Do you ever wonder what it's like to be a fly on the wall? A lot of people ask that. If you are not one of them, then read no further. If you have, however, then have I got a story for you. You see, I already know what it's like. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Richie ( stage name Wingo, more on that later) but my name really doesn't matter. Who I am does. I'm what's known as a common house fly. I'm sure you've seen my many brothers and sisters flying around your neighborhoods. As far as common house flies go, I'm what you would call unusual. I guess you could say I'm an uncommon common house fly. Unlike my brother and sister flies, I didn't enjoy the common things that common house flies do. For instance, dog piles. I mean what's the attraction? I'll take a glazed donut over that any day. And it was a glazed donut that brought me together with some other uncommon common house flies that would turn into a lifetime of friendship.

Just like me, Johnnie, Paulie and Georgie had no use for dog piles. We shared common interests including music ( no, you humans aren't the only ones) and eventually went on to form our own band, "The Peeples". In the insect world, humans are considered to be public enemy number one, so even our band name was uncommon. Even so, we were a big success with such songs as "I Want To Hold Your Wing", "She Bugs You(Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)", and our biggest hit, "I Spell Love DDT". That last song was written by Johnnie after a particularly bad breakup with a monarch butterfly. You heard me right, a monarch butterfly. Being uncommon meant we weren't opposed to interinsectual dating which was a big no no in the insect world. In fact, all four of us did. As fun as it was, it also lead to the breakup of the band in the most tragic of ways.

Shortly after his breakup, Johnnie committed suicide. The same for Paulie after the grasshopper he was in love with left him. Georgie met another fate after becoming love hungry for a preying mantis who unfortunately for Georgie, was merely hungry. I'll spare you the gruesome details. As for me, their deaths, though devastating, freed me to be even more uncommon than I was. My bandmates, just like regular common house flies, hated humans. I, on the other hand, was fascinated by them and kept this secret from the others. In particular, the human females never seemed to leave my mind.

There was just something about the way human females looked that attracted me. Their long hair and the way it would move when a slight breeze came along. Their clothes and the way they would fit, especially with a fit body, that would always make me wonder what their bodies looked like without the clothing in the way. Their eyes and the way they would sparkle when the light hit them in a certain way. All these things kept me coming back for more. And then one sunny day, I saw her.

She was in her backyard, watering the garden. Her long blonde hair covered her short halter top and extended all the way down to the middle of her lightly tanned back. Her cut off shorts barely covered anything with her perfectly shaped backside peeking out from underneath. As attractive as she was, there was danger in getting too close. I knew that. But still, this was an opportunity I just couldn't pass up. So I flew in and landed on one of the back pockets on her shorts and stayed still.

My heart was racing, both from the danger and the thrill. I had never been this close to a woman before and my thoughts turned to "What next? Do I go here or do I go there?"  Before I could figure it out, she squatted down to water underneath some plants and without thinking, I moved up towards the waistband of her shorts which was loose enough that it wasn't making contact with her skin. After climbing to the top, I looked down and was amazed at just how far I could see down her shorts. It was obvious she wasn't wearing anything underneath and soon it was as if I had been hypnotized. I stopped paying attention to anything else and that's when she stood up, causing her shorts to pull towards her backside pinning me on the inside of her shorts.

One wrong move by either of us and I could be squashed like...well, like a bug. I tried not to panic, hoping for an opportunity to get the heck out of there and that's when I felt her moving. As dark as it was, I could tell by her movements where I was (right in her butt crack) and it was obvious she was walking, but where? I tried listening and couldn't hear the water running anymore. Where were we going?

And then she stopped and then I heard her humming a tune. She not only looked like an angel, she sounded like one too. I listened and then suddenly there was light. I struggled to focus my vision and at first wasn't sure what I was looking at and then it became all too clear as I felt myself falling along with the shorts I was still clinging to.

I looked over every inch of her (at a safe distance) while she did the same while looking at her reflection in her dresser mirror. She then walked naked to her bathroom before running the water in her bathtub. After filling it, she tied her hair back and got in. As for me, I found a nice spot on the wall where I could safely watch her. 

As strange as it may sound, I actually got bored watching her just lying there. I even thought about flying out and checking the rest of the house. Who knows? Maybe she had some glazed donuts I could sample. And that's when I noticed her bringing a hand up to one of her breasts. She closed her eyes as she made little circling motions with her fingertips. What was she doing? Whatever it was, she must have enjoyed it since she did it for quite some time. And that's when I noticed her other hand "down there" making the same circular motions. She really seemed to enjoy that. I could tell by her constantly changing facial expressions, a combination of joy and desperation. A great need that craved satisfaction...and a closer look by me.

I flew in at low speed, cautious at first, but the need to see more made me do something I dared not dream of even in my wildest of fantasies. I landed on her knee. So into what she was doing, she didn't even notice. I stayed there, periodically checking to make sure her eyes were still closed. Once again, I felt myself becoming hypnotized and snapped out of it, only to look up and see her staring right at me. 

My common house fly common sense told me to get out of there, but for some reason, I couldn't move. I kept thinking at any second, my life could be over. "Fly Richie, Fly!" my mind kept saying, but my body wasn't listening. That's when I felt her move. She raised her hip just above the surface of the water and continued her rubbing all while staring directly at me. I felt the fear draining from me and replaced by a confidence that pushed me to take an even greater risk.

I began crawling closer to the action, with her watching me as I did. I made my way to her inner thigh and was a mere inch away when I heard her moan loudly followed by her body shaking so violently, it threw me off. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, I liked it. She did too as I watched her doing her hair and makeup in the mirror after a brief recovery period. Our eyes met and she gave me a smile. I watched her as she got dressed in a very sexy form fitting dress (the kind I like) before following her into the living room. I thought I was in love. And then the doorbell rang.

I watched from the ceiling as she answered the door. It was another woman, just as beautiful. They obviously knew each other as they hugged and then, surprisingly, kissed on the lips. What was that about? It didn't take long to find the answer.

They were all over each other, with hands, fingers, lips and tongues going into places that I never thought possible. This, of course, required a closer look. I flew in with confidence that nothing bad would happen. Why wouldn't I? I got away with it before, didn't I?

So identical were they, that I wasn't sure who was who as one body was pressed on top of the other. From my vantage point, I could see both women from behind. They were grinding their muffs together extremely hard. Do I dare land on one of them for a closer look? Of course I had to and of course, it was the wrong woman.

And that's when my world crumbled. Apparently, her friend hated insects as much as insects hated people and was having none of it. She chased me all over the house, trying to hit me with a rolled up newspaper. All the while, I kept wondering why my new love made no effort to stop her. I managed to escape out an open window, but when I looked back, I saw the love of my life kissing the woman as if she were thanking her for getting rid of me. She made her choice and it wasn't me. Not only was I, not the right species, I wasn't even the right gender. 

Now I knew the heartache my bandmates felt. A crushing feeling that takes away your will to live. And so now, in my final act, I cast aside my uncommon common house fly ways and take my life the way common house flies do...by flying head first repeatedly into a closed window. (I'm sure you've seen it before) Okay, here goes...Ow! You know, that kinda hurts. This may take awhile, so you might want to start reading something else. Oh, and thanks for reading...Ow...Ow...Ow!