With thanks to my blonde friend, for whom this is written.

There are pros and cons to everything. I know that. In the case of taking on a lodger this year, I've been able to pay off the mortgage quicker and get in more holidays too. If that were everything, that would be enough in most cases.

But there's other positives, for sure, like having someone to come home to when I've been working late. It's even better that the person can cook. I'd swear I've eaten better this year. And, though it kind of hurts my feminist sensibilities to admit it, is sometimes nice just to have a guy around the house.

I'm still not sure my mum approves, mind you. "Catherine," she says (that's me by the way, I'm Catherine, nice to meet you), "what are boys going to think when you bring them back here and they see all his toys cluttering the place up?" Quite apart from the contradiction that she seems to disapprove of me living with a guy I'm not sleeping with but perfectly happy with premarital sex, it's the fact she still calls guys I'm dating boys, even though I'm in my 30s, that I find infuriating. Still, if it winds her up, that's another positive, I guess.

There are other pluses mind. Ones that I'm not so ready to admit to to friends, and certainly not my mum. Things like the smell. I'll confess, the smell of Tony (that's his name) when he comes in, fresh off one of "his toys", still dropping in fresh sweat, gets me... Oh god, I'm getting all embarrassed admitting this, but I guess I can say it because it's just you and me. It gets me wet. Ever since I was a girl, and the boys I would bring home really were boys, the smell "male" has always affected me deeply. My first orgasm, in fact - oh god, why am I telling you this? It wasn't with a boyfriend, it was after a college rugby match and I'd had to interview members of the winning team. The smell of all these fresh young men, stripped to the waist, dripping in testosterone, got me so wound up I had to sneak off to the loos and relieve myself. I was frantic, mind you. I barely made it into the cubicle! I'd wanked before - even thought I'd had an orgasm - but that afternoon, splayed on the toilet, skirt up, knickers down, the smell of 32 young men soaked in sweat and blood still in my nose, the sight of half of them removing their shirts replaying in my mind...I really learnt what an orgasm was that day. Still that's a story for another time.

So, there were pluses, but there were downsides. My spare room which had previously functioned as a perfect walk in wardrobe, was full of him and his things. And they weren't confined to his room. The hallway too was full of his toys (mum was right about that), an endless succession of fancy bicycles his job as a bike journalist entitled him to ride about on.

And he was a several years younger than me, which lent the arrangement something of the older sister/younger brother vibe, which to extent was kind of true - he was my best friend's younger brother, which was how it had come to pass that, after chatting at her wedding. I'd offered him somewhere to stay when he moved to Bristol and here we were, nine months later with a mostly agreeable "temporary" arrangement still in place.

...

So it was that this afternoon I was trying to find a box of seasonal clothes that I'd had to move in to what I grandly called my "loft", a little roof space accessed through a little hatch in the corner of my room.

"Cathy?" I heard Tony shout. I hadn't heard the front door.

"Ungh" I replied, my voice muffled by the torch I was holding in my mouth.

"Cathy?" his voice was closer this time, as if he was at my bedroom door. He couldn't have seen me. All that would have been visible had he come in would have been my legs, but standing at the doorway, respecting my personal space as he always did, he wouldn't have seen even that. I was obscured by the wardrobe.

"I don't think she's here, babe." Had he got someone with him? "Oh yeah, sweetie, I read it. It got me so hard."

Excuse me?

"Yeah, I want to show you. Wait a moment. No, the computer's on. Yeah, let's Skype babe. I can show you what you did to me."

What. The. Fuck? He must be on the phone, I reasoned. What was about to happen?

"It's so hot babe. Imagining you like that, sucking that guy as I watch. Hell yeah, it got me so horny. Yeah, I wanked babe. You got me so worked up babe, I had to. I'm sorry. I can show you now."

I dropped the box I was maneuvering and pulled out of the hatch.

"No, I'm naked for you babe. Just a second."

There came the familiar sound of a Skype ringtone, then it was answered. I was still clambering off my dresser.

"Oh, there you are. Good boy. Oh god, you are hard, aren't you?" A woman's voice. With its touch of Londoner about it, it was clearly Tony's girlfriend Kate. "Touch yourself for me Tony. Grip it. Oh yes."

I froze. What could I do? Things had moved so fast. In seconds my flatmate had come in, stripped naked, turned on his computer, and was clearly in the process of turning on his girlfriend 130 miles away. How did I stop this without it all getting very embarrassing, very quickly? Think, Catherine, think.

"You liked that story I wrote you, didn't you?"

"Yes. Very much. " His voice was shallow, shaking.

"Stop wanking. Good."

I couldn't walk in now, or even shout out. He'd be mortified.

"Tony, hun, what if I told you it wasn't a fantasy? Oh, you like that? You're twitching."

"Oh fuck babe. Yeah. I'm so hard it hurts."

Could I just stay very still until they were finished? By the sounds of it, it wouldn't take long.

"I really did it, hun, I really sucked him. Like you wanted me to."

"Oh god. Please let me wank babe."

Too right, 'oh god'. I couldn't listen to this. A light bulb snapped on in my head; I could sneak out of my room, open the front door, then slam it as if I'd just got in. Brilliant. I began tiptoeing toward the bedroom door.

"Okay, rub your cock for me Tony. Show me how much you like the thought of me sucking another man's cock, honey. He was delicious."

"How did you do it babe? Did you just ask him?"

"What? Did I say please Paul, can I suck your cock? No. I didn't ask hun. I just took it. I wanted that cock."

I was halfway across the hall. I had just another few feet to go and this nightmare/dream would be over. Then I made my mistake.

Wanting to make sure I wasn’t seen, I glanced down the hall. Right into Tony's room. His bed is partly visible from the hallway when the door is open, but not the business end, just the foot of the bed. Sprawled across the bottom of the bed was a sight that first gripped my chest then went for something altogether deeper. Tony's slim, cycling honed body was clearly visible, the scar on his leg and a tattoo on his hip I knew nothing about. He was naked, completely naked, and apart from his chest and head that were behind the door, I could see everything. Gripped in his left hand was an angry, purple cock; slim, but surprisingly long. His fist was pumping up and down. He looked as if he could blow his load at any moment.

Tony was facing his battered Sony laptop, perched atop a small chest of drawers. On its screen a pretty blonde woman I recognised from photos as Kate. She was smiling, her eyes not looking at the camera, but down, clearly enjoying the display in front of her, watching her man working his cock for her so many miles away.

"Stop wanking Tony," she purred, "I don't want you cumming too soon."

His hand, reluctantly, loosed its grip. The stiff rod pulsed, its purple head danced. I stood, transfixed. A familiar, urgent heat began to radiate inside me.

"I got him into my flat Tony.

It was false pretences. I didn't ask. I just unzipped his trousers and took his cock out." There was a long groan from the bed; the cock danced for the girl on the screen.

I should have turned away. I should have reached for the door. I should have put a polite stop to this the best way I could. I should have. But I didn't.

"Do you want to see? Do you want me to show you what I did to him hun? How I pleasured another man for you?"

"Yes, please. Show me how you sucked him babe." Tony sounded weak. His raging prick spoke of where his strength was being sapped.

It wasn't until the first shiver spread through me that I realised I was touching myself. Involuntarily it seemed, my hand had crept down and was pressing against the ridge of my jeans. Even through the heavy fabric I could feel my dampness already. My nose twitched. I could smell Tony's scent mixed with the odour of lust. My lust.

"I got on my knees Tony. I got on my knees and pulled his cock out. He got so hard hun, just like you." Kate turned sideways on. She mimed stroking a cock in front of her face. "I held his cock, like I hold yours. It grew for me sweetie, he grew so much. I stroked his cock and it grew stiff and hard for me."

With one hand, I began squeezing my pussy through my jeans, while I rubbed my breasts with the other. I was spiralling down, plunging into pleasure.

Tony groaned again. "Show me babe, show me how you sucked him."

"Say please," smirked Kate, revelling in the power she held over him.

"Please, babe, please show me how you sucked him. And please let me wank again."

Yes, please Kate , I thought, let him wank again, let me watch that lovely cock explode .

"Yes, you may." With that Kate held up a fat, black dildo. Even from my distance I could make out the carved veins and bulges. She ran her tongue up the bases from the quivering jelly balls, then swiftly enveloped the head in her mouth. She moaned in delight as she pumped the rubber cock in and out with one hand. I wasn't sure where the other hand was, but from her flushed expression, I could guess.

Tony's hand went back to his cock, but this time, instead of gripping the shaft, he circled the end around the tip and twisted it back and forth. He was shuddering and groaning. "Oh fuck, babe, yeah, suck that cock. I want to see you take it. I wish I'd been there to see you suck him."

"I wish you could have seen me hun, I sucked him so well. I wanted to. He tasted gorgeous. He was dribbling his goo in my mouth before he came. I swallowed it all. "

With one hand Tony was gripping the base of his cock, while with the other he continued to tease around the head. Sensing he surely couldn't have long left, I edged closer. I was desperate to see him shoot all over his stomach. I'd never watched a guy play with himself before like this. I was utterly bewitched by the spectacle. I was beyond the point of caring now. The heat in my belly was burning with desire to see him cum and it was taking every last drop of my self control not to reach inside my jeans and join the two of them in play. On the screen the blonde was bobbing her head back and forth, her tongue working round and round as she tried to keep one eye on her man as he now vigorously worked his fist up and down his shaft.

"STOP!" the command seemed to take us both by surprise. Kate was staring into the camera. "Don't cum yet, hun. There's something I need to do."

Tony clearly struggled with the command. I think he'd been on the very edge. I simply ignored it and continued to finger myself, ever closer to the inevitable conclusion, with no regard for the consequences now, my role as voyeur sealed.

On the screen Kate, still facing the camera, gave the fat rubber cock one last long slurp, then it disappeared. "Is this what you want, Tony?" Her voice was low, needing.

"Yes."

"Tell me what you want."

"I want to see you fuck."

"Fuck what, hun? Tell me. I need to hear it."

A trembling was beginning in my stomach, an ache of anticipation as in my mind I saw what came next.

"I want to watch you fuck another guy, babe. I want to see you ride another guy's cock. I want to watch another guy make you cum while you look at me."

On this confession, Kate's face changed, her mouth forming a round 'O'. "Yes" she purred. Only her face was visible, but I knew what she must have done. I imagined how she felt as the big rubber dildo filled her up. I longed for that sensation.

"I'm fucking him. His cock is inside me. Oh god, it’s so big.

Then came the magic words.

"Cum for me Tony. I want to see you cum."

At last!

Tony attacked his cock with gusto. On the screen the blonde gasped as she drove the rubber prick in and out. She, like I, watched intently as the lean young man on the bed pumped his smooth, slender cock.

"Oh babe, babe, oh fuck, aaah!" at that, with continued vigorous pumps, Tony came. A first squirt splashed across his wrist, a second, bigger load shooting up to his chest. He threw his head back, the shock of his very essence surging forth and spilling over his belly, more cum flowing from him. With his spare hand I saw him grip the sheets, his toes tightly curled, his legs out straight in one final moment of tension at the point of release.

“Oh, oh, oh, fuck, yeeeesss,” cried Kate as she pummeled herself to her own orgasm, the sight of her boyfriend exploding for her tipping her over the edge. She fell forward on the desk in front of her computer. I could hear her muted voice muttering “yes, yes, yes.”

Tony just lay inert on the bed, his breathing trying to return to normal, his lovely cock beginning to soften already.

I stood stock still in the hall, my hand still pressed between my legs. My pussy was throbbing. I’d never witnessed anything like this. The two of them had lit a fire in me and there was no opportunity to extinguish it. And as I stood there listening to the two lovers breathing in their post-fuck glow, I felt a growing sense of exposure.

“Oh sweetie, that was amazing. You put on such a good show for me, hun,” cooed Kate.

“You do incredible things to me,” replied Tony, slowly pushing himself up.

The next seconds passed as if in slow motion.

I saw Tony sitting up. My brain, wrestling control of my body back from my groin, saw what was going to happen next. As he sat up, Tony’s head appeared from behind the door. I began to move but too slowly. If anything, it made it worse. The movement at the corner of his eye drew his attention. Naked, covered in his own cum, Tony looked up to see his landlady, her face surely flushed, trying to duck into the bathroom.

“Oh shit!” I heard the door slam, Kate’s surprised voice and the sound of scrabbling as Tony moved around his room at the same time as trying to explain what had happened.

I didn’t know how to handle being exposed as a voyeur. So I did what came naturally. I panicked and fled the flat, having only long enough to grab my bag and keys.

...

And so here I am, a couple of hours later and I’m still in the cafe I fled to. I'm sure I must reek of unfulfilled sex and adrenaline. My phone has buzzed again and again and I’ve ignored it as I’ve told my story to you.

What do you think I should do? What would my mother say to me now? How do I go back and face my friend’s brother after seeing him like that? For that matter, how do I face my friend again? What can I possibly do to make up to Kate for intruding on her like that?

How do I explain to Tony that I was standing there, watching him masturbate?

How do I stop myself asking if he’ll let me see him do it again?

Well?