I stared down at my phone, my mind going a million miles a minute as I stood there unable to react. I wondered if he knew. How would he? If there’s no way he could know, would it be fate? I don’t know. I build up the courage to unlock my phone and click the notification that sends me to my Instagram. A friend request. From him.

Last December, eight months ago, I moved away from the city I’ve always known to pursue a man I knew through a good friend. We had known each other for years, and after lots of texting, video chatting, and visits, we decided to give it a try. I had just graduated college and wanted a change of scenery. My family was also a factor in driving me away, but that’s a story for another day. Anyways, we didn’t work out the way we had planned. The spark burned out quickly and the arguments more frequent. I’ve always been one to enjoy the chase, to feel wanted and adored. So, when the spark died, so did our relationship, and I moved back home with my sister, Jordan.

This brings us to today, an ungodly hot August afternoon at the park with my sister. I set down the basket and unfolded the blanket in my other arm. Jordan took the opposing ends and assisted me in stretching out the sheet and claimed a spot on the large green field. We sat down and unpacked the basket, grabbing the bottle of wine first, I poured us both a glass and started to drink my nerves, quickly.

“What’s going on with you, Lana?”

I wiped my mouth where the red liquid had dripped down my chin. Thankfully I chose a red shirt today, what luck. “Brad followed me on Instagram.”

She stared at me, mouth open with a devious look on her face. “Girl. What did you do?”

“I didn’t say anything,” I looked down, trying not to show my sheer panic. Why do I still feel this way? “I haven’t even accepted his request yet.”

“You have to! I know how you still feel about Brad. He wouldn’t have done it out of nowhere, right? Do you think he’s still mad?” Her excitement rose and fell as she remembered what happened between us.

Brad. I’ve forced his name out of my head for months. Whether it was because I was trying to give my last relationship a real shot, or I just simply felt guilty, I knew I couldn’t let myself fantasize about him. Brad and I had always been good friends. He was kind, but not to everyone, trustworthy, honest, and the best kind of friend you could ask for. We decided to put our romantic feelings on hold for a few reasons. Mainly, neither one of us was ready to potentially throw our friendship away for a shot at something more. We meant too much to each other. But, that definitely never stopped us from flirting. We would tease other, touch each other, and even sexted a few times, we just couldn’t help it. Somehow though, we always resisted the urge to make it something more. When I left, I was kind of running away. From my problems, my family, and my feelings for him. I knew he wouldn’t like it, and my new boyfriend at the time knew our dynamic together. He hated Brad, and always thought of him as a threat to our relationship. So, when I moved away for my new start, I didn’t tell Brad. Never texted or called; nothing at all.

“I was waiting to accept his friend request with you,” trying to play off my genuine fear, “should I send him something?”

Before she could answer, I had clicked ‘accept’ but what I saw threw me through an absolute loop. I looked up at her with disappointment clouding my eyes. His most recent post. Not only was he in a relationship, he just proposed to her. I shoved my phone toward her face showing the post celebrating their engagement.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding,” she spat, her eyes wide and angry. After analyzing the post for a few moments, she looked up at me, and before I knew it I started to weep.

The sun had set as we drove back to her apartment. We changed the subject quickly after our unfortunate discovery and I’d kept to myself once we got into the car. I couldn’t think straight. She’s beautiful. Why did he even want to reconnect? How did he know I was back in town? Is he still angry? Was he ever? We pulled into her parking lot and made our way up the insect-ridden outdoor stairs leading up to apartment 2a. I followed her into the refreshingly cool apartment and announced I was ready to get to bed. She gave me a hug and a quick apology, which I’m sure regarded Bradley, and we split off into our rooms.

I lay in my bed, stripped down to my underwear, staring at pictures of his face. He feels so nostalgic, my home. Seemly being ripped right out from under my nose. I can’t really be mad though right? I mean I did the same thing. That doesn’t matter though, I can’t shake this burning feeling of jealousy in my stomach.

Ding.

A message. A message from... Brad? This can’t be happening.

My heart dropped at his text. “What the fuck, dude.”

I didn’t know what to think. He really is mad, huh? Can’t really say much now, can you? I write back, “Hey to you, too. What’s your problem?”

Another chime rolls in, “Call me, now.”

I sit back against my headboard. I notice I’m physically sweating now. I can’t call him. He’s going to chew me out. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, it just seemed like the only way at the time. I guess I owe him an explanation. Plus, I have a few things to say about his new fiancé.

The phone starts to ring and my heart is beating out of my chest. I notice the ringing stops, but no voice greets my call. Silence. I can feel the tension through the phone. He finally starts, “Who the fuck do you think you are just ghosting me, dude? I had to hear from all our friends that you just left, and you didn’t even bother saying anything to me. Not when you left, and not the whole time you were gone.”

His anger fueled my rage I didn’t know I was building. I shot back, “I have a perfectly good explanation for why I left the way I did. What could you possibly have to say about this random new girl you decided you want to marry after eight months of knowing?” I felt tears forming in my eyes.

“You don’t get to question what I did while you were away, I got to a point where I accepted that I was never going to see you again. I was so mad at you, Lana. You have no idea. God, you’re such a bitch, sometimes. And why are you even so mad about her.”

His words stung. He was right. We’ve never even attempted a relationship, so who was I to question who and when he would marry? I felt myself get quiet and defensive. “I don’t know, Bradley.” I fought myself to find the next words to say, but I couldn’t. I just outed that I was jealous, how embarrassing.

“Why are you mad, Lana.”

“You know why, Brad.”

His voice lowered, “I want you to say it.”

“I don’t have anything to say.” My voice was low and uneasy. My embarrassment was clouding my judgment. I’ve always wanted Brad. This might be the last time I could tell him how I feel. I don’t want him to hate me, what if I say the wrong thing?

Silence filled the air for a few minutes. I found myself fidgeting with my nail between my teeth.

“Where are you staying now?” His voice breaks the silence.

“Jordan’s.”

“Send me her address, I’m coming over.” The phone call ends, and I realize how alone and small I felt in my room. Oh my god. Oh shit. I go to his messages on my phone, seeing an old conversation that seems like forever ago. I didn’t even think twice and sent it.

I checked out my curvy, seemly perfect naked body before wrapping myself in a towel, momentarily forgetting I was in a rush. I’m pretty sure I cut myself a few times shaving so quickly. I’m not sure what I expect to happen, but any time I’ve ever met up with Brad I make sure I’d look damn good naked for him. I want him to be in shock if he ever saw my body. To see his face finally turn from platonic flirting to horny and aroused just from seeing me in a new light. I’ve dreamt and daydreamed about that moment for years. I throw on a matching set of underwear, a deep blue laced push-up bra, and cheeky sheer panties. On top I put on an oversized black band tee, and put on some black high socks, I know he loves those. I quickly finished brushing my teeth, put on deodorant and a vanilla-scented lotion, finishing off my downplayed look with a few sprays of my staple Chanel perfume.

I look down at my phone to see a text sent two minutes ago. “Here.”

My long dark hair fell flat as it was dripping with water, so I fluffed it up before walking out to the living room. I text back, “Apartment 2a.”

The text delivered as I sunk onto the couch waiting in anticipation, twirling my hair between my fingers. A few moments later, I hear a respectful knock at the door and quickly jump up to start a very questionable night with the man I’ve loved for years. Although I’ve never told him that.

I walk past the kitchen, quickly reading the time on the oven, ‘11:30,’ and wonder one last time why he wanted to meet so abruptly and late. Is his fiancé okay with this? I hold my hand on the handle for a moment, take a deep breath, and swing the door open.

There he was. At only five feet tall, he towers over me in height. He must be six feet if not a bit taller, even. My eyes roam up his chiseled body, past his dark grey sweatpants, up to his sexy tight fitted white tee. He has a lot more tattoos now. I flick my eyes up to look at him. Black hair draped just above his ocean-blue eyes, which now connect with my mine. I notice him looking at me, and not like how I remember. What was different? We stare for a few moments, and to break the tension I take a step back to invite him in.

Leading us into my room, I’m painfully aware of his presence behind me. I have no idea where his head is at right now. Waving my hand, I motion to the bed where he sits down, resting his hands down on the comforter behind him. Pushing the door closed, I take a deep breath before turning around and joining him on the bed, sitting with my legs crossed. I’m sure you can see my panties this way, but it doesn’t stop me. I catch his eyes and glance down at the fabric that’s stopping him from seeing me at my most vulnerable. He licks his lip and his gaze stops at my mouth before returning to my eyes. I look down, twiddling my thumbs. “I am sorry, you know,” intentionally not making eye contact.

“Look at me.” His voice is deep and demanding. I’ve never seen him this way.

We make eye contact and I feel a wave of nerves start from deep in my stomach, washing over my body.

Motioning with his head, he tells me to stand up.

“Why?” I ask, genuinely confused and building anticipation.

“Because I want to see your body. If I go through with my engagement I won’t want to break that promise and go down that road. You owe me.”

I take a hard breath in. I can’t believe this is happening. Without much thought, I slide off the side of the bed and face him. I stand awkwardly as his gaze travels around my body, feeling unable to stop moving around, I cross my arms. “Now what?” I sigh with an annoyed tone.

“Take off your shirt.”

Only for a moment, we stare at each other with a level of understanding. We wanted each other. He yearned for me the way I did for him. The room starts to spin as I seductively take off the tee, and reveal my near-naked body. Brad lifts his hands off the bed and rests his elbows on his knees, taking in everything I had to offer. I felt my confidence rise and started taking slow steps toward him. A few inches from his face, I spin around, showing off my plump ass and thin waist. I decided to test my luck and bent over to tease him, revealing my pussy through the sheer bottoms, a wet spot starting to form through the thin fabric. I hear him let out a soft moan as he reluctantly places both his hands on my ass, spreading me to get a better view. I gasp at his touch and push myself into his hands without thought. He wraps his finger around my panties and pulls them aside to reveal my glistening wet cunt, and before I knew it he took one slow lick to taste my juices. I felt my body damn near shut down. My knees buckled and quickly I stood up to face him, cupping his face in my hands. “I need to see you, Bradley.”

He looked at me in disapproval and rolled his eyes to look away from me. “Lana, if we start this I’m not going to be able to stop. I have someone. She’s good for me.”

“But she’s not me,” I say confidently, encouraging him to stand up with me. To be vulnerable with me. Brad reluctantly stands looking down at my hands, now reaching down and tracing the rock-hard bulge in his pants. When he didn’t seem to mind or stop me, I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants slowly, watching his head fall back, looking toward the ceiling. As I pulled his pants down, I dropped to my knees, my face only inches away from his cock trying to free itself from his tight briefs. I take my time kissing his erection, feeling the wetness of his precum through the boxers.

“Fuck Lana, you have no idea what you do to me.”

Arousal surges through my body. My thumbs hook around the band, and I slowly push the tight briefs down to reveal an impressively long and girthy dick. The head is nearly purple and looks like it could erupt any second. Teasing him more, I kiss the head of his cock, and heard an encouraging moan escape his lips. I took my time kissing and licking all around his perfect cock, enjoying pleasuring him, making him need me. Finally, I tease the head of his cock, bobbing my head just sticking to the top of his length. Without warning I push him as far in my throat as I could, sending a gagging reaction and shiver down my body.

“Ugh, holy fuck baby,” he groaned. He pulled me to my feet and intertwined his fingers in my drying hair.

Then, it happened. He kissed me, slowly, and so passionately. Somehow this felt so much more intimate than everything else thus far. Letting him explore my mouth and while my hands explored his body, which was about 50% covered in tattoos by now. As sweet as our first kiss was, neither of us wanted it to last long. Brad put his hands under my ass and picked me up in one fluid motion, our naked bodies flush with one another. Gently lowering me, he smothered my lips in soft, loving kisses. Before I could relax my back against the bed, he quickly unlatched my bra, revealing my bare nipples, leaving me with no surprises left. He played with one nipple with his hand while the other he enjoyed teasing with his mouth. I felt as though I was hovering over my body, my heart beating out of my chest in disbelief. This can’t be the first and last time, it’s almost like he’s savoring it.

Eventually, he stands up straight and pulls me to the edge of the bed. He pulls off my blue panties and takes a moment to stare at what was all for him. I see him grab his erection and pull at it a few times while taking in my masterpiece, and he steps close enough to rub himself in between my folds. I hear the wetness he has created and I realize I’ve never been so turned on in my life. Turning it back on me, he teases my opening, rubbing up and down, and only pushing the head of his swollen cock into my warmth. I can’t take it.

“Please, daddy. I need you to fuck me. I want you to fill me up baby, please.” I beg him.

He groans loudly, “Fuck, baby girl, you have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment.”

Brad leans down to tease my lips with his own and pushes his whole length into me all at once. I feel a sharp pain, similar to when I lost my virginity. He’s so big. “Oh my god, Bradley, fuck.” I can tell the pain in my voice surprised him and he stays still for a few seconds, enjoying the taste of my lips. After a few moments, he starts moving his hips back and forth, slowly, and the pain turns to pure ecstasy.

“That pussy feels so good baby, you’re so fucking perfect.” His eyes closed enjoying the feeling of his cock effortlessly moving through my soaking wet cunt. “Rub your pussy for me, baby girl.”

I do as I’m told and start pleasuring myself as his pace quickens with every thrust. He puts his hand around my neck, applying pressure only on the sides of my neck, and I start spinning with desire. My room is filled with grunts and moans as the world disappears around us. I feel the inevitable orgasm approaching quickly. “Fuck, daddy, I’m gonna cum.”

“Yes baby, cum all over my cock. Uhg fuck, I’m gonna cum deep in your pussy Lana.”

His words send me over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure hit me for what seemed like minutes. I was moaning hard for him, begging him to fill me up with his seed. “Cum inside me Bradley. I want to feel you shoot your load inside me.” He starts fucking me uncontrollably and lets out a soft yell as he unloads into my body, fucking me until it’s too sensitive to continue. He pulls me up to him, with surprisingly sweet kisses, compared to the ravenous man I saw just moments earlier.

“You’re mine,” he claims.

“And you’re mine.”