There is a common fiction many of us adhere to which goes something like this: When you find the person that you've always desired, then you will be happy. My experience and that of many of the people I know is that this is indeed a falsehood. We may be happy for a period of time, but we bring ourselves into the relationship and no one is perfect. Therefore, there is a strong likelihood that after an initial honeymoon, we will be disillusioned. And yet, we choose to believe this myth when times are hard. It can be the light at the end of a long and dark tunnel.

The best case in these experiences is that we are grateful for the person we have found and learn to accept the imperfections that come along with the relationship. The worst-case scenario is that the disappointments build up and we begin wanting something more and revert to compensating behaviors.

It has been just over two years since Josh's auspicious encounter with Samantha when he came to her house to install a light fixture. For the first year, he was in awe of how fortunate he was to have met her. They seemed so well matched and time together was passionate and exciting. They made special efforts to surprise one another to keep things fresh. Their sex life was, in equal measure, adventurous and respectful. They enjoyed long hours exploring one another's body and bringing each other to multiple orgasms. He would say that there was nothing more he could want in a partner, and it was so obvious that Samantha was in love with him. One significant change for him was his growing confidence that he could remain sober.

She had insisted on only one stipulation when they agreed to move in together. It was that he had to stay sober. She would support him in his battle, she told him, but falling off the wagon would mean at least a temporary end to their relationship. Being in recovery herself, she needed the safety that his sobriety would afford her.

After that first year, Samantha had taken a new job that demanded a lot of her time and energy. It was a job she loved and, for the first time, she felt she was contributing meaningfully to a project that was close to her heart. It did mean that she was not as available, physically or emotionally, to Josh because she was sometimes tired or distracted by the demands on her. She also traveled some weekends.

If Josh could have been honest with himself, and Samantha, he would have admitted to his feelings of jealousy and being neglected, which her new job provoked in him. But he had never been all that self-aware. His pattern was to push through discomfort and dismiss the early warning signs. If he had some better communication skills, he could have shared with her his feelings and they would have worked them through. But again, good communication was not an 'arrow in his quiver' as Samantha had once pointed out. The trouble with not being in touch with your feelings and not being able to communicate them is that your partner is left in the dark and consequently you feel alone.

Samantha was a very emotionally intelligent woman. She picked up on the recent irritation in his voice and manner but if she asked about it, he dismissed her, saying he was fine. For his part, he felt guilty for feeling the way he did and started beating himself up for not being grateful for all the positive things that had happened to him since meeting her.

When Samantha left on that Friday morning, for a weekend work trip, they had a heated conversation in which Josh had blurted out some of his feelings and accused Samantha of not, in his words, "Being there for me." Samantha, feeling ambushed, responded that she had her own life to live too and that maybe he should "grow up." Those last words stung Josh and he stormed out of the house. not answering her invitation to "talk about this when she returned."

He pulled out of the driveway, spinning his tires and spitting gravel, blinded by a fury that he had not felt in a long time. Half his rage was directed at her and half at himself for the way he had just spoken. He felt hurt, exposed and vulnerable. He knew from his recovery program with AA that these feelings are the precursor to a relapse. He knew he should attend a meeting tonight to feel the support of the group and hopefully put a halt to the slippery slope of lapsing back into his addiction.

The day was demanding and Josh had avoided thinking too much about things and immersed himself in the labour. It was a common coping strategy that had been his habit and his downfall many times. He packed up his truck and checking his phone realized he had just enough time to get to the meeting. He tossed it in the consul between the seats.

He drove along the waterfront ruminating over his hurt feelings and heard the music blaring from the bars that lined the beachfront, and he abruptly decided to check it out. He parked his truck and walked toward the music. The waterfront was crowded with people and each bar had a band pumping out rock, blues and country music.

He entered one playing "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry," a great Hank Williams' number, and paused, certain he was making a mistake. He turned to leave, but a group of rowdy college kids had just arrived and shoved him involuntarily through the door. Warning bells were going off inside his head but he pushed them aside by calling up the anger he felt about the morning's argument and his feelings of being abandoned by Sam.

It had been almost three years since he had been in a bar. He and Samantha, for obvious reasons, had avoided these places and frequented venues without alcohol or spent time outdoors.

He went to the bar and ordered a coke but then suddenly changed it to a 'Double Jack,' neat. He took the first sip of his whisky and it tasted like gold. He felt that intoxicating feeling as it burned and soothed as it went down his throat. The noise of the crowd, the music, the warm air coming off the water, it all swept him away. He knocked back what was left in his glass and ordered another without thinking.

He felt someone bump into him from behind, and he turned to face a wildly attractive woman. She had long black hair that was somewhat disheveled, and large dark eyes highlighted with kajal. She had full, red lips, and her skin was olive-toned and shining in the pulsing lights of the venue. She had on a very tight-fitting t-shirt which outlined her ample breasts and her nipples were protruding through the thin fabric. She had on a loose-fitting Indian-style skirt and plenty of silver jewelry around her neck, her wrists, on her fingers and in her ears. He guessed she had more silver in parts of her body he could not see. She looked a little panicky.

"Sorry, can I get in front of you so I can order a drink?" she yelled to be heard above the music. "Oh, and then would you stand behind me? I am trying to get away from someone right now."

Josh turned sideways so she could get through and then stood behind her.

"Thanks," she said and ordered herself a shot of Tequila with salt and lime. When they came, she wasted no time licking the salt, throwing back the tequila and biting the lime, slamming the glass down on the bar top.

She reached one of her hands up over her shoulder, pulled his head towards her and spoke into his ear.

"There is a tall guy in a jean jacket and white t-shirt near the door looking around for me. Can you tell me when he leaves?"

Josh nonchalantly turned and saw the man she described, right where she said he would be. He was scanning the room, said something to the bouncer and then abruptly left.

Josh waited a few moments to ensure he did not return and then told the woman that she was safe, that he had gone.

She turned towards him and said, "You were sweet to help me out. What do I owe you?"

"How about permission to buy you another round of shots?"

"An offer I will never refuse," she laughed.

Josh ordered shots for them. Everything was moving so fast and he was reveling in the glow of the whisky, this wild woman in front of him and he stopped any pretense of believing he wasn't starting a night-long bender. He told himself he didn't care. "Just one night," he thought. He deserved this and he would start clean tomorrow and Samantha wouldn't have to know.

They licked the salt from each other's hands, swilled the Tequila and then held the lime up to each other's mouth. He was on the train and barrelling down the track, feeling good. "I fuckin' need this," he lied to himself because it all felt fiercely good and carefree like in his younger years.

She put a hand around his neck, pulled him to her and kissed him. She reached down and placed her hand on the front of his jeans and purred in his ear, "I hope that is for me?"

He bit her lip and sucked it into his mouth.

The bartender tapped her on the shoulder and barked at them to make out somewhere else.

"This is a bar, not a sex club," he admonished them.

They just laughed feeling the adrenalin rush of the risky behavior and the effects of the booze.

"Come with me," she said. "I know a place we can go."

She pulled him into a washroom, pulled one of the stalls open with her foot and pushed him in locking the door behind her. He forced her back up against the stall door and running one hand through her hair, he licked up her neck, over her chin and kissed her lips and she greedily sucked his tongue into her mouth. He pulled up her dress and bunched it up around her waist and shoved his hand roughly down the back of her panties, pushing them down over her ass. She fumbled with his jeans and pushed them down so his cock sprung free and she clutched it in her hand, pulling on it roughly.

He gripped her ass with both hands, pushed his fingers into her crack, and growled in her ear,

"Is this what you want? Huh? To get fucked in a dirty bathroom stall?"

He bent his knees slightly, placed his cock against her opening, feeling her wetness and rammed it in her slick pussy. She gasped because of his girth and the violence he exerted to enter her. She wrapped both arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest and hung on to him as he roughly pumped his cock in and out of her. He almost lifted her off the floor with every stroke and she was fighting to slow him down. She tried to back up a little to ease the force with which he was pounding her but she felt the cold metal of the door on her bare ass and she realized she had nowhere to go.

His breathing became raspy and short. He was pulling on her hair, biting her neck, grunting in her ear and relentlessly driving his cock into her swollen pussy.

Then it was over. He let his cock fall out of her and felt his seed come after it. She kept him close not wanting to look at him, feeling the change in his mood.

He kissed her roughly, whispered something she did not understand and then released her from his hold. She took some toilet paper and wiped his cum from her thighs and pulled up her panties and rolled down her skirt. He buttoned up his jeans and passed his hand over his face to rub the sweat from his eyes.

"You OK?" he asked, not looking at her.

She felt instantly vulnerable and exposed. She raked her hands through her hair and straightened herself as best she could within the confines of the stall.

"You were pretty rough with me. I got scared for a minute 'cause I thought you were losing control. Are you ok?"

"Let's go have another drink," was all he said.

"Sure," she said, with some apprehension.

They went back into the bar and he belted back a few more Double Jacks and she matched him drink for drink. He kissed her between shots and grabbed her ass, pulling her in closer. They were acting recklessly and provocatively in full view of everyone.

The bartender warned them again, and they settled up and left the bar.

"I haven't got a place," he lied. "So, we will have to go to yours. Alright?"

"Yeah, my roommate might be home, but she won't mind." She laughed and added, "She might join in!"

On the way, they stopped at a package store and picked up a twenty-six-ouncer of Jack Daniels and a six-pack of beer. He cracked a can for each of them as they drove the last bit to her place.

Her place was a mess, literally. Not unclean, but stuff was everywhere. Magazines, empty alcohol bottles, overflowing ashtrays, clothes and makeup covered every horizontal surface. He was introduced to her roommate, Sylvie. That was when he realized they didn't know each other's names.

Sylvie laughed saying, "Not the first time that's happened. Right, Crystal?"

Sylvie was tall and slender with a captivating smile. He couldn't quite figure it out but there was something different about her in her looks and her manner, but he didn't dwell on it. He was thinking more about another drink.

Crystal brought some fairly clean glasses to the couch and he broke the seal on the Jack and poured out three drinks. No one was drinking socially in this group. They knocked them back and the glasses were refilled again and again. The conversation was raunchy, mostly about sex and lots of flirtatious innuendos and jokes.

As the night progressed Josh's brain was going numb and he was losing touch with the reality of what he was involved in. That's the double effect of booze. You lose touch with what's real and your inhibitions recede so you make bad choices.

He went into the bathroom and relieved himself. He stood in front of the mirror and what was reflected was his old, angry, self-destructive self. He knew that he could just leave now and climb out of the hole he was in. The group's wisdom came to him. "You don't have to go to rock bottom before choosing to start again." Instead, he smirked at himself and headed back into the room, back to the bottle and Crystal and Sylvie were.

They were on the couch and Sylvie was straddling Crystal and they were kissing one another. As he passed behind the couch Crystal reached up a hand and said, "Come join us, Josh!"

He sat on the couch next to them and drained the last of the whisky straight from the bottle. Crystal put her hand on his thigh and turned her head and kissed him. Then Sylvie joined and they were licking and biting each other's mouths and probing each other with their tongues. Sylvie had her hand in his lap and started rubbing the bulge in his jeans.

"Hmmmm," she purred. "It is as big as you said, Crystal. My turn to enjoy it."

Sylvie stood up and extended a hand to pull the two of them up and suggested they go to the bedroom and in her words, "Get fucked, sucked and destroyed."

In the bedroom, Crystal and Josh quickly got rid of their clothes and jumped on the bed. They were pawing each other and kissing, rolling around. Their hands were all over each other. She was jacking his cock and he was probing her pussy with his fingers and squeezing her breasts and ass, while hungrily licking and biting her exposed skin. After a few minutes, he was aware that Sylvie was not joining in but sitting on the edge of the bed and he stopped and looked at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Crystal answered for her, saying, "Sylvie wants to be the center of attention, don't you sweetheart."

"You know me!" she answered. "Let me lie between you two."

She stripped off all her clothes except her blouse and panties and lay on her back between them. Crystal told Josh to mimic what she did on his side of her body. She began kissing her ears and neck and planting soft kisses on her cheeks. Meanwhile, her hands were tracing her breasts still covered by her blouse. She unbuttoned one and asked Josh to unbutton the next. and they took turns and pulled her blouse open. Crystal and Josh kissed her breasts and stroked her flat tummy. Sylvie sat up to pull off her blouse. Then she lay back and said:

"Feast on me."

They fondled her breasts and licked and sucked her nipples and made them hard and erect. Her skin was bone white and silky smooth. Crystal moved down to her thighs, skipping over her pubic area and stroked her legs and raked her fingernails over her skin, teasing her. She moved down and kissed her thighs and met Josh there and they exchanged kisses and knowing looks.

Josh was having a hard time adjusting to the slow pace that Crystal was setting and was anxious to get Sylvie naked so he could explore her delights fully.

Crystal took Josh's hand and moved it to Sylvie's mound and guided it over it. Her mound was firm and pronounced.

"Are you ready, Josh?" she whispered.

Sylvie kneeled between them facing Josh and Crystal told him to kiss her through the black satin panties she was wearing and he did. At that moment he felt that there was something unusual about the feel of what he was kissing.

Crystal was behind Sylvie and gradually edging her panties off and they slipped to her mid-thigh. What Josh saw confused him. It was smooth skin that disappeared between her legs.

Sylvie spread her knees apart and from behind Crystal pushed Sylvie's cock and sac forward. In his inebriated state, Josh was not so much shocked but puzzled by what was within inches of his face.

"Keep following along, Josh," she laughed, "and discover a whole new world of pleasure."

With her hand between Sylvie's legs, Crystal began fondling Sylvie's girl cock and it started to get erect in response to the attention. Josh could only stare. Her genitals were small and delicate but simultaneously they looked perfect connected to Sylvie's beautiful adult body.

Sylvie lay down and Crystal bent over her and took her cock into her mouth and began sucking it. She easily took the whole thing in her mouth. She beckoned Josh with her finger and her smile to "have a taste" and discover for himself if he liked girl cock as much as pussy.

She saw that he was hesitant and she reached over and put her hands behind his head and guided his mouth to Sylvie's now fully erect four-inch cock. She circled her finger and thumb around the base and gently pushed his head down. He kept his lips closed. He could smell her scent coming from the pink tip. The softness against his lips lured him on. He opened his mouth and let his lips encircle the small mushroom head and licked around it. He could feel Crystal's hand pushing his head and then he took all of her and began sucking.

"Take her balls too," Crystal urged.

He did and soon he had forgotten how foreign it was to be fellating a girl cock and he did what came naturally, licking, sucking and raking his teeth over her dick. He fondled her tight sac and pressed his finger behind in the area between it and her pink star.  Sylvie was responding by bucking her hips up to meet his mouth. Crystal soon joined him and they took turns pleasuring Sylvie and kissing one another.

At some point, Crystal pulled away and told Josh to lie on his back and she crawled on top of him taking his cock in her mouth and sitting on his face. He tasted her warm juices as they leaked from her hole onto his face and she deep-throated his cock.

Sylvie kneeled behind Crystal and placed her girl cock at the opening of Crystal's dripping pussy. She told Josh,

"Guide me into paradise sweetheart."

He reached behind and cupped her ass and pushed her forward and watched from below as her cock slid into Crystal's pussy. He was licking Crystal's parted lips, her clit and Sylvie's cock as it plunged in and out. His arousal was being driven higher by the passionate way Crystal was sucking his hard member.

He could hear Sylvie's breath begin to get more urgent and she was driving into and against Crystal more aggressively and beginning to moan,

"I'm gonna cum. Oh Yes. Fuck." And thrust herself several more times into Crystal.

Josh too had reached his point of no return and felt stream after stream of his seed pulse into Crystal's warm mouth as she sucked and jacked his cock.

He was so engulfed in his orgasm that he had not paid attention as Sylvie pulled her cock from Crystal's pussy and she let it rest on his face. She guided it to his mouth and it tasted salty and sweet. He watched as very small drops of Sylvie's cream leaked out of Crystal's hole and was not surprised that without hesitation, he let them fall on his lips from where he licked them into his mouth. Then he licked Sylvie's softening cock and felt her tremble slightly with the final spasms of her orgasm.

He returned to pleasuring Crystal's pussy and Sylvie joined him attacking Crystal's dark star. Soon Crystal quivered and shook and ground her pussy on Josh's face releasing her passion.

The three of them lay together, all temporarily spent and sated and relishing in an orgasmic afterglow.

In the following hours, Josh was introduced to the pleasures and secrets of a threesome with a man, a woman and a ladyboy and had lost all inhibitions about the encounter.

While Sylvie and Crystal fell asleep, he went into the living room and searching through the cupboards found a half-finished bottle of cheap bourbon and while sitting on the couch filled and refilled his glass until the bottle was empty.

Alone and bewildered at where he was and how he had gotten here he decided he should go home and at least clean up.

While driving home he heard his phone vibrate inside the consul and realized he had not checked it since before entering the bar more than ten hours ago. He saw that he had at least a dozen texts and missed calls all from Samantha and he fell back to earth.

He pulled over to read them and discovered that she had aborted her trip and returned home in the late evening and looked forward to seeing him then. He did not know what he should do.

He was still pondering his options as he pulled into the driveway. He quietly opened and closed the truck doors. He eased the front door open and stepped inside and to his dismay, she was sitting in the front room and turned to him as he entered the house.

"Where have you…" she began but one look at him told her everything she hoped was not true. She walked toward him knowing that he was drunk but as she got close, she also smelled the sex on him as well.

"Jesus Christ, Josh," she said her voice portraying the dismay and disgust she felt.

He just stood there knowing anything he said would only make her disappointment all the worse but saying nothing seemed wrong as well.

"It hurt me when you said that I should grow up." But he could not finish the sentence because she interrupted him.

"Go pack a bag. There is nothing to talk about right now."

When he came back downstairs, she was sitting in the room and wiping tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

In a voice full of remorse but tinged with anger, he said, "You know Sam, throughout my whole life I've taught my heart not to want what I thought it could not have."

She stood up and walked toward him. "You had me! I gave myself to you but you chose to throw it all away. For what? This?"

She turned and walked away and from the door Josh said,

"Can I call you?"

'When you can honestly tell me that you have been clean and sober for a month – yes."

She heard the door close.

Josh drove away and with nowhere else to go, he headed back to Crystal's place, stopping at the package store on the way.