. When I felt the throbbing start, I pulled my mouth off of his dick and kissed him as I jacked him off with my hand. He was kinda shocked, and maybe even a little grossed out when I did that. But he didn't say anything. He just got up and wiped his mouth off, I'm sure hoping I didn't notice.

*****

“Oh, mom called,” she said as I came back into the bedroom. “They're coming.” She said she and dad were flying out with Maggie and Burton on his private plane. Burton has something to do up at Churchill Downs so they're coming along to see us.”

“Really?” was all I could say. I don't know if I panicked more than Ainsely had, but a quick mental review of all the stuff we'd have to try to hide left me with fear in the pit of my stomach.

“Yeah, he's going to run for mayor so he wants to bring some big donors out here to the race track,” she said, answering the wrong question.

“I'm sure he is, he's been talking about it for years. But I'm surprised they would come all the way out her. Did she say when?” I asked. “Not this coming weekend I hope.”

“No,” she said, giving me the dates her mom had mentioned. “They have reservations at a place near post but we'll probably have to do a lot with them while they're here. Actually, I told her I wasn't sure if you'd be able to get any time off since we don't have much leave yet.”

“Thanks, that's good. That will give me some flexibility to figure out how to handle all this. We're going to have to really think it through though and make sure they don't pick up on anything.” She nodded in agreement. “Did you tell Javon?”

“Yeah. He was right here when she called. He kind of ticked me off, messing with me while I was on the phone with her, but I don't think she picked up on it. Did he say anything to you when you got the keys?'

“No, I didn't see him. He left them with the duty runner. It was really embarrassing getting them back from this grinning little snot at the duty desk.”

She didn't seem to register that Javon had stuck it to me again. Or if she did, she didn't seem to care. She just continued with her own thought, “It kind of worries me that he so careless. He could really mess us up. I mean he isn't the least bit careful around here. I just hope we can keep this from getting out back home.” We were both painfully aware that news of the unseemly perversions in our distant marriage could ruin us back home. For that matter, it wouldn't do either of our career prospects much good either.

“We'll figure something out,” I tried to reassure her, “even thought I had no idea how exactly we were going to do that. I'll try to talk to Javon at work and make him understand how important this is to us. Maybe you can do the same thing if he calls?”

*****

“So you got your little white brains fucked out?” Carolyn asked with a knowing smile. “I bet Jack is beating his little tool raw. I know Mike would be.” I just rolled my eyes and tried to be coy even as I knew I couldn't keep anything from her.

“He's soooo good,” I giggled, “and I guess we're pretty good together.” Carolyn went on to tease me about how easy dumb young white girls are and then to brag about her own marvelous experience with Richard and others. She told me I'll be the darling of every black in the company before long, just like her.

“So when are you seeing him again,” my nosy neighbor pressed.

“I don't know,” I admitted.

“What? He's not coming over every night?”

“It's not so simple, Carolyn. Maybe he would, but he's kinda mad at me right now.” Her eyebrows went up as she gave me the third degree. Answering her questions and filling in the details, I spilled the whole story. “It was really a wonderful weekend until he started pushing me. I wish he could just be a little more patient with me and not get so mad when it takes me a while to think things through. He isn't calling and I can't call him, so there's nothing I can do but hope he calls. I do, Carolyn. I do hope he calls.”

“Well little girl, you better figure out what you want fast. Javon isn't going to wait around on you and there are plenty of other naive young white girls for him to move on to if you don't want to be the one.” I told Carolyn she was supposed to be supporting and encouraging me, not guilting me out.

“If I were you, I'd tell him what he wants to hear. I'd go over to the company and find him, talk to him in person. I bet that's what Jack wants you to do.” For a girl as into sex with black guys and cuckolding her loving hubby, she was pretty cynical. “Javon's not going to be here forever, and you aren't always going to be the hottest new chick on the block. So you better enjoy it while you can get it.”

“Oh, one more thing. You may not know what a hot little piece of ass you are, but Richard has definitely noticed. Don't even think about moving in on my man, but if Javon does drop you, I might be willing to share Richard once in a while, just to lop off your horns. You're not gonna be able to make it without some black dick from time to time, girl.” I nodded sweetly knowing I was supposed to be thankful for her gesture, but not exactly finding it comforting.

That gave me a lot to think about on the walk back home. But it wasn't enough to keep me from feeling the disgusted sneer of the uptight judgmental neighbor lady as I walked by. Even her noisy little dog seemed to be against me.